By Kendra Sparks
Out of the Wolf’s Mouth
Fairy tales have been a staple of children’s literature for centuries.
In the following narrative poem, based on the Brothers’ Grimm
fairy tale, Little Red Riding Hood, Kendra Sparks gives us a unique
perspective of the iconic classic from the point of view of Little Red
Riding Hood’s grandmother. This free-verse poem is best performed
by a female (or for comedic purposes, a male) and entered in Poetry
Interpretation; however, written as a first-person narrative, a performer
might choose to enter this selection in Humorous Interpretation.
The challenge of this selection is creating a believable grandmother.
Playing age is always a daunting task for any young performer;
therefore, think about the physical aspects of an elderly woman, as
well as the vocal characteristics needed to bring this narrator to life.
The possibilities are endless. The performer might choose to make
Little Red’s grandmother sweet and demure, or one might choose to
make her as feisty as “Granny” from the classic television sitcom, The
Beverly Hillbillies. The real key to the success of this selection will be
the performer’s ability to play the humor found within this poem. The
drama mask icons are simply visible to show the performer when to
turn the pages in the manuscript.
What would you do with one million dollars? In the summer of 1999,
author J.E. Matzer asked himself that very same question. The result
is a humorous look at the adventures when he found himself on one of
the most popular game shows in television history, Who Wants to Be
a Millionaire? This selection should be performed by a male and be
entered in Prose Interpretation. This selection contains a lot of humor;
therefore, play that humor. Think about how the “irritating contestant”
should be portrayed within the Princess Diana passage. Should he be
obnoxious, or should he be performed as a redneck with a slow drawl?
Obviously, one of the most difficult tasks of performing this selection
will be recreating the voice of Regis Philbin. Not only will a spot-on
impersonation of Regis add to the overall fun of the selection, it will
be an impressive technical aspect of the performance, too! The drama
mask icons are simply visible to show the performer when to turn
the pages in his manuscript. This is a story about desire and personal
triumph. Being a contestant on a televised game show was a dream
come true for J.E. Matzer, so play this emotionally. Ultimately, it is a
story about fifteen questions, one million dollars, and a man who met
Regis.
That daughter of mine must be out of her mind—
To let my granddaughter, Little Red,
Go traipsing through the woods alone.
Little Red doesn’t even have a cell phone!
Why, anything, I am told, could unfold—
And it did.
You know you’re getting older,
When your daughter gets bolder
With the errands she asks your granddaughter to make—
Like taking me, Little Red’s Grandmother, the goodies she baked.
I’m not sure it’s wise on my daughter’s part
To start asking Little Red to go through the woods
By herself; after all, she’s as small as an elf
With a sweet tooth the size of New York City.
It’s a pity the stork only delivers babies—
Not chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon-apple coffee cakes—
During the summer of 1999 I was unemployed, and it was around this
time I started to see commercials for a new game show. As far as I
knew, no other game show had ever offered one million dollars as the
grand prize. Prizes had always been cars, hot tubs, trips to Jamaica, and
car wax. But one million dollars! I was reminded of Charlie Bucket in
Roald Dahl’s classic children’s book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Charlie, like me, was looking for a way to improve his life and the lives of
his little family. He was hoping to find a “golden ticket”—a golden ticket
that would make all his dreams come true. So when Regis Philbin asked
the question, “Who wants to be a millionaire?” I answered, “Me, Regis! I
want to be a millionaire!”
I walked through the tunnel so many contestants had walked through
before, and before I knew it, I was on the set. This was it! I was inside
the “Chocolate Factory” and was staring wide-eyed at all the marvels
around me.
Millionaire Boy
NOTES
By J. E. Matzer
NOTES
By J. E. Matzer
Millionaire Boy
Regis read the question.
PUT THESE MID-WEST U.S. STATE CAPITALS IN
GEOGRAPHICAL ORDER STARTING IN THE EAST:
A. JEFFERSON CITY
B. COLUMBUS
C. TOPEKA
D. INDIANAPOLIS
Honestly, to this day, I can’t remember hitting any of the buttons or the
correct order of the answers, but at that exact moment when Regis said
my name, about a million images ran through my mind. I saw Sylvester
Stallone, as Rocky Balboa, raising his arms in victory and shouting, “Yo,
Adrian!” The Mormon Tabernacle Choir gloriously singing, “Hallelujah!”
Snoopy, head back with an ear-to-ear grin, dancing in A Charlie Brown
Christmas.
Finally I pulled myself away from the terminal and sauntered over to
“The Man Who Saved the ABC Television Network” and shook Regis’
hand. It was just me and Regis Philbin. Regis then said the words I had
been waiting to hear: “Alright, Jody, you know about the rules. You know
about the lifelines. Let’s play Who Wants to be A Millionaire?”
I took a deep breath as Regis read the first question.
ACCORDING TO THE PARENTAL SAYING, WHAT DOES NOT
GROW ON TREES?
A. CARS
B. CANDY
C. MONEY
D. CLOTHES
CHESTER HARCOURT: Joanne and Lindsey stared at the empty pond in
front of them.
JOANNE: Lindsey?
LINDSEY: Yes, Joanne?
JOANNE: What do you think they did with the ducks?
LINDSEY: I don’t know, Joanne. I just don’t know.
JOANNE: What’s next for us?
LINDSEY: I don’t know that either, but Joanne?
JOANNE: Yes, Lindsey?
LINDSEY: With you here, I’m not so afraid to find out.
CHESTER HARCOURT: (Closing the book, Chester lets out a contented
sigh) Video games. Violent movies. Email. Cell phones. They say all of
my library books and I will be swept into the rubbish heap of history any
moment now. Me? I laugh in the face of the rubbish heap of history. I’m
not going anywhere, and neither are my books.
Teensploitation
The last fastest-finger question of the night was a Geography question. In
the words of Scooby-Doo’s pal Shaggy, “Zoinks!”
JOANNE: If it’s OK with you, I’d rather stay here. Is it OK?
LINDSEY: Really?
JOANNE: Really.
LINDSEY: Really, Really?
JOANNE: Really, really.
LINDSEY: Then, yeah. It’s OK.
By Scot Augustson
Now this might sound strange, but how would you wave to forty million
people if you were on television? Would you smile and nod? Whip out
two invisible six shooters and wink at the camera? Pull up your shirt,
having shaved the words, “I MADE IT!” into your body hair? I saluted.
It is what is referred to in the industry as a “Brain Fart.”