Those of you who remember the TV show The Incredible Hulk from the 80’s
probably remember David Banner’s famous line, “Don’t make me angry. You
wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” The fact is most of us aren’t very likable
when we are angry. Anger, albeit a natural emotion, can be a destructive force
in our marriages. This week Pastor Tim is going to teach us about how the Bible
says we are to control our anger.
If you have missed any of the messages in this series, you can catch up by
going to the Crossroads website at www.crossroadswired.com. I would be
happy to email you the Pulpit Study Guides every week as soon as they are
published, if you drop me a note at [email protected].
Grace and Peace!
Director of Small Groups
Group Study Questions
1. What makes you angry? How do you express your anger? Write your answer below. Share your answers with
your spouse and compare notes. If you’re brave enough, share with the whole group.
2. There are six destructive forms of anger according to the Anger Management Institute:
-Chronic anger: ongoing resentment towards another
-Volatile anger: builds to rage then explodes
-Judgmental anger: expressed through criticism
-Passive anger: expressed through sarcasm
-Overwhelmed anger: brought on by excessive stress
-Retaliatory anger: vengeful, strikes back
We likely express our anger in one of the above ways. With which do you most identify? Use the space
below for some personal reflection.
3. Usually the expression of our anger is either internal or external. Do you blow up or do you sit, stew and
pout? How are these equally destructive if not controlled?
4. Pastor Tim told us that there is one more form of anger: constructive anger. Constructive anger is
controlled rather than being a form of anger that controls us.
Have someone from your group read Ephesians 4:26, 27 aloud. What does this passage say about anger?
2
Pastor Tim gave us four ways to control our anger.
ƒ Recognize the cause
ƒ Realize the cost
ƒ Release appropriately
ƒ Retrain your actions
5. To help us recognize the cause, have someone in your group read Proverbs 19:11 aloud. Discuss.
6. We practice “good sense” when we try to understand why we get angry. According to Tim, there are three reasons
why we get angry.
ƒ We get hurt
ƒ We can become afraid
ƒ We get frustrated
As a group, discuss these reasons for anger. Do you find that anger resolves these issues? Why or why not?
7. Next time you feel yourself getting angry, what question should you ask yourself?
8. The second point is to realize the cost of being controlled by your anger.
Discuss the cost to your relationships (marriage, children, friends, co-workers) when we are controlled by our anger.
Read Proverbs 11:29.
How do we feel physically when we are controlled by our anger? Discuss the physical cost of anger. Read Proverbs
14:17; 14:29; 15:18; 29:22.
3
9. Some of you had parents who told you to count to ten when you got mad. That’s really good advice. Read proverbs
29:11. What does the wisdom of Solomon tell us about releasing our anger appropriately?
10. How do we release our anger appropriately?
a. Read James 1:19. Discuss.
b. Read Proverbs 15:1. Discuss.
c.
Read Ephesians 4:29. Discuss.
11. The final point to help us control our anger is to retrain your actions. Read Romans 12:2.
How do we transform our mind and discern the will of God? Read
2 Timothy 3:16. Discuss.
Pastor’s Note: If you find that you struggle with anger, the pastors at Crossroads Community Church encourage you to
reach out to your small group leader, an accountability partner, or one of the pastors on staff to help you. James 1:20
says that “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.” As Christ Followers, we want to
glorify God in our lives and God does not want us to harbor feelings of perpetual anger.
4
For Further Study
Ephesians 4:26-27. While believers may at times be legitimately angry (with righteous anger against sin; cf. John
2:13-16), they are not to sin. The way to prevent such sin is to “keep short accounts,” dealing with the anger before the
sun goes down. The reason is that the devil would like to intensify a Christian’s righteous anger against sin, causing it
to become sin itself. This then gives the devil a foothold (lit., “a place”), an opportunity for leading that Christian into
further sin. Then anger begins to control the believer rather than the believer controlling his anger.1
26 introduces the main topic of the passage: anger. The NRSV’s ‘Be angry, but do not sin’ entirely misses the force of
the original. It is not an encouragement to righteous anger (indeed all anger is condemned in 5:31); it is a warning, ‘If
you become angry, beware! You are at sin’s door!’ If in the West anger is regarded as a sign of manliness, Jewish
tradition was more aware of its divisive, satanic, and corrupting power (see the incisive criticism of anger and its dangers
in Testament of Dan 1:18–5:2). Anger, and the related sins of vs 29 and 31, are the epitome of socially destructive and
alienating sins, and so characteristic of the old creation. Theft (28) is another; for it is experienced not merely as the
deprivation of property (akin to accidental loss) but as a defiling assault on one’s private sphere and a destroyer of trust
within the community. These things and others of their kind grieve the Holy Spirit (a telling allusion to Is. 63:10) in the
sense that they oppose the very direction of his reconciling, unifying, new-creation work in the believer. In place of these
socially destructive activities, Paul advocates corresponding ones that are cohesive, upbuilding, and pattern the newcreation existence epitomized and brought into being in Christ: the erstwhile thief should turn philanthropist instead (28);
speech should not be used to befoul and tear down, but for good (29); in place of anger, the believer should show the
forgiving character of God (32; 5:1) and the self-sacrificial love of Christ who died to atone for us (5:2). 2
Anger (vv. 26–27). Anger is an emotional arousal caused by something that displeases us. In itself, anger is not a
sin, because even God can be angry (Deut. 9:8, 20; Ps. 2:12). Several times in the Old Testament the phrase appears,
“the anger of the Lord” (Num. 25:4; Jer. 4:8; 12:13). The holy anger of God is a part of His judgment against sin, as
illustrated in our Lord’s anger when He cleansed the temple (Matt. 21:12–13). The Bible often speaks of anger “being
kindled” (Gen. 30:2; Deut. 6:15), as though anger can be compared to fire. Sometimes a man’s anger smolders, and this
we would call malice; but this same anger can suddenly burst forth and destroy, and this we would call wrath.
It is difficult for us to practice a truly holy anger or righteous indignation because our emotions are tainted by sin,
and we do not have the same knowledge that God has in all matters. God sees everything clearly and knows everything
completely, and we do not. The New Testament principle seems to be that the believer should be angry at sin but loving
toward people. “Ye that love the Lord, hate evil” (Ps. 97:10).
It is possible to be angry and not sin, but if we do sin, we must settle the matter quickly and not let the sun go down
on our wrath. “Agree with thine adversary quickly” (Matt. 5:25). “Go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone”
(Matt. 18:15). The fire of anger, if not quenched by loving forgiveness, will spread and defile and destroy the work of
God. According to Jesus, anger is the first step toward murder (Matt. 5:21–26), because anger gives the devil a foothold
in our lives, and Satan is a murderer (John 8:44). Satan hates God and God’s people, and when he finds a believer with
the sparks of anger in his heart, he fans those sparks, adds fuel to the fire, and does a great deal of damage to God’s
people and God’s church. Both lying and anger “give peace to the devil” (Eph. 4:27).
When I was living in Chicago, one out of every thirty-five deaths was a murder, and most of these murders involved
relatives and friends. They are what the law calls “crimes of passion.” Two friends get into an argument (often while
gambling), one of them gets angry, pulls a gun or knife, and kills his friend. Horace was right when he said, “Anger is
momentary insanity.”
A woman tried to defend her bad temper by saying, “I explode and then it’s all over with.”
“Yes,” replied a friend, “just like a shotgun—but look at the damage that’s left behind.”
“Anyone can become angry,” wrote Aristotle. “But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right
time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—this is not easy.”
Solomon has a good solution: “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger” (Prov. 15:1). 3
cf. confer, compare
lit. literal, literally
1
John F. Walvoord, Roy B. Zuck and Dallas Theological Seminary, The Bible Knowledge Commentary : An Exposition of
the Scriptures (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1983-c1985), 2:637.
NRSV (New) Revised Standard Version
2
D. A. Carson, New Bible Commentary : 21st Century Edition, Rev. Ed. of: The New Bible Commentary. 3rd Ed. / Edited
by D. Guthrie, J.A. Motyer. 1970., 4th ed. (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, Ill., USA: Inter-Varsity Press, 1994), Eph
4:25-5:2.
3
Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, "An Exposition of the New Testament Comprising the Entire 'BE'
Series"--Jkt. (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor Books, 1996, c1989), Eph 4:25.
5
Ver. 26.—Be ye angry, and sin not. Quotation from the Septuagint version of Ps. 4:5. Anger, the feeling and
expression of displeasure, is not wholly forbidden, but is guarded by two checks. Our Lord did not make anger a breach
of the sixth commandment, but being angry with a brother without cause. The first check is to beware of sinning; to keep
your anger clear of bitterness, spite, malevolence, and all such evil feelings. The second is, Let not the sun go down
on your irritation; examine yourself in the evening, and see that you are tranquil. Eadie quotes Thomas Fuller: “St. Paul
saith, ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ to carry news to the antipodes in another world of thy revengeful
nature. Yet let us take the apostle’s meaning rather than his words—with all possible speed to depose our passion; not
understanding him so literally that we may take leave to be angry till sunset; then might our wrath lengthen with the
days, and men in Greenland, where day lasts above a quarter of a year, have plentiful scope of revenge. And as the
English, by command of William the Conqueror, alway raked up their fire, and put out their candles when the curfew bell
was rung, let us then also quench all sparks of anger and heat of passion.” It is especially becoming in men, when about
to sleep the sleep of death, to see that they are in peace and charity with all men: it were seemly always to fall asleep in
the same temper.
Ver. 27.—Neither give place to the devil. Place or room, opportunity and scope for acting in and through you.
There seems no special reference to the last exhortation, but as that demands a special act of vigilance and self-control,
so the activity of the devil demands vigilance and self-control on all occasions, and especially on those on which the devil
is most apt to try to get a foothold. The reference to the devil is not a figure, but an obvious recognition of his
personality, and of the liability of all Christians to fall under his influence.4
4
The Pulpit Commentary: Ephesians, ed. H. D. M. Spence-Jones (Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 2004),
152.
6