COURTESY AND ETIQUETTE
The term, "minding your p's and q's" derives from the old English pubs. The customer was given a small
chalkboard to keep track of his pints and quarts, and he was expected to do so. He might not be allowed in
the next time if he didn't carefully mind his p's and q's, so the term came to mean 'minding your manners' or
being careful that your actions don't take advantage of others. Simply put, "mind your p's and q's" reminds
one to be courteous.
We talk of Courtesy and Etiquette, but what do they mean? Courtesy is excellence of manner and behavior;
it is politeness. Courtesy is the heart and motivation behind the behavior. It is the ability to put oneself in
another's place to be able to see what is needed in any given situation. Courtesy is the very heart of a
civilized society. It is the oil that allows the machinery of society to run smoothly. It is doing unto others as
you would have them do unto you. Courtesy confers great value on others; it is able to see their needs and
wants to help. The word itself derives from the word "court" and denotes royal ways and nobility of
character. It is the foundation of excellent behavior.
What is etiquette, then? Etiquette is proper behavior motivated by courtesy. Etiquette speaks to the
question, "what am I supposed to do?" It is fluid and changes with the times. We are beginning to learn
there is etiquette to the use of cell phones, which was never dealt with before. Now there is "netiquette" for
courteous use of internet service. But etiquette has always been around and has included all the minutia of
current behavior in society.
Queen Victoria was a truly gracious woman. Courtesy was in her very nature. She gave many state dinners,
but let me tell you about one. The prince from Persia came for a State visit and was dining with Queen
Victoria and her guests at the Royal State dinner held in his honor. When the fingerbowls were brought out
at the end of the meal, he picked his up and drank it! I wish I knew what the other guests thought. Were
they shocked? Horrified? Offended? We don't know what the other guests did or thought, but we do know
what Queen Victoria did: instantly, she picked up her fingerbowl and drank its contents, too. This is true
courtesy! In this case the proper way to handle a fingerbowl was the Etiquette and Queen Victoria's action
was the Courtesy. Etiquette is knowing which fork to use. Courtesy is how you make your dinner partner
feel.
Etiquette is good to know and applies to all of life, from the way we drive on the freeway to the way we
speak on the phone, as well as how we behave at a dinner table or job interview. It will make you more
comfortable on many occasions. But Courtesy is the underlying foundation, the REASON for polite
behavior, and is absolutely necessary for a civil society.
Yours for grace, civility, beauty, gentility, and excellence,