By Patrick Rainville Dorn
© Copyright 1991, by Patrick Rainville Dorn
Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for all
performances, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights
should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO
80155.
Rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, and
translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.,
without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in
whole or in part may be given.
All other rights in this play, including radio broadcasting, television and motion
picture rights, are controlled by Patrick Rainville Dorn, to whom all inquiries should
be addressed at 12271 W. Louisiana Ave., Lakewood, CO 80228 - 3613.
These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of
America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or
with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada,
Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.
COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK
IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.
On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:
1.The full name of the play
2.The full name of the playwright
3.The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama
Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”
DOC, DOC… GOOSE!
By PATRICK RAINVILLE DORN
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(In Order of Appearance)
# of lines
DR. GOOSE................................competent, compassionate 147
doctor of Nurseryland
NURSE GOSLING........................easily flustered assistant to 96
Dr. Goose
11
MAC DONALD, JR.......................has a farm
COW..........................................has trouble with her calf
n/a
CROOKED MAN..........................a chiropractic case
19
WEE WILLIE WINKIE....................runs through the town
15
JACK B. NIMBLE.........................an accident-prone daredevil
30
JACK SPRAT...............................a health food nut
28
26
WIFE.........................................can eat no lean
POLLY........................................lives for tea
13
QUEEN OF HEARTS.....................a sugar fiend
13
GOLDILOCKS.............................a juvenile delinquent
35
JACK.........................................looks a little “pail”
3
8
JILL...........................................his sister
DR. ZHIVAGO.............................runs Storybook Land 23
Medical Center
NOTE: This show can be produced with a cast as small as 6 (2M, 4F).
For suggestions, please consult PRODUCTION NOTES at the back of
this playbook.
SETTING
Time: One morning, present day.
Place: The Nurseryland Clinic.
DOWN RIGHT is a large book flat, painted to look like the cover of a
Mother Goose nursery rhyme book. Flat should be at least five feet
tall so that actors may make entrances as if stepping out of the book.
CENTER is a bench wide enough to seat three actors. DOWN LEFT are a
desk (or table) and two chairs. Medical charts and a writing instrument
are on the desk. A doctor’s black bag and a bottle of liquid soap are
behind the desk.
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Doc, Doc...GOOSE! - Set Design
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DOC, DOC… GOOSE!
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LIGHTS UP: DR. GOOSE is sitting at her desk. She has white hair
and spectacles and is wearing jogging shoes, a white lab coat and a
stethoscope around her neck. She looks over charts.
DR. GOOSE: (Calls OFF LEFT.) Nurse Gosling, would you come in here
for a moment?
NURSE GOSLING: (ENTERS LEFT.) Yes, Mother Goose? I mean, Dr.
Goose… I mean…
DR. GOOSE: (Patient.) Nurse Gosling…
NURSE GOSLING: I’m sorry, I just get so confused. I don’t know what
to call you anymore.
DR. GOOSE: It’s really quite simple, Nurse Gosling. Here in the clinic,
I’m Dr. Goose. When you see me anywhere else in Nurseryland,
I’m Mother Goose.
NURSE GOSLING: Life around here is so complicated. Not like it was
in the old days.
DR. GOOSE: Times change, even in Nurseryland. But you must admit,
the so-called “good old days” weren’t all that great. Fairy tales may
end with everyone living happily ever after, but that’s never been
the case with nursery rhymes. With all the potential lawsuits and
pressure from the head honchos in Storybook Land, we had to
become pro-active and open up this clinic.
NURSE GOSLING: Is that why you went to medical school and became
a doctor?
DR. GOOSE: That’s right. There are just too many freak accidents
around here. Something had to be done. Either we change the way
we do things here in Nurseryland, or we’ll become quaint footnotes
in the history of children’s literature. Then kids will have to learn
their rhymes from rappers and pop singers. (Shudders. Changes
the subject.) Have you made your rounds this morning?
NURSE GOSLING: Yes, Dr. Goose. The patients have had their
breakfast and are ready for you to visit them. (Hesitant.) There was
one problem, though.
DR. GOOSE: Problem?
NURSE GOSLING: With Little Miss Muffet.
DR. GOOSE: Again?
NURSE GOSLING: I brought in her breakfast, and she went postal
on me. She heaved her raisin and cinnamon oatmeal across the
room and started slapping at herself, screaming that hairy things
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were crawling all over her. Then she jumped out of bed and started
stamping on the raisins, screaming “Die! Die, you eight‑legged
hairball!” Freaked me out.
DR. GOOSE: I was afraid something like that might happen. Oatmeal
is too much like curds and whey. It triggered her post-traumatic
stress syndrome, causing her to flash back to that unfortunate
episode with the spider.
NURSE GOSLING: It took three orderlies to restrain her. I gave her the
sedative you prescribed, but it still took awhile for her to settle
down. I had to lock her up in a pumpkin shell. That ought to keep
her very well.
DR. GOOSE: A pumpkin shell? (Sighs.) I suppose a rubber room would
be cost prohibitive. Let’s keep her on a diet of solid foods. No
oatmeal, no cream of cauliflower soup. I don’t even want her to
have vanilla pudding. Otherwise, she could have a total breakdown.
We’ll discontinue her desensitization therapy for a day or two, until
we can get her stabilized.
NURSE GOSLING: That girl is totally off her tuffet.
DR. GOOSE: We’re not here to judge our patients, Nurse Gosling, only
to relieve their suffering as best we can. Now, could you please file
these charts? I’m expecting a visitor later this morning, and I want
everything to be in order.
NURSE GOSLING: Visitor?
DR. GOOSE: Yes, Dr. Zhivago, chief medical officer from the Storybook
Land Medical Center is coming by for an inspection.
NURSE GOSLING: Inspection?
DR. GOOSE: They can’t understand why nursery rhyme characters
aren’t living happily ever after. The insurance companies want to
close down all the neighborhood clinics and transfer all our patients
to the main Storybook Land facility.
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, no! They can’t do that!
DR. GOOSE: Yes, they can. That’s why I want to make an especially
good impression on Dr. Zhivago.
NURSE GOSLING: You can count on me, Mother Goose… I mean
Doctor Goose. Oh, dear, there I go again!
DR. GOOSE: I’m going to treat a few of our outpatients. Let me know
when Dr. Zhivago arrives.
NURSE GOSLING: Yes, Doctor. (EXITS LEFT. LIGHTS UP on book flat.
MAC DONALD, JR. and COW ENTER DOWN RIGHT from front cover of
book. COW is wearing an ace bandage on its leg and is limping. DR.
GOOSE crosses to them.)
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DR. GOOSE: Hello, Mac Jr. How’s Bessie’s calf today?
MAC: Fine, Doc, fine. Bessie’s daughter is attending Nurseryland U on
a high jump scholarship.
Dr. GOOSE: I meant her leg.
MAC: Oh, poorly, Doc, poorly. Bad habits are tough to break.
DR. GOOSE: (Kneels, flexes COW’S leg, begins to remove ace bandage.)
Still jumping over the moon, is she?
MAC: Yup. And she ain’t so sprightly as she used to be. Time was
when my pa, Mac Donald, Sr., thought it was right amusing to see
a cow jump over the moon. Made his old hound dog laugh so hard
he about bust a gut. That was many moons ago, and old Bessie
just ain’t got it in her no more. But it’s so ingrained. She can’t help
but take a flying leap when the moon is full.
DR. GOOSE: Yes, Old Mac Donald had a warped sense of humor. Never
knew what was going to happen next on his farm.
MAC: You said it. Time before last, old Bessie took to the air and
almost pricked her udder on the point of a star. Nearly gave a
whole new meaning to the Milky Way.
DR. GOOSE: (Rewraps the bandage.) Tsk tsk.
MAC: I even tried tying an anchor to her tail, but she took it with her
and got it hung up on the Man in the Moon’s ear lobe.
DR. GOOSE: (Finishes.) There, Bessie. How does that feel now?
COW: Moo!
DR. GOOSE: What do you expect? I told you to stay off it, didn’t I?
COW: Moo!
DR. GOOSE: If you keep aggravating that injury—
MAC: (Interrupts.) Not to mention aggravatin’ me!
DR. GOOSE: I may have to put you in traction.
COW: (Shakes her head no.) Moo!
DR. GOOSE: And if you’re in traction, you won’t be able to graze in the
meadow. I’ll have to feed you lawn clippings.
COW: (Cowed.) Moo. Moo.
DR. GOOSE: It’s still just a pulled muscle, but you’ve got to keep it
wrapped. (To MAC.) Readjust the bandage every eight hours or so
and keep rubbing in that liniment I gave you last time. It will help
keep the muscle relaxed and warm.
MAC: Whatever you say.
DR. GOOSE: And Bessie, no more jumping over the moon. Leave that
to younger calves.
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COW: Moo.
DR. GOOSE: (To MAC.) That about wraps up old Bessie. How’s your
cat’s violin elbow?
MAC: (Exasperated.) I’ve given up on that fool cat, Doc. She just won’t
set that fiddle down. I’m as understanding as the next man, Doc,
but I can tell you, it just ain’t natural for a cat to play the fiddle,
what with them cat‑gut strings and all. It’s like a pig eatin’ pork
chops. What’s a body to do?
DR. GOOSE: Then again, her rendition of “Turkey in the Straw” shows
remarkable sensitivity and insight.
MAC: I prefer the banjo, myself.
DR. GOOSE: Well, you bring her in if her sore elbow flares up again.
And tell her no more Vivaldi. Too many notes.
MAC: I will, Doc. Thanks a heap.
DR. GOOSE: My pleasure.
MAC: (To COW.) Come along now, Bessie.
COW: (EXITS DOWN RIGHT with MAC.) Moo!
DR. GOOSE: That Old Mac Donald sure had a farm. Ee-igh, ee-igh, oh!
(Crosses to desk, makes a note in a chart.) All this paperwork, and
then it has to be scanned and uploaded to the Storybook Land
Medical Records Division. This is not why I took up medicine. I’m
here to heal people, not push a pencil. (CROOKED MAN ENTERS
DOWN RIGHT, barefooted, carrying a crooked stick. He is tall and
stands very straight. Looks up.) Hello, do I know you?
CROOKED MAN: Oh, Dr. Goose, you’ve got to help me. I’m
desperate.
DR. GOOSE: I’m having a little trouble placing your face.
CROOKED MAN: I was in here just last week.
DR. GOOSE: You were? Why don’t I recognize you?
CROOKED MAN: I’m the crooked man.
DR. GOOSE: Crooked man?
CROOKED MAN: Yes. I live in the crooked house about a crooked
mile from here.
DR. GOOSE: Of course, now I remember. I gave you that chiropractic
treatment. Straightened you right out. You look great. Straight as
an arrow. I must say, I didn’t expect such success after only one
treatment. What can I do for you?
CROOKED MAN: I want you to change me back.
DR. GOOSE: Change you back?
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CROOKED MAN: I want to be crooked again.
DR. GOOSE: You’re kidding! Why would you want to be crooked
again?
CROOKED MAN: It’s just awful. First of all, being so straight now, I
can’t bend in either direction. I haven’t been able to tie my crooked
shoes all week, which is just as well, because my straight feet
don’t fit in crooked shoes anymore. I found a crooked sixpence
against a crooked stile and couldn’t pick it up! My crooked cat
won’t speak to me, and the crooked mouse ran away.
DR. GOOSE: I told you that your life may need some readjustment.
CROOKED MAN: I want my BODY readjusted! Who’s going to read
a story about an uncrooked man who lives in a crooked house?
The meter of my rhyme is all messed up. If I can’t get my story to
rhyme, I’ll be evicted from Nurseryland.
DR. GOOSE: Well I can’t very well make you crooked again. It wouldn’t
be ethical.
CROOKED MAN: I’m going crazy. Now that I’m tall and straight, I’ve
discovered I’m afraid of heights! I keep bumping my head on the
crooked ceiling. I keep spilling food out of my crooked spoon. I
can’t even eat curly fries!
DR. GOOSE: I wish there was something I could do.
CROOKED MAN: If you don’t help me, I’ll do something desperate.
DR. GOOSE: You don’t mean…
CROOKED MAN: Yes! I’ll crawl inside an accordion and let someone
play “Flight of the Bumblebee” [or some other fast tune] until I’m
crooked again!
DR. GOOSE: You can’t do it. It’s not scientific.
CROOKED MAN: I don’t care. I’ve got to be the way I was before.
Please (Tries to get down on knees to beg, but can’t.) I’m begging
you!
DR. GOOSE: Well, all right. If you’re sure you’ll be happier.
CROOKED MAN: I promise. Now that I know the alternative, I’ll never
complain about being crooked again.
DR. GOOSE: (Gestures to bench.) All right then, lie down on the bench.
It goes against my nature, but I’ve got to do it. (CROOKED MAN lies
face down on bench. DR. GOOSE crosses to him.) This might be a
little uncomfortable.
CROOKED MAN: (Looks up.) Try wearing crooked underwear for a week
and tell me about uncomfortable.
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DR. GOOSE: Here goes. Exhale. (DR. GOOSE does a series of comical
chiropractic adjustments to CROOKED MAN’S neck, back, shoulder,
legs, arms, even fingers. With each adjustment, there should be a
loud “cracking” sound, which can be made by DR. GOOSE “clucking”
her tongue or someone backstage using a wood block or ratchet).
CROOKED MAN: (As the chiropractic adjustments are being made.)
Oooh. Oh! Ouch! Erk! Ork! Aaagh! Ugh! Oooooh.
DR. GOOSE: (Finishes, slightly out of breath.) That ought to do it. You
can stand up, now.
CROOKED MAN: (Stands slowly, gingerly checking out his alignment.
He is a mess, completely warped and twisted into a comical pose.)
You did it! I’m back to normal! Oh, thank you, Dr. Goose, thank you!
(Extends a crooked hand for her to shake.) I’ll never forget this. Not
if I live for a hundred crooked years.
DR. GOOSE: I’m glad you’re happy.
CROOKED MAN: You bet I am. I could wobble my knees for joy! (He
does.) Good-bye, Dr. Goose.
DR. GOOSE: Good-bye, Crooked Man.
CROOKED MAN: Thank you again. (DR. GOOSE goes to desk to make a
note on a chart as CROOKED MAN turns to EXIT DOWN RIGHT.)
WILLIE WINKIE: (Bursts ON DOWN RIGHT through the book and knocks
the CROOKED MAN flat. Yells.) Dr. Goose! Dr. Goose!
CROOKED MAN: (Same time as WILLIE WINKIE.) Ooof!
WILLIE WINKIE: (Same time as CROOKED MAN.) Ooof! (Gets up, brushes
off his nightshirt and straightens his nightcap.)
CROOKED MAN: (Gets up and realizes that he’s been knocked back
into perfect posture.) Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! (Runs OFF RIGHT,
wailing.)
WILLIE: Dr. Goose! Dr. Goose! Come quick!
DR. GOOSE: What is it, Willie?
WILLIE: There’s something wrong with This Old Man.
DR. GOOSE: Which old man?
WILLIE: You know, the one who plays knick-knack on his thumb and
gives his dog a bone before rolling home?
DR. GOOSE: What happened?
WILLIE: Well, last night, I was running upstairs and downstairs in my
nightgown, the way I usually do, and around eight o’clock I made
my rounds through the town, checking to see if the children were
in their beds.
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DR. GOOSE: You’re lucky you got such an easy community service
assignment, Wee Willie Winkie. Next time you might go to jail.
Being made of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails is not a
legitimate defense for baking 24 blackbirds in a pie.
WILLIE: Anyway, I went up to This Old Man’s house, and he was snoring
like crazy. Shook the rafters.
DR. GOOSE: Oh, is that all? It’s all right. He’s made an appointment
to repair his deviated septum. The whole town is chipping in to pay
for it.
WILLIE: And it’s a good thing, too. His snoring was so bad. Simple
Simon stuck pennies in his ears and put a bucket on his head.
DR. GOOSE: I’ll have to talk to that boy. Something of a moron, but his
heart’s in the right place.
WILLIE: Then we had that big storm last night. It was raining and
pouring, and still the old man was snoring—right through the
thunder and lightning and everything.
DR. GOOSE: I thought that storm sounded a little strange.
WILLIE: So I went by his house this morning, and he still hadn’t gotten
up yet.
DR. GOOSE: How curious.
WILLIE: It was nearly eight. He still hadn’t played knick-knack on his
gate. And you know how he always does that.
DR. GOOSE: This could be serious. Anything else?
WILLIE: I rapped at his window and cried through the lock, but he still
wouldn’t get up.
DR. GOOSE: You did the right thing by coming to me, Willie.
WILLIE: I think he might have bumped his head on the headboard of
his new waterbed.
DR. GOOSE: I’ll bet you’re right. I told him he was too old for a waterbed,
but he wouldn’t listen. Said it reminded him of his early days
floating in a teacup with the baker and the candle stick maker.
WILLIE: What are you going to do?
DR. GOOSE: Sounds like a house call to me, Willie. Let me get my
bag and we’ll go right over to his house. (Calls OFF LEFT.) Nurse
Gosling! Come here, please.
NURSE GOSLING: (ENTERS LEFT.) Yes, Mother Goose… I mean, Dr.
Goose?
DR. GOOSE: I have a house call to make.
NURSE GOSLING: A house call?
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DR. GOOSE: It’s one of the things that make having a neighborhood
clinic superior to a big city medical center. Watch the clinic while
I’m gone, will you?
NURSE GOSLING: You’re leaving me alone? With all these sick
people?
DR. GOOSE: I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it. Dr. Zhivago shouldn’t
be here till later, but if she arrives early for the inspection, page me!
(Takes bag from behind desk.) Lead the way, Wee Willie Winkie.
WILLIE: Right! (EXITS DOWN RIGHT with DR. GOOSE .)
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, dear! Whatever shall I do?
JACK B. NIMBLE: (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT, crying.) Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, no, another emergency!
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: What shall I do?
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, help! (Thinks a moment.) I know. I’ll fill out a
chart. I know how to do that.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waah!
NURSE GOSLING: (Takes clipboard off desk.) Excuse me, young man, I
have some questions to ask you before Dr. Goose sees you.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: (Gestures to bench.) Won’t you sit down? (JACK tries
to sit, jumps back up.)
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaaa-aaah!
NURSE GOSLING: We won’t get very far at this rate. Calm down, young
man. Calm down!
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waa-huh?
NURSE GOSLING: That’s better. (Pen ready.) Last name, first name,
middle initial.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Nimble, Jack B. (Whimpers.)
NURSE GOSLING: (Writes.) Nimble, Jack B. I see. And who is your
insurance carrier?
JACK B. NIMBLE: Fireman’s Insurance.
NURSE GOSLING: All right. And what seems to be the trouble?
JACK B. NIMBLE: I… I… burned my derriere.
NURSE GOSLING: You burned your what? Speak up.
JACK B. NIMBLE: My rear-end!
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, dear!
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JACK B. NIMBLE: Where’s Dr. Goose?
NURSE GOSLING: Dr. Goose is away on a house call, but she instructed
me to take over in her absence.
JACK B. NIMBLE: I’m not baring my keester for anyone but Dr.
Goose.
NURSE GOSLING: Mr. Nimble, I am a nurse. I’ve seen more bottoms
than I care to remember.
JACK B. NIMBLE: I don’t care. I want Dr. Goose.
NURSE GOSLING: She’s not here.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: Here we go again. Jack…
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: Jack!
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: (Shouts.) Jack!!
JACK B. NIMBLE: What?
NURSE GOSLING: How did you manage to sustain such an injury?
JACK B. NIMBLE: Well, I’m going to be a Hollywood stuntman someday,
so I’m in training. I saw a movie where this guy is in an ancient
Peruvian tomb and everything is on fire, even the floor. Jets of
flame are shooting up all over the place, and he runs and jumps
over them. It was really cool.
NURSE GOSLING: Sounds like nonsense to me.
JACK B. NIMBLE: No, it was great. And I thought to myself, that doesn’t
look so hard. So I put a candle on the floor and lit it. Then I backed
up to the wall to get a good head start.
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, no.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Then I took off. I was barreling across the room at
about 90 miles an hour when the clock struck one and a mouse
ran down the clock, right into my path. I swerved to miss him, but
I just wasn’t quick enough, I guess.
NURSE GOSLING: You mean…
JACK B. NIMBLE: That’s one mouse whose clock climbing days are
over.
NURSE GOSLING: Oh, dear.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Then I lost my balance, tripped and landed…
NURSE GOSLING: Right on the candle.
JACK B. NIMBLE: It came as a shock, I can tell you.
NURSE GOSLING: You’re lucky your clothes didn’t catch on fire.
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JACK B. NIMBLE: The flame went out the second I knocked over the
candle. But… uh…
NURSE GOSLING: But?
JACK B. NIMBLE: But, you see… (Tears well up as he points to his
derriere.)
NURSE GOSLING: (Realizes.) The hot wax!
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: You hot waxed your caboose!
JACK B. NIMBLE: Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: Soaked right through your pants and burned you.
JACK B. NIMBLE: Yeah! Waaah!
NURSE GOSLING: And you won’t let me take a look at it?
JACK B. NIMBLE: No! And the worst of all was on my way over here, a
street vendor tried to sell me hot cross buns!
NURSE GOSLING: (Suppresses a giggle.) Sounds like your pride is hurt
worse than your gluteus maximus.
JACK B. NIMBLE: I guess I just won’t specialize in fire stunts.
NURSE GOSLING: Good.
JACK B. NIMBLE: But I’m working on another one. It’s a high fall.
NURSE GOSLING: Mr. Nimble…
JACK B. NIMBLE: There’s supposed to be this baby in a cradle at the
top of a tree, see, ’cause someone thinks the wind could rock the
baby to sleep.
NURSE GOSLING: What a ludicrous notion.
JACK B. NIMBLE: So the kid, played by me, is at the top of the tree,
and the wind is blowing (Imitates wind.) and the branches are
swaying (Imitates branches.), when “crack!” the branch holding the
cradle gives way.
NURSE GOSLING: No one in their right mind would leave a baby in a
tree.
JACK B. NIMBLE: The cradle is dangling from the broken branch by a
thread. I’m falling out of the crib, clutching a blankie or something.
When the bough breaks, the cradle falls. I grab another branch,
holding on for dear life, when another gust of wind comes up.
Whoosh! I lose my grip and plummet down through the branches—
clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk—crashing to the ground.
NURSE GOSLING: What are you going to land on?
JACK B. NIMBLE: What do you mean?
NURSE GOSLING: How are you going to break your fall?
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PRODUCTION NOTES
PROPERTIES
ONSTAGE: Large book flat (two hinged panels, at least three feet wide
and five feet high, painted to look like a Mother Goose nursery
rhyme book cover), bench (wide enough for three actors to sit),
desk or table, two chairs, medical charts, doctor’s black bag, bottle
of liquid soap.
BROUGHT ON:
Clipboard or charts, towel (NURSE GOSLING)
Crooked stick (CROOKED MAN)
Plastic tray, teapot, cups (POLLY)
Sunglasses (GOLDILOCKS)
Bucket, broken plastic crown (JACK)
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COSTUMES
Costuming may be as simple or complex as you wish. DR. GOOSE
should wear spectacles, jogging shoes and a white lab coat and have
a stethoscope around her neck. NURSE GOSLING might wear a white
dress. Her exercise clothes could consist of leotards, shorts or warmup pants and a loose shirt. MAC DONALD, JR. should wear a farmer’s
cos­tume. The COW may be as creative or realistic as your production
allows, as long as there’s an ace bandage wrapped around one leg.
Two actors in a cow costume would be great. One actor with a mask
would be fine. Even a large puppet could be used. CROOKED MAN’S
costume should be ill-fitting, and he should be barefooted. JACK
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SOUND EFFECTS
Sound of CROOKED MAN being readjusted may be made with a
backstage ratchet, wood block or a “clucking” sound made by DR.
GOOSE. Dance music for exercise routine. Knocking.
THE AEROBIC WORKOUT
There are two options to make this scene a “show-stopper.” The first
would be to have the characters, in their silly nursery-rhyme costumes,
perform a fabulous dance routine (similar to Napoleon Dynamite,) for
the first half of the song, and then slowly lose their energy and become
uncoordinated, so the whole thing falls apart. By the end, only NURSE
GOSLING is still on her feet, moving. The other alternative would be
to have NURSE GOSLING, leading the group and facing forward, do
a fantastic job performing the entire dance routine, with the other
characters behind her, struggling to keep up and failing in a most
hilarious way.
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SPRAT’S clothing should be very loose. WILLIE WINKIE is in nightshirt
and nightcap. JACK B. NIMBLE, GOLDILOCKS, JACK and JILL could
wear any type “fairy tale” or modern dress. JACK SPRAT’S WIFE should
be padded to look very round. QUEEN OF HEARTS should have a crown
and long gown. POLLY could wear dressy “going to tea” clothes. DR.
ZHIVAGO should wear a lab coat.
SUGGESTED DOUBLING OF ROLES
By doubling roles, this show can be produced with less than 15 in the
cast. See below for suggestions of multiple roles to be played by one
actor or actress.
For a touring company of six, the following doubling of roles is
recommended:
ACTRESS 1: DR. GOOSE, SPRAT’S WIFE (requires quick change)
ACTRESS 2: NURSE GOSLING
ACTRESS 3: POLLY, GOLDILOCKS, JILL
ACTRESS 4: COW, QUEEN OF HEARTS, DR. ZHIVAGO
ACTOR 1: MAC DONALD, JR, WILLIE WINKIE, JACK SPRAT
ACTOR 2: CROOKED MAN, JACK B. NIMBLE
ENSEMBLE TOURING PRODUCTION
To simplify the play for touring, the “patients” of the Nurseryland Clinic
may all be played by three to four ensemble actors rotating roles. This
production style minimizes costume needs, since a simple accessory
and pantomime added to a basic neutral costume can establish
character. For example, COW wears a bell, MAC DONALD a straw hat,
WILLIE WINKIE a nightcap, POLLY a bonnet, QUEEN OF HEARTS a crown
with a heart on it, etc. For this type of production, place the book flat
CENTER and the bench DOWN RIGHT. That way, actors can enter the
book via the “front cover” and exit the playing area via the “back cover”
as they rotate roles.
If touring this play to young children, actors might meet with the
audience before the show, read nursery rhymes out of a book, discuss
their favorite rhymes and establish a rapport. This will help refresh
audience’s memory of nursery rhymes and prepare a foundation for
the spoofs.
After the show, it is usually appropriate with children’s plays for the
audience to meet the actors in the lobby.
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