Canyouthinkofatimewhenyouwouldhavewantedmoreparentinvolvementorless
parentinvolvement?
• Whenscared.Parentssteppedupandtalkedtoadministratorstoresolvetheissue
• Wishaparentwouldhavebeenmoreinvolved–especiallyfirstyearwhenhanging
outwithpeoplewhowereabadinfluenceandgradeswerenotgreat
• Nothelpfulwhenparentsjustgetangry
o Slowdown,askquestions…“HowcanIhelp?”
• Thisschoolisnotlikeotherschools–appreciativeofparentinvolvement
o Takeastepbacktoappreciatewhatwehave
• Ifyourkiddoesn’twanttotalkaboutsomething,don’tpush(break-ups,,gossip)
• Askingquestionsasahardcoreinterrogationismorethananyteenwants
o Normalconversationwilloftenturntoquestions
o Keepitcasualandcomfortable,lettheteenleadtodeepersubjects
Howwouldyouwantparentstoreacttoapartywithillegalsubstances,etc.
• Maybeupset,butitdoesshowthatparentscareandhappytheycare
• Ifconsequencesaretoostrict,itleadstohidingthings
o Needtofeelasenseofrespect
o Easiertotalkwithlessboundaries
• Kidswillmessup,butweknow(forthemostpart),whatisright
• Needtoloosenthereignsbeforecollege
• Adjustmentsmayneedtobemadebasedonwhattheyaregoingthrough
• Ifyouattack,kidswilldefend
• Parentscouldsharepersonalexperiencesforperspective
• Knowtheremightbesomeexperimentation
• Talkdoesn’tnecessarilyleadtouse
Howwouldyoudefineahealthyrelationshipbetweenparentsandteens?Thiscaninclude
PDF–Playtime,Downtime,Funtime.
o Itisgreattolearnfromparentshowtodothings:chores,moneymanagement
o Holidaysarefamilytimesthatcreategreatmemories.
o Casualtime,nohomeworkorwork,focusonus(teens)aspeople
o Anoccasionaldaytorelaxandjusttakeabreakisspecial.
o Drivingandtalkingseemtogotogether
o Oneononetimewithnotalkaboutthingsthatwillcausestress
o Askaquestionaboutwhattheyarepassionateabout
o Focusonconversation,withoutmultitasking–bepresent
o Dounexpectedthingsthatwillbememorable(GreatAmericaafterschool)
o Humor
o Listening,offeringastory,andacknowledgingthatteen’sfeelingsarevalid
Howwelldoyourplansalignwithwhatparentswantforyou?
o DoingROTCbecauseofthecost
o It’sscary,butparentconfidenceinteen’sdecisioniscomforting
o Makesuretheyaredoingtheapplicationsontheirown
o Gapyear–noapplication,noSATorACT
o internationalprocessisverydifferent
o It
o Parentsunderestimatehowmuchkidsthinkaboutthis
o Itcanbescarytogooffonyourown
o Communitycollegeisagoodchoiceforsome
o Parentsoftenwantkidstostayclose,butdon’texpectthemtobetooclose
o Childrenchangealotfrom14to18;theywillchangefrom18-21,too.
o Don’tgotoaplaceyouwilldread
o Greatadvice:Ifyouwakeupdreadingwhatyouaredoing,it’snotrightfor
you
! Andtheinterestsarealwayschanging
o Stayopen-minded,don’timposeonetypeofsuccess;understandthepassionofyour
child
o Parentsneedtoresistpeerpressure;what’sgoodforonepersonisnotgoodfor
everyperson.
Whataresomethingsyourparentshavemodeledwellforyouandwhatwouldyouwantto
modelasaparent?
o
o
o
o
Takingtimetooneselfandtakingcareofmyself
Happiness
Practicingwhatyoupreach
Bethankfulforkids,theyworkhard
o Theyareworkinghardforyou
o Sometimeskidsareworkingtogetgoodgradessotheydon’tdisappointtheir
parents.
QuestionsfromParents:
Haveyouhad“TheTalk”withyourparents?Howdidthatgo?
o
o
o
o
o
o
Explainingtheemotionsandhowitcouldbemanipulativewasthemostusefulpart
Nobodyoneithersideislookingforwardtoit
Religionmaybepartofitandcanprovidestrengthwhenneeded
It’sbettertogetbirthcontrolwithparentknowledge/advice
Don’tshameteenforsexualactivity,itwillonlypushthemaway
Youwantthemtobepreparedforcollegewhenparentsarenotthere,somakesure
theyhavetheinformationtheyneedandasupportivepersontotalkto
Aretheretimeswhenyourparentsaddtoacademicstress?
o Therearehigherstandardsthanwhenparentswerekids,sothebaselevelmaybe
higher
o We’retryingourbest
o We’realreadystressed,sofeelinglikewe’redisappointingparentsjustaddstothat
stress
o Ifwe’regettingabadgrade,itonlymakesitharderifourparentsgetangry.Ask
whatwillhelp.
Mykiddoesn’twanttotalktome.Howcanwegetthemtotalktous?
o Studentsgothroughmanystagesduringhighschoolandtakeadvantageofthose
timeswhentheywanttotalk.It’saconfusingtimeforus.
o Therearetimeswhenwedon’twanttotalk,thentherearetimesparents
probablywishwewouldshutup
o Justbethere.Don’tpush,letitbenatural.Letthemknowyouwillbethereforthem.
o Someitmesteensneedspaceandwillcometoyouwhentheyneedtotalk.
Throughoutthenight,textingwasusedtogetfeedbackfromtheparentsintheaudience.
Questionsaskedwere:
1) WhichofthefollowingstatementsringstrueforYOUgrowingupasateenager?My
parentsknew…
a. …myfriendsandwhatIwasdoingwiththem.
b. …whatandhowIwasdoinginschoolacademically.
c. ….whatmyinterestswereandencouragedme.
d. …meandrespectedandvaluedwhoIwas.
2) Whichofthefollowingwordsaccuratelydescribetheroleoneorbothofyour
parentsplayedinyourlifeasateenager?
Dictator•Manager•Consultant•Friend•Dependent•Absent
3) AfterIlefthighschool,thepathIchosetotakewasmostinfluencedbywhetheror
not…
a. …myparentswouldbePLEASED.
b. …myparentswould/couldPAYforit.
c. …IhadPASSIONforit.
d. …itwouldleadtomakinggoodMONEY.
e. …itwouldgivemehighSTATUS.
f. …itfeltrightforme.
4) Doyouthinkyourwishesforyourkidsarealignedwiththeirwishesfor
themselves?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Idon’tknow
5) Doyoucareforyourselfaswellasyou’dlikeyourkidstocareforthemselves?
a. Yes
b. No
6) Inwhatwayswouldyouliketobettermodelhealthandself-careforyourkids?
Pleaseanswerinoneortwowordsonly.