Everything+I+Know+About+Sport+Performance,++
I+Learned+from+Seinfeld+
0
Derek0M.0Hansen0
0
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
@DerekMHansen0
0
0
At0 some0 point0 in0 every0 day,0 I0 find0
myself0simply0laughing0at0some0of0the0
stuff0 I0 encounter0 in0 my0 profession.000
Maybe0 I’m0 just0 trying0 to0 maintain0 my0
sanity0 in0 an0 insane0 world.0 0 Maybe0 I’m0
just0 demented.0 0 But0 working0 with0
different0 athletes0 and0 coaches0 all0 the0
time,0 you0 get0 lots0 of0 material0 for0 a0
standFup0 comedy0 act.0 0 So0 it0 got0 me0
thinking.0 0 How0 come0 my0 daily0
observations0are0so0funny?00What0am0I0
seeing0 that0 strikes0 that0 funny0 bone0 in0
just0the0right0manner?0
0
Being0middle0aged,0I0have0been0heavily0
influenced0 by0 the0 comedy0 of0 Jerry0
Seinfeld.0 0 While0 I0 attended0 university,0 Seinfeld’s0 sitcom0 was0 a0 really0 big0 thing.0 0 0 You0 waited0
every0 week0 for0 the0 new0 Thursday0 episode0 that0 was0 going0 to0 put0 you0 in0 a0 good0 mood0 for0 the0
weekend.00When0you0watch0a0lot0of0Seinfeld,0it0puts0you0in0a0particular0“observational0comedy”0
frame0of0mind.00Wearing0“SeinfeldFcolored0glasses”0is0a0liberating0feeling0when0you0are0kneeF
deep0in0illogical0circumstances.00Sport0has0no0shortage0of0illogical0circumstances.0
0
Thus,0when0I0examine0the0field0of0sport0performance0and0athlete0preparation,0there0are0many0
Seinfeld0references0that0come0to0light0and0guide0my0thought0process0on0a0daily0basis.0000
0
0
1.++The+“George+Costanza”+Phenomenon+
0
The0older0and0more0experienced0I0get,0the0more0I0believe0that0George0Costanza0was0truly0onto0
something.0 0 He0 explains0 to0 Jerry0 that,0 “Every0 instinct0 I0 have0 in0 every0 aspect0 of0 life,0 be0 it0
something0 to0 wear,0 something0 to0 eat...0 It's0 often0 wrong.”0 0 Jerry0 replies,0 “If0 every0 instinct0 you0
have0is0wrong,0then0the0opposite0would0have0to0be0right.”00As0George0moves0forward,0he0finds0
success0in0choosing0to0do0the0opposite0of0what0his0instincts0would0typically0guide0him0to0do.0000
0
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
10
I0too0have0found0that0choosing0to0do0the0opposite0of0
conventional0wisdom0has0paid0more0dividends0than0
one0would0expect.00Many0times,0the0safe0route0or0the0
popular0route0is0not0the0solution.00As0we0have0found0
with0 many0 training0 approaches0 that0 don’t0 involve0
maximal0 efforts0 in0 an0 effort0 to0 minimize0 the0 risk0 of0
injury,0 athletes0 are0 put0 at0 greater0 risk0 because0 they0
are0 not0 prepared0 for0 the0 stresses0 of0 their0 sport.00
Training0subFmaximally0makes0sense0to0some0people0
and0 it0 is0 popular0 with0 athletes0 because0 they0 don’t0
have0 to0 work0 as0 hard.0 0 But0 the0 “Costanza”0
phenomenon0tells0us0that0we0should0train0with0the0highest0intensity0possible0to0eliminate0the0
risk0 of0 injury.0 0 0 When0 your0 body0 is0 faced0 with0 a0 maximal0 effort0 (i.e.0 heavy0 deadlift0 or0 squat),0
every0muscle0comes0into0play0and0your0body0functions0as0it0should.00This0is0why0I0have0never0
seen0 any0 injuries0 in0 oneFrep0 maximum0 testing0 scenarios.0 0 But0 in0 training0 scenarios0 where0
volume0 is0 high0 and0 the0 body0 is0 forced0 into0 subFmaximal0 levels0 of0 output,0 injuries0 are0 much0
more0prevalent.00I0believe0this0is0caused0mostly0by0the0accumulation0of0fatigue,0and0the0inability0
for0the0body0and0brain0to0coordinate0recruitment0as0effectively.0
0
There0are0many0other0aspects0of0the0“Costanza”0phenomenon0that0can0be0employed0in0the0sport0
performance0 realm0 with0 great0 success.0 0 If0 everyone0 is0 getting0 too0 specific,0 I0 have0 decided0 to0
make0 everything0 general.0 0 If0 everyone0 wants0 to0 superFset0 their0 exercises,0 I0 will0 only0 do0 one0
exercise0 at0 a0 time0 with0 fiveFminute0 breaks0 between0 sets.0 0 If0 the0 trend0 is0 to0 do0 only0 singleFleg0
exercises,0you0can0bet0I’ll0be0doing0everything0with0two0legs.00And,0if0most0people0are0only0doing0
agility0 work,0 I’m0 getting0 my0 athletes0 to0 sprint0 in0 a0 straight0 line0 as0 fast0 as0 they0 can.0 0 The0
“Costanza”0phenomenon0is0liberating.00You0don’t0feel0the0obligation0to0do0what0everyone0else0is0
doing.00And0best0of0all,0I0am0convinced0you0will0have0more0success.0
00
0
2.++“When+you+look+annoyed+all+the+time,+people+think+that+you’re+busy”+
0
Why0 do0 countless0 people0 in0 sport0 and0 athlete0
preparation0 look0 pissedFoff0 most0 of0 the0 time?00
They0like0stomping0around,0yelling0at0people0and0
making0 lots0 of0 noise0 when0 really0 they0 don’t0 have0
to0 go0 through0 such0 histrionics0 to0 be0 effective0 at0
their0jobs.000My0theory0is0that0they0want0to0give0the0
impression0 that0 they0 are0 taking0 their0 job0
seriously,0in0the0know0and0keeping0busy.00We0get0
distracted0 by0 their0 overFdramatic0 behavior0 and0
believe,0 “Hey,0 this0 guy0 is0 really0 taking0 this0
seriously.00He0must0really0know0what0he’s0doing.”0
0
I0 would0 take0 the0 opposite0 view0 that0 perhaps0 the0 yellers0 and0 screamers0 might0 be0 overF
compensating0for0something.00The0“annoyed”0look0may0actually0be0a0strategy0to0throw0us0off0the0
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
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trail0 of0 incompetence0 and0 insecurity.0 0 Don’t0 get0 me0 wrong,0 there0 is0 probably0 a0 minority0 of0
screamers0that0really0know0their0stuff0and0simply0had0a0rough0childhood0or0forgot0to0take0their0
medication.00But0the0yelling0and0screaming0does0take0the0focus0off0what0is0important0most0of0
the0 time0 –0 things0 like0 focusing0 on0 technique,0 carefully0 observing0 the0 feedback0 athletes0 are0
giving0you0and0anticipating0what0needs0to0be0done0on0the0spot0to0optimize0the0impacts0of0the0
training0session.00Screamers0will0counter0with0the0“I0need0to0motivate0these0athletes”0argument0
and0“light0a0fire0under0their0butts.”00Nine0times0out0of0ten,0if0an0athlete0is0not0motivated0to0train0
hard,0screaming0at0him0or0her0is0not0going0to0change0things.00Attributes0that0are0hard0wired0are0
not0so0easily0altered.0
0
0
3.++“Give+me+the+maximum+strength!”+
0
In0 a0 standFup0 bit0 about0 a0 visit0 to0 the0 pharmacy,0 Seinfeld0 talks0 about0 our0 obsession0 with0 the0
strength0of0painFrelieving0medication.00He0remarks,0“Nobody0wants0anything0less0than0‘extraF
strength’.0 0 It’s0 all0 extraFstrength.0 0 Some0 people0 are0 not0 satisfied0 with0 ‘extra’.0 0 They0 want0
‘maximum’.00Give0me0the0maximum0allowable0human0dosage!00Find0out0what0will0kill0me0–0then0
back0it0off0a0little0bit.”00Classic0bit.0
0
Of0course,0many0training0programs0follow0this0philosophy.00Find0out0what0will0kill0or0cripple0the0
athletes,0 then0 just0 back0 it0 off0 a0 little0 bit.0 0 Rather0 than0 determining0 the0 minimum0 effective0
dosage,0coaches0would0rather0pile0on0the0work0and0hope0they0come0close0to0the0target,0despite0
the0potential0negative0drawbacks0of0following0such0an0approach.00Additionally,0coaches0like0to0
throw0in0the0“mental0toughness”0piece0as0well.00“It’s0not0just0about0sport0science,”0they0say.00“It’s0
about0psychology0and0mental0toughness.00We0have0to0take0the0athletes0to0where0they0haven’t0
been0before.”00Well,0if0you0haven’t0taken0them0to0the0hospital,0they0might0be0going0there0soon.0
0
0
0
4.++“Looking+at+cleavage+is+like+looking+at+the+sun.++You+don’t+stare+at+it.++You+
get+a+sense+of+it+and+then+you+look+away!”+
0
When0 Jerry0 and0 George0 are0 pitching0 their0 sitcom0
concept0to0an0important0NBC0executive,0they0have0to0
visit0 him0 at0 the0 executive’s0 home.0 0 0 George0 gets0
caught0 sneaking0 a0 peak0 at0 the0 executive’s0 daughter,0
and0Jerry0has0to0reprimand0him0later0with0the0“don’t0
stare0at0it”0assertion.00While0staring0at0cleavage0in0any0
gym0 setting0 is0 not0 recommended,0 it0 made0 me0 think0
about0 basic0 observation0 skills0 in0 a0 dynamic0
environment.0
0
When0 I0 was0 working0 alongside0 Charlie0 Francis,0 we0
would0observe0an0athlete0sprint0and0then0review0the0performance0on0video.00Back0then,0we0only0
had0 the0 early0 iteration0 of0 digital0 video0 camcorders0 that0 recorded0 at0 300 frames0 per0 second.00
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
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When0I0would0play0the0video0back0to0Charlie,0he0would0always0tell0me0“frames0were0missing.00
We0 aren’t0 getting0 enough0 information0 from0 the0 video0 and0 it0 tends0 to0 ‘smooth0 out’0 the0
performance0and0filter0out0many0of0the0nuances0and0potential0errors.”00These0comments0made0
me0think0about0the0importance0of0observing0performances0live0and0not0waiting0to0review0them0
on0video0playback.000
0
In0many0ways,0Charlie0taught0me0to0watch0a0performance0in0a0big0picture0sense,0but0not0to0stare0
or0focus0on0just0one0aspect0of0the0performance.00It0was0always0easier0to0relax0your0eyes0and0take0
in0the0performance0as0a0whole.00In0this0way,0we0were0not0“staring0at0the0sun”0but0only0getting0a0
sense0of0it.00Many0years0after0working0with0Charlie,0I0found0that0I0had0acquired0a0better0eye0for0
motion0 analysis0 when0 I0 didn’t0 stare0 or0 overFanalyze0 a0 live0 performance.0 0 I0 could0 pick0 out0 the0
anomalies0and0errors0much0easier0when0I0simply0relaxed0during0the0observation.00Staring0at0the0
cleavage0only0gets0you0in0trouble.0
0
0
5.++“Jerry,+just+remember…++It’s+not+a+lie+if+you+believe+it.”+
0
This0 is0 a0 great0 line.0 0 It0 tells0 us0 so0 much0 about0 people’s0
motivations0 and0 tendencies0 to0 rationalize,0 rather0 than0
problem0 solve.0 0 With0 so0 much0 talk0 about0 “Sport0 Science”0
going0 on0 these0 days,0 you0 would0 think0 that0 every0 training0
method0would0be0heavily0scrutinized0as0to0its0efficacy.00Why0
would0 you0 do0 something0 with0 your0 athletes0 unless0 it0 was0
proven0 –0 even0 conceptually0 –0 by0 some0 type0 of0 scientific0
reasoning?00Yet,0erroneous0training0methods0continue0based0
on0explanations0such0as,0“That’s0how0we’ve0always0done0it!”0
or0“This0is0how0I0trained0when0I0was0an0athlete0(so0it0must0be0
good)!”0
0
Are0some0coaches0lying0to0their0athletes?00Probably.00I0think0
that0 people0 can0 get0 caught0 in0 a0 rut0 and0 find0 it0 difficult0 to0
adapt0and0change0their0ways0for0the0better.00This0is0how0the0
lying0 starts.0 0 Where0 coaches0 get0 in0 trouble0 is0 when0 they0
believe0 their0 own0 lies0 too0 often0 and0 athletes0 suffer0 as0 a0
result.00The0goal0of0sport0science0should0be0to0take0the0guesswork0out0of0sport0performance0and0
coaching,0 so0 that0 lying0 doesn’t0 have0 to0 be0 part0 of0 a0 coach’s0 skill0 set.0 0 Results0 and0 outcomes0
should0 be0 fairly0 predictable.0 0 SelfFdoubt0 and0 selfFdeprecation0 is0 a0 risk0 management0 strategy,0
not0 a0 weakness.0 0 Those0 who0 possess0 these0 qualities0 will0 tend0 to0 be0 better0 coaches0 with0
healthier0 athletes,0 making0 changes0 and0 adapting0 their0 methods0 where0 necessary.0 0 And,0 they0
will0tend0to0be0able0to0sleep0better0at0night.0
0
0
0
0
0
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
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6.++“I’ve+been+performing+feats+of+strength+all+morning!”+
0
It’s0good0to0see0sport0performance0coaches0
continuing0 to0 stay0 in0 shape0 and0 challenge0
themselves0physically.00Daily0workouts0are0
a0 must.0 0 In0 this0 regard,0 Al0 Vermeil0 is0 my0
hero.00He0still0trains0with0the0vigor0of0a0200
year0old.00In0many0ways0it0demonstrates0a0
passion0 for0 the0 profession0 and0 a0 bit0 of0 a0
competitive0nature.0
0
Where0it0gets0out0of0hand0is0when0coaches0
profess0 that0 they0 have0 expertise0 based0 on0
their0 own0 “feats0 of0 strength.”0 0 Nobody0
cares0 about0 what0 you0 squatted0 or0 pressed0
or0pulled0this0morning.00We0only0care0about0
the0 results0 you0 get0 out0 of0 your0 athletes0
through0 sound0 coaching0 methods0 and0 proper0 planning.0 0 The0 “look0 at0 me”0 attitude0 in0 the0
profession0is0something0we0could0all0do0without.00The0job0of0the0coach0is0to0take0the0spotlight0off0
of0himself0or0herself0and0shine0it0on0the0athletes.00By0placing0less0emphasis0on0how0much0you0
lift0 and0 more0 emphasis0 on0 how0 much0 you0 know0 will0 go0 a0 long0 way0 to0 legitimizing0 the0 sport0
science0approach0that0you0profess0to0take.0
0
0
7.++“Hello…++Newman!”+
0
In0 a0 sport0 performance0 setting,0 it0 always0
seems0like0there0is0one0person0who0always0
grates0on0you0and0has0something0negative0
and0contrary0to0say0about0your0methods.00I0
refer0to0this0person0as0(regardless0of0their0
actual0name),0“Newman.”000
0
In0 some0 settings,0 it0 will0 be0 one0 particular0
athletic0 trainer0 who0 tells0 your0 athletes0
they0 can’t0 squat0 in0 your0 sessions0 because0
they0 have0 sore0 knees.0 0 0 “The0 knee0 pain0 is0
reproduced0 when0 the0 basketball0 player0
squats0 down,0 so0 we0 have0 to0 remove0 all0
squats0 from0 the0 training0 program!”0 0 Of0
course,0 the0 same0 trainer0 will0 clear0 the0 athlete0 to0 practice0 basketball0 all0 week0 long,0 play0 in0
games0and0get0up0and0down0off0the0bench.00Then0they0will0have0the0audacity0to0say0the0athlete0
needs0to0get0stronger,0and0then0propose0a0battery0of0balance0exercises0to0rectify0the0problem.00
“Hello…0Newman!”0
0
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
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In0 another0 case,0 it0 will0 be0 the0 assistant0 coach0 for0 a0 team0 that0 fancies0 himself0 or0 herself0 as0 a0
closet0 strength0 and0 conditioning0 coach.0 0 This0 is0 always0 a0 great0 scenario.0 0 Every0 instinct0 they0
have0 is0 wrong0 because0 they0 are0 too0 close0 to0 the0 sport0 and0 don’t0 have0 enough0 education0 or0
experience0 to0 truly0 understand0 appropriate0 training0 and0 athlete0 preparation.0 0 The0 common0
suggestion0is0to0do0something0sportFspecific0on0an0unstable0surface0with0bands0around0every0
limb.00But,0they0may0have0the0head0coach’s0ear0because0they0are0around0them024/7.00Nothing0
like0 having0 a0 moron0 whispering0 dumb0 ideas0 to0 the0 guy0 in0 charge0 to0 create0 instability.0 0 Of0
course,0they0would0never0hear0of0the0strength0coach0offering0tips0on0how0to0coach0their0sport,0
even0though0most0good0strength0coaches0are0pretty0sharp0and0could0give0them0a0run0for0their0
money.00I0assure0you0that0every0strength0and0performance0coach0will0have0this0“Newman”0rear0
his0ugly0head0at0least0once0or0twice0in0his0career.000
0
0
Well,0there0you0have0it.00Even0170years0after0the0last0episode0
of0Seinfeld,0we0in0the0sport0performance0field0can0still0learn0
something0 from0 that0 series.0 0 But0 more0 importantly,0 we0 can0
laugh0 at0 the0 scenarios0 that0 we0 find0 ourselves0 in0 on0 a0 daily0
basis.0 0 “These0 pretzels0 are0 making0 me0 thirsty!”0 can0 be0
replaced0by0“These0gassers0are0making0me0thirsty!”0and0you0
can0 go0 on0 about0 your0 business0 with0 no0 regard0 for0 proper0
energy0system0development.00In0the0end,0it0is0all0about0having0
a0 good0 time0 and0 not0 letting0 the0 small0 stuff0 bother0 us.00
Essentially,0 we0 are0 all0 striving0 to0 have0 the0 mindset0 of0
Kramer.00Time0to0start0up0the0new0episodes0of0“Conditioning0
Coaches0in0Cars0Getting0Caffeine.”0
00
www.StrengthPowerSpeed.com0
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