INSIGHT
Football for fangirl wannabes
F
BY CASSIDY ADOLF
rom what I’ve gathered over the
years, football is kind of a big deal
in the United States. Football seems
to be the reason we breathe here
in Nebraska, it sure is one of the
reasons for those living in my household.
Just because I live in the football loving
U.S. of A., doesn’t necessarily mean I know
or love anything about football. Yes I enjoy
the atmosphere of good game and the
cute team gear and of course the beautiful
men who bless the field, but I honestly
couldn’t tell you one thing that I know
about the actual game other than when
a touchdown is made. My Steelers-loving
family shuns me and my inherited Husker
blood is ashamed to flowing through my
veins.
If you’re like me, then this time of year
can be particularly uncomfortable because
of the slew of bowl games or whatever
coming up. Your entire family glues
themselves to the couch and watches just
about every football game ever played, and
you just want to lay in bed and watch some
“Grey’s Anatomy,” but then they all call you
a hermit and look down upon you for not
appreciating the institution of football. If
you want this all to end, do what I did and
learn the basics to slip by. Once you sort of
know what’s going on, you’ll feel like you
can conquer the universe. Seriously, you’ll
be inclined to fight a grizzly bear or do a
backflip off the wall or something, (don’t
do that, no matter how awesome you feel).
With that I give you Football For Dummies:
your guide to sliding by your footballbreathing peers.
1. What even is football?
Football is defined as “A game in which
two opposing teams of 11 players each
defend goals at opposite ends of a field
having goal posts at each end, with points
being scored chiefly by carrying the ball
across the opponent’s goal line and by
place-kicking or drop-kicking the ball over
the crossbar between the opponent’s goal
posts.” Okay, so it seems all of the hotties on
the field are trying to make sure the people
wearing the other jerseys don’t cross the
magical line that will give the other team
a touchdown, but they also are trying to
get a touchdown by carrying the football
across the opposite magic line. A lot of
other complicated stuff seems to happen in
there, so we’ll move on to that.
2. Learn the basics
Many many things can and will happen
while each team tries to score those
touchdowns, very often words like “fumble”
and “holding” are said by the guys in the
referee outfits followed by either cheering
or intense angry yelling by the people
around you. Seriously what are these
words? WHAT ARE THEY? I’ll give you a
condensed list of the many confusing
words floating around in the wonderful
world of football.
3. Look good, take credit
You’ll probably have the outfit before
step one, I feel you. But honestly, if you’re
trying to understand football, give yourself
some credit. Not once did your brother try
and grasp your love of “Gossip Girl,” nor
do they offer to have a family viewing of
“Grey’s Anatomy.” So go you for being a
team player! Once you’ve patted yourself
on the back, if you still don’t understand,
just sit quietly and nod in agreement. It’s
easier than you think.
Fumble:
“The act of losing possession of the ball
while running with it or being tackled.
Members of the offense and defense can
recover a fumble. If the defense
recovers the fumble, the
fumble is called a turnover.”
AKA, bad if it’s your team.
Don’t cheer.
Safety:
A score, worth two points, that the defense
earns by tackling an offensive player in
possession of the ball in his own end zone.”
Could be good, could be bad. Just go with the
vibes.
Line of scrimmage:
“An imaginary line that extends from where
the football is placed at the end of a play to
both sides of the field. Neither the offense
nor the defense can cross the line until the
football is put in play again.”
Um...just watch the football?
There are so many words that we may
never fully understand the meaning of.
Again, just go with the flow. The people
around you can tell you what’s happening
based on their reactions. But, if you would
like to learn more, terms can be defined on
dummies.com when “football” is searched,
and the extended list is available on The
Bolt, plshs.paplv.org/thebolt. Just know
that the penalties will either mean peace,
love, happiness, or a lot of yelling.
TITAN LEGACY DECEMBER 2014
p. 11