Session Theme: Selflessness
game on exercise: “Objectives”
SET UP:
Objectives is one of the most powerful and rewarding exercises we teach but it can
be complex. Thus, the set up is crucial so take your time explaining the game. Stress
that an Objective is ONE POSITVE word on how you want to make the other person
feel. Explain that this game is not about “you.” It’s about the other person. It’s about
being selfless.
Stress that an Objective is NOT “how you want someone to feel about you” or “how
you want to feel”. Explain that Objectives allow teammates to carry out the one
action they can control: how they make the other person feel. An Objective should
always be one word, and usually a very simple word. Great examples of positive
Objectives include: *Comfortable, Relaxed, Informed, Supported, Motivated, Safe,
Respected, Trusted, etc. Words that are too lofty or vague won’t work, for example:
Omniscient, Mundane, etc. Lastly, explain that negative Objectives work, but are
highly discouraged because of their manipulative nature. Negative Objectives
include: Guilty, Confused, Doubtful, Upset, Frustrated, Angry, Ignored, Intimidated, etc.
*Please use the words in bold to put on sheets of paper to have your partner choose
from during the game.
PLAY:
Round 1: Choose a player from the audience for a basic conversation/scene. You will
agree with everything they say and vice/versa. You will have them secretly choose an
Objective from a stack of Objectives cards (props) and you will also choose one.
Neither of you should show the Objective to the team or to one another. Only you will
know yours and your partner will know theirs. Once you have both picked an
Objective, both of you will put that card in your pocket because you will reveal it at
the end of the scene.
Explain that you and your partner must try to make one another feel the Objective
you’ve both chosen without actually saying that word during the scene. Explain that
at the end of the scene, the audience will try to guess both Objectives. Be very clear
that the guessing will occur after the scene. Tell the audience to be detectives and
listen and look for tells during the scene but do not let them yell out their answer during
the scene. And stress to your partner that their only job is to be selfless and try to make
you feel the word they chose (without saying that word) and you will do the same for
them.
Once you and your partner have acted out a scene with both of you having a
chance to “play” your Objective and after you feel the scene has established enough
clues, wrap up the scene. Then sit down with your partner and lead a brief
conversation with the entire team that allows the audience to guess both you and
your partner’s Objective. Make sure to ask the audience for “tells” first and have the
team break down the scene before they just started throwing out words. At your
discretion, then ask them to try to guess your Objective and your partners.
You should finally point out that even if the Objective wasn’t guessed perfectly,
getting close is the same as hitting the bulls-eye because it still moved the
conversation in a positive direction. For example, if the Objective was “Confident” and
the team guessed “Empowered” that’s still a win.
Round 2: Pair the team off into twos, encourage them to create some space so they
can hear their partner, and have one person be the “pep talker” and the other player
will simply listen. The ”pep talker” will choose an Objective (on their own, no props)
and try to make their partner feel that word without saying it during the speech. Then,
you will have them switch and the “pep talker” will listen and the listener will “pep talk”
for 60 seconds. You will be the time-keep for both rotations. After both groups have
had their turn, bring everyone back together and quickly go from pair to pair and ask
them if they were able to guess their teammates’ Objective. If your time is limited
and/or you have a large group, simply have each pair yell out the Objective they
chose for their partner and write those Objectives on a board if possible so the team
can see all of the options available.
Before you wrap up and go to observations, explain that having an Objective in the
conversation keeps you selfless, tuned in and focused on the other person. In fact, if
you are truly focused on achieving your Objective there shouldn’t be any time to think
or worry about your own anxiety. Keeping your Objective in mind will also will positively
adjust everything about the way you communicate, from your body language, to
tone of voice, to the words you choose. “To make the person feel comfortable” is a
great Objective for new or uncomfortable social situations because it takes the
pressure off while keeping you active in the conversation. Objectives help participants
recognize how they can positively impact those around them.
Lastly, encourage the team to pick an Objective for all the important groups in their
life. For example, they should have a powerful, positive word for their Family, Friends,
Teammates, Followers on Social Media, Teachers, etc.
OBSERVE:
•
Continue to stress as much as needs that it is ONE word and that it must be
positive.
•
Look for the pairs that were able to sustain the 60 seconds and those that had
trouble locking in.
•
You will see that for some pairs, it is very hard for them to share a “pep talk: for
an entire 60 seconds. Point out the irony in that they can stare at their Instagram
account for hours but that it’s tough for them give someone affirmation for 60
seconds.
•
Point out that Objectives gives you direction and that it can be your social GPS.
Explain that you must know where you are driving in the conversation.
•
Give personal examples of how you’ve used Objectives for in your own life, and
how it positively changed your behavior. For example: Boss = Respected (Show
up to meetings earlier), Colleague = Intelligent (Listen to their idea before
challenging it), Friend = Supported (Returning their phone call sooner), Wife =
Valued (Helping cook dinner together), etc.
•
When you ask the audience to guess the Objective at the end of the round 1,
their accuracy is not actually that important. For example, if the Objective is to
make someone feel comfortable, but the audience says “Supported” or
“Listened to”, that is still a win. As long as their actions are positive, anywhere the
arrow hits is a Bullseye.
TIE-BACKS:
LIGHT THEM UP Bring good into the conversation. Recognize the amazing reward
of being selfless and taking care of the other person and firing them up with your
positive energy.
MAKE ONE FOR EVERYONE Identify the various audiences in your life, i.e. family,
friends, teammates, co-workers, etc. and find the best Objective for each one.
This will help you become less focused on your needs and more focused on
others.
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU “I want everyone to like me” is not a destination. Don’t
make it about how you feel. Make it about them and your self-confidence will
also naturally improve.
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