middle
school
critics
vol. 5, issue 3
roger williams, founder of the smallest state in the united states
www.briarcliffma norlibrary.org
june, 2010
current critics…
in this issue…
wedgehead+cookies=lambs
gullible is written on the ceiling
the closet person
once upon a time...
bookgirl28
captain hammer
block mango reino
queen reads
ted s. logan equire
mr. donut shoppe
josh zappall
dr. phil
posy
dr.evilish
the tin princess · fang · paramore · the
yiddish policeman’s union · fallen · uglies· john5 ·
diary of a wimpy kid: the movie · alice in
wonderland: 3d · the golden cord · the amber
spyglass · shadowland · sphinx princess stargirl ·
the eternal smile · found · the face on the milk
carton · the chronicles of arthur: sword fire and ice ·
forest born · the guild· iron man 2 · elsewhere ·
peeled · the call of the wild · night world ·
the time traveler’s wife
meet the critics
on page 11
the opinions expressed in the reviews are not necessarily the
opinion of the library. the appropriateness of the materials
reviewed is not for the public library to determine and the
students are encouraged to review whatever they’d like—
therefore, we encourage parents to be involved in and be aware
of their children’s book, movie, television, gaming, and music
choices. all non-original images are property of their assorted
copyright owners.
2
middle school critics
fang
the guild
webseries: watchtheguild.com
by james patterson
critic: ted s. logan, esq.
critic: wedgehead+cookies=lambs
readers, raise your hand if you
like online games, keep them
up if you like playing games
online with other people.
hands down please, now everyone likes funny things on the
internet. and most people like
tv shows, so if you combine
online gaming, internet and 5-7
minute shorts you have the
guild. It is basically a very
funny show about a group of
online gamers. it shows their
lives both on and offline and follows their encounters
with other groups of players and interactions with people face to face. watch it online at watchtheguild.com
and look for the accompanying comic in comic stores
or in the iTunes app store. there are three seasons of
shorts and with a fourth on the way, there is plenty of
guild fun!
elswhere
it is the best maximum ride
book ever! If you like fang,
you’ll love this book, but if
you are a girl it might break
your heart. angel goes evil.
be prepared to meet the newest member of the flock.
bruno
rated r
critic: dr. phil
bruno was….interesting.
rated r (for good reason!) it
was partly funny and partly
offensive. if you’re easily
offended by racial or other
prejudice, or other disturbing
things, don’t see it. but the parts of it that were
funny were REALLY funny. two thumbs up.
by gabrielle zevin
critic: captain hammer
this book is very good. it is
funny and fast paced and is
about a 13 year old girl who
gets hit by a taxicab and is
killed. she is then transported
to an afterlife, known as elsewhere. she woke up on a boat
and assumes it’s just a dream. she meets her dead
grandmother and learns that you age backwards and
you will go back to earth as a baby. it is very good,
you should read it.
paramore
band
critic: block mango
reino and queen reads
paramore is the best band
ever. nuff’ said. they have
three albums: all we know is
falling, riot and brand new
eyes. they are all super duper, and our ultimate
favorites are born for this, brick by boring brick,
and the only exception. Their main genre is fast
paced punk with some slow acoustic stuff. listen to
them!...or else...you are sooooo missing out!
...and more
3
middle school critics
the yiddish policeman’s
union
uglies series
By michael chabon
critic: bookgirl28
critic: mr. donut shoppe
The uglies series is a definite
read. i like this series because it is about the world’s
(could be) future with bridges
that talk and the coveted transition into a pretty as you enter the teen/adult world.
imagine if after the
holocaust, jews went to
israel. but they lost the war of
independence, and were kicked
out. and they went to alaska.
sitka, alaska. somewhere in
the alaskan panhandle, lies the
district of sitka, the homeland of the jews. The book
the yiddish policeman by michael chabon follows the
story of meyer landsman, a detective for the sitka
central precinct. A jew in his apartment building is
murdered, and the plot is how he solves the case of the
murdered man. it is an extremely good book with a
very compelling plot, and will often get a good laugh
out of you. Everyone should definitely read this book.
by scott westerfeld
john5—the requiem
music album
critic: harrison isaac
alright. so all you hip hop
lovers, be forewarned. this
review totally trashes hip hop/rap and shows how
much it sucks.
fallen
by lauren kate
critic: once upon a time
do you want to read a book
about an immortal romance
that doesn’t have to do with
vamps? this is your book. luce
comes to the school to find a
boy who doesn’t appear to like
her, but what if there was a secret behind that? what if this
secret has a mystical creature behind that? did i mention luce is in a detention center? read and enjoy.
if you know me, you’ve probably heard me talk
about john5. yeah, that’s right. he’s not a loser like
lady gaga. he’s an awesome guitar player who uses
all sorts of beast tricks like tapping, arpeggios, and
downright just crazy fast playing. if you’ve ever
played guitar hero, then you’ve definitely heard
dragonforces “through the fire and the flames.”
This guy, john5 totally beasts dragonforces in every
way. except for of course maybe the hair metal.
but none of you no life hip hop fans would know
what that is. or rap fans. no exceptions. while
dragonforces only has two albums that I know of,
john5 has at least six. all with insane guitar work
and amazing tricks. one of his songs called
“cleansing the soul” is truly insane. it’s five minutes of extremely fast guitar playing. no vocals,
and sick guitar tricks. so there. someone has
finally proved how much hip hop/rock sucks. if
you want to find this guy on itunes (which most of
you i’m guessing won’t) search john5 all lower
case, no spaces.
for beasting hip hop and rap in every way
4
middle school critics
the golden cord
by paul genesse
diary of a wimpy kid: the movie
rated pg
critic: dr. evilish
the diary of a wimpy kid the
movie was one the greatest miraculous disappointments in
young hollywood. i have read
all four books, but the books
are much better than the
movie. they messed up a lot of
the key elements, for example,
there was no angie in the book,
and rowley was only chubby in
the book, and in the movie he was fat. If you are a
fan of the wimpy kid series, you will not like the
movie.
alice in wonderland—3d
rated pg
critic: gullible is written on the ceiling
alice in wonderland in 3d
was truly incredible. It was
interesting because it was the
sequel to the disney
version and the effects were
amazing. johnny depp was
really good as the mad hatter
but the girl who played alice
wasn’t that good. this is a
must see.
JOIN MIDDLE SCHOOL
CRITICS! Contact Amy
Kaplan at: 941-7072 or
[email protected]
critic: mr. donut shoppe
don’t ask me why it is called
the golden cord. i don’t
know. it doesn’t say. it isn’t
even mildly apparent. other
than that it is amazing. read
it. if you even the slightest
bit appreciate fantasy books,
read it. or read it anyway. i
don’t care if you think you’re going to like it or
not. i liked it, so i think you should read it.
the book is about drake. he lives in the fantasy
world of aeleron. aeleron consists of three plateaus,
with the void, a huge abyss that leads to hell. drake
lives on the thornclaw plateau, the eastern-most of
the three, in the thornclaw forest, a great jungle, in
the small village of clifton. As you can expect,
rake goes on a journey, for it is a fantasy.
the golden cord is part of a series called the iron
dragon series. currently, only two are out but more
are coming. read the book and you will be happy.
very happy.
5
middle school critics
the amber spyglass
critic: wedgehead+cookies=lambs
hello peoples who are handed
this piece of paper! the amber
spyglass is a really, really,
really good book by philip
pullman. it is about a girl’s
destiny that controls the fate
of all the humans, dead and
alive. she embarks on a quest
with her friend, will, and two
mini people who ride dragonflies called gallivespians.
the whole book is mainly about how lyra and will go
to the world of the dead to free all the souls locked in
a world, and discover what dust is. lyra’s dad lord
asriel is building up an army to defeat the authority
who keeps the dead locked up. will lyra and will
save the world, will the assassin hunt her down first,
or will she become tempted and doom everyone?
read to find out!
the eternal smile
by gene luen yang
critic: ted s. logan, esq.
some people don’t like
graphic novels, i don’t know
why, but i sure do love them.
i decided to read the eternal
smile, it contains three short
stories each with their own
complicated storyline and
distinct drawing style. each
main character learns about themselves in a different
way, while this may seem really cliché it isn’t. the
first story is about a boy living in the middle ages
who fights hard for the woman of his dreams. the
second is about a money obsessed frog, working 24/7
to get a profit and then discovers a smile in the sky
and begins to think of a higher purpose. the final
story is of a lonely girl who invites a nigerian prince
into her life. i really hope as many people as possible
can read this book. you can find it at your local
library.
shadowland
by alyson noel
critic: queen reads
ever and damen have been
through so much and are now
finally together. but when a
spell is cast on damen that
even the slightest touch between them can jeopardize
his life, ever knows she needs
to find the antidote to the
spell. she knows she has to save him as she
watches him carefully be dragged into the shadowlands. but that will take a lot more work than she
expected. when ever goes to a special bookshop to
look for a book that may contain the secret to
erasing the spell, she meets jude. ever is
immediately drawn to Jude and he to her. when
damen reveals to her a secret about her past lives,
all of the feelings she felt become understandable.
as jude tries to get closer to ever, ever has to mark
where her allegiances lie. ever struggles with truths
testing her and damen’s relationship in too many
ways. but when she makes a mistake and her best
friend is in danger, her life on the balance, ever
knows that there is only one person who will stand
by her at all times…
the sequel to blue moon and it’s precedent, evermore; shadowland shows a new world of deception,
immortality, romance, and life changing decisions.
the book is sure to have any reader dragged into its
fantasy world, but yet make it seem real enough
that could make someone question for a second
how all this couldn't be real.
6
middle school critics
found
sphinx princess
by margaret peterson
haddix
by esther friesner
critic: posy
the night nefertiti was born,
her mother died during labor.
every night for four years
nefertiti has these horrible
nightmares about a sphinx. a
sphinx is a god of egypt with
a lion’s body. nefertiti and
her father went to a festival
one day and there she saw a
group of beautiful young women dancing to praise
their god, and she loved it! that month, nefertiti’s
father married one of their maids. together they had a
child named mutnodjmet, but they called her bit-bit.
nefertiti loved playing and taking care of bit-bit. when
nefertiti was five years old, her father’s friend, henenu
was teaching her to become a scribe. nobody else
knew about the lessons and when her father found out
about them he was furious because her mother was
also a scribe. nefertiti’s aunt, the queen, had taken
advantage of nefertiti’s mother and her power.
nefertiti’s father didn’t want it to happen to nefertiti.
nefertiti loved to sing and dance for the queen almost
as much as she loved to write.
this is a wonderful story about the arts of ancient egypt
and was written with great detail. this is a book for
those who would love to learn more about egypt and
for those who love music and suspense.
stargirl
by jerry spinelli
critic: bookgirl28
i enjoyed this book. stargirl is
a different girl who is who she
wants to be (herself). in this
book about discovery, and the
true meaning of friendship
people can find who they really
are.
critic: bookgirl28
when jonah and his friend chip
start receiving threatening
mail, chip discovers he’s
adopted and they work
together to uncover the
mystery behind these letters.
the time traveler’s wife
by audrey niffenegger
critic: dr.phil
this is, without a doubt, my
favorite book of all time. the
book is well written, with a
fabulous plot. of course, time
travels been done before in
400 different ways but this is
different. in henry’s (the time
traveler) case, he can’t change
time, and his traveling is involuntary and very
dangerous. these twists make the book much more
realistic seeming. i can’t explain it well, but if you
read it, i swear it makes sense. this is the love story
of henry and claire, and it’s absolutely perfect. i
would say it’s more of a girls book, but guys can
read it if they want. so basically it was good and gets
like 500 kajillion thumbs up. read it!
7
middle school critics
the face on the milk carton
by caroline b. cooney
forest born
by shannon hale
critic: bookgirl28
Critic: Posy
when janie johnson glaces at
the missing girl on the milk
carton she is shocked. It is
her. wow could her wonderful parents have kidnapped
her? in this wonderful start to
a great series janie looks to
discover her true identity and
how this is so.
when growing up in the forest and having six older
brothers who wrestle you,
tackle you, and teach you
how to be free, it’s hard to
be told what to do and to be
shy. rin though had the
special ability to live in
other people’s shadows and
let other people have their way. if rin ever felt like
anyone was talking advantage of her, rin would
always turn to the trees for comfort, because she
was scared of telling people. then the one day rin
did something for herself instead of being the timid,
quiet girl that everyone saw her as, she no longer
could feel that special connection to the trees and
she felt unwanted as if she didn’t belong in the
forest. one day four months after rin had something
for herself, her older brother razo came to visit the
family and he wanted rin to come to the city with
him. rin agreed, here was her chance to earn some
freedom. when she got there rin found out that she
was to be a waiting woman for queen isi of bayern.
one day rin discovered that a threat haunts the kingdom of bayern and she finds herself accompanying
the three magical girls she thinks of as fire sisters
isi, enna, and dasha to the kingdom of kel, where
danger awaits them.
the chronicles of arthur: sword fire and ice
by john matthews
critic: ted s. logan, esq.
i was very excited about reading
this graphic novel. i love
stories about king arthur and
according to the cover of this
story, the author was a ny times
bestselling author. combine
these elements and you are
bound to have a hit. well, not
so much. if you were to skim
through this book and look at
the wonderful art and plentiful
dialog, you would think that this
book was great. but if i had to summarize the story in
one word, I would use the word, stupid. the story,
which claims to be “not about the mythical king arthur
most people know” was horribly written. areas that
tried to be suspenseful or sad, were boring and predictable. i would give this book a solid 1 and a half out of
five stars.
in this suspenseful, intriguing fourth installment of
the books of bayern series old enemies return and a
young girl is able to show everyone who she really
is.
middle school critics
8
scholastic binding, and even the back
summary, it seemed a like a little kid book. i decided to try it anyway, and i’m glad i did. it was
critic: queen reads
actually a pretty good book, and it was even about
sixteen year old rebecca wina sixteen year old! i though the writing was pretty
ter is a london refugee from
good, and it had a great plot. in short, the book’s
the chaotic country of
about hildy, a journalist who is covering the mysraskavia. never in her life had
terious haunting (or, alleged haunting) in her town.
she ever heard a bomb go off.
the first few chapters are a little hard to get
but on the day she is asked to
through, but past that, i actually enjoyed this book.
teach adelaide bevan, a young
if you’re looking for a fun and easy read, i
cockney woman who has just
recommend this book.
been married to the crown pprince of raskavia, how to
read and write english, as well iron man 2
rated: pg-13
as learn german, before she is sent to raskavia—she
witnesses her first bomb. someone has tried to murcritic: mr.closet person
der the crown prince. jim taylor, a young man, is aseveryone has heard of iron
signed as bodyguard to adelaide and realizes he alman…right? shame on you if
ready knows her. she was a girl he had been searchyou haven’t. you know, the
ing for, for more than ten years, when she disappeared from a physical fight scene in one of the most guy that gets in an iron suit,
rotten places in victorian england. the three set off to then goes to fight people?
raskavia along with the crown prince, only to the see yeah, that guy. well…iron
man 2 was a sequel to iron
the city in serious chaos. but when real disaster
man! (no duh)…i’ve got to
strikes and both the king and crown prince are mursay, this movie is one of
dered, the thrown falls into the hands of adelaide
alone. with two countries bordering raskavia vying to the…..best movies i have ever seen. the movie is
gain control of the little kingdom, adelaide sees seri- full of action, first of all. tons of fighting, between
ous consequences up ahead. will raskavia be led into tony stark (iron man), and ivan (the terrorist). the
suits are just too cool to miss. the design and mea new light or will it fall to the feet of both germany
tallic sense of the suits just brings the movie alive.
and austria-hungary?
also, the graphics and effects were just breathin this fantastic tale of political intrigue,
taking! It can almost compare to avatar! sorry but
romance, disappointment, and betrayal, three young
avatar’s graphics were just too good. anyway…the
people have to weigh the fate of a small kingdom on
best part of this movie was the humor aspect. even
their shoulders.
when they’re in a heated battle, there is always a
humor aspect. i won’t ruin any of the funny mopeeled
ments so you will be laughing if you ever see it.
by joan bauer
but it is absolutely hilarious. funniest part was
critic: josh zappall
“bird”. of course you won’t get what that means
to be completely honest, i’m a right now if you don’t see it…so go see it! yes…
person who completely judges the word bird should get you interested enough to
see it…shouldn’t it? if I didn’t know how bird was
books by their covers. it’s
funny I would go see it. go find out why bird is so
true. shen i first picked out
funny. go see the best movie ever!
this book, it both appealed to
me and didn’t. it appealed to
Movie Rating - ★★★★★/✮✮✮✮✮"
me because i thought the
cover art was pretty cool looking. however, by the thinness,
the tin princess
9
middle school critics
night world
the call of the wild
by jack london
by l.j. smith
critic: gullible is written on the
ceiling
critic: once upon a time
this series is good, but
none of the books in the
series are connected,
except that they’re all
supernatural. i mean you
can’t say it’s a series if it
clearly isn’t. the first
book is vampire, the
second is about vampires
and soulmates, and the third is a guardian
angel. i mean really. so basically you don’t
have to read it in order because it’s not a series,
but it is good.
the call of the wild by jack
london was a huge disappointment. it’s supposed to be this
great classic story of survival and
strength, but it was nothing new.
I would say you shouldn’t read it
but unfortunately for you you are
forced to read it.
underachiever?
yes
no
underachievers word search
crocs, michaeldukakis, singsingplayground, winbuttons, selenagomez, spongebob, twilight,
orangejumpsuitdesigners, nakedbrothersband, roseartcrayons, hairextensions, pollypockets, tlc,
johnkerry, robertpattinsonshair, razzywinners, rogerwilliams
the closet person
likes
closets.
once upon a time...
meet the critics
gullible is written on
the ceiling
i’m not even kidding! check it out!
ha ha, tricked u!
duck
josh zappall
likes pineapples and reading. and
losing the game.
it wasn’t a happy ending. the dragon
ate the prince and the princess never
woke up. oh well who really cares.
posy
i love love love ballet! that’s pretty
much all you need to
know about me
(besides the fact that
i’m the best dancer
in my ballet school!)
queen reads
queen reads can not read or write, but
named herself head of all literature.
she has her advisors of genre importance
write and think up her reviews. she just
loves to take credit and to her it is not
illegal, after all she’s the queen. she
likes being bossy, stupid, and all that
other stuff that doesn't matter. so, all in
all, queen reads is quite uninteresting
and you probably didn’t have to hear
about her. but you did because you
were forced to.
block mango reino
wedgehead +
cookies = lambs
i like cookies. and
frosting. you know,
pie is good too. hey,
can i borrow your
cash? just for a little
while?
once upon a time there was a rhino
who didn’t like mangos. she was
throwing things at some other rhinos.
captain hammer
Dr.Phil
howdy, y’all! i’m
dr. phil. here’s what
you need to know about
me, if you care. i’m sort
of normal, a nerd. i like
being sarcastic. i like to
read (duh). i can’t draw
or sing or dance. i have a really short
attention span. and if you ever have
any problems, feel free to come talk to
me, if you can find me. but you can’t!
because it’s a penname! muahahaha!
bookgirl28
she lives in a book
and loves to read.
ted s. logan esquire
mr. donut shoppe
after two most excellent
adventures spanning through the
history of this world i ted s. logan
esquire in between my totally bogus
schedule have decided to review for
critics.
dr. evilish
i am mr. donut shoppe. my
first name is donut, not doughnut. my
second name is shoppe, not Shop. my
last name is cancelations, not cancellations. I am a word freak, and I just
happen to have inherited the world
famous mr. donut’s shoppe’s doughnut shop from my father, mister mister
doughnut shop cancellations.