Sermon 1
Not Like Others
By Father Kevin Bell
Trying to fit in is what most people do. It takes courage to standalone against the
crowd. Daring to be different does not come easily for most of us. Some people
fake it. These are the eccentrics. Some are loveable and some are just irritating.
They go out of they way to look and sound different but are not convincing in
anyway. Punk rockers, MODS and Rockers, Boy George lookalikes, tattoos, body
piercings, music trends, trending now on Social Media, or using a strange
collection of words and phrases that make little sense to anyone outside the
group.
If you’re my age then hearing people use the word “Like” in every sentence is
baffling and seems a waste of breath. It adds nothing to the meaning. It can only
be useful to show that you are part of the same group: that you fit in, that you are
not like other people, who fail to speak the way that we do.
As a police officer in the 1970s I witnessed the same inventive selective use of
language. Back then it was Rastafarians and Skinheads. Both groups were cut off
from the mainstream of society. Both groups were diametrically opposed to one
another. Their attitudes on race, society, religion and civilization, could not be
more different. And yet a sociologist would conclude that there were certain
similarities in the way they did business or saw themselves in relation to others.
Basically they were right and everybody else was wrong. How did so many young
people allow themselves to be backed into a corner from which there seemed no
escape?
Most of those Rastafarians and Skinheads are now in their 50s and 60s. I imagine
that the majority of them have moved on. Today they will be respectable parents
and grandparents with steady jobs and pensions to look forward to. Some will
have stories to tell: that brush with the police, the loss of friends to violence and
drugs, or the difficulties of repairing family relationships that had been stretched
to the limit or even broken. What mattered so much back then matters very little
right now. Other things have become more important. The very people who had
been driven away by unsociable behaviour may now be the ones who are held
close. Some will indeed have patched things up. But others will have left it all too
late, to repair the damage that was done.
It is because of these hard facts that many people earn a living by using soft skills.
I mean the likes of Social Workers, Therapists, Councillors, Religious Leaders,
and so many more. These are often the ones who help to pick up the pieces and
Glue Humpty Dumpty Together Again.
It’s a bit like the old wisecrack about painting The Forth Road Bridge. It’s the kind
of work that means you will never be out of a job because as you soon as you’ve
finished painting the thing, you have to start all over again. It’s an endless job
and a thankless task. But everybody gets to benefit from the work that is done!
Given at All Hallows Twickenham on 23rd October 2016: appointed readings, Joel 2.23-end,
Psalm 65, 2 Timothy 4.6-8 & Luke 18.9-14. Battle of Trafalgar & Lord Nelson commemorated on
21st October.
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And so it is with human relationships. Trying to fit in can solve things. But when
it’s done badly or for the wrong reasons, it can cause problems rather than fix
them. Joining this group or that group may help in the short term. But the rush to
fit in can lead to long-term problems that may take a lifetime, to put right.
All of this begs a question, or two, about church attendance. Are we simply trying
to fit in or are we actually daring to be different? The same is true of the language
that we use. Does it serve a purpose or is it just a way of clubbing together? What
if our coming together as Christians, excludes most people in society? If our
language, customs and dress codes, cut us off from the world at large, then we
are guilty of closing the church door, to all who would come in.
We may think we are daring to be different but they may just see us as eccentric,
irrelevant and unreal. They may be irritated by the very words that we hold dear.
They may be baffled, confused and unconvinced, by the very things that for us
make sense, bring clarity, and make us convinced, that this way of life is the right
way of life.
Talk about being caught on the horns of a dilemma… In many ways it a case of
fight or flight, stay or go, left or right, fitting in, or daring to be different. How to
choose, and when not to choose!
We may not have been Skinheads, Rastafarians, trendsetters or trend followers.
But all of us, who have matured a bit, through our mistakes and successes, know
in our hearts, that trying to fit in was the very thing that caused us problems
when we were younger. Allowing ourselves to be swallowed whole by other
people, meant that becoming who and what we are meant to be, was put on hold.
The development of our character and talents was at best delayed because we
spent too much time trying to be like other people: instead of trying to be
ourselves. Eventually, we realised that being ourselves, is hard enough, without
trying to be, someone else.
Or as Oscar Wilde put it, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” There comes
a time when even the Oscar Wilde’s of this world must stop pretending, stop
trying to fit in, and start trying to be who they really are. Even if it costs dearly,
this is the only way to go. The world may cry out that we have left it too late.
How can we catch up with ourselves? How can we reinvent ourselves when so
many years have already past? How can we extract ourselves from trying to be
so many things, when there is only one thing that truly matters? How can we get
away from trying to be like everybody else and start becoming the person we
were always meant to be?
I think Jesus often challenged people, in this sort of area. We see it today with
those who are acting out a role, assuming a public posture, in order to try and fit
in. Of course there is the obvious matter of trying to fit in with other people. But
there is also the less obvious business of trying to fit in with our preconceived
ideas of God. I must be like this… because this… is who and what I believe God to
be! And I must not be like that person over there, because I am trying to fit in
with who I think I am, whilst I am standing over here!
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This for me is the rub of the matter. And this is what Jesus was homing-in-on
during our gospel reading today. He was challenging those self-righteous
individuals who say to themselves. “God, I thank you that I am not like other
people.” (Luke 18.11) The implied joke in all of this, is that most people did not
want to be like that self-righteous so and so, because, he was the only person
who had failed to grasp the reality of his situation. Ironically, in the story that
Jesus told, it is the very person that most people don’t want to be, who goes
home justified because what was in his heart was so different to what was in the
heart of the self righteous man. One man was full of himself. The other man could
barely look at himself. One man thought he had every right to be there. The other
man was not convinced that he had any right to be there! What right had he to be
anywhere near the place of prayer and understanding. What right had he to
stand anywhere near the holiness of God. And what right had he to expect that
such a God would even listen to his prayers, never mind grant his heart’s desire.
How could he look up into the eyes of God, even though he could feel the eyes of
God looking down from heaven?
Jesus was giving his listeners, an insight into the way that God our Father, thinks
and feels, about the way that we think and feel. Our Father in heaven feels at
home, with those who are humble, and in every way, God is at odds, with those
who are full of them selves. Jesus uses the language of The Common Man. And he
does this, so they can come to terms, with things that are far from Common. This
is what the Church of England should be doing through every parish in the land.
If our choice of words does not help ordinary people, to better understand
themselves, and the world around them, then what chance have we of helping
them, to understand the language of heaven, or the God who made it so. It all
comes down, to not being full of our selves, as a Church. Instead, we are invited
by Christ to be filled with something that cannot be put into words. Perhaps we
should not even try. But when we do: then others see it for what it is. In time
they come to see that it is real, relevant and believable. It doesn’t matter that
they don’t fully understand, why we do the things we do. Or how, we do the
things we do. What does matter, is their right to stand with us, and our right to
stand with them. Maybe together we can become who and what we are meant to
be, knowing when to fit in and when to standalone. Humility is the key to all of
this. It does not mean beating ourselves up in private, or in public. Neither does it
mean feeling bad about our selves, for most of the time. What humility simply
means, is having a realistic assessment about who and what we are. It’s about
giving our selves, permission to be fully alive, to all the possibilities that come
our way. So no… it’s never too late to change direction, to reinvent our selves, to
opt in or to opt out. I guess that is why I like the following words from the
famous author Scott Fitzgerald. This is what he said. “For what it’s worth…it’s
never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no
time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no
rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best
of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt
before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a
life you’re proud of, and if you’re not. I hope you have the courage to start all over
again.” (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
KB
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