WHISKEY FALLS
"Pilot"
Written by
Earl Davis
WHISKEY FALLS
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. TOWN OF WHISKEY FALLS, TEXAS (circa 1890) - EARLY EVENING
It is a SMALL, DUSTY TOWN typical of the old west. One dirt
road splits the town in two, with STORES AND CHEAP WOODEN
BUILDINGS lining both sides of it.
EXT. ROAD JUST OUTSIDE OF TOWN - CONTINUOUS
JAKE SISKO, BLACK, 30, (THINK DAVE CHAPPELLE) sitting on his
horse, stares at the TOWN SIGN which reads "WHISKEY FALLS,
TEXAS, POPULATION 87. YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BORN HERE, BUT
ODDS ARE YOU'LL DIE HERE. WELCOME." Jake shakes his head.
JAKE
These fools are crazy.
The SOUND OF A RIFLE being cocked. Startled, Jake turns in
his saddle to find A RIFLE pointed at him by a man wearing a
badge. It is held by SHERIFF JASPER COLE, MID-40'S, DARK
HAIR, SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT, who emerges from behind a tree. He
looks like the kind of man you don't want to cross... or
challenge with difficult math equations.
COLE
Yeah, well, at least we ain't nigrahs.
Cole walks up to Jake's horse, rifle pointed at Jake's head.
JAKE
Who are you calling a nigrah?
You.
Prove it.
COLE
JAKE
Cole blinks, confused.
JAKE
Have you ever seen a negro before?
...no.
COLE
JAKE
Well, then how do you know I am one?
2.
COLE
(angry and confused)
Well, ain't you?
JAKE
I'm asking the questions here, not
you. In fact, how do I know that
you're not one? You better just go on
and hand me that rifle until we get
this straightened out.
Cole stands frozen for an instant, then regains himself.
COLE
Boy, I will blow your head clean off!!
Now what are you doing round here?
JAKE
Hunting elephants?
COLE
Don't sass me. I'm sheriff of Whiskey
Falls. Name's Cole. And you got two
seconds to start talking.
JAKE
I just saw your sign and thought I'd
drop on in.
COLE
Well, forget it. You ain't welcome.
Whiskey Falls is for white folks.
JAKE
That's not what the sign says.
COLE
Well, I guess we better get us a
bigger sign. I oughta lock you up for
suspicious behavior.
Like what?
JAKE
COLE
Like being a nigrah riding his horse
around at night. If that ain't
suspicious I don't know what is. But
I'm gonna let you just clear on out.
JAKE
That's mighty kind of you.
3.
Yep.
COLE
JAKE
I still think you're hiding something.
Jake canters off.
COLE
(calling after him)
Whiskey Falls don't need none of your
kind around here. This here's a
decent town full of law abiding folks.
EXT. THE SALOON - SAME TIME
A GROUP OF TOWNSMEN are battering down the front door of a
CRAPPY SALOON. DEPUTY OLLIE SUMMERS, HANDSOME, BLONDE, EARLY
20'S, wearing a badge leads the charge. They SMASH the door in
and rush inside HOOTING AND HOLLERING.
INT. THE SALOON - CONTINUOUS
The saloon is standard old west issue. Shitty. It has two
levels with a staircase along one wall, a small cluster of
tables and a long oak bar. The men all pile in.
OLLIE
Where the hell’s that damn Sully?
Hey, mayor, what'd the telegram say
again?
MAYOR
Just that the saloon was going to open
back up today. Town's been drier than
a ninety year old whore's hoo-ha.
OLLIE
Speakin' of whores. When Sally gets
back here, I reckon I get to go first.
MAYOR
Forget it, Ollie. Being deputy don't
get you no favors. We're drawin'
straws like usual.
OLLIE
Girl's meaner than a rattlesnake
anyhow. Shoot you soon as look at you.
COWBOY
Long as she sucks out the bullet!
4.
MAYOR
Heck, if something had to close down
for three months why couldn't it have
been the church?
REVEREND (O.C.)
Blasphemer! Idolator! You'll all
burn in hell for eternity!
ANGLE ON: The REVEREND, A SKINNY, GRIZZLED OLD MAN in black
top coat with a white collar. He stands by the stairs.
OLLIE
You can get out of line, rev'.
drawin' straws.
We're
REVEREND
Well, goddamit!!
REVEAL that he stands in front of a sign that reads, "POKES
FOR SALE." The reverend bitterly sits at a corner table.
MIKE DONNELLY, LATE 5O'S, WHITE HAIR, HANDSOME IRISHMAN,
ENTERS. He carries a bundle of newspapers.
MIKE
Greetings, gentlemen. Ah, tis a soft
evening tonight, so it is. Well,
who's for buying a copy of my latest
edition of the Donnelly Gazette?
COWBOY
I'll take one, Irish.
MIKE
The angels weep at your mercy.
COWBOY
Need something to wipe my ass with
when I go to the crapper!
The others all laugh.
MIKE
Then you've stopped using your hands,
have you?
COWBOY
What did you just say?
MIKE
(backing down)
Not a thing, not a thing.
know.
Yes, yes, I
5.
You'll put a bullet in my head, drag
me through the gutter then rape me in
the desert. What say we proceed to
the part in the play where I back down
and you walk off, the victorious
motherless scoundrel that you are?
COWBOY
That's better.
Mike rolls his eyes.
Whiskey!
Men FIRE THEIR GUNS into the air.
GROUP
Whiskey!
Whiskey!
OLLIE
Now simmer down, boys. The sheriff's
fixin' to come in and you know he
don't tolerate no foolishness.
MAYOR
Aw, quit it. The sheriff's always on
the lookout for trouble and there
ain't any. Whiskey Falls is about the
friendliest town I ever seen.
An OLD CHINESE MAN in traditional Chinese garb enters and
looks around. The music stops and the men draw their guns.
MAYOR
Get the hell out!
OLLIE
Wong, you know the rules. No heathens
allowed. I don't know why the
railroad dumped you all off here
anyhow. Now git!
WONG
But we have no water.
OLLIE
If the Lord wanted y'all to have water
he wouldn't have made you Chinese.
Please...
WONG
Everyone cocks their guns.
Cole enters.
COLE
What the hell is going on?
Everyone freezes.
6.
Cole looks around coldly then draws his gun... and smacks Wong
solidly on the head. Wong collapses. Everyone cheers.
COLE
Drag him back to China Alley, boys.
We got us some drinking to do!
TWO COWPOKES drag Wong out.
Hey, boss.
Cole bellies up to the bar.
OLLIE
How you feelin'?
COLE
Like I need a damn drink.
OLLIE
Ain't your wife due back to town soon?
COLE
Why do you think I need a drink? Now
whose idea was it to break in here?
OLLIE
Mine, boss. Just tryin' to take
initiative like you said.
COLE
Ollie, you're the deputy sheriff.
OLLIE
And I sure do thank you for giving me
the job.
(then, realizing)
Oh. Right. Sorry, boss.
COLE
Your whole family's outlaws. What the
hell made you pick up and do this?
OLLIE
Ma said I was too dumb to be a
criminal and I ought to be either a
mule skinner or work in the law. And
you know I hate mules.
Cole reacts. Just then JAKE ENTERS the front door. He
carries a bottle of whiskey. A HORRIFIED SILENCE fills the
room as he calmly crosses behind the bar and puts on an apron.
Howdy!
JAKE
7.
OLLIE
Holy tarnation! It's a niggJAKE
(cutting him off)
Yes, and thank you for that kind
introduction. Welcome to Jake's
Saloon. I'm Jake.
COLE
Where’s Sully?
JAKE
He sold out to me about three months
ago. By the way, nice to see you
again, sheriff. You've aged.
Jake smiles and lifts the bottle of whiskey.
JAKE
Now, who wants a drink?
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. THE JAIL - SECONDS LATER
Close on Jake, sans smile, as the CELL DOOR SLAMS on him.
INT. THE JAIL - THE NEXT MORNING
Jake stands in the jail's only cell. It's small, with a
barred window and filthy looking bed. He stands at the cell
door watching Cole, Ollie, the Mayor, and the reverend talk.
MAYOR
He done killed Sully, sheriff!
COLE
Nope. This here bill of sale's legal
all right.
JAKE
I didn't kill anybody! But if you
crazy so-and-so’s don't want me or my
whiskey then just buy me out and I'll
be on my way.
COLE
Ain't nobody in this town got money
enough to buy you out.
8.
JAKE
Well, I put every dime I had into that
place, sheriff. I'll be damned if I'm
going to just walk away.
COLE
Good thing you own a horse then.
A PRETTY YOUNG GIRL enters holding FLOWERS and wearing makeup.
GIRL
I heard they's a new darkie in town.
I just thought I'd say howdy.
(then to Jake, suggestive)
Howdy.
JAKE
Howdy!
REVEREND
(chasing her out)
Get out of here, girl!
MAYOR
Your daughter's really filled out, Rev’.
Screw off.
REVEREND
MAYOR
We ain't gonna let him own the town's
only saloon, are we? We'll be the
laughingstock of the county!
COLE
Don't you think I know that? Plus, we
already got the Chinese. Let this 'un
in and every outlaw and thief in a
hundred miles will think we're ripe
for pluckin'. My daddy died
protectin’ this town and I reckon I
will too before I see it ruined.
JAKE
And think of the property values.
Exactly.
COLE
And shut up!
Cole moves the others out of Jake’s earshot. Jake leans on
the cell door. It swings open. His eyes widen.
9.
OLLIE
Why don't we just find out where he's
hiding the rest of his whiskey, steal
it, then kill him?
(then, re: Cole's stare)
Oh. Right. Sorry.
COLE
We may be drunks, but we ain't
criminals. Y’all hear me?
OLLIE
Mebbe he's a runaway and we can threaten
to turn him in if he don't leave.
COLE
Ollie, slavery ended twenty years ago.
OLLIE
Well you know that, and now I know
that... but mebbe he don't know that
and we can trick him. Hell, I got
some work needs done anyway and-Ollie?
COLE
Stop talking.
While they talk, Jake simply WALKS OUT of the jailhouse.
COLE
Now, has anyone ever dealt with one of
these fellas?
(re: chorus of “no’s”)
Anybody ever seen a nigrah before?
OLLIE
Wait. Once when I was down in
Abilene... naw, he was a Mexican. Or
a Jew. I can't rightly recall. But I
know they's tricky.
COLE
How do you know that?
OLLIE
Well, I got me a comic book back home,
and there was one in there and boy,
was he tricky.
COLE
Well, that makes one of you.
(turning to the empty cell)
Now look here, boy. You--
10.
Cole's mouth drops open.
He glares at Ollie.
OLLIE
I was nervous! I thought the door
just locked on it's own. This stuff
just don't come natural to me, boss.
(beat, then)
Want me to go get the comic book?
INT. THE SALOON - LATER THAT DAY
A nervous Jake stands behind the bar, rifle in hand. Mike
Donnelly enters and Jake points the rifle straight at him.
Bloody hell!
MIKE
JAKE
Sorry. I just thought that’s how
people said hello around here.
MIKE
They say the Lord made no shortage of
fools. Well, if that's true then Whiskey
Falls is His warehouse. Mike Donnelly.
Jake Sisko.
JAKE
You sound Irish.
MIKE
Aye, and until your arrival I was the
most hated and reviled man in town.
How come?
I'm Irish.
JAKE
MIKE
JAKE
Want a drink?
MIKE
Irish.
(beat, then sighing)
It pains me to say it, but I’ll have
to pass on the drink. As sole owner
of a newspaper in a town where seventy
percent of the people are illiterate,
and the other thirty percent can't
read, I'm a might low on funds at the
moment.
I’m.
11.
JAKE
It's on the house.
MIKE
You've just made yourself a friend for
life, lad.
Jake pours Mike a glassful of whiskey.
Mike drains it dry.
MIKE
Praise the Lord, but that's fine. So,
if you don't mind me asking, just what
in the hell are you doing here?
JAKE
I wanted to open a saloon, the town's
called Whiskey Falls. Sounded like a
sure thing. In retrospect maybe I
should've visited first.
MIKE
Aye, the name got me too. I was sick
of my life in Dublin and decided to
come to America to make my fortune.
To an Irishman, Whiskey Falls sounded
like the name of an angel.
Unfortunately it turned out to look
like a wart on a dog's testicle.
JAKE
Why’d you stay?
MIKE
I'm in love with an angel. She's as
beautiful as a summer's morn'. I vowed
not to leave until she marries me.
JAKE
So, what's the problem?
MIKE
The sight of me makes her vomit.
what did you do before this?
And
JAKE
I was a Pony Express Rider.
MIKE
You don't say. I wouldn't have
thought they'd let a man of your
"obvious talents" hold such a post.
12.
JAKE
Well, ever since I was a boy, white folks
have always found me indispensable.
FLASHBACK TO:
EXT. GRASSY OPEN FIELD - DAY
A GROUP OF UNION SOLDIERS stare at an open grassy field.
SOLDIER
Think they planted landmines out
there, Cap'n?
CAPTAIN
I ain't for sure.
CUT TO the captain throwing a ball into the field then pushing
a FIVE YEAR OLD JAKE out into the field with a long stick.
CAPTAIN
Go on, little fella, get the ball.
EXT. OPEN PRARIE - FLASHBACK - DAY
JAKE, in ARMY UNIFORM, sits horseback below a grassy rise.
JAKE (V.O.)
Then, when I was in the army, they
made me a scout.
SOLDIER
Think they's Indians over there, Cap’n?
CAPTAIN
I ain't for sure.
JAKE
Maybe we need to think this out.
The captain SLAPS Jake's horse on the ass and it GALLOPS over
the rise and disappears. After a beat, Jake gallops back over
the rise being pursued by about A HUNDRED INDIANS.
EXT. OPEN PRARIE - FLASHBACK - DAY
JAKE, whistling, canters along on a horse in the middle of a
beautiful, grassy prarie. He carries a large BAG OF MAIL.
JAKE (V.O.)
Well, word got out about me, and I was
hired by the Pony Express to travel
some of their most important routes.
13.
Suddenly about a hundred KU KLUX KLAN on horseback appear
behind him, SHOOTING RIFLES and CURSING at him.
JAKE
(galloping away)
Holy sh--!
INT. THE SALOON - CONTINUOUS
JAKE
But one day when I was delivering
mail, fate finally smiled on me.
FLASHBACK TO:
EXT. A SMALL WESTERN TOWN - DAY
JAKE hands out mail.
A FAT MAN in a vest cuts the line.
BANKER
Where's my mail, boy?
JAKE
I'm sorry, sir, but there's a line.
BANKER
Don't sass me!
The man SLAPS Jake in the face.
Jake just stares at him.
JAKE
Sorry sir, but you didn't get no mail.
The man stomps away.
Yep.
JAKE (V.O.)
His mail got lost in a flood.
EXT. SIDE ALLEY - LATER
Jake stands in an alley. The SOUND OF A ZIPPER, and then the
sounds of Jake PEEING on something beneath him.
JAKE (V.O.)
A terrible flood. Tragic.
He suddenly looks down and lifts up a DRIPPING DOCUMENT.
JAKE (V.O.)
Turns out that jack-ass was an
investor looking to buy a saloon and
Sully had sent him a letter offering
to sell.
14.
INT. THE SALOON - CONTINUOUS
JAKE
Cost me every dime I had. Plus I took
out a note on my ma's farm. I'm moving
her and my sister out here once things
get settled. If they get settled.
MIKE
My God, why would you risk it, man?
JAKE
(bitter)
Guess we were all hoping this place
would be different. Dreaming more
than anything I guess.
MIKE
Well, we'll just have to be seein'
your bar through then, won't we?
Don't worry, lad, you've befriended an
Irishman. From this point on, your
luck's bound to change.
The two men share a new friends moment. A LOUD COMMOTION is
heard from outside. Jake looks and sees Cole and a LARGE MOB
heading for the saloon. Mike shrugs, "What can you do?"
MIKE
Right. Well, I've been thrashing
these fools since I came here. We'll
just take them on together, mate.
JAKE
I appreciate it.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALOON - CONTINUOUS
The mob advances. The reverend’s daughter appears with a LIT CAKE.
REVEREND
(chasing her off)
Get out of here!
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
Jake stares out the window.
JAKE
What do you think they-He turns to find Mike gone. The rear door SLAMS SHUT. Jake
reacts. The mob enters. Cole’s hand rests on his gun.
15.
COLE
Mister, you're leaving town.
JAKE
You can’t scare me.
I'm staying.
COLE
(cold)
Well, I guess if I can’t scare you
out, I’ll just have to starve you out.
Anyone that buys this man's whiskey,
sells him food or any supplies is
going to jail! You're through here.
JAKE
I'd think as a fellow negro you'd
treat me a little better. Brother.
COLE
Aw, don't start that foolishness aga-JAKE
Did you or did you not meet me outside
of town last night?
Yeah, but--
COLE
JAKE
And did you or did you not let me go
on my merry way?
COLE
Now, just wait a damned-JAKE
Who would do that but a fellow negro?
Admit it, to everyone here. You'll
feel better. Won't he, folks?
The town starts to mutter to itself: "He always did look a
little dark to me, I'll be damned, I can't believe it!"
COLE
That’s enough out of you.
out! You ain't wanted.
Now clear
Cole exits, followed by people peppering him with questions.
COLE (O.C.)
No, I am not a nigrah, damn it!
They’re gone.
Jake shakes his head.
He's in trouble.
16.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. THE SALOON - A WEEK LATER
The saloon is empty. Jake sits behind the bar, sound asleep.
SALLY THE WHORE, 20's, BLONDE, PRETTY IN A HARD SORT OF WAY,
enters with a SUITCASE. She crosses to Jake, draws a HUGE GUN
and points it at him. She cocks the hammer. Jake wakes up.
JAKE'S POV: His gaze travels up her legs to her breasts then
to the gun. It stays there for a second then goes back to her
breasts, where it stays. And stays.
SALLY
Hey, moron, up here.
Sorry.
JAKE
SALLY
Who the hell are you?
JAKE
Who the hell are you?
SALLY
I'm Sally the whore.
JAKE
Well, I'm Jake the Negro.
meet you.
Nice to
SALLY
Where's Sully?
JAKE
He sold out to me two months ago.
Sally lowers her gun in shock.
SALLY
That no-good doublecrosser. Bastard
promised to let me out of my contract
whoring for the saloon but I guess I
can forget that. Well, looks like you
done bought yourself a saloon and a
whore. I guess you wanna go upstairs
and try out the merchandise now,
right?
JAKE
What the heck are you talking about?
17.
SALLY
Don't give me that. Men! You’re all
the same. Don't care what color you
are. Snakes, every last one. Come on,
let's get it over with. Sully used to
have me four times a week, on the
house.
JAKE
Wait, that ain't right. Wait, four
times a week? No, wait, that ain't
right! Look, my mama would kill me if
she knew I hired a... professional to
work the saloon. So, whatever deal
you had with Sully, consider yourself
off the hook. You're a free, foulmouthed, large breasted white woman.
The world's your oyster. Enjoy.
SALLY
So you're telling me I'm in the clear?
JAKE
Yep. I guess you can just set up shop
somewhere else.
SALLY
Where? This is the only damn saloon
in town and I ain't moving. What am I
supposed to do, work in the back of
the schoolhouse?
JAKE
Might help with attendance.
Sally points her gun at him.
JAKE
You're right. Bad joke, the children
are the future.
(beat, then)
Look, how about this. What if you
just rent a room out upstairs and
whatever you make, you keep.
SALLY
You got yourself a deal.
(then, pleased and shocked)
Huh! I'm my own boss. I can't believe
it.
18.
JAKE
I wouldn't throw a party yet. The
sheriff told everybody to stay away.
To tell the truth, I don’t know how
much longer I can hold out.
SALLY
Damn sheriff. Town ain't nuthin' but
drunks. How's he keeping them off?
JAKE
I don't know, but nobody's been in
here for a week.
Mike enters, sheepish. He carries a LARGE SACK OF FOOD.
MIKE
Ah, Jake, lad. I feel awful terrible
about leaving you the other day. I've
let down a friend. But don't worry,
I've already set a plan in motion to
avenge ourselves on the sheriff.
(noticing Sally)
Sally, darlin'! I can't tell you how
I've missed you these past months.
SALLY
Then you’re a bigger fool than I
thought.
JAKE
This is the girl you’re in love with?
MIKE
Aye. Isn't she as bonnie a lass as
you could ever hope to lay eyes on?
JAKE
Yeah, she's something all right.
SALLY
So, Jake. You want a free poke?
seal our bargain.
To
JAKE
Hell, yes, I want a -(re: Mike's glare)
Uh... no. It's probably best to keep
this strictly professional.
SALLY
Suit yourself.
19.
MIKE
I'd like a poke.
SALLY
Well then grab a stick, bend over and
start pokin'.
Mike reacts, bitter.
Jake pulls him aside.
JAKE
So, you've never...
MIKE
Not even once.
JAKE
Damn.
Aye.
(bitter)
MIKE
Jake pushes the bottle in front of Mike then grabs his hat.
SALLY
Where you going?
JAKE
You know what the problem is? Nobody
in town knows me. I'm going to go out
there and let them see the real me.
MIKE
I don't think that would be such a
grand idea, laddie.
SALLY
The moron’s right. Ain't nuthin' out
there for you but an ass-kicking.
JAKE
No, the sheriff just poisoned the
well. I'm sure everybody in this town
can't be like him. You'll see.
Jake exits.
Please?
Sally cocks her gun.
BEGIN MONTAGE:
MIKE
Mike flinches.
20.
MUSIC CUE: "WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS"
Jake approaches a CHURCH.
The DOOR SLAMS in his face.
Jake walks along the road. A HORSE DRAWN WAGON tries to run
him down. He throws himself to the side. As he rises and
dusts himself off, a SMALL DOG PEES on his leg.
Jake enters a SCHOOL. He waves to the kids. They all draw
guns on him. He turns to find the ANCIENT FEMALE TEACHER
cocking a SHOTGUN and aiming it at him.
In slow-motion. Jake runs around a corner. About TEN WILD
DOGS AND FIFTEEN MEN AND WOMEN WITH AXE HANDLES chase him down
the street. He dives into the saloon and slams the door shut.
END MONTAGE
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
Mike and Sally are in the same positions we last saw them.
Jake falls to the floor, GASPING FOR BREATH.
JAKE
How long have I been gone?
MIKE
About five minutes.
Darn it.
JAKE
Jake peers out the front door. A SHOT RINGS OUT, SPLINTERING
THE WOOD BY HIS HEAD and he quickly slams the door shut.
MIKE
Did you see who it was, lad?
JAKE
No, but he looked about ten. Way to
go, Jake. Now I can't even step
outside. Nice progress.
SALLY
Maybe you can't leave.
But I can.
The men stare at Sally as her eyes gleam with cold humor.
INT. JAIL - LATER THAT DAY
Ollie plays cards at a table. Cole picks up the Donnelly
Gazette. The headline reads: "IS SHERIFF COLE A RUNAWAY SLAVE?"
21.
COLE
That no good Irish sonofa--!
Cole slams the paper down just as MOLLY COLE, 25, a tiny, cute
blonde, conservative yet fashionably dressed, enters.
MOLLY
Just what in the world do you think
you're doing?
COLE
(sighs, then)
How was your trip, dear?
Cole towers over her.
Family good?
Intimidated, he takes his hat off.
MOLLY
Don't you dear me, Jasper. I no
sooner than get off the stagecoach
than I hear that you are terrorizing
some poor man in that awful saloon.
COLE
Him being here ain't gonna do nothing
but stir up trouble this town don't
need. You just ain't being realistic.
MOLLY
Oh, you mean like when I decided to
give up everything in Philadelphia to
move out here and marry you?
COLE
Here we go... I know, your pappy's
house had gold toilet seats and the
butlers flew around on wings like
angels. But you're my wife now and I
figure you'll do what I tell you.
(yelling)
The nigrah's goin' and that's the end
of it. You hear me, woman?
Cole flinches, backs up a step and braces himself.
MOLLY
(turning to leave)
Jasper Cole, I never thought I'd say
this... but I'm ashamed of you.
COLE
Where do you think you're going?
22.
MOLLY
I'm going across the street to welcome
that man to town.
(triumphantly)
I may even purchase an alcoholic
beverage.
COLE
You wouldn't dare.
MOLLY
I would. And I will.
think of that?
What do you
INT. JAIL - SECONDS LATER
Ollie is slamming the cell door on an enraged Molly.
MOLLY
Jasper, I'm going to get you for this.
COLE
That's what you said the first time
you saw Whiskey Falls.
MOLLY
And I'm still going to get you for
that, as well.
COLE
Just simmer down. This'll all be over
soon. He can't hold out much longer.
OLLIE
(looking out jail window)
Uh, boss? You ain’t gonna believe it.
EXT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
Sally, in SEXY UNDERGARMENTS, parades in front of the saloon
carrying a SIGN that reads, "Free Poke For Every New Customer"
Further down the street the reverend’s eyes glaze over and he
charges for Sally. Just before he makes it, Ollie bursts out
of the jail and tackles him. Cole follows, holding a shotgun.
REVEREND
Damn it, boy, let me go!
Lord's work to do!
I've got the
Other men see the still parading Sally and come on the run.
23.
COWBOY
The whore's back! Get her!!!!
Straws.
MAYOR
Straws!
A LOUD SHOTGUN BLAST from the sheriff brings them to a halt.
COLE
All of you know the rules.
nobody allowed in there.
Ain't
MAYOR
Aw, now, c'mon...
COLE
All of y’all just put your peckers
back in your pants and git.
MAYOR
One saloon and one whore. Whoever
designed this town ought to be hung!
The men grumble but start to walk away. Sally spits then goes
back inside. Jake stands at the front door.
JAKE
Looks like the town doesn't like your
plan. By the way, read the paper yet?
Cole raises his rifle and Jake quickly retreats back inside.
COLE
Ollie, post a watch outside that there
saloon. Keepin' the town from buying
that boy's whiskey's hard enough.
Keeping them away from that girl's hooha is a whole different proposition.
OLLIE
Yessir, boss.
(then, sympathetic)
Did they used to whip you?
COLE
Did who used to-- Ollie, shut up.
was never a slave!
I
OLLIE
(relieved)
That's good. Would've been kind of
awkward us working together and all.
24.
Cole looks at Ollie in disbelief then goes back inside.
INT. SALOON - A FEW SECONDS LATER
Jake sits, depressed. A slightly drunk Mike and Sally sit
with him. Mike drains the last of a whiskey bottle.
JAKE
(miserable)
What the heck am I going to do now?
Wanna poke?
SALLY
You'll feel better.
MIKE
Bloody hell, woman.
I'm right here!
JAKE
I got a town full of redneck, horny
alcoholics and they'd rather die of
thirst than deal with me.
MIKE
Aye, laddie, barring a miracle you may
have come to the end of your line.
JAKE
What did you just say?
MIKE
I'm not sure. I'm pretty fair drunk.
JAKE
End of the line. The railroad.
Mike, you're a genius. Sally, think
you can distract that deputy?
SALLY
What do you got in mind?
INT. JAIL - THE NEXT DAY
Cole sits, doing paperwork.
Molly sits in her cell, pouting.
COLE
The way you're pouting and carrying on
a man would think you'd done slept
with a nigrah before.
Molly says nothing.
Cole turns to look at her, horrified.
25.
MOLLY
(coughing guiltily)
Don't you ever dust this place?
Suddenly something is NAILED TO THE JAIL DOOR. He opens it to
find a new Gazette. The headline reads: "FREDRICK DOUGLASS
ADMITS SHERIFF IS HIS LOVE CHILD!" Cole angrily rips it down.
SEVERAL ANGRY TOWNSMEN push him back inside and enter.
MAYOR
Darn it, Sheriff. That whore says she
won't work no place but that saloon.
COWBOY
I had to have sex with my own wife
last night. It ain't right!
A CHORUS OF APPROVALS meets this statement.
COWBOY #2
I ain't had a drink in so long I drank
some of my horse's piss the other day.
How was it?
COLE
COWBOY #2
I puked my guts up, how do you think
it was. I need me some whiskey!
REVEREND
Listen, sheriff. Maybe the good Lord
brought this nigrah here to Whiskey
Falls to test us. To see if we could
learn to love all men as brothers
under the watchful eyes of Jesus.
COLE
You really believe that, Reverend?
REVEREND
My god, how dumb are you?!
He aims a DERRINGER at Cole, but is restrained by the others.
COLE
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Look, my daddy died protectin’ this-MAYOR
He died falling off his horse, drunk.
26.
COLE
Maybe he drank so much trying to
protect you jackasses from yourselves!
And that’s what I’m doing. Look, we
got that boy buffaloed. He ain’t got
no money or customers. After he goes
someone else'll come along and buy it.
MAYOR
Please, who's gonna be fool enough to
move to this rathole. Hell, you got to
lock up your own wife to keep her here.
MOLLY
It's true. I'm being held captive and
I would appreciate it if someone would
contact a Texas Ranger or a Pinkerton.
COLE
Molly, don’t start. I made my call
and that’s it. You boys hear me?
OLLIE
(bursting in, yelling)
Boss, boss! We got us some trouble
over at the saloon!
COLE
I thought you was watching the place?
OLLIE
(zipping up his fly)
Uhh... I reckon someone done hit me.
Cole glares at him then rushes to the window. THE SALOON is
filled with CHINESE MEN DRINKING AND PARTYING, JUGGLING, etc.
WONG
(drunken giggle)
No whites allowed! Round Eyes go
home! No slant eye -- no service!
Holy.
Hell.
COLE
27.
ACT THREE
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
A delighted Jake is pouring shots of whiskey at the bar.
Sally sits on someone's lap. Mike looks on, worried.
MIKE
I don't think the town's going to be
liking this much, Jake.
JAKE
Screw the town. I’m in business!
Wong, having a good time?
Hey
WONG
Yes, very much. This whiskey is quite
remarkable.
JAKE
Thanks. See, this is good. No
racism, no hatred, just men. Now,
who's paying?
Paying?
WONG
We have no money.
JAKE
What are you talking about, you bastard!
WONG
The railroad left without paying us.
JAKE
You just drank a case of my whiskey!
WONG
Yes. This has been an excellent party.
JAKE
This wasn't a damn party! You just
drank half my stock. I'm ruined!
CHINESE MAN
Perhaps we can work it off.
JAKE
How the heck are you going to work off
a case of whiskey?
CHINESE MAN
...do you have any laundry?
28.
JAKE
Get the hell out of my saloon!
WONG
You reason nobody like colored people.
Suddenly a HAIL OF BULLETS EXPLODES around them.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALOON - CONTINUOUS
Cole and the others FIRE at the saloon.
Cole shouts:
COLE
All right! I tried to do this legal
but you done gone too far bringing in
the heathens. You got five minutes to
clear out of town or we're going to
blast you out of there!
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
The Chinese run for the rear exit as Jake, Sally, and Mike
dive under tables for cover.
JAKE
Hey, what about my money?
Too late. They're gone. A PRETTY CHINESE GIRL is left
standing there. She lies on the floor next to Jake.
Who are you?
JAKE
SUZIE
I am Suzie. They leave me as payment
to work off the bill.
SALLY
Howdy, chink.
SUZIE
Hello, whore.
I like her.
SALLY
JAKE
My entire life I can't get a woman to
spit on me now today I got white and
Chinese women falling out of the sky.
MIKE
If we don't provoke them, we’ll be fine.
29.
Just then Sally starts FIRING A RIFLE out of a window.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALOON
Take cover!
COLE
Why that uppity--
The men all start POURING GUNFIRE into the saloon.
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
MIKE
Saints preserve us, we're dead men!
JAKE
Are you trying to get us killed?!
SALLY
I'm finally my own boss and no pigheaded sheriff's ruining it for me.
Yeah, but--
JAKE
Sally swivels the rifle at Jake.
JAKE
Aim for their heads, that's the ticket.
Sally starts firing out the window again.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALOON
The men stop firing.
MAYOR
Careful, she's the only whore we got.
And don’t shoot them whiskey bottles.
OLLIE
What about the Irish?
COWBOY
Forget him and his damn paper. Makin’
us feel like fools. He knows cain’t
hardly none of us read!
At that moment Molly walks out of the jail.
COLE
Goshdarn it, Ollie!
Cole's jaw drops.
30.
Sorry, boss.
OLLIE
COLE
Woman, get back here!
MOLLY
I will not and I'll thank you not to
use that tone of voice with me.
COWBOY (O.C.)
See, negroes can't control their women.
COLE
(furiously looks around)
Who said that?
Molly enters the saloon.
The men stop firing, at a loss.
INT. SALOON - CONTINUOUS
Molly enters the saloon.
Who are you?
The others stare at her.
JAKE
MOLLY
I'm the sheriff's wife.
JAKE
What do you want?
MOLLY
(pleased with herself)
I think I'd like a whiskey.
JAKE
If I was a pimp in New Orleans I'd be
a millionaire.
MOLLY
I hate to pry but what do you plan to do?
My husband's quite ignorant you know.
There's no telling what he might do.
JAKE
(drawing his gun)
There's only one thing I can do.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SALOON
The others stand around, stymied.
Cole stares at the saloon.
31.
OLLIE
I know! We'll just set fire to the
place. That way the missus won't get
hurt by no gunplay.
Ollie LIGHTS A MATCH.
Cole beats him with his hat.
MAYOR
This fella's been here less than a
week and he owns a saloon, all the
whiskey, controls the media and is
starting to collect a sizable amount
of our women. I think as a race these
negros have been underestimated.
A WHITE HANKIE tied to a stick emerges from the saloon.
REVEREND
Oh, Lord, it's the sheriff's wife's
panties! The nigrah's done ripped 'em
right off of her.
COLE
Shut up and hold your fire.
Jake appears. He hammers a sign to the door then disappears.
It reads: "FREE RAFFLE TONIGHT. WINNER GETS SALOON."
COWBOY
Well, I'll be damned.
(beat, then)
What's it say?
INT. SALOON - THAT NIGHT
It’s packed with excited townspeople. Jake, Mike and Sally
are behind the bar. Jake holds a hat filled with numbers.
COLE
This better not be a trick.
JAKE
Nope. You people are sick of me,
well, I'm ten times as sick of you.
Everyone takes a number and a shot of
my whiskey, we all drink at the same
time, then I draw a number. The
winner gets the saloon.
Cole refuses to take a number or a shot of whiskey.
crosses off and the line of people continues.
He
32.
MIKE
Damn it, man! Why the hell are you
giving in like this?
Jake stays silent. The reverend stops in front of them then
lunges at Sally. Men pull him away. He takes a number and
moves on. Finally everyone has a ticket. Jake holds the hat
to Sally and Mike.
MIKE
I'll pass, lad.
SALLY
(to Jake)
Idiot.
Jake smiles at his new friends’ gesture and turns to the room.
JAKE
All right... cheers.
They all drink and a reluctant murmur about good whiskey is heard.
JAKE
Now. You have all just ingested a
lethal poison and should be dead in
about five minutes.
The place goes silent with shock.
JAKE
Nah, I'm just kidding.
Cries of outrage and relief fill the room.
the hat and withdraws a number.
Jake reaches into
OLLIE
Boss, I'm so excited I just wet myself
a little. That's another reason Ma
wouldn't let me join the gang.
Number 29.
That's me!
JAKE
OLLIE
That's me!
I won!
Everyone else throws down their numbers, disgusted.
hands Ollie a sheet of paper.
JAKE
Congratulations. And here you go.
Jake
33.
What's this?
OLLIE
JAKE
A bill from the town. You owe about
two thousand in back taxes.
OLLIE
Horse-puckey!
MAYOR
Sorry, Ollie, it’s true. Probably why
Sully left in the first place. Oh, and if
you don’t pay soon we’re gonna have to
take your house. But congratulations!
Ollie’s jaw drops as he stares blankly at the bill.
JAKE
Well, good luck with that.
COLE
So, you're leaving?
Yep.
JAKE
I'll just be taking my whiskey--
SALLY
And your whore...
JAKE
(surprised)
...and Sally the whore and be going.
Good luck and good riddance.
Everyone angrily clusters around Ollie.
MAN #2
So, where's the whiskey, Ollie?
REVEREND
And where's your new whore?
The reverend’s daughter raises her hand.
He snatches it down.
MAN
And when are you gonna start serving
food, you cheap skinflint!
COWBOY
Ain't you fat enough, John?
The two men start to FIGHT, breaking a table and some chairs.
34.
OLLIE
Stop bustin’ up my furniture! I can't
afford to fix none of that. Stop!
Ollie FIRES in the air.
A CHUNK OF PLASTER falls on his head.
OLLIE
Damn it!
Naw, I can't take all this
responsibility. Boss, you want it?
Hell, no.
Well...?
COLE
OLLIE
Anybody?
Ollie tries to give the ticket away.
No one will touch it.
MAYOR
All right. We get the point, boy.
(re: Jake’s look)
Jake. Mister Sisko. Now, and this is
just an idea, what if you ran the
place, but let a white man own it and
keep the profits and you just stay in
the back like.
Bye.
JAKE
MAYOR
All right, damn it. Wait. You win.
All in favor of the nigr-- this here
Jake fella staying with his whiskey
and the whore, say aye.
JAKE
(re: tepid round of ayes)
Sorry, that didn't feel real to me.
A rousing chorus of "Ayes" is heard.
MAYOR
But we can all still pretend that a
white man owns it. You can't stop us
from doing that, darn it!
COLE
Have you people lost your minds!
COWBOY (O.C.)
You're part negro, and we still
letting you be sheriff, ain't we?
35.
COLE
Who said that?!
(then, pleading)
Look, we can beat this. Sure, we may
have to drink horse piss for a while,
and I know it's rough having to sleep
with your own wives. But we don't
need him, his whiskey, or a whore.
This town is one big family. And
don't forget, we still got the church.
So, what do you folks say? Are you
with me? Or are you with him?
INT. JAIL - A FEW SECONDS LATER
Ollie is SLAMMING the cell door in Cole's face.
OLLIE
I sure am sorry about this, boss.
Ollie crosses away then returns and locks the cell door.
See?
OLLIE
I'm learning.
COLE
Congratulations.
Ollie puts the key on the table, exits. Cole sits on the
bunk. Molly enters, unlocks the cell and sits next to him.
COLE
(depressed)
I ain't got nothing against that
fella. I was just doing what I
thought was best for the town.
MOLLY
I know, dear.
They sit in silence a bit.
I love you.
What?!
She lays her head on his shoulder.
MOLLY
COLE
MOLLY
Please don't ask me to repeat it.
36.
COLE
(chuckles, then)
I love you, too.
MOLLY
You'll just have to try to be less
stupid in the future.
Cole reacts. Jake enters carrying a bottle of whiskey. Molly
crosses to the cell door, exits, then quickly locks Cole in.
What the--
COLE
MOLLY
What part of "I'm going to get you for
this," didn't you understand?
(then, to Jake)
He's a good man, Mister Sisko.
Whether he knows it yet or not.
She hands Jake the key and exits.
Jake stares at Cole.
JAKE
Well, well, well...
COLE
If you're waiting for an apology you
ain't getting one.
Jake sits at Cole’s desk and puts on Cole's sheriff hat.
JAKE
Knew I shoulda done arrested you
afore. You nigrahs is always getting
yourselves into trouble ain't you?
COLE
Go to the devil.
JAKE
So, are you staying on as sheriff?
COLE
What do you care?
JAKE
Because other than trying to murder me,
you seem like a man who upholds the law.
COLE
You mean you're afraid you can't
control these idiots without me.
37.
JAKE
That's another way of putting it.
COLE
Well, it don't look like I got a
choice nohow. The town wants whiskey
and that crazy whore so I guess we're
stuck with each other.
JAKE
You'll let me run my place in peace?
I reckon so.
COLE
But I still don't like it.
JAKE
And I still don't like you.
Jake opens the cell. Cole exits and after a beat, extends his
hand. Jake takes it. It's not much... but it's a start.
COLE
Was you really gonna just walk away?
INT. SALOON - SAME TIME
Mike looks under the bar for a bottle and sees a HUGE BUNDLE
OF DYNAMITE and a TIMER. His jaw drops then he smiles in
appreciation.
INT. JAIL - CONTINUOUS
JAKE
Trust me... I would’ve galloped away
as fast as possible.
COLE
Huh. Well, since we’s “friends” now,
you gonna stop them rumors about me?
JAKE
(beat, then calling outside)
What's that sheriff? You're not
black? Oh... you’re half Apache?
Jake exits.
Cole sighs then drinks from the bottle Jake left.
Darn it.
COLE
It's good.
END OF ACT THREE
38.
TAG
FADE IN:
INT. SALOON - ANOTHER NIGHT
The saloon is full. Jake works the bar. Suzie serves drinks
at a table. Mike sits at the bar which is lined with
customers. The reverend storms downstairs and stomps out the
door. Sally follows him down.
REVEREND
Let me out of here!
SALLY
Don't worry about it, reverend. It's
no big deal. It don't mean you're not
a man anymore.
(then, looking around)
All right. Who's next?
Mike immediately shoots his hand up into the air.
ignores him.
Sally
SALLY
(looking around)
Anyone? Anyone?
A DRUNK COWBOY almost falls off his stool.
She catches him.
SALLY
All right, handsome, let's go.
Sally staggers off with the man. Mike bangs his head on the
bar. Jake slides him a drink. A cowboy SLAPS SUZIE’S ASS as
she passes and she KICKS him out of his chair while his
friends laugh at him. Cole enters and looks around.
Howdy, boss!
Sure.
Jake?
All the men laugh.
OLLIE
Want to play some cards?
COLE
Who's up for a game of Black
Sorry, Black Jack.
Jake shakes his head wearily.
And we:
FADE OUT:
END OF SHOW