REVIEW: PROOFREADING AND EDITING
Dr. Holladay
Proofreading is checking for correctness of the technical aspects of writing. Editing is making changes for
correctness. Revising is changing the larger, rhetorical elements of writing to make it more effective. Students and
employees must accept the responsibility to edit their own work.
When you are writing, don’t proofread and edit too soon. In early drafting, don’t fret over the correct spelling
of an unfamiliar word or even the choice of the right word to convey the meaning you want to convey. Develop a
system to mark the spots you want to check later. Turn your internal monitor or editor off until you have the ideas
right.
Most errors in writing occur unconsciously. Some result from faulty information in your memory. If you have
never learned the difference between its and it’s, you will probably misuse these words without realizing you are
making a mistake. If you have never looked closely at the spelling of the word environment, you may never have seen
the second n, and so you will habitually spell it environment. Such errors easily become habitual and reinforce
themselves every time you write them.
Split-second inattention, interruption, or a break in concentration can also cause errors. Because the mind
works faster than the pen or the pencil, or the word processor or keyboard, when you are distracted by someone’s voice
or a phone ringing, you may omit a letter, invert letters, or omit a whole word, or you may put in the wrong punctuation.
The way our eyes work leads to errors. When you read normally, you usually see only the shells of words—
the first and last letters. You fix your eyes on the print only three or four times per line or less. To proofread
effectively, you must look at the individual letters in each word and the punctuation marks between words and not slide
over the individual symbols. Proofreading requires time and patience and concentration.
The skill of proofreading does not come naturally, but it is a skill you can develop. It is your responsibility as
a writer to break old habits and develop this skill. It will pay off in the long run.
TIPS FOR REVISING, PROOFREADING, AND EDITING: Start with a positive but realistic attitude toward your
writing. And TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR WORK.
1. Turn off your internal monitor until you get the ideas right.
2. Realize that all writers make mistakes in their haste to put ideas on paper and all must proofread to find and
correct their errors.
3. Realize that you are human and you will make mistakes: that’s the way the mind and
memory work.
4. Develop a healthy sense of doubt because mistakes are so easy to make.
5. Making mistakes is not bat—but not taking time to find and correct them is.
6. Budget enough time to proofread thoroughly
7. Let a paper get “old”—let it sit several days or overnight and proofread again.
8. Learn and review the grammar conventions you do not understand or remember so you can spot and eliminate
problems in your own writing.
9. Look for repeated problems or mistakes in your writing, become aware of them, and proofread especially for
them.
10. Learn how to correct your own common problems.
11. Practice until you easily recognize major errors such as fragments or comma splices.
12. Read what you have written very slowly, looking at every word and every letter and every mark of
punctuation.
13. Read your paper aloud. Speaking forces you to slow down and see more, and sometimes you will hear a
mistake you have not seen.
14. Read what you have actually written, not what you think is there. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you.
Develop the objectivity to see what is really on the page or screen.
15. Print a hard copy of what you have written on screen, and read it carefully.
16. Use dictionary or a spell checker to proofread your typing. And remember that a spell checker is not foolproof.
For instance a spell checker will not know if you have typed own when you meant to type won.
17. Read the paper several times, focusing each time on a specific area of difficulty (for example once for spelling
and typographical errors, one for coherence and transitions, once for problems you know is recurrent in your
writing.
18. Ask someone else to read your paper and respond to it.
19. Ask for assistance if you need help.
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WORDINESS is one of the most common problems in writing because it makes the meaning unclear. According to
Dorbin, Keller, and Weisser in Technical Communication in the Twentieth-First Century, careful writers are aware of
this problem and “when revising, look for words, phrases, or information that is just not necessary.” They ”trim the
fat,” the excess, leaving only necessary information. The editos conclude that “Cutting out excessive writing is central
to creating a readable document.” Below these editors present an original document that is repetitious and redundant
and uses short, hoppy sentences, but the revised document cuts out the unnecessary words and phrases and also varies
sentence structure and sentence length. In addition, because of these changes, the coherence in the revised version is
stronger.
Original Version of the Introduction of a Technical Document
This document provides a description of asymmetric digital subscriber line (ADSL). The description is brief.
The description is presented in the form of an informal report. The report is about ADSL. SDSL is a relatively new
technology. ADSL is a technology that can be used to transmit digital information. The digital information is
transmitted at a high bandwidth over existing phone lines. These phone lines may already be present in homes and
businesses. ADSL allows people to maintain a consistent connection to the Internet. ADSL uses most of a single
channel on the phone line to transmit downstream to the user. ADSL uses less of the channel to to receive information
from the user. It allows for analog information to travel over the channel at the same time that data travel over the line.
Analog information refers to voice transmission., In order for ADSL to work on a phone line, a filter must be
installed. The filter then blocks signals above a determined frequency. The filter blocks all frequencies above 4 KHz.
Voices transmit below 4 KHz. The filter blocks all transmissions that are not voice transmissions. The filter blocks
data signals from interfering with voice transmissions. The voice transmissions are normal telephone conversations.
(204 words)
Before you look at the revised version by Dorbrin, Keller, and Weisser, analyze the text above, and determine
how and why you would revise it.
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Revised Version
This document provides a brief description of asymmetric digital subscriber line (ADSL), a relatively new
technology that can be used to transmit digital information at a high bandwidth over existing home lines already present
in homes or businesses. ADSL allows people to maintain a consistent connection to the Internet, using most of a single
channel on on the phone line to transmit downstream to the user and less of the channel to receive information from
the user. ADSL allows for analog (i.e., voice) information to travel over the channel at the same time that data travel
over the line. ADSL works by using a filter to block signals above 4 KHz because voices transmit below 4 Hz. Thus,
ADSL blocks data signals from interfering with the voice transmissions of normal telephone conversations. (132
words)
NOW you analyze the passages and determine some of the exact devices that are used in the revision. See if you
can find examples of each of the following devices.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Economy of expression
Cutting out redundancy and repetition—cutting out the fat and cutting out the noise
Transitional words and phrases.
Use of pronouns that precisely and clearly refer to the proper precise antecedents
Varied sentence length
Varied sentence patterns, especially use of complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions
7. Use of coordinating conjunctions
8. Parallelism
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Wordiness: The following introductory paragraph is wordy and redundant.
In today’s fast-paced, global economy the possession of creativity-relevant skills and abilities gives
individuals an advantage in the workplace. Individuals who possess and utilize creativity-relevant skills and
abilities in the workplace are considered valuable assets to organizations. These skills and abilities allow
individuals the capacity to participate in the creative action process resulting in the resolution of efficiency
issues, development of new products and services. In addition to the re-engineering of work processes.
Organizations, in turn, tap into these skills and abilities to develop new and useful solutions and products to
remain competitive. (93 words)
Suggestion for Revision:
In today’s fast-paced, global economy individuals who possess creativity-relevant skills and abilities
are not only assets to organizations but also have a distinct advantage in the workplace. These individuals
who have the ability to utilize and participate in the creative action process are valuable because they may
contribute to the resolution of efficiency issues, to the development of new products and services, and to
the re-engineering of work processes. Organizations tap into these creative abilities to solve problems and
to remain competitive. (82 words)
Need Transitions in the Following Paragraph for Coherence: How would you revise it?
Employee skills and abilities are of import to creativity. Researchers as well as practitioners realize
the value of a supportive environment for employees in the creativity process. Environmental factors can
hinder or facilitate creativity (Shalley, et al. 2004). A supportive environment is supervisors and co-workers
who encourage creativity Amabile’s intrinsic motivation hypothesis (1996) suggests that contextual
factors influence creative behavior through intrinsic motivation. If contextual factors are constraining,
intrinsic motivation decreases, decreasing creativity. If contextual factors act as stimulants, intrinsic
motivation increases, increasing creativity.
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Wordy and Choppy Sentence Structure
1. These are some of the designs and ideas being researched today and are an indicator of
what is in store for the future of computers.
2. The next storage form was semiconductor memory. Semiconductor memory is
computer memory that is integrated on a circuit or chip.
3.
Other types of hardware continue to advance forward.
4. Ethanol is an alternative to fossil fuels. It is also known as ethyl alcohol. It is a colorless
flammable liquid that can be mass produced. It can be fermented and distilled from many
different crops. In the United States, it is primarily fermented from corn and grain. In
other countries, other crops are used. For instance, in Brazil, sugar cane is primarily
used.
5. An experimental type of solar power is the solar tower. Such towers use sunlight to
heat air which rises and spins a turbine.
6. So it’s clear that we would need very large amounts of gas (in volume) to create a lot of
energy.
7. However, upon practical consideration of case studies, it would seem that wind power
systems are failing to approach these high expectations. The cause seems to arise from
the transcience of the power source. Wind, by its very nature, is extraordinarily difficult to
predict and impossible to control.
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Vague Pronoun Reference {Watch for problem words, such as that, what, it, which, they}.
1. It appears to me that a theory of violence is needed that can aptly guide public policy to reduce the level of
violence and the cultural acceptance of violence.
2. Most importantly, I focused on developing my ability to think critically and analytically which is needed as a
researcher.
3. Despite the high rates of violence, criminologists have rarely studied violence in Jamaica. This may be due to a lack
of readily-available quantitative data, a need for interpreters for qualitative studies, or a fear of becoming a victim
of violence.
3. If Neapolitan’s research suggests that it may be useful to explore the impact of religion as a social institution on
violence in Jamaica.
4. While they found that tourism and unemployment were causally related to theft and drug crimes, none of the
independent variables was significantly related to murder. This implies that economic variables may explain
economic crimes, such as theft, but not violent crimes.
5. However if this reduction oxidative process is not derailed by COMT, Glutathione
removing the CE-Q from the system, they will eventually attack DNA.
7. The C16 alpha hydroxylation of estrogen increases during the luteal phase of the
menstrual cycle (Fishman, Osborn et al. 1995). This supports the hypothesis that the total
number of menstrual cycles during a lifetime of a woman may indicate the risk of breast
cancer, i.e. the more cycles, the greater the risk.
8. This result correlates with research seen in rat liver hepatocytes, although the level of
protection from xenobiotics is higher in liver cells (Sheen, Lii et al. 1996) which
documented a decrease in viability in higher doses (5mM) of DAS.
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9. Some genes that should be upregulated in breast cancer cells were up regulated as
compared to the control no treatment such as PTGS2 which is prostaglandin G/H
synthase a monomer, and potent mediator of inflammation and RAC2 which helps
control cellular growth, but in other cases some genes and the modulated enzymes did not
follow the MCF-7 genetic pattern, which would explain the nontransformation
confirmation result noted in the cell transformation assay and resultant discussion.
10. Even though the energy cost to produce a wind turbine is relatively low, this is not particularly novel
if the energy output is low as well.
11. In reality, at times the Danish wind turbine system met as little as 5% of energy demand per year,
with a five-year average of 9.7%. While this once again shows that an influx of zeal towards wind
power has led to somewhat unrealistic estimates about its capacities, it also suggests an additional
EROI problem in terms of a financial burden.
12. As the fluid flows through the turbine, the kinetic energy is converted into work which turns the
turbine.
13. The issue mentioned earlier was that the wasted heat is transmitted into the environment that can
lead to more energy being used.
14. When an employee gets angry at the boss, that can cause him or her to become irrational.
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15. Even though the energy cost to produce a wind turbine is relatively low, this is not
particularly novel if the energy output is low as well.
16. In reality, at times the Danish wind turbine system met as little as 5% of energy demand per
year, with a five-year average of 9.7%. While this once again shows that an influx of zeal
towards wind power has led to somewhat unrealistic estimates about its capacities, it also
suggests an additional EROI problem in terms of a financial burden.
17. As the fluid flows through the turbine, the kinetic energy is converted into work which turns
the turbine.
18. The issue mentioned earlier was that the wasted heat is transmitted into the environment
that can lead to more energy being used.
Parallel Structure of Sentence
1. Other risk factors for breast cancer include early onset of menarche, late onset of menopause,
nulliparity or having a child late in life, being overweight especially after menopause, possessing
altered BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes, oral contraceptive use, sedentary lifestyle, and hormone
replacement therapy long term (Stewart and Kleihues 2003; Institute of Medicine 2003).
2. The techniques typically utilized include enactment, reenactment, actualizing family transactional
patterns, masking boundaries, escalating stress, assigning tasks, utilizing symptoms, paradoxical
injunction, manipulating mood in the family, and support, education and guidance.
3.
This teaching experience greatly improved my oral English, and most importantly to share and
communicate with students.
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4.
The inclusion services that promote health, health literacy, and increase the ability of the
individuals to access health services in a manner consistent with their health beliefs serve as a
model of health care delivery in disadvantaged communities.
Consistency of Verb Tense
Cells are lysed for at least one hour and then are placed within an electrophoresis chamber containing a
13pH buffer from a diluted 10x solution that contained 50 ml of 10 N NaOH and 20 ml of 0.5 M EDTA (pH
8.0) to 800 ml of H2O. buffer for at least a half of an hour. After this DNA unwinding period of 30 minutes,
the cells in the lysing buffer were subjected to 25 milliamps of current for 30 minutes. Cells were then
removed from the buffer and rinsed with neutralizing buffer three times followed by 100% ethanol to
remove water. The slides are then allowed to air dry and were placed in a cool dry location to until
analyses.
Modification
1. In the 1960s a new dike system was constructed of 143 miles of levees, culverts, hurricane
gates, and control structures.
2. After spending time in many of the different areas of IT, his main interests are network
security and administration.
3. Mobile computing has taken off in the last decade, allowing users to carry devices in their
pockets that are more powerful than the computers used at the turn of the century.
4. Wireless connectivity and information security have seen great advancements, allowing
users to work without being tied down and with less fear of having their information
compromised.
5. After looking at quantum computing and PDAs, it becomes apparent that wireless
technology plays a big part in these fields.
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6. By keeping the connections secure while not in use, the chances of one of those
connections being exploited are limited.
Instructions: In the following passage, proofread carefully. find, identify, and correct the errors
and ineffective passages, such as lack of coherence or inadequate development.. The errors may
include:
capitalization
misspelled words and typos
ineffective (imprecise or ambiguous) diction or word choice or diction
Wordiness
choppy sentences
lack of variety in sentence structure
vague pronoun reference
shift in person
shift in verb tense
pronoun-antecedent agreement
subject-verb agreement
lack of parallel structure
dangling modifier
weak passive voice verb
fragment
comma splice
used or run-on sentence
weak unity, organization, and coherence:, or lack of clarity. Note any sentences that are out
of order, and decide whether to omit them or shift them to another part of the passage.
Need for transition for coherence
The sport of baseball will continue to grow and bring back fans into the seats and enjoy the
game as it did in the beginning of time. The use of steroids in baseball has grown significantly over
the last decade which has been brought to our attention.
When it’s supplemented with steroids,
you have an increase of muscle mass, reduction of body fat, and endurence. It is used by athletes to
try to have an edge on the competition. It is believed that by using a steroid in baseball it will cause
you to hit the ball farther and longer.
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Steroids provide a quick explosion of muscle mass and endurance, it comes with
consequences. In the long run, an explosion of decreased mental and physical health which occurs.
Steroid side affects include mood swings, road rage, depression, violence, aggresion, hair loss, acne,
liver damage. The most several is cancer. Steroids provide so much juice that it becomes a
problem with the way they hit called power hitting.
What are steroids? It is cheating and an unfair advantage to score runs and win ball
games. As fans we all know that it is an on-going issue in the Majors. The negative results of
steroids0 are dangerous and increase the chances to have heart attacks and other symptoms.
Baseball players are known to use this for therapeutic purposes, which is why they are testing
Positive. However, every player has their way of showing signs when using HGH. Whether being
injected or using pills there are high chances of risking serious injury when exercise and lifting
weights. The effects steroids create on baseball are that it produces high endurance and energy to
an extreme to an extreme for power. It became serious and started debates when Sammy Sosa and
Mark McGwire dueled it out for the home run title in 1998. . High school atheletes seeing and
idolizing their favorite player take the drug to make it an excuse that it’s a way to get a scholarship
or to get drafted. College athletes consider it a way to make it easier to get in the majors.
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Steroids have three major risks. They involve personal, career, and societal issues. Steroids
can create major health threats including heart attacks and other symptoms. They also can destroy
and jeopardize someone’s future and finally steroids can curtail a high school athlete from from
receiving any scholarships.
Review of Language Skills for Writing
Miscellaneous Grammar Problems
1. Thin-film photovoltaic is inexpensive but also low efficiency at around 20%.
2. More mass would then be needed to be consumed to produce enough energy so electrical
power could be harvested.
3. While the providers charge online game users, they do not kick out the users that do not
update to the latest content, instead limiting those subscribers to the older content.
4. We must be aware that the fuels we depend on such as oil and natural gas are going to
deplete in the near future in addition to the environmental ramifications that these fuels
have with their increased use.
5. Currently, all anti-virus protection is software-based; such protection is easier for
attackers to break.
6. The money subscriptions allow the software provider to continually support and improve
the software and give the subscriber more than just the software to use.
7. Everyone sees iterations of wireless USB technology in use everyday even if they don’t
notice it.
8. Now that the user can access their info from their mobil device, they are no longer tied to
the massive desktop they work from.
9. If a business executive is without hiis/her laptop and is on an important call, they can use
their smart phone to have a conversation as well as review the data that is needed.
10. The more gigabits you have, the better the resolution and color of the television.
11. The last area that is making a b reakthrough with east of use is wireless charging. The
basic concept is that you should be able to charge your PDA or even your laptop without
plugging in wires.
12. When we get into green technology, we start looking at the products that we use now and
try to find a way to make it more efficient.
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13. Biogas is produced by using anaerobic digesters—materials without oxygen—to break
down materials and harvesting the resulting gas to use as fuel, much like natural gas
14. The first type is the LEDs we are familiar with which uses a semiconductor diode that is
powered by electricity.
Find the error in each sentence and correct it.
1. His long term goals consist of: obtaining a university degree, becoming a licensed
professional engineer, and creating his own business.
2. Sometimes the growth of population and traffic is too rapid and the bridge structure is no
longer able to support the loads it was designed for, therefore the bridge can become
structurally deficient.
3. When a town or city is built near a waterway; levees or dykes must be erected in order to
control the waters.
4. In the last four years the development of anaerobic digesters that take the remaining sugar
compounds in cow manure and convert it into useful energy.
5. We will assume it takes nearly equal amounts of energy to harvest all of the fossil fuels
and then base EROI on energy density, we will label coal with the worst EROI, then oil,
and then natural gas with the best EROI.
6. Nuclear fission was discovered by Enrich Fermi who proved that one could split an atom in
two; thus releasing energy as predicted by Einstein.
7. Ethanol and biodiesel are both significant improvements over their petroleum-based
counterparts, 38% gain in energy for ethanol versus 19.5% loss in energy for standard
pump gas, and a phenomenal 220% gain for biodiesel versus a 15.7% loss for petroleum
diesel.
8. Many homes use solar water heating and are able to operate either mostly or completely off
the grid; using very little of the energy produced by power plants and other less ecofriendly methods.
9. Photovolttaic systems require alamost no maintenance, thus their operating costs are low.
10. Wind power generation increases as a cuibic function of the wind speed. That is to say
that doubling the wind speed increases the energy ouptup by eight times.
11. Alternative energy itself is now new, whether it is in solar technology, hydro-electric
generators, wind-powered generators, or biofuels, scientists have worked to find materials
and techniques that would meet the demands of the world.
12. Both wind and water are considered fluids, that is, they can be moved from one location to
another, transfer energy, and be compressed.
13. Locations where ample sunlight is readily available are ideal; whereas cloudy or rainy
areas will not benefit from solar panels as much.
14. Biofuels are not new, in fact, they may be the oldest form of energy harvesting.
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