Lulz
True
Stories
Joynt Scroll
Photos
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VICTORIA
UNIVERSITY OF
WELLINGTON
DEBATING
SOCIETY
Liberty and
Shit
Socials
DEBSOC
Ballin’
VICTORIA
UNIVERSITY OF
WELLINGTON
DEBATING
SOCIETY
DEBSOC
Trimester 2
Socials
Snark
Lyrics
Australs,
Australs,
Australs
Kanye
Memes
Intentionally
Left Blank
Some
Debating
SQUIRREL
The New Zealand Journal of Debating
VOL3 2012
THE PRESIDENT’S
REPORT
We didn’t quite achieve the mythical three-peat at Australs, though Vic 1 came
Moreover, we head up to Auckland in a month to defend our reign over the Joynt
pretty damn close. But our hosting of the tournament was a tremendous success. We
Scroll. We have won this for the past 6 years running, which is the longest ever
broke 2 teams, 8 judges, and sang ‘Victoria’ so many times that we even converted
streak in the 100 year history of the scroll. In addition to extending this Lance
several Aussie debaters to the charms of the golden prostitute that we lovingly cher-
Armstrong-eque run of success, this year we are also gunning for our 50th overall
ish here at Debsoc. The last time we hosted Australs in 2006, it heralded the begin-
title. The pressure will be high, but the rewards shall be great. Teams have already
ning of the current golden age of success we are enjoying. Since then we haven’t lost a
been selected for Joynt, but keep an eye on your inbox if you are keen to Judge or
national tournament to another NZ campus, made 4 Australs finals, a Worlds Semi,
Trainee at the tournament.
and won WUPID. The bar is set high for the next few years until we put up our next
bid for Australs 2018! Speaking of which, the fabulous Australs Org Comm should
And if all of this debating gets a bit too much, the social calendar also continues
be thoroughly commended for their work in pulling together such an amazing event.
apace. Fresh from our export of the famed Regressive Debate to the Australasian
Buy them a nice non-alcoholic beverage if you see them around the traps.
community, we’ll host our own, more debauched version soon after the holidays.
And other casual BYOs and Sunday brunches are well on the cards too. At Debsoc,
But the show goes ever on. This term we have more exciting events as we slowly
emerge from our Australs hangovers. All of it is tied together by a brand new style:
British Parliamentary. This is the style used at the World Championships and features 4 teams of 2 debaters each battling it out. It sounds crazy, but it produces the
most interesting, tactical and high-quality debating. Wednesday nights this term will
feature our Internal BP grade, where novices and pros alike form teams and compete.
You’ll never know how much fun an extension can be if you don’t come along (which
is what she said).
we got the rhetorix, the rebuttals and the alcohols. It’s all in the game.
AUSTRALS: THE
DEBATING SIDE
Over eight days during the mid-year break, from July 8th to 15th, Victoria University
competition may have been inconclusive, but not so the debate, in which Vic 1 tri-
played host to the Australasian Intervarsity Debating Championships for 2012,
umphed to go through to the semi-finals.
bringing 88 teams to Wellington. Among them were six teams from Victoria. Over
the eight preliminary rounds all six teams picked up multiple wins, while all the
To continue a challenging series of break round draws, the semi-finals pitted Vic
judges from Vic got straight into adjudicating, with more than a few chairing panels.
against the top-breaking team: Monash 1. Sadly, that was the last debate of the
tournament for Vic, as Monash 1 and Monash 2 both won their semi-finals, thereby
After three days of debating, and with the silent round eight maintaining uncer-
removing any chance of further speculation over which campus would take home the
tainty, break night finally saw the announcement of the top 16 teams who would
trophy.
compete in the octo-finals. In a rare moment of silence the main break was read out,
revealing that Vic 1 and Vic 2 would both go through on 6 wins, in 5th and 12th
Monash 1 went on to win the final in a 5-4 split decision, and also claimed best
place respectively. If that wasn’t a good enough result, we also broke a massive seven
speaker at the tournament. The individual speaker awards followed, and these
adjudicators, with Stephen, Udayan and Seb all going on to judge the Grand Final.
cemented a successful tournament for Victoria with two speakers inside the top 10,
Richard at 10th and Paul at 8th, while Asher placed 15th to round off an impressive
As the more alert members of the squad had realised when the break was announced,
performance from Vic 1.
Vic 1 and Vic 2 were to face each other in the octo-finals. Come Saturday morning
there were a few mixed feelings as the two breaking Vic teams fought for a place in
Inspection of the full team and speaker tabs showed more good results for the Vic
the quarter finals. That place was taken by a strong Vic 1, going through as the only
squad as a whole, with Vic 3, 4 and 6 all finishing on four wins and Vic 5 on three.
New Zealand team to debate in the quarters after Auckland 1 lost to Monash 2 in
Also finishing on three wins was Tianjin Foreign Studies University, who had bor-
their octo-final.
rowed Charlee to become one third a Vic team.
Next up for Vic was a trans-Tasman quarter final against Sydney 1 that saw the
Surely one of Vic’s greatest achievements this Australs though was the tournament
teams battle it out in front of a packed lecture theatre. At times it seemed as though
itself, and for that the final mention has to go to the organising committee who kept
the real contest might have been between the spectators, as the enthusiastic cheering
the whole thing running and ensured that it wasn’t just our squad going home with
and mutterings of “hear hear” from the Australians were pitted against the equally
‘Victoria’ on the brain.
enthusiastic applause and emphatic desk-banging of the Kiwis. The results of that
BALL SO HARD: A
SOCIAL REPORT
Disclaimer: I don’t think I actually went to many of the social events at Autrals
Ball so hard, I’m shocked too, the floor at Amora only just held us up too,
2012. I’m sure if I had, I would remember, and I have no memories of break night,
You were there, I saw you there,
champs dinner, or final night...so I can’t really give you an accurate reporting of
You were at Australs getting fucked up too
what went down.
Ball so hard, let’s get wasted, Australs for like 8 days
Instead, here are the (modified) lyrics to Niggas in Paris, which I am told by a reli-
Beer bottles, Malboros, liberty all of the way
able source was sung by the squad once or twice during the tournament.
So ball so hard, bitch behave, Vic gon’ go all the way
Holly Jenkins in the test debate, what did she even say?
[What Bish would have said if he’d had the chance to give his usual squad dinner
“The awesomeness of Vic throughout history” speech]
[Wilbur]
So Vic ball so hard muhfuckas wanna party with us
I ball so hard that make Gavey wanna fight me
first niggas gotta keep up with us
That shit cray
What’s 8 days of drinking to muhfuckas like us? can you please remind us?
Ball so hard, this shit cray
[A wise and omniscient narrator. A bit like Udayan]
Y’all don’t know that shit don’t faze me
Break night, the night to rule them all
I’ll keep on singing “Victoria” like that shit gravy
We had cheap drinks and then we balled
Ball so hard, this shit weird
Charlee comad in a bathroom stall
it’s 3am ain’t s’posed to still be here
Then the bar got free, we drank it all
Ball so hard, but since we’re still here
Ball so hard
We’ll be alright to debate tomorrow.
That shit cray, that shit cray, ain’t it fuckin’ sweet
Ball so hard
Righto, who’s gon be first to throw up
What Paul order? He ain’t supposed to eat meat
Take your pick, Charlee, Tyrone, Elisha, they all showed up.
Ball so hard
Ball so hard, what about inter-campus hook up
Kevin Mau even showed up, that old guy
Everyone put Emma...well, they all fucked up.
Ball so hard
Act like you never have to see these people again
Do it girl, you got no shame
Fuck that band, they don’t wanna play
Excuse my French but I want Call me May(be)
Judges ain’t doin’ it right if you ask me
Cause if I was them I would have given it to Vic.
More beer, my nigga
More durries, my killa
More Victoria, music playa
What you saying you Australian?
You say I don’t speak English
But you don’t speak proper English
What do they want from us?
They wanna party like us
[Adam and drunk Waikato girl]
I don’t even know what I’m doing
(No one knows, get off me)
It’s ok, just kiss me
(Just get off me!)
[Entire Vic Squad, after third rendition of Victoria]
Ball so hard muhfuckas wanna party with us
Ball so hard muhfuckas wanna party with us
Ready now your mind gon be blown
Don’t let me get in my zone
Don’t let me get in my zone
Don’t let me get in my zone
These otha niggas be jealous
Actin’ like we don’t make them nervous
[Richard, about Australians]
Wish there were hot bitches like this at home
[Aric]
You know how many hot bitches I own*?
Don’t let me get in my zone
I walk into the building
Them girls they all so willing
I know I’m bout to get some
How you know, I got that feeling
I’m gonna get more than just one
Don’t let me into my zone
Don’t let me into my zone
[Cam and some HOT Australian]
I’m definitely in my zone
*OK so “own” is a pretty sexist way to put it, but it rhymes with “zone” and it’s still
more accurate than “boned” so just go with it.
COMING UP IN
TRIMESTER TWO
BP Internal grade
The Regressive Debate:
As much as we all loved Vic Champs, this term we are moving to a newer, arguably
One of the highlights of the debating calendar is the regressive debate. It’s a debate
better, and certain more fantastic style of debating. I should openly admit here, that
that happens backwards. Doesn’t make much sense to you? It’s not meant to. It’s
I am a traitor to NZ’s traditional styles of debating – British Parliamentary ‘BP’ is
scandalous. It’s exciting. It often features inappropriate situations, impromptu
just better. Four teams. POIs. No one ever knows who wins. Not even the judges.
make-out sessions and big reveals. Some of you got a taste of it at Australs, but at
What could be better? In addition our internal grade is catered to those at all levels
Vic it’s big, better and far more scandalous.
of experience with BP. So come along. I’ll be excited – you should be too.
The Joynt Scroll
The End of Year Party
Just to bring this article down a little bit, we should talk about Joynt Scroll. It’s one
of NZ’s most prestigious tournaments being held in Auckland later in August. I
can’t speak for anyone else – but Joynt is single handledly the bane of most debaters existence. You get weeks to research for 8 topics that you quickly learn to hate.
The speeches are ten minutes long. Even I don’t like myself enough to be interested
for ten minutes. But the allure of being a joynt scroll champion is so great that you
simply have to go back and back and back… After all those weeks of preparation
you have built up a case, that you inevitably think is amazing. Most of the time it’s
not. Even a year after losing the Joynt scroll final you just simply can’t understand
how you possibly lost. And so you go back.
VIC IV:
This event is kind of self explanatory but also an excellent event that you should all
be excited about. We will go to a bar, dressed in themed outfits and get wasted.
Drinks are heavily subsidised and sometimes even free! I should add that themed
This is a tournament that is BP style, hosted in Wellington, by us, in November. It’s
outfits are not optional, if you show up as yourself you will be mocked mercilessly
cheap to attend. You debate in BP style. I don’t know what more I could say. This
and will never to able to attain status as a ‘cool kid’ ever again. The more outra-
is basically the perfect tournament.
geous the costume the better. We do take suggestions for themes so start thinking of
cool idea that you would like to dress up as.
NICK’S ARTICLE
Like many people reading this article, I had great time at Vic Australs 2012, and I
If that sounds like nothing more than a Vic Debsoc circle jerk, it probably is. Having
also learned a few things about debating. Australs isn’t just a tournament to decide
said that, I have some things to say to the Australians about liberty; or ‘luberty’ as
the best debating team in Australasia, it’s also a great chance to meet new people and
they call it in a hilarious reference to the indecipherable ‘Nu Zuland’ accent. This is
be a part of the international debating community.
mostly derived from my drunken tweets during the tournament. It may not be coherent, and is totally self-unaware.
The first thing I learned about the international debating community was this: everyone associates Vic Debsoc with libertarianism. The stereotype of the average Vic
1) We don’t just smoke cigarettes to rebel against our government’s totalitarian
debater is simple: they a) chain smoke, b) spend most of their time thinking about
anti-smoking agenda. Tobacco may be a dangerous product, but it is also a delicious
economics and, c) are part of — or wish they were part of — a libertarian conspiracy
product. The nicotine release gives you stress relief before (during?) and after de-
to legalise everything and crush the poor. While at least two of those three things
bates. If we can convince Auckland of this, we can convince you too.
describe me, [Editor’s note: Nick bum-puffs] you may be scratching your head. So
is Vic’s liberty loving reputation justified?
2) I know you dominated the tournament, so you aren’t bad at debating. But someone still needs to hit you around the head with an economics textbook occasionally.
In large part, yes. Many of our most prominent alumni from the last decade come
Lesson number one: People think at the margins. Repeat until you understand.
from the right of the political spectrum. Pioneering this intellectual revolution were
people like Gareth Richards and Christopher Bishop who had a reputation for both
3) If I have to listen to another Australian begin their speech with: “Meesta Speeka,
heavy drinking and strong opposition to the 5th Labour Government. Both eventu-
it is somewhat ironeck that I have to explain to a team from Victoria Universety why
ally wound up in senior political jobs with the National Party’s Parliamentary wing.
Liberty is important in thes debate” I will cry. Please don’t make me cry.
From there the flood gates were open and liberty has reigned at Debsoc ever since.
But what really mattered was the intellectual climate this created. Debsoc has become synonymous with libertarian intellectuals like Milton Friedman. Luckily this
pursuit of libertarian idealism has been an intellectual exercise rather than a dogmatic one. This is why whether you’re Vic 1, or Vic 6, no one wants to face you in an
economics round.