Bilbo’s Monologue from The Hobbit
Bilbo: (frightened, to the eyes). Keep away from my, eyes! I
wonder what happened to the Dwarves? I hope the goblins
didn’t get them! (Gasps.) My sword! (Holding it up.) It
hardly glows. That means the Goblins aren’t near and yet
they’re still around. Ugh! What a nasty smell! Go away, you
horrible eyes! (Realizing, stage whisper.) I know where I
am. I’m still in the goblin’s cave! They smell that way and
these may be just the eyes of bats and mice and toads and
slimy things like that. (More naturally.) Cheer up,
Bilbo. Fear always helps the thing you’re afraid of. You’re
alive and you’ve been in holes before. You live in one. This is
just an ordinary, black, foul, disgusting hole. so blah! (The
eyes begin to flicker out, pair by pair, until all are
gone. Bilbo brightens further.) If this place were aired and
decorated it would be nice and cozy. So now I’ll just figure
out how to get out of here. (Bilbo crawls around on his
hands and knees toward stage R.) Seems to be a lake over
here- -no use heading that way. Ouch! something hurt my
knee- - - (Picks up a small object.) It’s a ring! someone’s lost
a ring. Well, finders keepers. I’ll just stick it in my pocket
so I don’t lose it myself. (Places ring in pocket. Lights come
up a little.) I can see better now.
Charlie Brown’s Monologue from You’re a Good Man,
Charlie Brown
Charlie Brown: I think lunch time is the about the worst to
me of the day for me. Always having to sit here alone. Of
course sometimes mornings aren’t so pleasant either -waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I
never go out of bed. Then there’s the night, too -- lying
there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done
during the day. And all those hours in between -- when I do
all those stupid things. Well, lunch time is among the worst
times of the day for me. Well, I guess I’d better see what
I’ve got.
(Opens bag, unwraps sandwich, looks inside)
Peanut butter.
(Bites and chews)
Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter
sandwiches are lonely. I guess they’re right. And when
you’re really lonely, the peanut butter sticks to the roof of
your mouth.
(Eats. fingers bench)
Boy, the PTA sure did a good job of painting these benches.
(Eats)
There’s that cute little red-headed girl eating her lunch over
there. I wonder what she would do if I went over and asked
her if I could sit and have lunch with her. She’d probably
laugh right in my face. It’s hard on a face when it gets
laughed in. There’s an empty place next to her on the
bench. There’s no reason why I couldn’t just go over and sit
there. I could do that right now. All I have to do i stand up.
(Stands)
I’m standing up.
(Sits)
I’m sitting down. I’m a coward. I’m so much of a coward she
wouldn’t even think of looking at me. She hardly ever does
look at me. In fact, I can’t remember her ever looking at
me. Why shouldn’t she look at me? Is there any reason in
the world why she shouldn’t look at me? Is she so great and
I’m so small that she can’t spare one little moment . . .
(He freezes)
. . . She’s looking at me.
(In terror he looks one way, then the other)
She’s looking at me.
(His head looks all around, trying frantically to find
something else to notice. His teeth clench. Tension
builds. Then with one motion he pops the paper bag over his
head.)
Arthur’s Monologue from The Musical Adventures of Flat
Stanley
(Arthur enters running, panicked and screaming.)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
OK. OK. It’s been a couple of days … and Stanley’s cool now
that he’s flat again. You should see him. He’s crackin’ jokes,
doing tricks, playin’ dodgeball with the popular kids.
This morning, me and Stanley - we were waiting for the bus
and the other kids were like, “Whoa Stanley, and ‘lil’ kid bro’
Stanley, it’s like totally windy … “
… and me and Stanley were like “Yeah, it’s windy … “
and then the cool kids were like, “Yo, ‘lil kid bro’ Stanley,
dude, I got an idea. Totally fly.”
So they held Stanley down, tied a string to his shirt, then
one of the cool kids ran while holding the string, and another
held Stanley by the shoulders, and Stanley started flying like a kite!
It was totally cool watching Stanley fly higher and
higher! Above the bushes, over the trees, above the roofs
of the cool kids’ houses. To the left! To the right! Diving,
looping, dude!
But then, like the bus came … and … well … it was time to
go. The cool kids let go of Stanley’s string and got on the
bus. I looked up at Stanley, and I looked at the
bus. Stanley. Bus. Bus. Stanley. I mean come on … we’re
talking the cool kids here.
I got on the bus.
I know Stanley’s dead. Or at least seriously injured. Or
stuck in the power lines. (getting “zapped”)
Dzt, Dzzt! Dzzzzzzzzzzzt!!!
Yeah. Stanley’s probably dead. And I’m definitely grounded.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(Arthur runs offstage
Eugene’s Monologue from Brighton Beach Memoirs
She gets all this special treatment because the doctors say
she has kind of a flutter in her heart … I got hit with a
baseball right in the back of the skull, I saw two of
everything for a week, and I still had to carry a block of ice
home every afternoon … Girls are treated like
queens. Maybe that’s what I should have been born … an
Italian girl … Listen, I hope you don’t repeat this to anybody
… What I’m telling you are my secret memoirs. It’s called
“Unbelievable, Fantastic, and Completely Private Thoughts of
I, Eugene Morris Jerome, in the year nineteen hundred and
thirty-seven, in the community of Brighton Beach, Borough
of Brooklyn, Kings County, City of New York, Empire State
of the American Nation …” … Because of her “condition,” I
have to do twice as much work around here. Boy, if I could
just make the Yankees. I’d be in St. Petersburg this winter
… (He starts out and down the stairs) Her sister Nora isn’t
too bad. She’s sixteen. I don’t mind her much. (He is
downstairs by now) At least she’s not too bad to look at …
Anne Frank’s Monologue from The Diary of Anne Frank
(Age 15. It is July 1944. Anne, with other Jews, is in hiding
on the top floors of a warehouse in Amsterdam. Quick in
her movements, mercurial in her emotions, she is interested
in everything. She is talking to Peter, aged 18, trying to
bring him out of his state of despair.)
(Looking up through the skylight) Look Peter, the sky. What
a lovely day. Aren’t the clouds beautiful? You know what I
do when it seems as if I couldn’t stand being cooped up for
one more minute? I think myself out. I think myself on a
walk in the part where I used to go with Pim. Where the
daffodils and the crocus and the violets grow down the
slopes. You know the most wonderful thing about thinking
yourself out? You can have it any way you like. You can have
roses and violets and chrysanthemums all blooming at the
same time. It’s funny---I used to take it all for granted--and how I’ve gone crazy about everything to do with
nature. I wish you had a religion, Peter. Oh, I don’t mean
you have to be Orthodox---or believe in heaven and hell and
purgatory and things---I just mean some religion---it doesn’t
matter what. Just to believe in something. When I think of
all that’s out there---the trees---and flowers---and seagulls--when I think of the dearness of you, Peter---and the
goodness of the people we know, all risking their lives for us
every day---when I think of these good things, I’m not
afraid any more. You know what I sometimes think? I think
the world may be going through a phase, the way I was with
mother. It’ll pass, maybe not for hundreds of years, but
some day. I still believe, in spite of everything, that people
are really good at heart.
Sally’s Monologue from Snoopy
(Holding her coat hanger sculpture. The sculpture is made
from a real white coat hanger)
A ‘C?’ A ‘C?’ I got a ‘C’ on my coat hanger sculpture? How
could anyone get a ‘C’ in coat hanger sculpture?
(Sally puts her hand up)
May I ask you a question?
Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it
not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I
judged on my talent? If so, is it right that I be judged on a
part of my life over which I have no control? If I was
judged on my effort, then I was judged unfairly, for I tried
as hard as I could!
Was I judged on what I learned about this project? If so,
were not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability
to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share
my ‘C’?
Perhaps I was being judged on the quality of the coat hanger
itself, out of which my creation was made … now, is this also
not unfair? Am I to be judged on the quality of coat
hangers that are used by the dry cleaning establishment
that returns our garments? Is
that not the responsibility of my parents? Should they not
share my ‘C?’
(Sally sits down. Pause a beat, then to Linus)
The squeaky wheel gets the grease!
Veruca Salt’s Monologue from Willy Wonka
Where’s my Golden Ticket? Oh yes … here it is! As soon as
I told my father that I simply had to have one of those
Golden Tickets, he went out into the town and started
buying up all the Wonka candy bars he could lay his hands
on. Thousands of them, he must have bought. Hundreds of
thousands! Then he had them loaded on to trucks and sent
directly to his own factory. He’s in the peanut business, you
see, and he’s got about a hundred women working for him
over at his joint, shelling peanuts for roasting and
salting. That’s what they do all day long, those women …
they just sit there shelling peanuts. So he says to them,
‘Okay, girls,’ he says ‘from now on, you can stop shelling
peanuts and start shelling the wrappers off these crazy
candy bars instead!’ and they did. He had every worker in
the place yanking the paper off those bars of chocolate, full
speed ahead, from morning ‘til night. But three days went
by, and we had no luck. Oh ,,, it was terrible! I got more and
more upset each day, and every time he came home I would
scream at him, ‘Where’s my Golden Ticket! I want my Golden
Ticket!’ And I would lie for hours on the floor, kicking and
yelling in the most disturbing way. Then suddenly, on the
evening of the fourth day, one of his women workers yelled,
‘I’ve got it! A Golden Ticket!’ And my father said, ‘Give it to
me, quick!’ And she did. And he rushed it home and gave it
to me.
Snoopy’s Red Baron Monologue from You’re a Good Man
Charlie Brown
Here’s the World War I flying ace high over France in his
Sopwith Camel, searching for the infamous Red Baron! I
must bring him down! Suddenly anti-aircraft fire, archie we
used to call it, begins to burst beneath my plane. The Red
Baron has spotted me. Nyahh, Nyahh, Nyahh! You can’t hit
me! (Actually tough flying aces never say Nyahh, Nyahh) I
just ah … Drat this fog! It’s bad enough to have to fight the
Red Baron without having to fly in weather like this. All
right, Red Baron! Where are you! You can’t hide
forever! Ah, the sun has broken through … I can see the
woods of Montsec below … and what’s that? It’s a Fokker
triplane! Ha! I’ve got you this time, Red Baron! Aaugh! He’s
diving down out of the sun! He’s tricked me again! I’ve got
to run! Come on, Sopwith Camel, let’s go! Go, Camel, go! I
can’t shake him! He’s riddling my plane with bullets! Curse
you, Red Baron! Curse you and your kind! Curse the evil that
causes all this unhappiness!
Here’s the World War I flying ace back at the aerodrome in
France, he is exhausted and yet he does not sleep, for one
thought continues to burn in his mind …
Someday, someday I’ll get you, Red Baron!