ARTICLE
8 Habits of Considerate People
By Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness
is to human nature what warmth is to wax.” It’s true.
Being kind and considerate softens people and makes
them malleable to your way of thinking.
But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also
saying that being considerate of others is an integral part
of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would
have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate
is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.
As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that
neuroscience has been able to explain why. Research
conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our
brains react exactly the same when we see other people
in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching
someone else experience pain also activates the structure
deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing
behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.
not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of
highly considerate people.
1. Show up on time. Sure, sometimes things
happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear
message that you think your time is more important than
everyone else’s, and that’s just rude. Even if you really do
think that your time is more important, you don’t have to
broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate
and show up when you said you would.
2. Be deliberately empathic. It’s one thing to
feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling
into action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be
able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes—in fact, it’s
essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being
considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let
your ability to walk in their shoes change what you do,
whether that’s changing your behavior to accommodate
their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough
situation.
Being considerate of others is certainly a good career
move, but it’s also good for your health. When you
show consideration for others, the brain’s reward center
is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals
dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives
you a great feeling, which is similar to what’s known as
“runner’s high,” and all that oxytocin is good for your
heart.
3. Apologize when you need to (and don’t
when you don’t). We all know people who are so
"Being considerate of others will take you
further in life than any college or professional
degree." -Marian Wright Edelman
4. Smile a lot. Physically, it’s easier to frown than to
That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do
you become more considerate when you have so many
other things competing for your finite mental energy? It’s
insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they
practically apologize for breathing. In such situations,
apologizing loses its meaning. But it’s a different matter
entirely when a sincere apology is really necessary. When
you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a
mistake, apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.
smile—smiling involves 42 different muscles; however, it
pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect
on other people. People naturally (and unconsciously)
mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to.
When you smile at people, they will unconsciously return
the favor and feel good as a result.
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ARTICLE
8 Habits of Considerate People
5. Mind your manners. A lot of people have
come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary,
they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people
think that being polite means you’re acting in a way that
doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but they’ve got it
backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing
on how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s
consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease
and makes them feel comfortable.
6. Be emotionally intelligent. One of the
huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling
something is the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s
just wrong, because there’s this little thing called selfcontrol. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when you’re
in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be
pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor,
being considerate often means not acting on what you
feel.
7. Try to find a way for everybody to win.
Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They
think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to
lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to find a
way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but
it’s their goal. If you want to be more considerate, stop
thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose
scenario.
that, it just feels good.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning coauthor
of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of
TalentSmart® the world’s leading provider of emotional
intelligence tests and training serving more than 75% of
Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been
translated into 25 languages and are available in more
than 150 countries.
Dr. Bradberry is a LinkedIn Influencer and a regular
contributor to Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur, The World
Economic Forum, and The Huffington Post. He has
written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek,
Fortune, Fast Company, USA Today, The Wall Street
Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard
Business Review.
8. Act on your intuition when it comes to
other people’s needs. Sometimes you can just tell
when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases,
being considerate means checking in with them to see if
your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to
reach out—do it; they’ll appreciate your concern.
Bringing It All Together
Being considerate is good for your mental and physical
health, your career, and everyone around you. On top of
World’s Premier Provider of Emotional Intelligence
© 2016 TalentSmart® www.talentsmart.com Associated logos are trademarks of TalentSmart, Inc.
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