Nancy Peterson Counseling
217-621-1330
CONTROLLING ANGER
Don’t Let Anger Control You
Recipe for Rage
Most of us have heard the
serenity prayer written by
American theologian Reinhold
Niebuhr:
God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change
the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the
difference.
Much of our anger comes from
a deep-seated desire to
change other people or
change our circumstances. But,
as the prayer says, there are
some things beyond our
Our Inner Hulks
power. If we don’t have the
You may have heard the catchphrase: “HULK SMASH!”
wisdom to know when we can
make a change, the result is
frustration, stress, and anxiety—
the perfect recipe for rage.
The Hulk, of course, is the green-skinned superhero from Marvel
Comics, who gains his powers when he gets angry. But he’s always
walking a fine line between using his power for good or lashing
out wildly and leaving destruction in his path.
This character is based on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but he also
could be based on each of us.
The Hulk becomes the monster when he is under emotional
stress and reacting to fear. Again, this sounds like us. When we
fear something, we often lose control. And when we lose control,
we either try to run away or we lash out.
Fact Sheet 3
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Nancy Peterson Counseling
217-621-1330
Anger Control Tips
Learn to recognize when you’re angry. Be aware of the
physical signs—flushed skin, tensed muscles, heart racing.
Accept responsibility for your anger. Recognize that your
anger is based on your thoughts and feelings. Although anger is
understandable in many situations, other people’s actions do not
force you to be angry.
Coping Statements
1. I can calm down and handle
this.
2. I can be calm, peaceful, and
relaxed.
3. This isn’t the end of the world.
I can cope.
4. I don’t need to judge.
5. Getting angry won’t change
the other person. I can only
change myself.
6. I can accept myself, even
when I make mistakes.
7. People aren’t going to act the
way I want them to, and I can
deal with that.
8. This situation is out of my
control, and I can handle that.
Surrender your desire for total control. Ironically,
surrendering control may give you more freedom. You become
free of your desire to always be in control.
Stick to “I” Statements. If you use “I” statements, you are less
likely to blame than “you” statements. For instance, “You never
listen to me” carries more blame than “I feel like you are not
listening to me.”
Be realistic and rational in your thinking. Use coping
statements, such as the ones listed to the left. These are also
known as truth statements.
Be assertive, rather than aggressive. Aggressive behavior
will likely escalate the situation.
Forgive, don’t hold grudges or seek to blame. When you do
not forgive, you may become bitter, and bitterness hurts yourself,
spilling into other relationships.
Use humor to release tension. Although humor can defuse a
situation, be careful you don’t come across as flippant or
insensitive.
Practice relaxation skills or pray. Listening to soothing
music, imagining a peaceful scene, and other relaxation
techniques can calm you down.
Get exercise. A vigorous walk or run can burn off intense
feelings of anger.
Copyright © 2016 Nancy Peterson
1605 W. Church Street
Champaign, IL 61821
nancypetersoncounseling.com
Fact Sheet 3
Learn to apologize and journal. Apologizing can calm you
down, giving your heart and mind rest. Journaling about your
thoughts and feelings can help you learn how to apologize.
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