Cavecub Chronicles
Monthly
Calendar
2
Welcome to the North Newspaper!
Ask Crahs
3
Welcome back, guys! This month, we have even more
in store. So let’s get to it!
Meme of the
month
4
New This Month
•
Inside this issue:
Rap of the month 5
We have two new arcles for you guys this month; the first
being Worst Game of the Month. Are you planning to start
playing a new game? Not so fast! Each month, we’ll let you
know what NOT to do when it comes to gaming. We also
have another new arcle called Guess Who’s Birthday! It’s a
list of celebrity birthdays coming up this month, so be sure to
check it out to stay up to date!
Book Review of
the month
6
Valentines who
knew?
7
Worst game of
the month and
Guess Who’s
8-9
Returning Arcles
Special points of
interest:
You can sll view some of your favorite arcles from past issues. Stay on top of this month’s events with our monthly
calendar and you’ll never miss out on anything. Need a new
book to keep you occupied this month? We have a new book
review to try! We all probably spend quite a bit of me on
the internet, so we have another addion to our series all
about the latest memes. Finally, are you trying to memorize
the words to a rap? We have an arcle dedicated to the lyrics of a rap to look through.
• Check out the calendar each month
so you know what is
happening at your
school!
Well, this month’s issue should be excing. Let’s jump in,
shall we?
arcle by Olivia Akers
• Avoid boredom over
the break!
• Stay updated on
school events!
February 2017
By
Ethan Bland &
Ryan Johnston
Ask Crash
Ask quesons and get some answers
The quesons of the month are:
Q: I’m asking on account of school. How do you keep up with homework
when it’s up to your head and it’s some pre8y hard stuff? I’m trying to be the
best North student I can be, and since you’re the best I thought I might ask you.
A: There are li8le things to do to help that. But somemes you will have to take
me during lunch to talk to your teachers to get their help to help make your
homework easier and quicker. You can reduce me on electronics, because students tend to spend a lot of me on phones and computers. Set a goal for yourself, and don’t stop unl you’ve completed your goal. But make sure to take
me for yourself too, or else you’ll lose sight on what’s important: your friends,
family, and just being a kid.
Sincerely, Crash
Q: Do you like cake?
A: Well, I am very glad you want to know about my personal life. It really
depends on what kind of cake. If it’s red velvet, I will literally curl up into a ball
and slowly decay. Now, a chocolate salmon-filled cake will get my a8enon. I
could dig a nice vanilla cod. The redder the fish, the be8er.
Sincerely, Crash
Need Advice?
If you need advice, go to the counselling center and put your queson in the
Ask Crash box. Stay cool.
Wri8en by CRASH the Mascot
Socially Awkward Penguin is an advice animal image macro series featuring a penguin lacking both social skills and self esteem. The text typically narrates uncomfortable life situations, highlighting an exceptionally
clumsy or inelegant response.
More memes
Aligned with Giants
Mankind aligned with giants. Goliath and David made an alliance. I've tried
to find the kind of pilot, that I can bind with, fight and die with!
I'm your titan. Fell from the sky like a strike of lightning. My size is frightening, no wonder why all the hype has heightened. Ogres hold the front line,
you guided by the cover fire that I've provided. Atlas has your back, Stryders fly in. If you're on foot, zipline and hide quick Ahhh, I'm on fire, thermite ignited. Get behind this, try survivin' Nice arrival, I like your timing. Do
you mind if I hitch a ride with?
Got your license to pilot titans? If you're ready for an epic quest, then climb
in!
"A titan is only as mighty, as the pilot inside him!"
Send all your troops, tell them to come in a horde. A little flak is collateral
that I can afford.
Your bullets feel like an itch, that I'm gonna ignore, don't play with a fire if
you don't wanna get scorched. I'm bored of my gun, I'll have more fun with
a sword.
I see you running on walls, but I'm running the war. I'll tell ya what double
jump is for. The quicker to retreat, so I don't punish you more. I've got the
power within my core, I'll keep my battle wicked short - this ain't infinite war.
You're the muscles, I'm the brains. If I need to hustle, you can take the
reigns. Y'all better run for cover when I get in my mech, Unless you wanna
see the wreckage and how messy It gets. At the end of every battle ain't no
enemies left, so make like a VCR, and eject!
The great gods of Olympus. Never saw what they had comin'. When the Titans rose from ashes, and all the Olympians went runnin'. So if you can't
fight your battles, then you know just who to call... I will stand by your side,
until the Titanfall.
Want the full song go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlph_4wvF8s
What’s New in Books?
The Hunger Games
Suzanne Collins
Olivia Akers
Welcome back! This month, I’m taking a closer look at a book the majority of us
have probably read, or at least seen the movie, at one point or another. That’s
right, folks, today I’m reviewing “The Hunger Games”, the story of a teenage
girl living in a cruel dystopian world.
We open on District 12, just one of the twelve districts in Panem, not counting the Capital. Each year, a boy and a girl are chosen for a televised fight-tothe-death called the Hunger Games, where the last man standing wins. When
Katniss Everdeen, a sixteen-year-old girl struggling to keep her family alive, is
thrown into the competition, she doesn’t plan on going down without a fight.
My favorite part of the book is when Katniss volunteers to compete in place of
her younger sister, Prim. It really shows how courageous she is and what she’s
willing to do for the people she loves. I also enjoyed the part when Madge gives
Katniss the mockingjay pin because it strongly symbolized rebellion.
Alas, unfortunately, the time has come for me to tell you guys about the
things I didn’t like. For one thing, I wish the story had just ended after the Hunger Games had a winner. As much as I love the rest of the series, I feel like the
author kind of dragged the story on too far and the story started getting a little
pointless. Why couldn’t the main characters just settle down and live happily ever after?
Well, I guess that’s a wrap! If you’re interested in reading “The Hunger
Games”, it’s available at Target, Oregon Books, and even our very own school
library. I hope at least a few of you decide to give it a try if you haven’t already,
as it is one of my favorites. That’s it for this month, but stay tuned for more!
See you guys next time!
The history of Valenne's Day is obscure, and further clouded by various fanciful legends. The holiday's roots
are in the ancient Roman fesval of Lupercalia, a ferlity celebraon commemorated annually on February
Valenne's Day
Valennes Galore: Which St. Valenne this early pope intended to honor remains a mystery: according to the
Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Chrisan saints by that name. One was a priest in
Rome, another a bishop in Terni, and of a third St. Valenne almost nothing is known except that he met his
end in Africa. Rather astonishingly, all three Valennes were said to have been martyred on Feb. 14.Most
scholars believe that the St. Valenne of the holiday was a priest who a'racted the disfavor of Roman emperor Claudius II around 270. At this stage, the factual ends and the mythic begins. According to one legend,
Claudius II had prohibited marriage for young men, claiming that bachelors made be'er soldiers. Valenne
connued to secretly perform marriage ceremonies but was eventually apprehended by the Romans and put
to death. Another legend has it that Valenne, imprisoned by Claudius, fell in love with the daughter of his
jailer. Before he was executed, he allegedly sent her a le'er signed "from your Valenne." Probably the most
plausible story surrounding St. Valenne is one not focused on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Chrisan
love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion.In 1969, the Catholic Church revised its liturgical
calendar, removing the feast days of saints whose historical origins were quesonable. St. Valenne was one
of the casuales.
Chaucer's Love Birds: It was not unl the 14th century that this Chrisan feast day became definively associated with love. According to UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of Chaucer and the Cult of
Saint Valenne, it was Chaucer who first linked St. Valenne's Day with romance. In 1381, Chaucer composed a poem in honor of the engagement between England's Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. As was the
poec tradion, Chaucer associated the occasion with a feast day. In "The Parliament of Fowls," the royal engagement, the mang season of birds, and St. Valenne's Day are linked:For this was on St. Valenne's Day,
When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.
Over the centuries, the holiday evolved, and by the 18th century, gi>-giving and exchanging handmade cards
on Valenne's Day had become common in England. Handmade valenne cards made of lace, ribbons, and
featuring cupids and hearts eventually spread to the American colonies. The tradion of Valenne's cards did
not become widespread in the United States, however, unl the 1850s, when Esther A. Howland, a Mount Holyoke graduate and nave of Worcester, Mass., began mass-producing them. Today, of course, the holiday
has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeng Card Associaon, 25% of all cards sent
each year are valennes.
The Worst Game of the Month
This month on the chopping block is, ugh E.T. the videogame for the Atari 2600. This game’s
graphics are so bad I can’t come up with words to describe it. So I’ll show you a picture:
So here’s a bit of backstory. Made as an adaptaon of the original movie “E.T the Extraterrestrial” and released shortly aFer the Atari 2600 by Atari inc. in 1982 this game is a bunch
of garbage (literally but will get to that later). Their first mistake was to get this game out by
Christmas (and it was around the end of November). This gave the creators a mere five weeks
to get a playable E.T. game on the market. While the team was full of opmism, that soon led
to panic. And this is what they came up with: crappy graphics and monotonous dialogue. This
game eventually ended up under almost every Christmas tree that year. And let's just say that
the buyers weren’t too happy. To make ma8ers worse, Atari Inc. made over 4 million copies
thinking the game was going to be a best seller and G.O.Y. (Game Of the Year). They only managed to sell about 12,000 copies. This is part of the reason Atari Inc. went bankrupt a few
years later. Now this is the worst part about this whole E.T. fiasco. Not knowing what to do
with the extra 3,988,000 copies, they did the only sensible thing. They took their game cartridges and dumped 3,988,000 copies into a dump. You read this right, a dump. Last I checked
plasc does not mix well with soil. The cartridges were recycled, turned into soil, and then
concrete was poured on them. This problem surfaced in the news that same year.
Thanks for reading everyone. I’ll have more next month and always keep gaming.
Created and edited by Dallin Cofoed.
Wri8en By Sage Hartsfield
Guess Who’s Birthday?
Happy Birthday, Ellen Degeneres! Who is
Ellen Degeneres? You might know her from her
show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show. But there’s more
to her than that…..
Ellen Degeneres was born on January 26th, 1958 in Metairie,
Louisiana to a salesman and a working mother, who divorced when Ellen was just a teenager. She went to school at Atlanta High School.
As Ellen grew up, she wanted to be a veterinarian, but later on she
scrapped that idea, because she was not “book smart”. She went to
college at the University of New Orleans. Ellen Degeneres was a hit
as a stand up comedian before her own sitcom, Ellen. Now, Ellen Degeneres is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer,
and a producer. She has written many books, including Home and Seriously…….I’m Kidding.
Fast Facts:
1) Ellen is a VEGAN!
2)Ellen is the star of an EPICOT
A8racon in Disney World!
3)Ellen is related to Madonna through a Tenth great grandfather!
4)Ellen hosted the Grammy’s in 1996 and 1997, the Emmys in 2001 and 2005 and the
academy awards in 2007 and 2014!
5)Ellen’s favorite color is BLUE