As parents we can feel helpless, embarrassed or exposed if our child has
a tantrum in public. Even at home there are times when we can feel
overwhelmed. Consistency is important but so is understanding and
tolerance; simply telling a child to behave doesn’t give them the ability
to control their feelings. Staying close to your child and offering words of
comfort and a gentle affectionate hug to let them know you are there
for them will help them cope with their anger and frustration
Department of Health and Social Care
Department of Health and Social Care
Rheynn Slaynt as Kiarail y Theay
Rheynn Slaynt as Kiarail y Theay
The Information in this booklet can be provided in large print
or in audio format on request.
Behaviour Management
IOM Health Visiting Service
Remember the Old Saying
‘A little praise goes a long way’
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Department of Health and Social Care
IOM Health Visiting Service
Crookall House, Demesne Road
Douglas, Isle of Man
Telephone: 01624 642650
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Printed by Bridson & Horrox
www.gov.im/health
Review: September 2017
CHS67
Trying to Understand Difficult Behaviour
Temper Tantrums
Firstly, we must remember that babies, toddlers and young children in general
are not normally badly behaved.
Try to remember what happened prior to the tantrum – they do not happen
out of the blue – a situation, or maybe the wording of a sentence or
command could have caused the child to react in this way. Quite often it is
something simple which can be avoided next time by simply asking ourselves
‘What Happened?’.
Frustration, illness and home circumstances have a lot to do with
inappropriate behaviour. Children thrive on routine, they learn to know what to
expect and feel secure in this knowledge. When their routine becomes upset
the child becomes insecure and frightened often resulting in temper tantrums
as they are unable to express their feelings.
The first 5 years in a child’s life are the formative years, where they develop
their own character and behaviour. Learning, by example, from parents
behaviour. If we speak with raised voices, our child will become accustomed to
speaking with a loud voice. If we hit out when we disagree with something
somebody has done or said – our child will follow suit.
Children also pick up on feelings. A very insecure or sad person can transmit
their feelings on to their child, causing the child to become withdrawn,
distressed and insecure. Children do not understand negative feelings, only
positive.
Quite often challenging behaviour is noticed more often than good behaviour,
this is because good behaviour is what we expect and therefore it can go
unpraised.
Star Charts
It could be:
The use of star charts to encourage good behaviour is an excellent
way to help change unsuitable behaviour. Although the child must be able to
comprehend its use.
The chart can be made up of almost anything – favourite characters with body
parts to colour in or steps to a castle to be coloured in by the child to record
their success as their behaviour improves. A small reward or activity could be
given to the child for three stars in a row. E.g. books, baking, extra bedtime
stories or TV etc.
•
You may have said ‘No’ to something without giving a reason
•
The way you spoke
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To get your attention
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To force you to change your mind
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You have misunderstood the situation
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Your toddler – who is naturally ambitious – has failed or been stopped
from doing something he wanted to do
•
Be positive with praise – informing relatives and friends of your child’s
good behaviour – Never the Bad!
It is important to discuss a plan of action which all adults/carers stick to even
under the most embarrassing or horrific moments!
•
It must be remembered that it is important never to remove stars for ‘bad’
behaviour or your child will think the achievements worthless and the start
chart will have no effect.
•
Keep calm – do not let your child ‘wind you up’ so that they end up
getting their own way
•
Set boundaries – ‘No’ means no, not maybe!
•
Avoid parental arguments over the child – if disagreements occur discuss
in private
•
Back each other up to avoid the child playing one parent off against the
other
•
If your child can understand the situation, learn to negotiate
When to Stop Using the Chart
Temper Tantrums
When your child is regularly earning stars you can stop using the chart,
remembering to make an effort to constantly praise your child’s good
behaviour on a daily basis and a treat weekly.
Although your children are siblings they will be different in development and
character and should be treated as individuals.
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