Talkback
________
A short comedy in verse
by
Jo Morello
6620 Grand Point Avenue
University Park, FL 34201-2125
Phone: 941-351-9688 • 941-587-8290 (cell)
www.jomorello.com/playwright.php
[email protected] • [email protected]
TALKBACK
2
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(1M, 2F; unit set)
ELIZABEETHE................................(pron. e-liz-a-BEETHE’). A woman of “a certain age”;
officious, confident. Executive director of Stratford-Upon-Avon Cultural Center and Little Theatre.
LADY JANE.....................................Late teens-early 20s; Elizabeethe’s intern. Star-struck; has royal
blood; longs to be on the stage in an era when women of breeding darest not do such things.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE............30. Already renowned as the “Bard of Avon” and one of
London’s leading playwrights.
SYNOPSIS
William Shakespeare, young but already famous, agrees to a reading of his new play, Romeo and Juliet,
during a visit to his home town. He believes he has come to hear the dialogue and in the process, to
entertain. He is sadly mistaken. Instead he discovers that the townspeople are there to judge his work—
of which they know nothing. They provide feedback through a new practice known as a “talkback.”
Their comments are announced by a “ding” on the community center’s “time machine,” a new computer
that was purchased with a generous grant. Shakespeare learns further that he was not the first choice for
the day’s event but was chosen by default when a composer, a painter and a sculptor all refused to
submit to the talkback process.
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
Time: Elizabethan era, circa 1594 A.D
Place: England. A combination lecture hall/theatre space, the Stratford-Upon-Avon Community
Cultural Center and Little Theatre
Set: A desk. The chair behind it faces an unseen audience. Atop the desk, with its back to the audience,
are either a laptop computer or a computer monitor with a keyboard and mouse. A guest chair sits to the
side of the desk, akin to the set for TV talk shows.
Costumes: Simple clothes in earth tones, reminiscent of Elizabethan garb. The women wear long skirts.
Shakespeare may wear a loose-fitting shirt. Ruffled collars may be added as desired.
TALKBACK
1
TALKBACK
(ELIZABEETHE sits behind a desk, facing an
unseen, unhappy, grumbling audience in an
Elizbethan-era town hall. On her desk sits
computer equipment—monitor, keyboard,
perhaps a mouse. LADY JANE paces.)
ELIZABEETHE
Wherefore is Shakespeare not yet here? Methinks he holds mine time not dear.
LADY JANE
Our friends can’t wait but must away to milk their cows and toss their hay.
ELIZABEETHE
(loudly, over the grumbling) Good gentle folk, please do forebear. I’m told that Shakespeare
doth draw near.
(Audience grumbling increases.)
ELIZABEETHE
Dear Lady Jane, is all in place? This time machine takes too much space!
LADY JANE
Nay, Madame. No cause for alarm. The bells each worketh like a charm.
ELIZABEETHE
‘Twould worketh best had we our guest. Shakespeare is late, yet sit you quiet? Go find him
lest our crowd should riot.
LADY JANE
Aye, Madam. It should not be hard to findeth our esteem-ed’ Bard. (exits)
ELIZABEETHE
(to the audience) Friends, Britons, audience, lend me your ears; Anon we’ll bring you
Shakespeare, for to praise him, and hear what he hath writ in his new play. Prithee grant thy
kind forbearance. Forgive the time of this delay.
(Audience boos. LADY JANE enters.
SHAKESPEARE hangs back, folios in hand.)
LADY JANE
(loudly, over the noise) Madam, I bring the Bard to thee to join our folk in repartee!
TALKBACK
2
(Audience cheers and applauds.)
ELIZABEETHE
(loudly, over the noise) Huzzah! I hear! The crowd doth cheer. Pray, Lady Jane, do bring
him near!
SHAKESPEARE
(loudly, over the noise) Greetings, good Ladies. Egad, such a roar greeted mine ears when I
passed through your door.
ELIZABEETHE
(loudly, over the noise) Verily, Sir, thou art unique. Myself shalt quiet them so you may
speak. (to the audience) Attend me now, good gentle folk. Thine ears and minds I do invoke!
(Cheers and applause continue.)
ELIZABEETHE
(to the audience) Friends, Britons, audience, lend me your ears--
(aside) Such stirring words I must admire.
SHAKESPEARE
They light mine brain, set mine soul on fire.
ELIZABEETHE
Good day, fair gentles. Welcome to Stratford-Upon-Avon Little Theatre and Cultural Center,
where good Will Shakespeare didst just enter. I be Elizabeethe Egotist, foundress and
producing artistic director. Dear Shakespeare, Bard of Avon, hath left London’s acclaim to
visit the family of his name and allow us to read from his new play. Put thine hands together,
pray, and clappeth in good cheer for our beloved Shakespeare!
(Enthusiastic acknowledges the enthusiastic
applause. Folios in hand, he moves towards the
guest chair. HE stops dead when HE sees the
computer equipment.)
SHAKESPEARE
Forsooth! What is this box and things? Ne’er hath mine eyes seen such trappings.
ELIZABEETHE
Rest easy, Sire. ’Tis not so strange. ’Tis but our time machine, a change. A gift, a grant, we
must allow. Lady Jane wilst give thanks now.
JANE
(recites) We thanketh the John D. and Catherine T. MacArtist Foundation for this, a boon to
us, a gracious gift--
TALKBACK
3
SHAKESPEARE
Lady Jane? How came this name?
JANE
My father, Earl of Ba-LON’-ey, hath brought this title unto me. But here I be a mere intern,
the lessons of this work to learn.
ELIZABEETHE
Jane wisheth herself to be an actor. What she doth here may be a factor. (gestures Jane to
continue)
JANE
(recites flatly) We thanketh MacArtists for this gift—
SHAKESPEARE
(to Jane) If thou step foot upon a stage, thy family would react with rage. Mark well, young
lass, it doth not suit to seem as one of ill repute. Therefore do men act all the parts. ’Twill
e’er be so in all the arts.
JANE
I strive to put taboos to rest. Mine locks betray me not, nor chest. I’ll shear my hair and bind
my breasts—
ELIZABEETHE
Among the randy men you’ll dress? They hath no women on the stage and thus no room for
them to change.
SHAKESPEARE
(to Jane) But shouldst thou need some help to bind—
ELIZABEETHE
Desist, Sir! Cleaneth up thy mind! (to Jane) And now, if thou wouldst be so kind--JANE
(recites again) We thanketh MacArtists for this gift—
ELIZABEETHE
‘Twill bring this show a great uplift. This new device, though long desired, didst wait ’til a
five-oh-one cee three was acquired.
JANE
And though our budget keeps us frugal, we now learn all when we but Google.
SHAKESPEARE
Thy jabber doth assault mine ears and draws from me naught else but jeers. Tell me, Madam,
what doth it do?
TALKBACK
4
ELIZABEETHE
Observe.
SHAKESPEARE
And what wilst I construe? Didst not I come to hear mine play? I leave for London in a day.
ELIZABEETHE
Wouldst thou, Good Sir, the roles assign? We long to read thy every line.
SHAKESPEARE
I long to hear if words ring true in mine tale of Capulet and Montague. In fair Verona we lay
our scene of two young lovers, both pristine: fair Juliet, a Capulet, and Romeo, Montague.
Star-cross'd loves who take their lives through a foiled plan Romeo contrives.
I willst myself read Romeo in the voice of youth, loving and low. For lovely Juliet, if thou
wouldst deign, I call on thee, (hands folios to Jane) dear Lady Jane.
(ELIZABEETHE grabs the folios from JANE.)
SHAKESPEARE
Why dost thou resist, Madame Egotist?
ELIZABEETHE
Pray, Sir, call me “Elizabeethe.” Mine surname begs for some relief.
(During the following, SHAKESPEARE and
ELIZABEETHE tug the folios back and forth
between them.)
SHAKESPEARE
Aye, aye, my dame. What’s in a name?... But ’tis beyond mine learn-ed’ ken to see thee play
three years and ten.
ELIZABEETHE
I beg thee, Sir, grant thy good will. I far surpass this child’s mean skill.
SHAKESPEARE
Thine age indeed supports mine fears. Thy skill was won o’er too many years.
ELIZABEETHE
Thou doth me a disservice foul! Pray list and thou shalt hear each vowel.
TALKBACK
5
SHAKESPEARE
The lady doth protest too much. Thou acteth like a such-and-such. Return mine folios,
Elizabeethe, and half to thee I will bequeath. The other half to Lady Jane. We three willst
read what they contain. (hands pages to Elizabeethe and Jane) Jane, read Juliet with thy soft
touch (to Elizabeethe) And thee, the actions, the playwright’s crutch.)
(Elizabeethe moves very close to Shakespeare.
Jane stands quite close on his other side. He
slyly pinches Jane’s posterior.)
JANE
Oow! Shakespeare! You just didst me goose! How dare thou practice such abuse?
ELIZABEETHE
What meaneth thou to grab her arse? And make mine program but a farce?
SHAKESPEARE
Regrets, Elizabeethe and Jane. I vow it ne’er shall hap again. I myself shall step away from
both fair dames to read mine play. They shalt not mine name demean. ... Perchance I may
first set the scene. The Capulets didst hold a ball, but nary a Montague didst they call. Young
Romeo went in a disguise to confound those he didst despise. Alas, he met sweet Juliet’s
eyes. Love swept them both, though ill-advised.
A Capulet didst see them kiss as Romeo fled into the mist. In darkest night, still in her thrall,
he climbeth up her family’s wall, and looking up into the gloom, espied a candle in her room.
Sweet Juliet, seeking her lost love, didst pace her balcony up above. She spoke into the
darkest night, unknowing Romeo heard her plight.
(ELIZABEETHE bangs a gavel or clinks a
spoon on a glass.)
SHAKESPEARE
Elizabeethe! This noise must cease. My play-ELIZABEETHE
’Tis lovely but our clock runs swift. Methinks our hearers get the drift.
JANE
No. no! What fate befalls Juliet and Romeo?
ELIZABEETHE
The time! Hast thou no concern? How sharper than a serpent's tooth, thankless intern! I willst
read if I must. Continue the flow. (reads) Act Two. Scene Two. Enter Romeo.