!
CK
O
KN CK!
O
KN
I’m sorry Themba.
Your mother has
passed away.
Themba! What’s
wrong? It’s five
o’clock in the morning!
What’s wrong?
Themba! What’s
happened?
My mother
won’t wake up.
Let me go and see.
You wait here.
Themba’s mother
has passed away…
OH NO!
Later that day...
Oh Themba, I am
so sorry…
How could she leave
me alone like this?
2
I don’t believe this
is happening…
What am I
going to do?
It’s not true! It’s just
a bad dream!
Dear God, please help me…
CONTINUED ON PAGE 7 ...
The AmaQhawe Family Project
Session Nine
The next day, at school...
Oh! Themba! I am so sorry
to hear about your mother!
I’m sorry
too!
I’m sorry we teased
you, Themba!
Session Nine
Themba, we are
all here for you!
What do you boys want?
Me too!
It’s OK!
It’s OK!
The AmaQhawe Family Project
Having friends makes
things so much easier...
7
How to
Memor
With the spread of AIDS and so many children
ways to remember family members who have
need something to remind them of their paren
memories might fade away.
One of the best ways to
remember someone
who has died is to
gather together things
that meant something
to them and place them
in a box.
A memory box can be a
permanent record of
the person’s life. It can
also be used to get
family members
together to talk to each
other about death and
AIDS. It can help with
the healing process
after the shock of
death.
Memory boxes are a
good way of helping
children to cope with
grief. It is easier for
them if they are
reminded of
parents/relatives who
have died.
4
The AmaQhawe Family Project
Session Nine
make a
ry Box
n becoming AIDS orphans, people need to find
passed away. Young children especially
nts and relatives who have died. Otherwise
There are no rules
about making a
memory box – anyone
can do it. Anything
that makes a memory
of the person come
back, especially things
that they loved – can
be placed in the box.
Photographs are always
the best reminders, as
well as favourite cups,
jewellery, cloth or
clothes can be
included. Also include
letters, notebooks, a
bible, interviews with
family or community
members (written or on
tape). Don’t worry if
you don’t have
expensive items –
often the things that
people loved the best
cost nothing or very
little – like a card or a
child’s drawing.
Session Nine
The AmaQhawe Family Project
5
Ways to remember
Sharing stories
One way of dealing with grief is to
share stories about the person who
has died with other members of the
family. When the family gets
together, each person should think of
something they remember the
deceased doing or saying. In this
way, families will gain new memories
of their loved one and a way of
talking about death and AIDS.
Interview
Ask family members, members of the
community and friends if you can ask
them questions about your loved one.
Write their memories down in a
memory book. Or if you have a tape
recorder, you can tape them.
Favourites
Everyone has favourite songs. Get
together with your family and friends
to sing the deceased person’s favourite
songs. Make their favourite biscuits,
cake or meals as a memorial to them.
Pictures
Always keep a picture of the deceased
person next to your bed.
Memory box
Collect all your loved one’s precious
possessions and place it in a box for
safekeeping. Precious doesn’t have to
mean expensive – the things that
were important to them are what
counts.
6
The AmaQhawe Family Project
Session Nine
DEALING WITH
GRIEF
When we experience the loss of someone close to us, it makes us feel very sad
and unhappy. We may feel angry, confused or afraid of what might happen to
us. The feelings we experience are common to everyone, but for some people
grief is harder to bear that for others. Dealing with grief
may take many people a long time. For some people it can
take months, for others it can take years.
Shock
Our first reaction to death is often one of shock. We are
stunned and we cannot function normally at all. Our mind
seems to shut down. Often people cannot cry until this
stage is over.
Denial
The next response often is to say ‘No, it cannot be true!’ We
try to deny the truth because we have no other way of
coping with the terrible news. Denial allows us some time to
come to terms with the reality of death.
Anger
Next comes the question: ‘Why me? Why is this happening to
me? Why did he/she have to die?’ The main emotion is anger
or even resentment against the person who has died.
Sometimes we become angry with our own friends and family
as we struggle to accept death.
Depression
When death is finally faced, we often feel a deep sense of loss
and helplessness. We realise that there is nothing that we can
do to bring the person back. We feel very sad because we
can’t say or do things that we meant to say or do.
Acceptance
After some time, we come to accept death. Although we will
never be the same again and will never forget that person,
we now need to move on with our lives.
Session Nine
The AmaQhawe Family Project
3
THE FUNERAL
Later MaQhawe and Zodwa help Themba to
sort through his mother’s possessions...
Why don’t you put the
most precious things
into this box?
They will help you to
remember her.
What am I going to
do with this stuff?
What about these letters?
She really loved this
rosary. My father gave
it to her!
8
Yes, I must keep
them. They are my
family’s history.
The AmaQhawe Family Project
Session Nine
Session
9
CHAMP
BEREAVEMENT
Inside the Xakekile house...
Here is some hot milk,
mother. Try to drink it...
I will just sit here
with you...
The pain...
h...
urrg
ZZZZZZZZZZ
Quiet, Baby! Ssh! You’ll
wake mother up!
POP!
Shhh, Baby, shhh!
Mother! Wake up! Baby
won’t stop crying!
Mother!
MOTHER!
CONTINUED ON PAGE 2...
Session Nine
The AmaQhawe Family Project
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