One Another Pt 3
Admonish One Another
How to tell someone they are wrong and make them feel good about it
Introduction
A. We are continuing our sermon series on the ‘one another’ passages that are
found in the Bible. There are at least 25 different places in the Bible that
mention the ‘one another’ ministry of the church.
B. We have covered the first two so far, love one another and greet one another.
Today we are going to look at a passage that talks about ‘admonishing’ one
another.
C. The Greek word for “admonish” is noutheteo, which literally means “to place
on one’s mind.” So admonition is giving a person something to think about or
another way to think about something. To admonish means to WARN or
correct, to instruct or to give counsel. This is not just an objection to
someone’s behavior.
D. Today we want to talk about who we should be admonishing, who should do
the admonishing and how we can do that in a way that is Biblical, helpful and
honors Christ and is helpful.
E. The title for today’s sermon should be, “How to tell someone they are wrong
and make them feel good about it.”
F. We are going to be reading in Romans today but before we do …
Honor God’s Word
Psalm 119:11“Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against
You.”
A. Have you ever hidden something and then could not find it later? When our
children were younger would buy Christmas presents throughout the year and
hide up in the attic. When Christmas time came around often I couldn’t find
them or forgot that I had even bought them. Then years later I would be up in
the attic and be moving stuff around and I would find these Christmas gifts!
B. I think the Word of God is something like that. When we read it or memorize
it; that is sort of like hiding it in our hearts. We may forget that we hid it there,
but sometime later, you will be doing something or talking to someone and all
of a sudden this verse pops into your head. You may have forgot it was there
but it is not lost. It will be found.
C. This is why we study it on Sunday.
Text poll
Who said, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.”
Mark Twain
Jesus
Justin Beiber
A. When it comes to admonishing or correcting someone, it seems like we can
all easily see what needs corrected in other people, but for some reason we
cannot see it in ourselves.
B. We often see people behaving a certain way and we almost can’t help
ourselves we just have to tell them they’re wrong. We need to be careful that
are not to free in giving our advice or correcting people, especially in front of
others. Many times if what they are doing or saying is not life threatening, if
you really feel you need to correct them you might consider doing it in private
C. CORRECT: Mark Twain. He had a lot of great quotes. Here are a few more
D. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
E. Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about admonishing one another in
such a way that even the deaf can hear it. Turn to Romans 15:14
Who should do this admonishing? Romans 15:14
A. Admonishing someone usually means confronting them about something they
are doing that is wrong. As you probably know from experience, confrontation
is risky business.
1. Most of us don’t like to do it and so we try to avoid it at all costs.
2. We don’t like to be seen as the “bad guy or gal.”
3. When we confront someone, we run the risk of damaging the relationship.
4. We worry that the person we are confronting may get hurt or angry, and
then what, right?
B. Why is it that admonition is so unpopular in our culture?
1. Probably because our culture is both radically individualistic and morally
relativistic.
2. Since our culture prizes individual rights over responsibilities, and since our
culture rejects universal, absolute moral standards, there simply is no
basis for moral correction. What is right for you may not be right for me.
3. Add to that the way that pride gets in the way, and add to that the way that
many dysfunctional people and families have abused confrontation and
the way manipulative religious groups have abused confrontation, and it’s
not surprising why we shy away from admonishing one another.
C. Here is a great quote from Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty. “Our society
has swallowed two great lies. Mr Robertson got caught in a big controversy
because he was asked what his views were on homosexuality. He expressed
that it was unnatural and was wrong according to the Bible. He did not say he
hated homosexuals or that he wanted them punished or discriminated
against. What an uproar. People claiming that what he said was ‘hate
speech!’ This just proves Mr. Robertson’s point that society has swallowed
two great lies.
1. The first lie is if we say we don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle that means
we HATE THEM! NOT TRUE
2. The second lie is if we say we love someone that means we totally support
their choices and lifestyle. NOT TRUE.
D. This uproar over his comments just proves his point. Today the great lie is that
if we admonish someone or say we don’t agree with them this means WE
HATE THEM. This is just not true, and if we are ever going to fulfill this
command to ‘admonish’ one another we have to see through this lie.
Nevertheless, in the face of our dislike of confrontation and its abuse by
some, God says that it is necessary and can be very helpful.
It helps if we look in the mirror first. Paul said we should be ‘full of goodness’.
A. Now it must be possible to be ‘full of goodness’ or this would not make any
sense. If we cannot be full of goodness or if only a very few special people
could ever fit this description then this passage would not make any sense at
all. Some people think this is the job of the pastor. They see someone is
doing something wrong and they tell the pastor and expect him to go and
confront them. But that is not what we are reading here. Paul is making it
clear it is the responsibility of all believers to admonish one another.
B. Being full of goodness does not mean that you have to be perfect before you
go to talk to someone. “Full of goodness” is talking about our MOTIVE. Why
are we correcting this person? Do they really need to be corrected? Are we
approaching that person in humility, in private, seeking to encourage them?
Or are we just plain mad at them? “Full of goodness” means to have pure
motives before you correct someone.
C. Most of what passes for admonishing these days is not done with pure,
biblical motives. We might have been hurt by what they did, or we are
offended or embarrassed by what they did. If our motives are not pure there is
a tendency to just bark out what we want to say instead of saying it with
tenderness and humility and love.
D. Before you go ask yourself “Am I doing this for the right reason? Do I really
want to help the other person fulfill their rightful place with God, or do I just
want to feel important, or do I just want them to do it my way? Be like me?”
Make sure you don’t have a log in your own eye before you go to remove that
speck out of your brother’s eye.
You must be filled with knowledge.
A. The knowledge Paul is referring to here is the knowledge of the Scriptures.
There are a lot of people who try to give advice, but it is based on their own
opinion not on what God’s Word says. Only Scripture knowledge is going to
give the correct advice and direction, that a person needs. In a time and age
when the TV psychologists and fortune tellers are getting richer and richer,
there is a growing need and responsibility that the Church of Jesus Christ
must fulfill their role in the body of Christ. We have the greatest manual,
which can penetrate at the heart and soul of man, the Bible. Let us internalize
the Word of God, allow it to flow through us to help others.
B. We must know the difference between the absolutes of God’s Word and the
non-absolutes and our own interpretations. We have to be careful and watch
out for cultural Christianity. By cultural Christianity I mean those things that
we think are right or necessary, but are not scripturally grounded. It may be
tradition, or simply ‘what grandpa said was gospel’... or ‘the way we’ve always
done it’... There are lots of things we think are biblical which are not, simply
because we grew up hearing or thinking those things. Cultural Christianity are
convictions which have become generally accepted by a people or a culture,
but have no biblical precedent or foundation. We must be sure we are on
biblical ground and that we are interpreting correctly, or rightly dividing the
scriptures. If it is not specifically spelled out in the Word of God, don’t confront
another on it. If it is, make sure you use the scripture as your ground.
C. Paul wrote, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching,
rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…
D. God’s Word has power to penetrate and convict and change a person like
nothing else
When do we admonish someone and who should we admonish?
A. Just because someone is doing something wrong does not mean that we
have to correct them or warn them. Here are a few guidelines.
B. If we are asked by someone what our thoughts are about a particular issue,
say divorce, homosexuality, sleeping together before marriage and so on, I
believe that we are OBLIGATED to tell them what the Bible says, the truth, as
nicely and lovingly as we can but we need to tell them the truth. I think we do
people a disservice when we are not clear in our response. This is not a time
to beat around the bush. If you are ‘straight up asked about something’ it
would be proper to give a plain and simple answer.
C. The most common way and the most effective way admonition works is if we
have a real relationship with someone and we really love them. This is the
foundation of the ‘one another’ ministry. If we love someone and we see them
doing things that are wrong and hurtful and are going to cause harm to
themselves and others around them then we should be motivated out of love
to talk to them. I think this is the ultimate act of love, to talk to someone about
a touchy issue that could cause some hurt feelings. I don’t think we should
just go and talk to them the first time we see them doing things wrong. We
should pray about it, ask God to speak to them. Seek God’s wisdom on when
and how to admonish this person. When God leads then we should obey.
Admonition should be a confirmation of what the Holy Spirit is already
showing a person and you are just bringing it to the surface. I believe the Holy
Spirit goes before us and brings the conviction, we are just that second voice.
D. You can’t properly admonish someone with whom you have no relationship.
They won’t receive it from you, and chances are, if you do not know them
well, you will be wrong in your assessment of their actions.
E. If we do not have a relationship with a particular person and we see that they
are doing something wrong, we are not obligated to go and talk to them. We
should pray for them and possibly seek a relationship with them. Now the
exception to this is if God by His Holy Spirit clearly speaks to you and tells
you to go to them and talk to them about what they are doing. This is not
common, but it does happen. Often people who have the gift of prophecy may
be lead by the Holy Spirit to admonish someone even though they do not
have a relationship with them.
F. Sometimes people get this confused here in the church. Our church is open
to everyone. I mean everyone, that includes people who are drunkards,
people who are living together, thieves, ex-convicts, people who are divorced
and people who are homosexuals and so on. Just because they start coming
here does not give us the right to ‘admonish’ them and try to set them
straight. We let God’s Holy Spirit work with them in His time and in His way.
The goal is to help people connect with God and with others in the church and
with the connection comes the ‘one another ministries’ including loving,
greeting and admonishing. Many of us were messed up when we started
coming to church, Paul mentions this in I Corinthians 6:9-11 “Many of you
were sexually immoral, idol worshippers, adulterers, homosexuals, thieves,
greedy, drunkards, abusive, cheaters, but God has redeemed you and
washed you clean.” We don’t correct people just because they start coming to
church.
How to admonish one another’ Eph 4:13-15 “in love”
A. Proper admonition must be done with deep concern and motivated by love,
never out of anger.
B. When it comes to communication. It is not only what we say, but also how we
say it is very important. We are to “speak the truth in love” You have heard
the famous axiom, “People don’t care how much you know until they know
how much care.” There are a whole spectrum of ways one might admonish,
ranging from a gently raised question to a very forceful rebuke. Sometimes it
can be done by telling a story. If we do this according to biblical guidelines, it
will not spill over into judgementalism.
1. About 2% of the message comes from the actual words we use. This
includes the choice of words.
2. About 40% of the message comes from the tone of our voices. This
includes the change in pitch, volume and speed.
3. About 58% of the message comes from the body language that we use.
C. Admonishing one another in love means it must be done on a personal basis.
That means I go to you personally and privately. I don’t tell others what I think
you are doing wrong and what I think you should be doing. I go to you
directly, and not with an audience. Jesus said, “If your brother sins against
you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” (Mt. 18:15)
Privacy is important because it makes it easier for the other person to not
react defensively, to save face in front of others. Face-to-face is so important
to ensure accurate communication. The words we use are only a small part of
what gets communicated. Facial expression, tone of voice, posture, and
gestures communicate more than our words alone. So we should avoid
admonishing someone via the telephone, or email, for those reasons.
Purpose of admonition
A. Here Paul talks about the purpose of admonition: Vs. “from whom the whole
body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the
effective working by which every member does its share, causes growth of
the body for the edifying of itself in love. “ Also in vs 13 we read, “till we all
come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a
perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. “
B. Our goal is to help one another to maturity. That is the only purpose that is
worthy of Christ. Admonition seeks to correct those who are damaging
themselves and others by their wrong moral choices.
C. Why should we admonish someone or warn someone when we see that they
are doing something wrong? Because if we can help them see the error of
their ways, we can help them avoid much hurt and grief. When a person is
breaking God’s laws there are going to be consequences. Sin is wrong
because it ruins lives and brings hurt, confusion and much misery. The
purpose of admonition is to warn a person so that they can avoid the
destruction that will surely come if they do not change.
D. The goal is to help, not to shame. “Am I doing this for the right reason? Do I
really want to help the other person fulfill their rightful place with God, or do I
just want to feel important, or do I just want them to do it my way? Be like
me?”
Summary
A. You are your brother’s keeper, but you are not his judge. You are not his
watch dog. You’re not the hall monitor. We are family and should be watching
after each other as loving family; not as “conscience commandos.”
B. We are brothers and sisters who know that we are all sinners, saved by
grace, bound for the promised land. The road is not smooth; the days can be
harsh; the load can be heavy. We need to continually help one another in this
Christian walk!
C. We must not be afraid to admonish one another in love; but we must be sure
to do it in love, so that the result is growth and maturity and a stronger bond in
the church family. Not strife, not division, not anger and hurt; but a fierce, allfor-one-and-one-for-all love
D. Biblical admonition is moral correction through verbal confrontation motivated
by genuine love. All of us need occasional, loving admonition. As Christians
we are all instructed to do it.
E. Look to yourself first. Be full of Christ’s goodness; be filled with the knowledge
of the Word. Then, and only then, as you see the need arise, admonish one
another with a humble, sacrificial, Christ-like love.