The ‘Who’s In Charge?’ parenting programme
helps parents feel better able to manage the
behaviours of out of control or abusive children.
Helen* attended the ‘Who’s in Charge?’ group
to receive support around the very challenging
behaviour of her 12 year old son. In the first
session Helen shared that she had been on
many parenting courses before and we felt she
wasn’t sure if this course would be any
different.
Helen’s son was very controlling at home and
would often swear, and shout at her. He would
also get very angry and violent; punching holes
in the walls, breaking everything in his house
and even violently attacking his Mum and
siblings. Helen’s son was also abusive to his
father and showed challenging behaviour at
school.
When she first attended the group Helen was very low and didn’t feel like she could cope with her son anymore. She
almost felt it would be best if he wasn’t at home anymore because he was making life so difficult for Helen, her
partner and her other children. During the group Helen was able to identify all of the things she did for her son and
how much control he exerts over her and the rest of the family. Many of the parents on the group made excuses for
their children’s behaviours and felt like they had nothing that they could take back control of, however they all came
to realise that abuse is a choice and their children were making a choice to be controlling, violent and abusive.
Helen was able to give her child more responsibilities in the home such as making his own bed, putting together his
own packed lunches and chores around the house. Making her son take more responsibility balanced out the levels of
entitlement and respect in the relationship. He realised that he isn’t entitled to have his Mum do everything for him,
and once she stopped this she started to regain control and the violent outbursts started to reduce.
Equally, Helen realised she was allowed to take time for herself and didn’t have to devote herself entirely to this one
child. Since the group finished Helen has got a job which has improved her confidence and self-esteem and given her
something else to focus on. It has also made her son realise that he doesn’t have full control over his Mum anymore
which has helped them to start rebuilding a more balanced relationship. Helen is also now supporting other parents
from the programme who are still having a difficult time managing their children’s behaviour. She has offered support
and guidance over the phone and the parents have been meeting up at the Jigsaw4u office to catch up.
*names and identifying details have been changed for anonymity
LESSONS

All of the parents on the programme fed back that they felt more powerful, confident and had much higher
self-esteem. The thing they enjoyed most was the support of other parents and realising that you are not on
your own. Helen said about the group “I feel I have permission again to be a parent. I know I’m not alone in
this struggle; (I now have) positive thoughts even when I feel like there’s nothing left”
LINKS
www.jigsaw4u.org.uk