Torah Lesson 5
Parashat K’doshim Session Bet:
Tochecha (Rebuking Others)
INTRODUCTION
This is the second of two lessons based on the Torah portion K’doshim. The core of this portion is known
as the Holiness Code. It includes guidelines for achieving holiness in our lives. These guidelines include
ways in which we use our words, forgiveness, rebuking others, engaging in fair business practices, and
more. The portion has generated a great deal of commentary through many generations, resulting in an
elaborate understanding of complex guidelines. For example, when thinking about how we use our
words, Jewish commentaries have focused on gossip and what constitutes gossip (positive and negative),
white lies, shaming another in public through the use of words, and so forth. A short verse from this
Torah portion has generated volumes of discussion and very specific guidelines.
This lesson focuses on the verse in Vayikra/Leviticus that has to do with scolding another person for
inappropriate behavior (the Hebrew term is tochecha—pronounced: toe-kheh-kha). It looks at the following three main ideas as enumerated in the Torah and other Jewish texts:
1. We are required to tell someone when she or he has done something wrong.
2. There are very clear guidelines as to how this is to be done. In particular, the person who is being
rebuked must never be embarrassed in public.
3. When we tell someone directly that he or she has done something wrong, we protect ourselves
from behaving unkindly toward that person in the future due to residual anger from the incident
in question.
Students will be asked to consider the guidelines in the Torah and other Jewish commentaries, respond
to them, and apply them to their lives.
ENDURING UNDERSTANDINGS
• Torah is an ongoing dialogue between the text and its students.
• Torah is real in our daily lives; it is with us wherever we are.
• Developing the skills to study Torah is essential to integrating Torah into our lives.
• The laws and rules found in the Torah can help us to live lives filled with holy moments.
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ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS
1. What does the Torah have to say to me and to my world?
2. Why is the Torah different from other books?
3. How can Torah study help me in my everyday life?
4. How can understanding and observing the rules and laws found in the Torah make my life more
holy/kadosh?
QUESTIONS
TO
BE ADDRESSED
1. What is tochecha?
2. What are the rules/guidelines for practicing tochecha?
3. How does telling someone she or he did something wrong help that person?
4. How can the guidelines for tochecha make me a better friend?
EVIDENCE OF UNDERSTANDING
• Students will be able to read and interpret Leviticus 19:17, and describe the reason given in the verse
for rebuking another.
• Students will be able to discern between effective and ineffective ways of telling others they’ve done
something wrong.
• Students will be able to describe a situation in which they wanted to rebuke someone and articulate
why it is difficult to rebuke another person.
• Students will be able to apply the guidelines for reproving someone as described in Jewish commentaries to a new situation.
LESSON OVERVIEW
• Set Induction (10 minutes)
• Chevruta Text Study: Understanding Tochecha (15 minutes)
• The Finer Points of Tochecha: Advice to Mr. Toenail (25 minutes)
• Conclusion (10 minutes)
MATERIALS NEEDED
• A cover for Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook, using construction paper with two holes punched along
the side for binding with yarn (see page 49 for details)
• Guidebook instructions and guidebook pages (see pages 51–58)
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• Markers or crayons for illustrating the guidebook pages
• Yarn or string for binding the guidebook
LESSON VOCABULARY
v¨jf«uT
tochecha
The Hebrew term found in Leviticus 19:17 that refers to the
process of scolding or rebuking another. The Torah clearly states
that we should tell another when she or he has done something
wrong. It immediately qualifies this commandment with the words:
“but incur no guilt because of him.” In other words, the “rebuker”
should not commit a sin by embarrassing the wrongdoer or by
making him or her feel bad.
LESSON PLAN
SET INDUCTION (10 MINUTES)
In preparation for this lesson, recruit two parents, high school students, or other congregation members
to arrive at class time to perform a brief skit. The skit should be presented as the students are settling into
class for the day and should appear to be as spontaneous as possible. The goal of the skit is to focus students on the improper way to scold another person as enumerated in the Torah and other Jewish texts.
1. Two parents or high school students will “spontaneously” engage in a conversation in which Person A
is yelling at Person B for a mistake Person B made. The mistake to be elaborated on is that Person B
“yelled” at Person A in public. Person A should be sure to include the following characteristics in
his/her tirade:
• Loud yelling
• A sentence such as: “You were REALLY ROTTEN to yell at me in front of other people.”
• Repeat Person B’s offense at least three times
2. Person B should try to get an explanation in but will not have much success. After a while Person B
should begin to look really uncomfortable and embarrassed. She or he should glance repeatedly at the
class as if to ascertain whether or not the students are listening.
3. At the end, Person B should leave the room looking dejected. Person A should look at the students in
a very huffy manner and stalk out after Person B shouting, “Where are you going? I’m not done yet.”
4. Pose the following questions to the students following the departure of the actors. Write the answers
to the final question on the board.
• What seems to be the problem between Person A and Person B?
• How do you think Person B was feeling?
• What was Person A trying to accomplish?
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• Do you think he or she was successful?
• What did he or she do wrong?
Answers to the last question should include the following points:
• Person A yelled at Person B in front of other people.
• Person A embarrassed Person B.
• Person A did to Person B the same thing that he or she claimed Person B did to him or her.
• Person A did not correct Person B in a caring manner.
LEARNING ACTIVITIES
Chevruta Text Study: Understanding Tochecha (15 minutes)
1. Explain to the students that the Torah has a special rule about telling someone that she or he did
something wrong.
2. Have students turn to page 12 in their workbooks and ask one of the students to read the text out
loud.
3. Review the verse with the students to ensure that they understand its literal meaning. (A person
should let another person know that he or she has done something wrong; however, that person
should not do it in a manner that is mean or unkind.)
4. Introduce students to the Hebrew name for the process of telling someone they did something wrong:
tochecha.
5. Ask students to repeat the term as a group and then to say it three times fast.
6. In their chevruta groups, students will reread the text and answer the questions on the page. Allow
about ten minutes for this activity.
7. The teacher can circulate among the groups to answer students’ questions.
8. After approximately ten minutes (or when most of the students have finished), reconvene the students
as a large group. Ask students to share their answers to the last two questions on the page.
The Finer Points of Tochecha: Advice to Mr. Toenail (25 minutes)
The goal of this activity is to introduce students to the guidelines that have developed over the centuries
to help people more effectively practice tochecha without hurting or embarrassing the other person.
1. Divide students into groups of five (or combine chevruta groups together).
2. Describe the task:
Scientists have just discovered a new planet. They were astounded to learn that there is life on this
planet and they have been in regular contact with its creatures. The creatures seem very similar to us
humans. The name of the planet, the scientists have been told, is Planet Khakha (as in “ha ha” but
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with a “kh” sound). The scientists have picked up on a serious problem that the creatures of Planet
Khakha seem to be having. After hearing many raised voices and crying in the background, the scientists asked their contacts there what was happening. Apparently, whenever these creatures make
mistakes they yell at each other, make each other cry and, even worse, because everyone feels bad, no
one ever says “I’m sorry” and no one is willing to correct the mistakes. Clearly Planet Khakha needs
help in a big way.
The scientists, after consulting with their advisers, decide that they need to send someone to help the
Khakha-ian creatures with their problem. The person they have decided to send is Mr. Toenail. His
nickname is “Toe.” So, Toe is on his way to Khakha. He needs our help, however. It’s hard to always
do everything by yourself. It’s always better to seek help from others. Mr. Toenail would like us to prepare a guidebook for him to bring to Planet Khakha that will include tips for helping people talk
about their mistakes. Our job is to prepare the guidebook.
Each group will be asked to create one page for Toe’s Tochecha guidebook. Follow the directions carefully. When you have finished we will put the book together and send it to Mr. Toenail. When Mr.
Toenail is done using the book (in a week or so), he will send the book back to the class for their use
during the year (in case they have to use it for their own squabbles).
3. Hand out guidebook worksheets—one sheet for each group (pages 52–58). You may not need to use
all the worksheets if you don’t have enough groups, or you can give some groups more than one worksheet if they finish the task quickly. A list of the texts that appear on the worksheets can be found on
page 50. The list includes sources for the quotes and is provided for your reference.
4. Circulate among students to answer any questions or help them think through their recommendations.
5. As students complete their work, ask them to glue their page onto a piece of colored construction
paper.
6. Hang their completed page on the wall.
7. While students are waiting for others to finish, they can begin to work in their workbooks (see
Conclusion).
CONCLUSION (10 MINUTES)
1. When all the guidebook pages are hung around the room, ask students to circulate, reading their
peers’ work.
2. After five minutes (or earlier if students have finished), gather everyone in a group (perhaps on the
floor) and elicit responses to the following:
• Describe one thing you have learned today that will help you to be a better friend to someone you
think has made a mistake or done something wrong.
• How can what you learned make you or the world more kadosh/holy?
3. Have students complete the Helping Others Learn from Mistakes activity on page 13 of their workbooks.
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Texts for Tochecha (for teacher)
Rabbi Eliezer said, “Let the honor of your friend be as important to you as your own [honor].”
Pirkei Avot 2:15
Often a person praises another in a soft voice but criticizes that
person in a loud [voice].
Sotah 32
Beautiful are the words of reproof [telling someone she did
something wrong] when they are said by someone who models
the behavior he is prescribing.
Tosefta Y’vamot 8
When someone does something wrong in public, a person who
wishes to point out the offense should not say, “You made a mistake,” instead he should quote the rules rather than pointing the
person out as someone who did something wrong.
Zohar, iii, 86a
A person who scolds a comrade with love, does so in private, so
that the person who did something wrong is not embarrassed in
public. If the scolding is done in front of others that means that
it is not done with love.
Zohar, iii, 46a
If you scold someone once and it doesn’t work, do it again but
don’t do it so much that his face changes color [in other words,
that he gets embarrassed].
Arachin 16b
Don’t scold [blame] someone for something you did.
Bava M’tzia 59b
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Student Instructions for Mr. Toenail’s
Tochecha Guidebook
1. Read the line at the top of your Guidebook page.
2. Think of a time when someone told you that you did something
wrong in a way that made you feel bad.
3. On your Guidebook page, write two sentences that you would have
liked to have heard instead that illustrate the sentence at the top of
the page. For example: If your Guidebook sentence is “Let the honor
of your friend be as important to you as your own [honor],” you
might write: “George, I know how important winning the race was for
you. I just wish you hadn’t ignored me when I asked you to help me
with my homework.”
4. Illustrate the rest of the page in a way that goes along with what you
have written.
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
Rabbi Eliezer said: “Let the honor of your friend be as important to
you as your own [honor].”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“Often a person praises someone in a soft voice but criticizes that
person in a loud [voice].” (Hint: Do the opposite.)
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“Telling someone she did something wrong can be beautiful if the
teller follows her own advice.”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“When someone does something wrong in front of others, a person
who wishes to tell him he has done something wrong should not say,
‘You made a mistake,’ but should instead repeat the rule that was
broken.”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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CHAI: Learning for Jewish Life
Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“A person who scolds a friend with love, does it in private, so that
the person who did something wrong is not embarrassed in front of
others. If someone scolds another in front of other people that means
that it is not done with love.”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“If you tell someone once that she has done something wrong and it
doesn’t work, do it again but don’t do it so much that her face
changes color [in other words, that she gets embarrassed].”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press
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CHAI: Learning for Jewish Life
Mr. Toenail’s Tochecha Guidebook
“Don’t blame someone for something you did.”
Copyright © 2003 UAHC Press