Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:36 PM
Comment: A-level TITLE: (1) creative
“hook” part + (2) colon : + (3)
explanatory part clearly related to main
argument and thesis
[A] The End of a Journey:
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:36 PM
Can Gatsby Reach the Green Light in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby?
Comment: EPIGRAM – beginning with
a powerful quote from the text (known as
an EPIGRAM) is a great way to start an
essay – if and only if the student continues
to analyze that quote in the HOOK of the
first lines of the essay.
[B] “Gatsby believed in the green light,
the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us”
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
[C] Jay Gatsby, a principal character in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 “Great American novel” The Great Gatsby, believed in
the green light, his tainted and misty American Dream.
[D] An American writer and historian, James Truslow Adams,
described the American Dream as a “dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for every man, with
opportunity for each according to his ability or achievement.”
[E] Gatsby’s excessive ambition and dream, however, involved
the acquisition of material items, and the American Dream does not just equal materialism; without a purpose, he is left with an
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FORMATTING AN EPIGRAM: Note
how the epigram is formatted: italicized,
centered, followed by the author of the
quote justified right, no italics.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:41 PM
Comment: “TAG” = “TITLE,
AUTHOR, GENRE” and generally refers
to the importance of mentioning all key
information needed to understand your
argument as SOON as possible. Here,
Josh immediately lets us know the essay
will be analyzing Jay Gatsby, that he is a
major character, that the genre is a novel,
the setting is 1925, and that is quite
famous, considered to be the “Great
American Novel.” His mentioning that last
part is also strategic, as he plans to analyze
how the green light is about the false
promise of the “American Dream.”
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:45 PM
Comment: CONTEXTUALLY DEFINE
ANY KEY TERMS: an A+ essay never
assumes the reader knows the student
author’s exact meaning of especially
abstract concepts such as “the American
Dream,” “the feminine ideal,” “old and
new money” and so on. The A+ student
leaves nothing to chance; note here how
Josh strategically uses Adams' definition
of the American Dream to both
... [1]
contextually
define the10/24/14
term so readers
can
Innovative Computing
11:37 PM
follow his argument AS WELL AS serve as
Comment:
HOOK
–
Note
how
Josh
a terrific hook, linking to the EPIGRAM he
connects
the EPIGRAM.
began thenicely
essay to
with.
empty dream.
[F] Gatsby, like many others who failed to be born into wealth, was tricked by the upper class and high society,
by thinking that if he was able to get the money, house, cars, clothes, and most important, the golden girl, Daisy, he would be
able to fit in.
[G] Gatsby sets his sight on a green light, his hope and desire to be part of what his vision is of the upper class,
and becomes too fixed on this single green light to understand that he will never be able to have it all.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:37 PM
[H] By repeating the
Comment: “FLOW TO THESIS”: going
from the UNIVERAL to the SPECIFIC.
green motif, Fitzgerald reveals that Gatsby hopes to achieve prosperity and success, but his dream remains unattainable and out
of reach.
[I]
upper class.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:49 PM
Comment: THESIS STATEMENT:
SCRAPY
Specific and detailed roadmap or
snapshot of the arguments to follow
The green light at the end of Daisy’s dock symbolizes Gatsby’s excessive ambition, misted by the vista of the
Comprehensive coverage of the full
argument in the essay to follow – if it’s a
major argument in the essay, it MUST be
represented in the thesis as well
[J] By focusing on Gatsby’s lack of control over his dream and naivety of becoming part of the upper class,
Relevant to all mankind and the
deeper themes in life as opposed to just the
characters in one book
Analytical and deep too superficial as
opposed to overly-simplistic, or tooobvious. Perhaps a connection to deeper
historical, psychological, political, or
philosophical significance. Otherwise,
perhaps the student has taken a stance
that is unusual and is therefore interesting.
Fitzgerald creates a character whose flaws blind him from a realistic dream, ultimately leading to his downfall.
Provable and debatable argument that
avoids the obvious like “hard work pays
off,”
Y: You can understand it the FIRST
time reading it.
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[K] Fitzgerald uses the green light to represent the lack of control Gatsby displays when he fixates on a dream that
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:49 PM
Comment: ASSERTION: SCRAPY
remains beyond his grasp.
Specific and detailed roadmap or
snapshot of the paragraph’s argument to
follow
[L] He expresses this lack of control through the green light to symbolize the ability of the light,
Comprehensive coverage of the
argument in the paragraph to follow – if
it’s a major point in the commentary, it
MUST be represented in the assertion as
well – no “surprises” hidden in your
commentary. Burying your best points
deep in the paragraph is called “burying
the lead” and it’s something you DON’T
want to do!
Gatsby’s desires to be part of the upper class, to attract Gatsby continuously until his single dream ultimately destroys him.
[M] For example, Nick watches Gatsby from a distance as “he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way”
Related to the THESIS STATEMENT
or prompt. Good essay writing is all about
organization of high-level thought.
and thinks that he “could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward-- and distinguished nothing except a
single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock” (21).
Analytical and deep too superficial as
opposed to overly-simplistic, or tooobvious. Perhaps a connection to deeper
historical, psychological, political, or
philosophical significance. Otherwise,
perhaps the student has taken a stance
that is unusual and is therefore interesting.
[N] Here, viewing the scene without
being mesmerized by the light, Nick plays the outsider, observing Gatsby being drawn to just the green light, which signifies
Gatsby’s ensnarement with the false promise of a hope associated with the acquisition of money.
Provable and debatable argument that
avoids the obvious like “hard work pays
off,”
[O] Gatsby was tricked by
Y: You can understand it the FIRST
time reading it.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:49 PM
Comment: ADVANCED QUOTE
EMBEDDING: ET + C + Q.
society and believes that all he needs for success is to reach the green light, specifically, the material goods that the green light
represents to him, and with that, the upper class will be accept him.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:49 PM
Comment: COMMENTARY BEGINS ~
COMMENTARY TRANSITION
(“Here,”) + EXPLAIN (Note how Josh
perfectly uses “Explain” step to be the
“mini-assertion” for the quote.
[P] Nick observes that Gatsby “was trembling,” showing
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his inability to control his outstretched arms because he had never been so close to his dream, “a single green light.”
[Q]
Moreover, green normally symbolizes life, growth, and moving forward, but here with the green light, Fitzgerald suggests
ironically that not everything works out the way one wants it to.
[R] Thus, trembling shows Gatsby’s lack of control over his
emotions when Daisy is involved, suggesting that the pursuit of his dream is shaky and foreshadowing the fragility and ultimate
collapse of his dream.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:50 PM
Comment: COMMENTARY, step 3 of 4:
CONNECT. Note Josh’s slow and careful
discussion of how the quote connects to
his central argument. Note how he
“breaks down the quote” or “quotes the
quote” in order to discuss each part, bitby-bit. Connect is also known as “CLOSE
READING” or “WORD and PHRASE
LEVEL ANALYSIS” (WLA). In order to
get good ideas for his close reading, Josh
began with extensive ADVANCED
ANNOTATIONS. See the relationship
now? Read > basic annotations for
comprehension and to personally connect
with the text > get a sense of what YOU
want to say about the text (rather than
what the teacher wants, or what
Sparknotes want... :) > ADVANCED
ANNOTATION to get ideas for your close
reading > pick your BEST observations
from your advanced annotation (aka close
reading) > form a rough working
argument/thesis/assertion > clarify your
analysis in the CONNECT step of
COMMENTARY > revise your assertions
to reflect your commentary > revise your
thesis to reflect your revised assertions >
"seal the deal," solidifying your argument
in the conclusion and at the end of each
paragraph with the final lines, or the "GO
BIG" step in commentary.
Innovative Computing 10/24/14 11:50 PM
Comment: COMMENTARY, step 4 of 4 ~
GO BIG! Note how Josh does a great job
in "sealing the deal," solidifying his overall
argument in the paragraph by previewing
his next paragraph and simultaneously
connecting to the overall thesis about the
significance of the green light.
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