Did You Hear the One About?
Monster Goldfish Terrorizes Lake Tahoe Residents?
Remember the goldfish that were given away free
as “prizes” at state and county fairs, lived briefly in
bowls, and were then flushed down the toilet by
mom? Turns out they should have been spayed and
neutered before being dumped into waterways.
Researchers at the University of Nevada, Reno have
been conducting a three-year study of the invasive
species, which could interfere with Lake Tahoe’s
ecosystem. (It takes a study to make it “o-fish-al.”)
People are dumping pet goldfish, or goldfish used as
live bait, into Lake Tahoe and it’s creating a new kind
of lake monster – gigantic goldfish, weighing as much
as four pounds and measuring a foot-and-a-half.
Can you imagine the new horror movie this will
spawn? Instead of “Jaws” it will be “Gums”! Or
“Frankenfish!” Scene one: a tourist dumps
some goldfish into the lake, leaving town in
a hurry because a couple of loan sharks
are after him. The fish swim around for a
bit, happy as a clam, and – holy
mackerel – become enormous.
Scientists, looking a little
coy, use steroids to breed
a new monster catfish to
kill off the overpopulating,
aggressive, giant goldfish and
save Lake Tahoe! At the end,
a California assemblyman
introduces a bill to ban
aquariums so this will never
happen again.
Perhaps this plot line sounds
fishy, like a load
of carp, kind of tough to
swallow – like a fourpound goldfish given to
a frat boy in a goldfisheating contest.
And the next movie after
that? Gums 2?
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