Wenstrom Bible Ministries
Pastor-Teacher Bill Wenstrom
Sunday November 27, 2016
www.wenstrom.org
Colossians: Colossians 3:21-The Parents in the Colossian Christian
Community Must Continue to Not Provoke Their Children to Prevent
Discouragement
Lesson # 96
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not
lose heart. (NASB95)
“Fathers” is the noun patēr (πατήρ), which is referring to the male parent.
In the plural, the word can mean “parents” which is how the word is used in
Hebrews 11:23.
However, the former is in view for two reasons.
The first is that in the first century among the Gentiles, the father was the head of
the household and would have primary responsibility for issuing orders to children.
Secondly, in the Christian home, the father was the authority over both the wife
and the children and thus held the ultimate responsibility for seeing that the
children are raised properly (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23).
In other words, the buck stopped with the father and not the mother.
However, although this command in Colossians 3:21 is directed at the fathers in
the Colossian Christian community, the mothers were also in view as well since
the mother was the one who spent the day with the children and not the father.
The latter would be at his job or business providing for his family.
“Do not exasperate your children” is composed of the following: (1) negative
particle me (μή), “not” (3) verb erethizō (ἐρεθίζω), “do exasperate” (4) noun
teknon (τέκνον), “children” (5) personal pronoun su (σύ) (see), “your.”
2016 William E. Wenstrom, Jr. Bible Ministries
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The verb erethizō means “to make resentful, to stir up embitterment, to make
someone bitter.”
Louw and Nida define the word as “to cause someone to feel resentment”.1
BDAG defines the word “to cause someone to react in a way that suggests
acceptance of a challenge, to provoke”.2
The word refers to stirring someone to action, as if by challenging them to a
contest to the point of exasperation.
Therefore, the verb refers to provoking someone to bitterness and resentment and
exasperation.
The word’s meaning is negated by the negative particle me and together they form
a prohibition which has the force of a general precept.
It makes no comment about whether or not the act expressed in the verb is actually
taking place or not.
Together, they express a general precept of the parents in the Colossian Christian
community continuing to observe this prohibition.
Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that everyone in the Colossian Christian community
was operating in the love of God with each other and thus the parents were doing
so with their children.
Thus, the prohibition here is expressing the idea of each and every one of these
parents must continue to make it their habit of not provoking their children to
bitterness or resentment and exasperation and ultimately, discouragement.
“So that they will not lose heart” presents the purpose for which Paul prohibited
the parents in the Colossian Christian community from provoking their children to
the point of exasperation and resentment.
“They will not lose heart” is composed of the following: (1) negative particle me
(μή), “not” (3) verb athumeō (ἀθυμέω), “they will lose heart.”
1
88.168
2
page 391
2016 William E. Wenstrom, Jr. Bible Ministries
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The verb athumeō means “to be disheartened, to be discouraged to the extent of
losing motivation.”3
The word’s meaning is negated by the negative particle me which denies any idea
of the parents in the Colossian Christian community causing their children to be
discouraged to the extent of losing motivation.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, each of you continue to make it your habit of not
provoking your children to the point of exasperation and resentment in order
that they will not be in a state of discouragement. (My translation)
After addressing the conduct of the wives and husbands in relation to each other
and the children in relation to their parents, the apostle Paul here in Colossians
3:21 addresses the conduct of the fathers directly and indirectly the mothers in
relation to their children.
He commands them to continue making it their habit of not provoking their
children to the point of exasperation and resentment.
What Paul has in mind here with this command is that of the parents constantly
correcting and reprimanding the child for every little wrong or imagined wrong.
Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that everyone in the Colossian Christian community
was operating in the love of God with each other and thus the parents were doing
so with their children.
Sincere, faithful, godly, conscientious parents want their children to be faithful
disciples of Jesus Christ and to do the Father’s will.
However, because of this they have a strong tendency to pressure their children to
do right and if they are not careful, this can result in constant nagging.
So, Paul does not want the parents to be too exacting with their children.
He is not saying to not discipline them but what he is forbidding them to do is
ceaselessly irritating the children by being too exacting or in other words, he does
not want them to be too severe in making demands of their children.
3
BDAG, page 25
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In other words, parents should not be drill sergeants since their children are not
being trained to be soldiers in the military!
He is forbidding constant criticism of their children which will lead to resentment
and discouragement.
Paul wants the parents to train their children and discipline their children but with a
merciful and compassionate understanding of their children or in other words,
viewing their struggles with compassion and being patient with them.
He wants them to rebuke but also to encourage at the same time.
He wants them to correct their children with gentleness and not severity.
He wants them to be firm but exercising compassion and patience at the same time.
Therefore, they are to train and discipline their children the way God the Father
trains and disciplines them, namely with love which expresses itself by disciplining
with compassion and forgiveness and patience.
The purpose of this command in Colossians 3:21 which required the parents in the
Colossian Christian community continue making it their habit of not provoking
their children to the point of exasperation and resentment was so that they would
not discourage their children.
Richard Melick writes “The reason for the command was to avoid discouragement.
Constant nagging produces a situation where children are discouraged either
because they cannot please those they love or because they feel they are of no
worth to anybody.”4
Paul issues a similar prohibition to the parents in the Ephesian Christian
community.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB95)
4
Melick, R. R. (1991). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (Vol. 32, p. 315). Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.
2016 William E. Wenstrom, Jr. Bible Ministries
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To provoke to anger suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that
gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward
hostility.
Provoking your children to anger can involve the following:
(1) Over protecting or “smothering” the child and not letting them make decisions
and mistakes on their own commensurate with their age and maturity.
(2) Living out one’s own ambitions through their children.
(3) Always finding fault with your child and never acknowledging and praising
them when they have done well or achieved some great accomplishment in sports,
academics, etc.
(4) Failing to sacrifice for them and making them feel unwanted and always an
intrusion in your life.
(5) Failing to let children grow up at a normal pace by always chiding their
children for always acting childish, even when what they do is perfectly normal
and harmless for their age.
(6) Using love as a tool of reward or punishment meaning granting a reward to a
child when they are good and withdrawing it when they are bad, which is not
God’s way of treating us since God loves us when we misbehave and when we
behave and disciplines His children just as much out of love and affection as when
He blesses them.
(7) Physical and verbal abuse.
2016 William E. Wenstrom, Jr. Bible Ministries
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