LOCATIONS:
sunny breakfast table ­ studio? or patio?
move to room with drug addicts ­ den or alley?
bathroom ­ mab’s house
festival space ­ ????
alter
PROPS:
non­paper coffee cup (would be nice if it said turtle creek coffee)
some representation of crystal meth
some representation of coke (powdered sugar)
drip coffee make
french press
aeropress
2 coffee cups from turtle creek
4 paper cup sizes (espresso shot, small, med. large)
bag of coffee beans (any cheap beans will do)
ground coffee (any cheap ground coffee will do)
picture of a horse
picture of donkey kong
burlap sacks stuffed with paper for Donkey Kong scene
used soggy tea bags
clearly marked decaf coffee bags/cans? cups?
alter
­ coffee bags
­ candles
spotlight
drop cloth to catch beans
broom to clean up
toilet paper for the bathroom scene
ACTORS:
coke user ­
meth user ­
minions offering coffee
worshipers at the alter
barista
SCRIPT/STORY BOARD
oh Hi there!
I'm mab just mab, DC's own sideshow girl.
you may recognize me from such incriminating/awkward moments/ poses as:
[quick clip close up shot of stuffing pink balloon in my face with gagging sound effect]
or
[quick clip close up shot of my face in broken glass with a big foot on top of my head with
screaming sound effect]
When I'm not doing incredibly stupid things for the entertainment of others, I like to relax with a
nice cup of Turtle Creek Coffee.
[take a sip]
mmmmmm. goood coffee.
kind of makes me want to...
break into song?
yeah.
[Sitting at the table all casual like. maybe even birds chirping]
turtle creek coffee crack
we all need it to function,
life too short to drink crap
when you must obey your addiction
[stand up while setting the uke down and walk over to the druggies ]
cocaine is illegal
[ stop coke user]
crystal meth is too
[ stop meth user, all kind and benevolent. Kind of like the uplifting videos from the 80’s ]
They don't pack the buzz
Of a cup of fresh brewed
[ hand over two cups of coffee to drug addicts. who take sips and do a thumbs up ]
turtle creek coffee crack
Cheap as dirt
Fun as smack
[ smack the drug users on the back of the head as I walk away ]
don't talk to me
unless you bring
A cup of fresh
hot brewed caffeine
[ shot of grovelling minions offering me coffee. take a sip of one and toss it, possibly at the
camera to cut to next shot]
[ this sequence has me tossing back different sizes of coffee, the final shot I'm snorting a pinch
of ground coffee. ]
Another cup
Another sip
Another shot
One more hit
[SCENE CUT ]
[sexy shot of a sexy girl pressing aero press ] plunge it
[sexy shot of a sexy girl pressing a French press ]press it
brew it drip
[ sexy shot of drip coffee maker blocking half my face. Push it aside ]
nothing tastes
quite like this shit
[SCENE CUT ]
[close up shot of me singing ]
[ slow pan out off me on the toilet. ]
Turtle creek coffee crack
Clear your bowels
Leave your tract intact.
[Ends with cheesy thumbs up and tossing paper at camera ]
[bridge clips of mab trying to poop ]
[SCENE CUT ]
[ sexy girl loving on coffee. ]
sweet as sin
black as night.
hot as hell
it's all right.
[ gangster nod pointing to sexy girl behind me. ]
[SCENE CUT ]
[ sexy girl grinding coffee. ]
Grind it fine
Or grind it corse
like my men
Hung like a horse
[ gangster nod pointing to a horse behind me. ]
[SCENE CUT ]
Tea is weak
[ crushing / squeezing soggy tea bags with look of disgust ]
Decaf is wrong
[ knocking decaf cups off the table ]
Give it to me
Hard [muscle arm right] and strong [muscle arm left ]
I'm a twice brewed donkey Kong
[ roaring double muscle arms blink back and forth with picture of Donky Kong.
start throwing burlap sacks of “beans” at the camera ]
[SCENE CUT ]
stuff your face
full of beans
grind em up
with your teeth
brew it strong
with your spit
gimmie more
I love this shit!
[ slow motion of pouring a bag of beans down my face, stuffing it with grounds, big smile at the
end with my teeth blacked and caked with grounds and a thumbs up! ]
CAFFEINATE ME BABY!
I GOT SHIT TO DO!
I gotta stay awake
for the next 30 hours
there's a festival going on and I don't wanna miss anything are you going to the after after after
party?
[ fast forward doing all the things and wearing party hats ]
cause I am
[ ding! thumbs up crazy look smile ]
[SCENE CUT ]
Worship at the alter
of the dark roast bean
[ worshipers in a dark room bowing down before a candle lit altar with bags of turtle creek coffee
in formation ]
Get yourself enlightened
Sleep deprivation is key
[ walk amongst the worshipers singing ]
[SCENE CUT ­ ???? ]
I think I've seen the face of god!
[ pause. Spotlight on my upturned face in awe. Maybe even a single crystal tear. ]
[SCENE CUT ]
[ comes into focus barista with glow and halo offering me, all of us, a cup of coffee ]
she looks like a barista
[SCENE CUT ]
[ back to present where we started, mab playing the uke and singing at the breakfast table. ]
at Turtle Creek Coffee.