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Virtue of Temperance: What‟s Love Got to Do With It?
Rev. Kathleen Owens
Feb. 13, 2011 – Hillcrest
I must confess that I was concerned about today‟s attendance given the main subject of
the sermon. Thank goodness we had such wonderful music as a draw! I mean, who wants to hear
a sermon about temperance, especially in a culture that can feel like more is always better. In
general people don‟t like being told “no,” “stop,” “pull back,” “hold on,” “slow down,”
“balance.” I think humans tend to want what they want, when they want it, as often and as much.
And if it‟s something that feels good – more is better. Temperance is not an easy subject as we
are so often fed the message that we need something more to feel better or look better. Like the
other sermons in this series, this Virtue is based on the workshop at General Assembly given by
the Rev. Dr. Galen Guengerich who is the senior minister at All Souls Unitarian Church in New
York City. We Unitarian Universalists believe in salvation by character and the growth of
character can be achieved through leading a life of virtue. Aristotle said that virtue is the key to
happiness. And temperance is a virtue that can lead to experiences of true freedom and pleasure.
While working on this sermon, when I mentioned the virtue of temperance – everyone
said something to me about drinking. And that‟s reasonable given the Temperance movement we
had in this country starting in the late 1780s; by 1839 there were several journals and
organizations dedicated to temperance which focused on the drinking of alcohol to excess and
wanting it, needing it to stop. Many Unitarians and Universalists of the day were leaders in the
movement and in fact, our own Universalist Dr. Benjamin Rush is credited for pioneering the
Temperance movement. But he never called for total abstinence.1 That came later with
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The Temperance Movement by Henry William Blair, 1887, and The Universalist Movement in America, 1770-1880
by Ann Lee Bressler, 2001, page 85.
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Prohibition in 1920-1933. Temperance does not mean abstinence but rather it means selfrestraint in one‟s behavior, usually focused around eating and drinking; it means moderation.
I‟m talking today about temperance as a strength – a strength that protects us from
excess; excess, yes from drinking but also from anger, greed, and those short-term pleasures that,
in excess, have long-term costs. Temperance is the rule of not too much. It isn‟t that we are
meant to live without, without eating or drinking, without desire, but rather, as Jack Kornfield
describes it, we are to live with a wise relationship to desire. Not too much. Defying this rule
causes more trouble than some of us can handle – literally. Rather than taking pleasure from our
desires, when they are out of control, when we have defied the rule of „not too much‟ and taken
our pleasures to excess, we no longer can enjoy them for they control us. And one morning we
wake up and find ourselves in bondage to that which once brought pleasure…be it drink, smoke,
sex, food, or relationships that have turned from equals to an unhealthy and no longer promotes
love. Scores of lives have been lost when the rule of „not too much‟ has been overlooked. A good
test to see if, in fact that one has broken the rule is to ask oneself the morning after test. After an
evening of indulgence of pleasure one might want to ask: is there pain this morning from the
night before? When the source of pleasure becomes a source of pain, the rule has been broken.
And there may be a deeper problem here – not just that the rule was broken, but next the
question needs to be asked: what pleasure did I take too far to meet a deeper need. For instance,
what need was I trying to meet with that third glass of wine or that second dessert? Failing the
morning after test can be a wake-up call that addiction may be an issue for which we need help.
What I like most about the morning after test is it requires an awareness of myself.
Awareness is the key – “knowing myself is true wisdom – mastering over others is strength but
mastering myself is true power.” Lao-Tzu said it centuries ago and it still is true today. In Steven
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Mitchell‟s translation of the Tao Te Ching – his notes say it another way: “When I know myself,
I know others. When I master myself, I don‟t need to master others.” (Tao Te Ching – A New
English Version by Stephen Mitchell, page 98). Cultivating awareness of ourselves and our
desires requires an understanding of who we are and what motivates us. The poet writes, “Now I
become myself. It‟s taken time, many years and places; I have been dissolved and shaken, Worn
other people‟s face; Run madly…Now to stand still, to be here, feel my own weight and
density!” There are multiple ways of digging deeper into our own beings. Some enter into
therapy or counseling to help understand the inner, unconscious motivations behinds actions and
behaviors. When we become aware, when we begin to understand the reasoning behind our
words and actions, we then have a greater sense of freedom and control because we can make
difference choices rather than reacting all the time and moving through our life like the ball in a
pinball machine – that reacts upon each hit it receives or barrier it bounces off of.
There are many tools available – astrological signs and descriptions of characteristics;
Tarot cards and readers that might offer insight into behavior; personality tests and inventories
that show a light onto patterns of responses and ways of being. The Enneagram is a tool that has
some intellectual and spiritual work behind it and has been used by many of my colleagues. “The
goal of the Enneagram,” according to Rev. Guengerich, “is for us to learn what drives us
emotionally so we won‟t find ourselves unnecessarily at cross purposes with ourselves or other
people.” It is a tool that helps us learn about and think about what drives us, identify our deepest
desires and thus knowing them, we are not controlled by them. They remain sources of pleasure
in our lives, not causes of pain.
So what‟s Love got to do with all of this? It‟s more than just a song sung by a terrific
artist – Tina Turner. There are many forms of love. In English we have just one word to
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encompass all the various forms of love. The Greeks however have different words for different
kinds of love. There is “agape, which is love between God and people; eros, which is the bond
between lovers, filia, which is literally translated as brotherly love and there is storge – the love
of what is comfortable and comforting.” My colleague the Rev. Meg Riley describes another
form of love – self-love in her column from in Quest, newsletter of the Church of the Larger
Fellowship. There is a Greek name for this kind of love – auto-ektimisi, it translates more to selfesteem but it‟s deeper than that. She writes that “it‟s a very deep, very proactive concept; not
everyone can reach this kind of self-love but it gives us, as we accept our own mistakes, the
energy for life. It‟s more than taking care of oneself but rather more like self-love through selfknowledge. This is where love starts…with one‟s self, accepting and loving oneself, being aware
of who you are, what your needs are, what motivates you and standing on the side of love for
your own sake so that you are filled up and can then give to others – be it to your partner/lover,
your friend, your family, your community, your city, your country. It starts here – within oneself.
Learning about one‟s self, becoming aware of our own desires and the motivations
behind our behavior is not as self-indulgent as it may sound. In fact, I think it‟s the opposite for
being self-aware allows for honest relationships, a deeper freedom to choose behaviors and
action (rather than reacting) and in the end, we can be a more balanced, centered person when we
are more fully aware of our inner self. This is a form of self-love that we rarely hear about in our
society. In fact, many of us were raised to repress our own interests, our sense of self to others‟
wants/wills and desires. We have been taught that what we want is selfish, not okay and knowing
and asking for our needs to be met is immature. Some of us have lived with the model of selfsacrifice as a way to spiritual deepening. There are times when self-sacrifice is appropriate but
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martyrdom is not. Self-love, self-knowledge combined with the rule of „not too much‟ creates a
balance that is healthy.
This isn‟t merely a self-help kind of sermon but this principle is contained within our first
principle – that we affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every person –
including ourselves. Respect for the worth and dignity of every person must begin with self…for
how do we offer to others and the world that which we refuse to give ourselves. What does selflove look like? What is your dharma while on this planet? Do you know? The scorpion did, the
monk did. Are you aware of yourself or are you running madly, wearing other people‟s faces?
Cultivating temperance in our lives can keep us safe from over indulgence of self-love, of
food, drink, anger. What about temperance around exercise or work? Where in your life are you
in need of moderation? For me, living in the balance is my life-long journey, the balance
between my heart and feeling with my head, thinking and reason. It is a spiritual practice for me
to be aware, and I have to practice it, consciously, every day.
Following the rule of not too much can bring us balance in all things. Temperance
requires courage and commitment; recently before our very eyes we have seen temperance,
courage and commitment demonstrated for 18 days as thousands of Egyptians, who longed for
liberty, justice and freedom – practice moderation in their action, speech and in their behavior.
They were clear on their central needs, for liberty, for justice and freedom and they remained
true to those needs, acted on them and acted with temperance, control. Where can we practice
some moderation in our lives? What if we tried it in how we talk about others…or how we think
about ourselves? What if we used temperance in here – our minds that so strongly influences our
lives?
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Our first principle belongs to us as individuals as well as to those around us; and this
religious community can offer support and ways of practice that encourage balance and health in
our lives. The payoff of Temperance is huge – true pleasure and true freedom; living in balance
with desire invites us to enjoy the goodness in this life. May it be so – for us all and may we
share it with others. Blessed be.