Script
The Issue of Separation for Infants & Toddlers in Child Care
Slide 1: Title Page
Welcome to the “First 3 Years Digital Learning Initiative”. This is a 10 part series offered
online for professionals who want to obtain continuing education specific to infant mental
health and early childhood development. The phrase “Infant Mental Health” can be
confusing and even harsh on the ears of the average person. Whether they know it or not,
child care providers are instrumental in providing a sound environment to create optimal
mental health for the infants in their care. In this case, “health” actually means well-being,
and in this training we will dive into the foundations of infant mental health and the
importance of identifying the infant mental health implications in the work you already do
with children. Using the encompassing and focused lens of infant mental health, child care
providers are able to see development as it relates to cognitive, social, and emotional
growth. Young children learn and develop within the context of relationships and so as we
move through this series, it is important to reflect on the power of nurturing, responsive,
and intentional interactions in your work with infants and toddlers.
Reflecting upon our own experiences, the issue of separation can be a difficult part of life
for adults, and therefore it is with great empathy that we must consider what separation
means to an infant or toddler who is not yet equipped to fully understand the meaning. In
this training we will discuss separation and how it relates to attachment for the young
child, as well as tools and practices to help a child experiencing separation.
Slide 2: This Program Was Made Possible by the Generous Support of:
The Dallas Foundation
Harold Simmons Foundation
Horace C. Cabe Foundation
Houston Endowment
M.B. and Edna Zale Foundation
Slide 3: Who is the Texas Association for Infant Mental Health? (TAIMH)
The Texas Association for Infant Mental Health, also known as TAIMH, is the only nonprofit organization in Texas focused on the social and emotional development of infants,
toddlers, and their families.
We believe that infants and toddlers learn and develop through the context of relationships
and we are committed to spreading research and best practices around Infant Mental
Health to those working with infants, toddlers, and their families.
Slide 4: What is Infant Mental Health?
Infant Mental Health is rooted in the understanding that developmental outcomes emerge
from infant characteristics, caregiver-infant relationships, and the environmental contexts
within which infant-parent relationships take place.
Infant Mental health can be defined as the developing capacity of a child from birth to age 3
to:



Experience, regulate, and express emotions
Form close and secure interpersonal relationships and
Explore the environment and learn.
Infant Mental Health is synonymous with healthy social and emotional development.
When we talk about Infant Mental Health, we are talking about the importance of
relationships for the developing child. We recognize that nurturing, responsive, and
consistent care is essential to a young child’s mental health and forms the foundation for
lifelong positive or negative mental health.
Furthermore, we acknowledge that the state of an adult’s emotional well-being profoundly
affects the quality of the infant-caregiver relationship and ultimately the development of
the child.
Slide 5: Why is Infant Mental Health Important?
Infant Mental Health is important because we know that a child’s risk for negative
outcomes increases when it is absent.
Infant Mental Health serves as the basis for all other development, including cognitive
development, the development of pre-literacy skills, and the development of positive peer
relationships.
Indicators of infant mental health such as secure attachment relationships and healthy
social-emotional development in young children are associated with:




A greater probability of completing high school,
Lower risk of incarceration
Greater overall happiness and emotional health and
The ability to develop and sustain healthy relationships with others.
Slide 6: What does TAIMH do?
The work of TAIMH includes Education, Advocacy & Collaboration, Outreach, and Support
and Endorsement for Professionals.
For more information, visit: www.taimh.org
Slides 7: How to View This Presentation
The digital learning module you are about to view describes key areas of infant and toddler
mental health.
Although we use the word “caregiver” throughout the presentation, we recognize that the
terms caregiver, teacher, care provider, and early childhood educator may all be used to
describe those who work with infants and toddlers.
Finally, while our goal is to present current evidence that supports best practices in early
childhood care and education, we recognize that new information is constantly emerging.
Slide 8: The Issue of Separation for Infants & Toddlers in Child Care (Title Page)
Slide 9: Learning Objectives
In this module, you will learn about the issue of separation for infants and toddlers in child
care. Upon completing this module, you will be able to:







Define separation and discuss how separation relates to object permanence,
stranger awareness, and separation anxiety.
Describe how separation relates to attachment.
Explain why secure attachments are important for young children’s
development.
Discuss how self-regulation impacts separation and list possible causes for
concern.
Describe the role of temperament in children’s responses to separation.
Discuss the signs that a young child is becoming attached to a caregiver.
Describe tools and practices that can help children with separation.
Slide 10: What is Separation?
A very young child struggling with separation—it is something we see every day in child
care centers. Families and children say goodbye in the morning and then say hello again at
the end of the day. The feelings that surround separating from those we love most are not
limited to child care situations. Separation is the experience of leaving the familiar and
experiencing the unfamiliar.
The first separation we experience as humans is during birth as we leave our mother’s
womb and it continues throughout life. We leave home to go to school or camp or college.
We move to a new home or take new jobs. We all suffer the ultimate separation, the death
of a loved one. The task of adjusting to these separations challenges us at every stage of life,
from infancy on. For many young children, the experience of entering child care is the
child’s first experience of being separated from a parent or primary caregiver for several
hours and it is your job as the child care provider to help both the family and the child
navigate the transition.
As we begin this discussion and consider how separation impacts the children and families
in your care, think about who you are and how you became that person. What do you
remember from your early years about how you felt when you were leaving the person you
cared about the most? How did these experiences impact who you are today?
(Pause for viewers to consider these questions)
Slide 11: Separation and Attachment
Separation for infants and toddlers occurs in the context of the attachment relationship
with the primary caregiver. Attachment and separation are intricately related. Attachment
is the first critical act of emotional development and separation is the second. Attachment
forms a frame of reference for how to relate to and rely on others and separation forms a
frame of reference on how to deal with loss. Very young children have the paradoxical
developmental task of becoming securely attached to a caregiver and yet be able to be
separate from them. When children are securely attached, with a safe base to return to for
refueling, they can begin to move out into the world. In order to do this successfully, they
need adults they know will be there for them. Secure attachments between a child and
caregiver promote resilience, self-regulation and a positive sense of self for young children.
Slide 12: The Importance of Secure Attachment
We now know that infants form attachment relationships with their consistent, nurturing
child care providers. That makes your role in providing a safe, secure, and responsive
environment critical to their development. According to research study after research
study, young children who receive this type of care from you and other primary caregivers
have better life outcomes. Among those outcomes are: greater self-confidence, better
performance in school, the development of multiple coping strategies in new or stressful
situations, the expectation that they will be understood, and greater enthusiasm and
persistence when trying new activities. You are literally helping a young child build a
foundation for a successful life whenever you respond to their needs in a caring, attuned
way.
Slide 13: The Importance of Secure Attachment
Did you know that even very young infants struggle when they are separated from their
primary caregivers and other attachment figures? Researchers have been able to test
stress hormones in infants’ bodies and infants become much more stressed when they are
separated from their caregiver than when they are not. They may demonstrate this by
appearing to shut down emotionally, which could be misinterpreted as not caring where
they are or who is caring for them. Even if a child is not showing visible signs of distress
when left with an unfamiliar caregiver, the brain is still being flooded with stress chemicals.
Slide 14: Attachment as a Process: Bowlby’s Phases of Attachment
Forming an attachment relationship is a process. It does not happen overnight. According
to attachment theorist John Bowlby, there are four phases of attachment beginning with
pre-attachment from about birth to 6-8 weeks of age and ending with the phase of
reciprocal relationships.
During the phase of pre-attachment, the caregiver and infant are learning how to respond
to one another. The basis for an interactive system is forming and infants recognize the
mother by smell and sound. Infants come into the world with many signals and capabilities
that help them to receive the caregiving they need to survive.
After about 6-8 weeks of age, the phase of attachment in the making begins. During this
time, infants act differently when they are with a familiar caregiver. This can be a very
rewarding time for the caregiver because the infant smiles more with them than with
others and prefers the primary caregiver for comfort.
In the third phase of true attachment, lasting from about 6-8 months to 18 months, the
attachment relationship between parent and child has been established. The infant views
the parent as a source of security and trusts the parent to meet his or her needs. During
this phase, many important developmental changes take place such as the development of
object permanence, stranger awareness and anxiety, and separation anxiety.
Slide 15: Separation and Object Permanence
Infants begin to develop a sense of trust that the caregiver will respond to them when
signaled. This leads to infants beginning to show preference for familiar caregivers. They
begin to look for them in the room and turn their faces toward them when they are
speaking. Infants begin to display some wariness when they encounter or are held by
unfamiliar people.
Also around 6-8 months, infants begin to develop a sense of object permanence. Infants
learn that just because an object is out of their line of sight does not mean that it is gone
forever. As they develop object permanence, they also begin to develop person
permanence and begin to understand that when a person is not there, they are not gone
forever. Infants begin to understand that their caregiver still exists and that he or she is not
with them. Peek-a-boo and games that involve hiding an object or a person explore this
concept. By playing these repetitive games over and over, infants learn mastery. They
learn that they do not need to be afraid to give something up because it will return.
Slide 16: Stranger Awareness and Anxiety
The beginning of stranger awareness is an important part of healthy development. As
infants get older, they become better able to recognize the faces of the people they
encounter in their day-to-day lives. And they become better able to distinguish between
familiar adults and strangers.
After the first 6 months of life, infants explore their environments more – both visually and
with their bodies. At this time, infants also become increasingly more likely to be wary of
strangers. To see stranger awareness in action, just watch how infants and toddlers
respond to meeting a clown, the Easter Bunny, or another costumed character. Talk about
a potentially distressing situation!
As a caregiver to a 7-9 month old infant, you have probably also noticed that at this age,
children become more likely to protest separations from their primary caregiver. These
protests are a positive sign that the attachment relationship between parent and child has
been established.
Beginning around 7 months of age, stranger anxiety becomes more frequent and an infant
who is encountering an unfamiliar adult might turn away, fuss, cry, or cling to the parent.
You can help an infant feel more comfortable by approaching slowly, talking with the
parent, offering a toy or smile, and resisting the urge to pick up or hold the infant. Avoid
tickling the baby or being intrusive. View the infant as a partner in communication and
look carefully for signs of how the child is responding to you. Allow the infant plenty of
time to “warm up” to your presence. This will help you to move from unfamiliar adult to
cherished care provider.
Slide 17: Separation Anxiety
The appearance of separation anxiety is another milestone in development, and one that
goes hand-in-hand with stranger awareness. Separation anxiety can happen to all
children, even those who share secure attachment relationships with their parents.
Separation anxiety, like stranger anxiety, can include protesting, fussing, crying, and trying
to cling to the parent. Children can show signs of separation anxiety in a variety of
situations, for example when the parent leaves the room, drops them off at child care, or
says goodnight at the end of the day. Nighttime can be particularly challenging to a young
child who is experiencing separation anxiety.
Let’s look more closely at the development of separation anxiety. Recall that around 7
months of age, the attachment relationship between parent and child has been established
and infants have become more wary and anxious about strangers. This is the time when
many infants are also getting ready to crawl. Crawling is a particularly important
milestone because the infant can now practice separating by moving away from the
caregiver for a short period of time. When infants are able to separate and return to a
responsive and loving caregiver, they can more confidently embrace their newfound
independence and mobility. This is the idea of secure base behavior. A young child can
move out into the world – even if just for a few moments -- and return back to their safe
haven.
Separation anxiety heightens between 12-18 months which is often the time that children
first enter child care. Imagine how a child might feel if he or she enters child care for the
very first time during the height of separation anxiety.
It is important to remember that a toddler can only become a separate person in the safety
of a relationship.
Slide 18: Helpful Tips for Separation Anxiety
There are several helpful tips for helping children with separation anxiety. First, it is very
important for you to remind parents not to leave without saying goodbye, even if their
child is engaged in play. Parents often want to “sneak away” but it is much more
traumatizing when the child realizes the parent is gone and has not let them know they are
leaving or when they will return. Parents should develop a goodbye ritual that allows the
infant or toddler to understand that they will return at the end of the day.
Second, it is also helpful to recognize that separations can be very difficult for parents,
particularly if the child is struggling or the family is new to child care. Reassure the parent
that the child’s behavior is a normal part of healthy development and that separation
anxiety reflects the important role that the parent plays in the child’s life. Offer the parents
resources and tips on how to create separation and reunion rituals that help the child to
feel more secure with separation. And if you have any concerns about the child’s behavior,
be sure to speak with your director or a professional who can help you to brainstorm ways
to best support the child and family.
Third, it is important to remember that separation anxiety can appear earlier, last longer,
and reappear at other points in early childhood. Young children who do not experience
consistent, responsive care may struggle more with separation than children who have a
secure base from which to explore. And as we will soon discuss, children with some
temperament types may struggle more with separation than others. As a child care
provider, you can be one of the adults that create a consistent and loving secure base for a
child to return to when they feel frightened, overwhelmed, or vulnerable. Or when a child
wants to reconnect and celebrate with you after a period of exploration.
Take a moment to consider how you, as a caregiver, can adjust your own behavior to better
help a child cope with separations? (Pause for viewers to consider this question.)
Some possible changes include:





Being calm and reassuring
Using slower movements and pacing
Talking in a softer voice
Communicating with the parent about the child
Providing extra contact and comfort when the child is distressed
Slide 19: Final Phase of Attachment: Reciprocal Relationships
The final phase of attachment described by John Bowlby begins at 18 months and is
characterized by reciprocal relationships. While a young infant might respond with a smile
and bright eyes after being reunited with the parent at the end of the day, a toddler might
bring over a favorite toy to share with the parent. After about 18 months of age, children
take on a more partner-like role in their relationships with attachment figures -- offering
ideas or suggestions and developing a greater understanding of adults’ emotions and goals
for their behavior.
In addition to their increased mobility and eagerness to explore, children at this age also
experience incredible growth in their symbolic and language abilities, enabling them to
express their emotions with words, communicate their wants and needs in new ways, and
deepen their understanding that the parent will return.
At this age, child and caregiver share “the dance” of maintaining equilibrium in their
relationship.
Slide 20: How Self-Regulation Impacts Separation
Self-regulation refers to the child’s ability to gain control of bodily functions, manage
powerful emotions and maintain focus and attention. The development of self-regulation is
a cornerstone of early childhood development and plays out in all areas of behavior in
young children. When caring for an infant or toddler, parents and caregivers must act as
extensions of, or supports for, the child’s internal ability to regulate. This is especially
important in times where the child feels vulnerable, such as in times of separation from
their parent or primary caregiver. Simple acts like putting a young infant’s pacifier back in
his/her mouth, providing a soft blanket for a toddler falling asleep, and using consistent
routines all support young children and help them begin to know what to expect. This
knowledge further helps children to self-regulate.
Self-regulation is a developmental task and just like other developmental tasks, young
children can experience regression in their self-regulation skills when their bodies are
working on conquering another developmental task. Have you ever seen infants suddenly
become upset at separation after months of being fine? Why might this be? Take a few
moments and write down some of your ideas… (Pause for viewers to think about these
questions.)
You may have come up with several answers, including that these infants:




are working on a new developmental task
are developing object permanence
OR are developing stranger awareness
Perhaps you think that there could be a change in the infants’ routines at home.
While it is not possible to always be able to predict why a child might suddenly be
struggling, it is important, especially in those times, to be emotionally available for the child
and to spend extra time meeting his/her needs.
One other scenario that you might see in child care is children who are fine all day, but
suddenly begin to scream and cry when their parents arrive to pick them up from care.
This might be because infants use a lot of energy just to stay self-regulated during the day
when their parent is gone and they have to adapt to new ways of doing things and being
treated. When young children cry when they see their parent, it is a great time for you to
explain that their cries mean that they are relieved to see their parent, not sad. They have
held it together all day and this is their way of saying how hard it has been for them. Often
parents will hear that their infant was “fine” all day and they feel discouraged when their
infant cries at seeing them. However, everyone should feel good that the infant was able to
maintain self-regulation all day and feel confident that the parent is the most important
person in that infant’s life, which is why he/she feels safe enough to let his/her guard
down. Usually, gentle cuddling (not being deposited immediately into a car seat) along
with reassuring words will help the infant calm down. When the infant is settled, allow the
parent and child to leave with smiles and happy “see you tomorrows.”
Slide 21: Possible Causes for Concern
Sometimes you will experience a child who might have behaviors which warrant genuine
cause for concern. When evaluating these types of situations, it is important to remember
that every child is different and that you need to observe children over time to ensure that
your concern is valid. Possible causes for concern in young children experiencing
separation might include:



Never displaying any type of emotional response (positive or negative) at either
separation or reunion
Never or very rarely making eye contact with you, the parent, or other children
Inconsolable crying for long periods of time every day (Remember that inconsolable
means that you have tried everything you can think of to comfort the child and
he/she will still not calm down.)
In these situations, you should always go to your director with your concerns. It is usually
not appropriate for you, as the child’s caregiver, to share concerns like these with the
parent directly. Your director will have a contact at Early Childhood Intervention or
another community resource and should take charge of getting the child assessed.
Slide 22: The Role of Temperament in Separation
There are many factors that influence a child’s ability to self-regulate during separation, but
one of the most significant factors is a child’s temperament. Temperament refers to the
characteristics and aspects of a child’s behavioral style such as how adaptable the child is
to new situations, how regular the child is in terms of eating and sleeping patterns, and
how intensely a child responds to the environment.
In other words, temperament reflects how a child is wired to respond to the world from
birth. It is not something that a child can control – temperament is a reflection of who they
are. Well-known theorists, Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas, suggested that children
have 3 main temperament types: easy temperament, slow-to-warm up temperament and
difficult temperament. Difficult temperament is sometimes referred to as “challenging”
temperament.
Author and infant mental health expert, Alicia Lieberman, describes these three
temperament types as flexible, fearful and feisty.
Slide 23: Easy Temperament and Separation
Children with an easy temperament are flexible in changing situations and respond with
mild or moderate emotional reactions to most situations. They also tend to have regular
feeding and napping routines and can easily adapt to new environments. They are likely to
separate easily from their primary caregiver and quickly join others in play at your center.
Children with an easy temperament are often able to connect with new caregivers and
other children almost immediately. They may become upset when their parent or primary
caregiver leaves initially, especially if they are in the “clear-cut attachment phase, “ but they
will most likely calm down quickly with emotional support and attention from their child
care provider. These children are often over-looked in the classroom because they do not
cause problems. A smile sent their way would reinforce their positive behavior and selfregulation while taking no time from other children in the classroom who may be
struggling.
Slide 24: Slow-to-Warm Up Temperament and Separation
Children with a slow-to-warm up temperament often require a lot of support and help from
the caregivers around them. Infant and toddlers with this temperament are often thought
of as shy or timid. Life in child care can be particularly difficult for these children if they do
not have a sensitive, responsive caregiver who partners with them to make life more
comfortable and positive. Children with a slow-to-warm up temperament may take a while
to adapt to new environments and will likely withdraw from other children and other
caregivers, not wanting to actively participate in activities or play. When their parents
bring them to child care, they often hide behind them or cling to their legs and display a lot
of anxiety when their parent leaves. These children need both time and space to process
their new environment and caregiver. They should not be pushed into activities or play.
It is important for the slow-to-warm child to form a relationship with multiple caregivers,
yet it can be beneficial to the child if one caregiver encourages and works specifically with
the child to help them feel safe and comfortable. Working with slow-to-warm children
requires patience for it may take a few days or weeks for the slow-to-warm children to feel
comfortable enough to begin participating and functioning in the classroom. It is very
important that you respond to the slow-to-warm child by modeling healthy relationship
skills and adaptability to new people and situations.
Slide 25: Difficult/Challenging Temperament and Separation
Children with a difficult temperament or challenging temperament also struggle with the
transition into child care, but have different needs than children with an easy or slow-towarm up temperament. Infants and toddlers with a challenging temperament often have a
difficult time with transitions and struggle to adapt to new situations. They display intense
emotional reactions to most changes. They are not easily comforted by new caregivers and
it can be difficult to understand what they need. It is important that these children bond
with a patient, observant child care provider who can read their body cues and gain
understanding of how to soothe and comfort them.
Infants and toddlers with challenging temperaments need advance notice and extra
support when moving from one activity to another. They need someone to partner with
them who is respectful and aware of their needs. Because they struggle with separation
and transitions so much, it may take many weeks of consistent, predictable routines before
these children become comfortable in their environment and able to be soothed by their
new caregiver. It is especially important for caregivers to have empathy for the challenging
children in their classrooms. Caregivers should model calm and loving responses to
tantrums and crying for these children, because they have the most difficult time regulating
their emotions and controlling their reactions. They are often energetic and curious and
may engage in some challenging behaviors that require redirection or gentle discipline.
Slide 26: Other Temperament Considerations
When you think about the children in your classroom and the different temperament traits
they each have, it is important to avoid using negative or discouraging words to describe a
child. When you use words such as “shy” or “difficult” to describe a child, this can affect a
child’s self-esteem and may have life-long implications. Children labeled “shy” or “difficult”
often begin to believe this is who they are because you told them they were or they
overheard you describing them this way. This can cause a child to become even more “shy”
or “difficult.” It is so important to focus on the strengths that each child has and use
encouraging and positive words to describe the child. Using words such as thoughtful
instead of shy, or persistent instead of difficult, can turn a child’s negative self-view into a
more positive one.
Take a moment to reflect on your own temperament type. Which type do you most identify
with? Now think about the children in your classroom and their temperament types.
Which children are you more naturally drawn to? What does that say about your possible
bias and how can you adjust your perspective to better meet the needs of all of the children
in your care? It is important to be self-aware and keep these important points in mind as
you reflect and consider how to best respond to the children in your care.
By responding sensitively and appropriately to children of all temperament types, you are
helping to improve the goodness-of-fit between each child and the caregiving environment.
Slide 27: Signs that a Young Child is Becoming Attached to You as a Caregiver
As a child care provider, you will encounter children with a wide variety of attachment and
temperament styles, all of which impact an infant or toddler’s ability to separate from their
parents or primary caregivers and enter into your care. It is important to be able to
recognize when you are making progress with a child and when the child begins to look to
you as a secure base to help them explore the world. Here are some signs that a child’s
separation anxiety may be lifting because of your loving and responsive care and support.
These signs will be present regardless of a child’s temperament.
Look for a child to:








reach out to you to be picked up
lean into your body when picked up or read to
climb on you or cling to you to regain emotional balance
look up occasionally from play to check for your presence in the room
take your hand in new or unfamiliar circumstances
calm down at your reassuring touch or words
make eye contact with you when you crouch down to the child’s eye level to talk
be mostly cooperative and compliant when given requests or directions
Each of these little moments should affirm the importance of your role in a child’s life. You
are caring for children at their most vulnerable, developmentally challenging time. You can
and do make a difference.
Slide 28: Suggestions to Help with Separation in Young Children
As Betty Ablon describes in the teaching and training program she created for TAIMH,
there are several suggestions that you can use (and encourage parents to use) to help very
young children navigate the issue of separation more easily:
Encourage pre-enrollment visits. Pre-enrollment visits are essential in helping the child
prepare for separation. Enrollment forms should include detailed information about the
infant, such as how the child likes to be fed, burped, cuddled, and put down for naps.
Discuss the child’s schedule and sleeping and elimination rhythms. Depending upon the
particular needs of the child, additional pre-enrollment visits might be necessary to help
the child move easily into child care. Offer parents tips and resources to support a
successful transition into child care – including information on typical developmental
milestones like stranger awareness and separation anxiety as well as a list of book titles
about transitions.
Once the child enters care, remind his/her parents that the first couple of days or weeks
may be difficult for them and for their children. Some children might be fine the first
couple of days until they realize that they will be coming to child care every day and then
they may begin to struggle considerably. Other children may struggle a lot the first few
days and then become more comfortable.
To ease the transition, be sure to designate a teacher that will be there to greet the child
and his/her parents every day for the first week. Encourage that same teacher to be
especially available to the family and child during this time of transition. If an unfamiliar
adult will be working in your classroom, ask that adult to work with children who have
adapted to the child care environment while you support children who may have more
difficulty self-regulation. This will help build trust as the child become more connected to
you and learns to turn to you when upset.
View parents as partners for a successful child care experience. Actively encourage parents
to visit your classroom and include them in daily activities and special events. This will
help children to accept you as a caregiver more readily and support you in building positive
relationships with families
One of the most important ways to help very young children cope with separation is to
allow them to bring family photos and transitional objects into the child care environment.
Ask parents to laminate pictures of themselves, siblings, or the home to be placed in the
child’s cubby. You can allow infants to hold these photos or objects during diaper changes,
nap times or at other difficult times of the day. Transitional objects are things from home
that represent the parent and family and serve a soothing function for the child,
particularly during times of stress. The object should be chosen by the child and could be a
blanket, love, special toy, or stuffed animal. The caregiver should embrace this special
object –no matter what it is -- and allow the child to access it throughout the day.
Slide 29: Suggestions to Help with Separation in Young Children
Make sure to let parents know how important it is to consistently pick up and drop off their
child at the same time each day. Even though very young children cannot tell time, they can
sense the time of day and will know if their parents are late. Consistent pick-ups and dropoffs are especially important when children first enter child care.
It is also important for parents to establish a morning ritual that works for both parent and
child. Encourage parents to help their child settle in each morning, rather than
immediately running out the door. Morning rituals could include a hug and a kiss, a nose
rub, or a light-hearted “see you later alligator” or other special phrase when the parent
leaves each morning.
Finally, be sure to allow the time and space for a positive reunion to occur between the
parent and the child. Stand back for a moment rather than interfering. Do all that you can
to preserve and deepen the parent-child attachment relationship -- the infant’s health and
wellness depend on it. For young infants, especially, the experience of entering child care
can be a threat to a secure parent-child relationship.
Slide 30: Suggestions to Help with Separation in Young Children
It is important to realize that when children enter child care, the family enters child care as
well. In other words, as care providers you have the powerful opportunity to nurture the
child, the family, and the relationship between the two. Continually reassure parents that
no one can take their place. Regardless of how positive the relationship is between you and
the child or how well the child adjusts to child care, the emotional importance of the parent
remains key. Your role is to support the parent-child relationship and provide a nurturing
and responsive environment where the child can learn and grow while away from home.
Slide 31: Suggested Books about Separation to Read to Young Children
These are many great resources available that help children of all ages prepare for, and
understand what to expect during separations. The Kissing Hand is an especially popular
choice for families.
Slide 32: Suggested Books About Separation for Parents and Caregivers
These resources are helpful for both child care providers and parents to help them
understand what very young children experience during separation.
As you reflect on all that you have learned today, we would like you to take some time to
think about the following two scenarios and how you would respond:
If a child cries when separated from the parent, what would you tell the child? What would
you tell the parent?
When a new child care provider joins your classroom, what would you say about the issue
of separation and what can be expected from infants, toddlers, and their families? What
advice would you give them about how to best support the child and the family?
Slide 33: References
Slide 34: References
Slide 35: TAIMH Advisory Board






Sarah Crockett, MSW
Deborah Diffily, PhD
Barbara Einsohn, M.S., IMH-E(IV)
Sadie Funk, M.S., IMH-E(IV)
Susan Meriwether, M.A., IMH-E(IV)
Patty Miller M.S., C.C.L.S., IMH-E(IV)
Credits:





Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD
Kristine Tolentino-Plata
Heeseon Choe, M.Ed.
Letitia Bledsoe
Rafael Jimenez