Important message from the
Village. Water has gone missing,
so you may not water your
garden or lawn until further
notice!. There is a reward for
finding the missing water (3 year
subscription to “The Coffee Pot”.)
Please save water -If you do not
have partner to shower together
(preferably with clothes on to
save even more water), one will
be assigned to you on Tuesday.
Mar 31/14
Submit bills to your MP
or MLA on Tuesday
The sound of a snore (up to 69
decibels) can be almost as loud as
the noise of a pneumatic drill
(70-90 decibels).
Leonardo da Vinci was a vegetarian
and animal rights activist, he would
buy caged birds and set them free.
!
Salvador Dali believed he was his
dead brother's reincarnation. There is
also a portrait or a silhouette of Dali
in every one of his paintings.
!
Auguste Rodin's "The Age of Bronze"
was so realistic people though he
sacrificed a real person inside the
cast.
!
Georges Braque was the first living
person to have art displayed in
Louvre.
!
The heaviest element known to
science is Managerium.
!
This element has no protons or
electrons, but has a nucleus made up
of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5
junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant
vice-neutrons, and 125 junior
assistant vice-neutrons all going
round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three
years, at which time it does not decay
but institutes a series of reviews
leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by
means of the exchange of tiny
particles known as morons.
I like a thin book because it will steady
a table, a leather book because it will
strop a razor, and a heavy book
because it can be thrown at the cat. Mark Twain
RANDOM TIDBITS
1.Leprosy is the oldest documented
infection - first described in Egypt
in 1350 B.C.
2.Oldest form of surgery in the
world: trepanning (drilling holes
into the skull).
3.In the Middle Ages, Europeans
"cured" muscle pains by drinking
powdered gold.
4.Between 1873 and 1880, some
U.S. doctors gave patients
transfusions of milk instead of
blood.
5.Doctors in ancient India closed
wounds with the pincers of giant
ants.
6.During World War I, raw garlic
juice was applied to wounds to
prevent infection.
It's been a long tradition that NCAA
champions have cut down the nets to
take home, but since 1986, the winning
school has also been given the
hardwood court, too. Many sell and/or
auction off pieces to fans.
Most NCAA basketball coaches make
more money than the University
President. Duke’s coach makes over $7
million dollars
The players are University students and
cannot be paid.
Vol 5
No.9
Events - 2014!
Apr 1-watch out!!!!!!
Apr 2-3 - Book fair at the school
4 - 7 pm!
Apr 9 - Heritage Guild AGM, 7:30
pm in the Lions Den.!
Apr 18 - Good Friday!
Apr 19 - Lions Ham-O-Rama!
Apr 20 - Easter Sunday !
Apr 22 - Earth Day!
May 11 - Mother’s Day!
May 19 - Victoria Day!
Easter always falls on the first
Sunday after the first full
moon (Apr 15) after the vernal
equinox (Mar 20). This year,
Easter is on Sunday, April 20.
Some people ask the secret of
Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week: a
little candlelight dinner, soft
music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He
goes Fridays.
These are actual comments made on
student report cards by teachers in the
New York City public school system. All
teachers were reprimanded but, some
of these are really funny!!
1. Since my last report, your child has
reached rock bottom and has started!
to dig.!
2. I would not allow this student to breed.!
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.!
4. Your son is depriving a village
somewhere of an idiot.!
5. Your son sets low personal standards
and then consistently fails to achieve them.!
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but
lacks the plastic thingie to hold it all
together.!
7. This child has been working with glue
too much.!
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50,
she should sell.!
9. The gates are down, the lights are
flashing, but the train isn't coming.!
10. If this student were any more stupid,
he'd have to be watered twice a week.!
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that
created this child beat out 1,000,000
others.!
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is
definitely dead.
Definition of divorce: She gets the
ring while he gets the finger!
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay
barn one day when, through a gap in
the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a
striptease in front of an old John
Deere tractor.
!
Butt clenched, he performs a slow
pirouette, and gently slides off the
right strap of his overalls, followed by
the left. He then hunches his
shoulders forward and in a classic
striptease move, lets his overalls fall
down to his hips, revealing a torn and
frayed plaid shirt.
!
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt,
he rips it apart to reveal his stained
T-shirt underneath. With a final
flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his
body, and hurls his baseball cap onto
a pile of hay.
!
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in
and says, "What the world're ya
doing, Billy Bob?"
!
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the
bejeebers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But
me 'n the wife been havin trouble
lately in the bedroom d'partment,
and the therapist suggested I do
something sexy to a tractor."
QUOTE: "Medicines heal doubts
as well as diseases."
- Karl Marx.
The praying mantis eats nothing
but live food, predominantly
insects. Its prey is taken only from
flowers, leaves, bark, or the
ground - never while the potential
victim is in flight. Surprisingly, if
quick and lucky, it will also
consume and eat a hummingbird.
Earth is the only planet not
named after a god.
Mercury is named after the
Roman God Mercury, the
Winged Messenger
Venus is named after the
Roman Goddess of Love
(beauty)
Mars is named after the Roman
God of War
Jupiter is named after the
Roman King of the Gods
Saturn is named after the
Roman God of Agriculture and
Harvest
Uranus is named after the
Greek God of the Sky
Neptune is named after the
Roman God of the Sea
Pluto is named after the Roman
Lord of the Underworld (I still
think it as a planet)
The young woman really thought
she'd been very patient, through a
protracted period of dating with no talk
of marriage. One night her steady boyfriend took
her to a Chinese restaurant. As he
perused the menu, he casually asked
her, "So . . . how do you like your
rice? Boiled? Steamed? Or fried?" Without missing a beat, she looked
over her menu at him and replied
clearly, "Thrown."
A doctor calls his patient and says;
the check you gave me for my bill
came back.
The patient replied: So did my
arthritis!
"Elections are won by men and
women chiefly because most people
vote against somebody rather than
for somebody.”
In 1839 the editor of the Boston
Post was inspired to invent the
phrase "o.k.," which he defined
as "all correct." It was supposed
to be a joke, perhaps on the
literary competency of the Post's
readership, but whether or not
readers found it funny the phrase
was picked up by another
newspaper, the Evening
Transcript, and o.k. was on the
road to immortality.
Two buffalo were standing on the range
when a passing tourist said, "Those are
the mangiest, scroungiest, most motheaten, miserable beasts I have ever
seen."
!
One of the buffalo turned to the other and
said, "You know, I think I just heard a
discouraging word."
The first five days after the weekend
are the hardest.
Gadsby
, a 50,
000 wo
Ernest
rd nove
Wright
, conta l by
words
ins
with th
e letter no
e.
I can always tell
oesn't
when a movie d
rs!
use real dinosau
The first names of Dr. Jekyll and
Mr. Hyde are Henry and Edward.