Introduction
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It is finally here! The book that will bring hope and encouragement to young
moms who are feeling like they are not cut out for this motherhood thing, moms
who are ready to throw in the towel, moms who feel that what they are doing
makes no difference, moms who feel like they are failing miserably, or moms who
feel that they can’t be a mom for one more moment in addition to an entire host
of other negative emotions that are weighing the on the hearts of today’s moms.
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Do you find yourself in one of these places?
Awhile ago, I asked young moms, many of whom I personally know, to send me
their struggles, to share their frustrations, or to let me know what they want
answers to from more seasoned moms who have been there, done that before.
Many of us seasoned moms are still in the trenches but have kids who span a
large age range.
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I have gathered everything together, and I have created an awesome, helpful,
encouraging, and insightful book to bring hope to weary moms. If you are feeling
weary or discouraged, you are in the right place!
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In each chapter, I will be tackling a new topic whether it is a direct answer to a
question or a piece of wisdom that an older mother wished she had known when
she was a young mom.
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In many cases, the questions and topics I received from the young moms were
included in the pieces of advice I received from the older moms. I guess this goes
to show that as moms, we all share many of the same issues, have the same
weaknesses, and feel inadequate in many of the same ways.
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This book was born during a time in my life when I, who am an older mom
myself, had been feeling so discouraged, so inadequate, and so bone weary.
Although I have nearly 15 years of experience as a mom at the time of this
publication, there are still days when I experience many of the same struggles,
questions, and feelings of inadequacy that I experienced as a young mom.
However, these 15 years have taught me so much about what it means to be a
mom, how to deal with the negative emotions that come with the pressures of
being a mom, and how to see the big picture as it applies to being a mom for what
I pray is an entire lifetime.
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This book is designed to bring you hope in 15 days once we get into the action
plans, which means that each chapter is a new topic for you to tackle in one day.
The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
In this way, by the time you get to the end of the 15 days, you will have read
through all 15 chapters and still have one more chapter left, which ties everything
all together. You will be filled with hope by applying these easy to follow action
plans.
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Don’t let the easy to follow part mislead you. There is some work to do here.
Some of it will be hard. Much of it will require you to look honestly at your
behavior as a mom, which can be so hard. Sometimes we don’t like to really look
at that person in the mirror, but looking into the mirror is a priceless act of
courage, and you will be so glad you did.
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The great thing about this book, is that it can be completed in any order. In this
way, you can jump to whichever chapter you feel you need the most, and, you can
complete them in any order as well. Of course you can also just read the book
from beginning to end, whatever works for you.
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Thank you for making the commitment to finding hope for your weary soul
through the realistic action plan that you will find within these pages.
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Without further delay, let’s get started!
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The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
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Chapter 1
What in the World Have I Gotten Myself Into?!
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Do you find yourself asking this question, or something similar to it? If so, then
you are in good company because I heard this same question from six out of eight
young moms. I heard things like:
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I had no idea it would be this hard
I had no idea how little time I would have for myself
I never realized how all consuming being a mother was
I wish I had known that being a mom is a full time job - and then some
The first piece of advice that the seasoned moms
generally offered to every question I asked them was to
step back, take a deep breath, and relax. Feeling
overwhelmed is normal, and it won’t last forever.
Being a young mom is so hard, so unfamiliar, and so demanding, but you don’t
have to feel like a stranger in a strange land. There are a few things you can start
doing today to make the enormity of the task seem just a bit more manageable.
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Find contentment where you are.
Set your feelings as a mom aside for a moment to focus on some
contentment. This will calm your restless spirit and renew both your heart
and your mind before you move forward.
Find wise women to model yourself after.
These are women you admire, women whose older children you admire,
and women who have traveled this road before. Whether they are women
in books, mom bloggers, or even moms you admire on television, find
them. Think outside of the box on this one. Don’t just dismiss this step
because you are convinced that you don’t know anyone to model yourself
after.
You could also think about women you connect with in a Facebook group,
and then of course there are also women you know in person. Find these
women and become students of how they carry themselves. My kids and I
have watched the television show, 7th Heaven, together for years. The
The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
mom on that show, Annie, always inspires me. She is always so calm and
patient. I realize it is a show, but through being a student of her character I
always come away having learned something I can apply in my own life.
After finding some qualities in these women that you
admire, develop a plan for how to implement these
qualities.
For example, if you see patience and want to implement that, your plan
could be giving yourself a “timeout” the next time you are going to open
your mouth to come just a bit unglued toward one or all of your children.
My post on being a former yeller has some great tips in this area.
Developing a plan in even one area will lessen that overwhelming feeling
that you have.
Develop a basic routine and schedule for your days and
stick to it.
Things like getting up at the same time every day, following the same
morning routine (here’s mine), and having meals at the same time of day
provide your day with direction. You and I both know that every day is
filled with roadblocks to whatever plans you make, but having a structure
in place with regards to a few regular activities provides you with anchor
points in your day. Clinging to these anchor points puts you back in control
of certain aspects of your day - and of your life. Making lists give you
direction and is a close cousin to having a routine.
Take care of things as they occur.
For example, when you get out of bed, make it. When you get dressed, take
care of your pajamas, when you finish your coffee, put your cup in the
dishwasher. This eliminates creating things that just pile up and pile up,
making your world feel cluttered in its wake. If you have a toddler, a
teenager, or kids anywhere in between, actually, they leave plenty of
tornadoes clutter around all on their own. Take a few small steps to
maintain order as life happens.
Add some calm to your day.
I have mentioned on my blog, The Intentional Mom, that it is amazing what
putting some Enya on in the house does to the people in my home. It truly
does bring everything down at least a notch or two, and it happens almost
immediately. So does burning a nice scented candle (safely of course), and
making one room pretty. This concept is the reason why I developed this
technique to hide clutter in my own life. Having stuff everywhere greatly
increases my blood pressure. Find what makes your blood pressure rise
The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
and develop a way to combat it, even if it is only a temporary fix as these
baskets and bins are to hide clutter in my home.
Finally, accept your limitations.
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Develop a realistic attitude. As much as I could take things away from
Annie on 7th Heaven, her life is also not completely realistic - she is on a
television show after all. This is just one example of how I have developed a
realistic attitude.
Do you have three kids who are aged three and under? I did, too. Your life
is going to look different from mine or someone else who has older kids. I
always say I have seven kids, which can seem like a lot (and at times it is),
but I tell other moms that having seven children is so much easier than
having only little children who were completely dependent on me was. I
have constant help in my older kids. You do not if you are the only one with
your kids most of the time. For this reason, your life with three will look
drastically different from my life with seven children.
Please know I understand. I have lived a life that is similar to yours as a
mom, and so have so many of the seasoned moms who have shared
wisdom here and whose words of wisdom will also grace the pages of this
book.
If you find yourself wondering what in the world you have gotten yourself into,
step back and find some peace, find some women who can offer the guidance you
desire, develop a plan and a routine focused on becoming the kind of mom you
want to be, and then find simple ways to find peace in the midst of your crazy
day. However, also be sure to set realistic goals and expectations for yourself as a
mom while also knowing that we all have limitations. Goodness knows I have
done what I have needed to in order to make it through the day.
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All the moms who shared their hearts here understand what it means to feel so
confused about how to be a mom at times. It is within the context of this
understanding that we all move forward together.
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The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
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Chapter 2
A Realistic Action Plan for the Overwhelmed Mom
Are you exhausted, depleted, or completely drained? Do you feel like the walls are
closing in on you? Do you feel like your head is spinning with all the noise going
on in your house? Does it seem impossible to even catch your breath some days?
Do you find yourself just wishing for even a moment to yourself?
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If you answered yes to any of these questions, then chances are you are feeling
overwhelmed, and it seems that you are in good company. Actually, I know you
are in good company here.
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Every single mother who took part in building this series, whether a young mom
or a seasoned mom, spoke of feeling overwhelmed as a mom at times. Then
again, it seems as though it is common to feel overwhelmed rather frequently as a
mom since we older, more seasoned moms, still feel this way at times!
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Sometimes, I long for the way things used to be when generations lived under the
same roof or even when friends and communities were also there to support each
other much more than they are today. At The Intentional Mom, I have written of
the harsh judgment of one another that seems to be so prevalent in the world of
moms these days. Moms seem to judge other moms on everything! Have you
experienced this? I wrote of just one of these experiences when I wrote An Open
Letter to the Woman Walking Past My Driveway. This idea must have resonated
with people just a bit because this post has been highly read.
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First, let me be completely honest with you. This is me. Right now. Today.
I am overwhelmed. Life is extremely busy, our home has been a dumping
grounds for people who are coming and going, the end of the year grading needs
to be done, summer activities need to be scheduled, and then there are endless
amounts of work to do outside, too.
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These things are reality and aren't going anywhere, but, there are things we can
do to dampen these feelings. I wish there were some magic formula, oh how I
wish there were, but there are things we can do today to offer just a bit of relief.
I am going to be taking some of these steps right along with you.
Plan an escape.
I did this just yesterday, in fact. I told my husband that he needs to take the
kids away from my house for an entire day this week. For me, this looks a
bit different since I am still breastfeeding my youngest, but my husband
will be leaving me a babysitter for the baby and taking the rest of the kids
The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
with him. I will have the place to myself to get things done. After an entire
day on my own, I will be able to get on top of things. Saying that I can’t
wait may be an understatement! Knowing this day is on the calendar this
week has given me just a little bit of breathing room.
Delegate one task that is looming over your head to
someone else.
This means something big that you can take off your plate. You need some
margin in your life, and removing something from your plate can create
that margin. In my case, I have assigned my oldest to do some of the
grading that I usually do for the younger kids. She will do fine, and I will
have some room to breathe.
Do something, today, to make yourself feel pretty.
Curl your hair, paint your toenails, put on something nice that you don’t
usually wear around the house. Whatever it is, make yourself pretty today.
In the next week, go shopping to buy yourself one thing.
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For those of you who know me personally, I can hear you laughing. For
those who don’t, I will let you in on my secret. I loathe shopping. In the
rare case that I have to go to the mall (which is usually only to get some
free undies from Victoria’s Secret…more on this some other time) I have a
strategic plan of how to spend the least amount of time there as possible.
Then, I am in and out of the mall like a ninja - you can never actually see
me there I’m that fast!
All sarcasm aside, I am being totally serious about my hatred for shopping.
So, if I am telling you to shop, this is pretty amazing. It doesn’t have to cost
much - it could be a journal, a new scarf, that expensive mascara you have
always wanted, or even something for the house. Buy something just for
you, and do it this week.
Find someone to connect with. Find one person to be
real with.
By this I mean one person who you can say things to like, “I can’t stand my
kids today.” We have all said these words, and at times, we all still have
moments like this when life just gets the best of us. Don’t take your
frustration out on your kids or your spouse. Get a person. Just one person
who can provide you with the strength when you have none. If you watch
Grey’s Anatomy, get yourself a Christina for your Meredith Grey.
The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015
Go to bed early tonight.
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No matter what you have going on, no matter what you think needs to be
done, no matter how big of a train wreck your day will be tomorrow if you
go to bed early, go to bed two hours earlier than normal tonight.
If you are like me and are on your own at night…put a movie on for the
kids and head up to your room to rest until they can go to bed. This is the
next closest thing to you going to bed early, but make sure the kids are
either watching a movie or in bed as early as they need to be so that you
can get to bed two hours early.
If you are like me, you are cringing at this one. “Two hours? I can get so
much done in two hours!” I hear you, I am there with you, let’s just do it.
Seriously. We can thank me tomorrow. I know this is an essential
component to restoring our sanity. Embrace some perspective.
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This is where the advice of the seasoned moms comes in. We as seasoned
moms are telling you that this season will pass, things won’t always be this
hard, you don’t have to get it all done, tomorrow is a new day, your hard
work will pay off, and you’re doing a great job. This is coming from the
perspective of some of the strongest seasoned moms I know. Hear our
words, hear our hearts, it will be okay. We promise.
Feeling overwhelmed is a normal place to be for young moms (and even for us
not so young moms as you can see). Cut yourself some slack, give yourself
permission to be human, give yourself the credit you deserve, and take some
steps to restore your mind, soul, and heart today. Motherhood is full of seasons
and as many of the seasoned moms said, “This too shall pass.” Keep up the good
work!
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The Intentional Mom
A Realistic Action Plan
Copyright 2015