There was the “action committee Brazil”, there were my idols Che Guevara,
Fidel Castro.
More and more I realized the injustice in the world. I was wondering ‘why
does God allow all this to happen’? I became frustrated with established
religion. How could they have such big buildings when there were so many
poor? What was religion? What was God all about? Did He überhaupt exist?
Meanwhile I lived it up in the weekends drinking like anything. I smashed up my parents’ car at
the age of 19. Sometimes I did not remember how I even got home. The next morning I would
check out the car and at one time I would find tree bark stuck between the tire and the rim.
Somehow the Lord protected me from my incredible foolishness.
My love life was ‘great’. On occasion I would go steady with a girl for several months and then
the emotional highs would wear off and I thought love was gone. Little did I realize that love
was not so much emotional highs, but was giving to others instead of looking what I could get
out of it.
At times I would sit on the beach with sand in my hands and the more I
tried to hold on it the more it would run out through my fingers, just like
my love life. I somehow could not prevent it from slipping away.
Business was good though and we made good money. While good things were happening on
the surface on the spiritual side things were getting more and
more intense and I wanted to know about life.
What was I doing here? Why was I born here in Holland with
food and needs supplied and not in a third world country like
India or Biafra where people were starving to death?
What the hell was I doing on this earth anyway? Who put me
here? Why did love not last? Why the injustices? What was
When I see this, my emotions
going on? I wanted to know, and could not figure it out.
still get the better of me - How
can we possibly be so selfish
I did not want to bring children in this world. The world was
when God gives plenty of food
becoming more and more of a mess and anyone with his eyes
for everyone to have a couple of
even the slightest bit open could see that; you did not have to
good square meals every day.
be a soothsayer or prophet for that.
It was around this time that I came home from the pub on Sunday afternoon. The living room
was full of people and friends. Suddenly this TV programme comes on about young people
serving Jesus. It caught my attention right away as these guys were talking boldly about Jesus
and were living in commune. People shared amazing stories of getting off drugs etc.
I asked everyone to be quiet and told them to watch it with me. My dear mother was sitting
next to me and we watched this amazing programme. I waited for the programme to end to
see if they would give an address so I could go and visit them, but no contact information was
given. That did not help too much, except that I was amazed that people could live like that,
like the early disciples of Jesus lived.