The 60 Pound Turkey
I know what you are thinking, a 60 pound turkey, come on! Well it’s true and like all my
North of 8 stories, the truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction.
The person who related this story to me is Jeff Traynor who along with his wife Jill own
Jonzy’s Market and Lake Services Unlimited located just south of Bone Lake.
A few years ago one of Jeff’s young workers was raising a turkey for a 4H project and
Jeff was helping the lad with resources to assist him in raising the turkey. Jeff and the
boy had come to an agreement that when the project of raising the turkey was complete
Jeff would end up with the bird.
After several months of care and feeding, the 4H project was completed and the boy
presented the turkey to Jeff just as they had agreed upon. To Jeff’s amazement the turkey
had reached an incredible weight of 60 lbs and the question of “now what” came to the
forefront.
If an answer to the question of “now what” could be found it was at the early morning
coffee gatherings at Jonzy’s. Most weekday mornings there was a small gathering of
local north of 8 residents at Jonzy’s sipping java and swapping yarns. The group of
regulars consisted of a couple of local dairy farmers “fresh” out of the barn, a couple of
construction workers that were in no hurry to get to work and a few that were not sure
themselves what they did. One of the group was a farmer and hound running bear and
coyote hunter whose family, when they were not in the barn, were out in the woods
hunting or chasing critters.
One of the coffee gatherings at Jonzy’s
After a few mornings of discussion about what to do with the 60 pound turkey Jeff was
invited over to the hound running farmer’s place to butcher the bird. One of the other
farmers, whom I shall not name but Dueholm Dr. is named after him, offered a bit of
wisdom. He said that “if you drive a nail up through the beak of the bird into its brain to
kill it, the birds feathers will fall out and it will save a lot of the plucking.”
Early one morning late in the fall Jeff along with the turkey in tow drove over to the
hound running farmer’s place and a date with destiny for the turkey. When Jeff drove up
the driveway he noticed 4 deer hanging from a large cross pole near the barn. When you
live north of 8 any large wild game that you have killed is usually hung up outside on a
big wood cross pole or a tree so that it “cures properly” and I believe that it’s also to
show it off to the neighbors or anybody that drives by.
Two coyotes hanging from the hound running farmers cross pole
After Jeff entered the barn the turkey was quickly dispatched using the “nail through the
beak into the brain” method. I know you really want to know if the bird’s feathers fell
out, well according to Jeff they didn’t exactly fall out but they were much easier to pluck
out then on any previous bird. When Jeff was busy plucking and cleaning the turkey he
heard an unusual sound coming from outside near the back of the barn. Jeff described it
as “a chopping sound but not like wood chopping.” He put the turkey down, walked over
to side of the barn, opened the door and looked out on a scene that I know you don’t see
south of 8.
What Jeff saw was a man with an ax cutting up a dead, frozen stiff horse. It seems that
one of the locals had a horse that died of natural causes and not wanting to waste any
available resources gave the dead horse to the hound running farmer to feed his dogs.
The hound running farmer had several hounds that he kept in small individual wooden
dog houses spaced around the farm. Up here they don’t spend a lot of money on
expensive dog chow when something else will do.
According to Jeff as he was driving away from the farm with the butchered turkey the
whole event seemed like a surreal experience except that he was part of it.
When Jeff cooked up the turkey he could only fit one breast at a time into a large deep
fryer. What a bird!
Geezer Bob