Evaluating Sexual Behaviors
The A-B-C-D of context
We cannot, as a rule, categorize specific sexual behaviors as healthy, problematic or abusive. For instance,
masturbation, when done occasionally in private, is an expected behavior. However, when a child is constantly
masturbating in front of others, or compulsively masturbating to the point where it hurts, we become concerned
that something is wrong. When we are trying to make sense of a child’s sexual behaviors it is important to pay
attention to the A-B-C-D of the context in which the behavior occurs.
Affect/Emotion:
• Is this spontaneous, lighthearted play/activity?
• Does the child respond with strong feelings of guilt, aggression, fear, anxiety, etc.?
• Does the child appear numb or dissociate in relation to the sexual activity?
Behavior:
• Has this behavior occurred before? In the same or different way? How often and in what contexts?
• What other patterns of behavior (sexual or non-sexual) have you noticed?
Control:
• Is the interaction a mutually understood and wanted activity among peers?
• Is there an imbalance of power between the children?
• Does everyone involved understand what is happening, want to be there and feel free to leave or say no?
Is any form of pressure, manipulation, coercion or force being used?
Development:
• Does the behavior match the child’s age and developmental level?
• Do we expect most children in this culture/community to act this way?
• Is the child’s sexual development in balance with the rest of his/her development?
Adapted by Boston Area Rape Crisis Center from Prevent Child Abuse Vermont and from the Primary, Secondary & Tertiary Prevention of Sexually Abusive Behaviors in Childhood and Adolescence Curriculum presented by Gail Ryan, Perpetration Prevention Program, Kempe Children’s Center of Denver Colorado, 2002. Responding to Children’s Sexual Behaviors
Here are some words to use when responding to a behavior or interaction that model for the child a way of
communicating that is clear and helps children learn empathy and accountability for their behavior.
Remember, remain calm and continue to assess the situation. Depending on the behavior, calmly redirect when
you can.
1. MODEL COMMUNICATION: Be clear and direct. Label the behavior for the child:
• I saw you___________________________
• I heard you_________________________
• Your friend told me___________________
2. FOSTER EMPATHY: Respond from a personal place and label your feeling (or another’s):
• I feel___________________________________________________________
• That made me feel________________________________________________
• That made your friend feel__________________________________________
• That might be making your friend feel________________________________
• Your friend (Susie) told me that made her feel__________________________
• Susie said she feels________________________________________________
3. PROMOTE ACCOUNTABILITY: If needed, ask clarifying open ended questions. Then, set an
appropriate limit, rule or expectation to promote the child’s responsibility for their behavior:
• “Stop pulling your friend’s pants down” (Be specific, children may need to hear again what it is you
are telling them that they need to stop doing)
• “Your friend asked you to stop _____.”
• “When you and your friend ____ are playing together, I will be close by” (“the door will be left
open” etc.).
• “Remember our rule, we treat our friends with care and respect.”
Adapted by Boston Area Rape Crisis Center from Prevent Child Abuse Vermont and from the Primary, Secondary & Tertiary Prevention of Sexually Abusive Behaviors in Childhood and Adolescence Curriculum presented by Gail Ryan, Perpetration Prevention Program, Kempe Children’s Center of Denver Colorado, 2002. Responding to Children’s Sexual Behaviors
in the School Setting
Clear and consistent policy and procedure make responding to these situations less stressful for everyone.
Develop policy and practice that make sense for your setting and the children and families you serve. There is
no “one size fits all” policy for every program.
Safety of all children comes first, and responding compassionately to concerning situations with that in mind is
key. That is, children exhibiting problematic behavior should never be shamed; they are not “little sexual
offenders.” They are children in need of appropriate professional help. Things to take into consideration in these
situations include:
• Child’s age, developmental stage, any intellectual disability, communication issue
• Family dynamics
• Teacher experience and comfort level
• Class/program structure and supervision
Programs should strive to be proactive in preparing their staff for potential safety situations involving
problematic sexual behaviors. Following are the areas that require written policy and procure to increase the
safety of all children in your programs.
• Physical space and visibility to promote safety
• Staff-to-student ratios
• Expectations of supervision and guidance to staff to promote healthy environments
• Appropriate response to concerning (“yellow light”) behaviors in children
• Appropriate response to abusive (“red light”) behaviors in children
• Ongoing education and training to staff and caregivers on developmentally expected sexual behaviors
Remember, simply having these policies and procedures are not enough. Staff need to be trained on this
information at the point of starting employment, and receive a training refresher at least every year. Training on
this information that includes opportunities for practicing recognizing and responding to these situations, is best.
Include case scenarios that are relevant to your setting and allow ample time for staff to talk through these
situations and increase their comfort level. Knowledge and understanding of developmentally appropriate sexual
behaviors is vital.
Be aware of situations in which children may be at higher risk of problematic sexual behaviors with
other children. Situations during which school staff is not able to be in the restrooms or locker room
with youth may increase the risk of concerning or abusive behaviors with other children.
Make your presence known, even if you are not able to be in the same room. Talk with the children
from outside the door, keep the door ajar slightly, do verbal check-ins and ensure that children are not
in an unsupervised area or room for an extended amount of time.
Early involvement and intervention in children’s concerning sexual behaviors is crucial. Address all
situations where unsupervised youth can sexually or physically abuse other youth, and be sure to
observe and intervene when youth are exhibiting yellow light or red light behaviors.
Think about It
What are opportunities for child-on-child abuse?
When are children and youth unsupervised?
Are there areas of your school that have “hidden spots?”
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This following information is based on ChicagoCAC’s traffic light spectrum of behavior for sexual
abuse prevention model.
Use the stoplight image
to think about
intervention
Green Light Behaviors: Yellow Light Behaviors: Praise Reinforce Set clear boundaries Increase monitoring Consult Red Light Behaviors: Report Behaviors can be visualized on a spectrum. Green light behaviors are positive interactions children
have with each other that promote healthy relationships. Yellow light behaviors are concerning or
inappropriate and require a response and intervention. Red light behaviors are considered problematic
sexual behaviors or sexual abuse that needs to be reported immediately.
Following are action steps you can take when you observe concerning “yellow light” behaviors.
1. Concerning behavior is observed by staff
2. Staff intervenes, stops concerning behavior and reminds children of expected boundaries and
behaviors.
3. Staff makes written note of concerning behavior (behavior/time/date/children involved)
4. Other staff involved in the care of child with observed concerning behavior are made aware
5. If pattern of concerning behaviors persists, staff reports to supervisor and written notes completed.
6. Supervisor (or appropriate staff) contacts caregivers to discuss. Possible outcomes:
• Additional support in classroom around boundaries and expectations
• Increased supervision of child
• Psycho-education for caregivers on boundaries, supervision, behaviors
• Referral for family intervention with qualified clinical professional
Following are action steps you can take when you observe abusive “red light” behaviors.
1. Abusive behavior of child is observed by staff
2. Staff intervenes, stops behavior and remove children from situation.
3. Staff makes written note of behavior (behavior/time/date/children involved)
4. Staff reports to supervisor and written and report is completed.
5. Report situation to DCFS Hotline 1-800-25-ABUSE.
6. Supervisor (or appropriate staff) contacts caregivers to discuss.
7. Consider safety of all children in program.
8. Consider referrals to appropriate intervention(s) for child with problem behaviors.
9. Consider referrals to appropriate family supports and education.
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Resources:
Books about sexual development and safety
• • • • • • • • • • • The Sex-wise Parent – Janet Rosenzweig
Birds + Bees + Your Kids – Amy Lang
Off Limits: A parent’s guide to keeping kids safe from sexual abuse – S. Wuertele & F. Berkower
Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about Their Bodies, Boundaries and Sexuality –
T. Couwenhoven
Understanding Your Child’s Sexual Behavior - Toni Cavanaugh Johnson
Childhood Sexuality: A guide for parents – Gail Ryan and Joanne Blum
From Diapers to Dating: A parent’s guide to raising sexually healthy children - D. Haffner
What’s the Big Secret? Talking about sex with boys and girls - Laurie Brown
Changing Bodies, Changing Lives – Ruth Bell
It’s Perfectly Normal – Robbie Harris
It’s So Amazing – Robbie Harris
Books for children about prevention
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • Some Parts are Not for Sharing – Julie K. Federico (ages 6 months+)
Your Body Belongs to You – Cornelia Spelman (ages 3-6)
It’s MY Body – Lory Freeman (ages 3-8)
Loving Touches – Lory Freeman (ages 3-8)
The Right Touch – Sandy Kleven (ages 3-8)
The Trouble with Secrets – Karen Johnsen (ages 3-8)
My Body Belongs to Me – Jill Starishevsky (ages 3-8)
A Secret Safe to Tell – Naomi Hunter (ages 3-8)
Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept – Jayneen Sanders (ages 3-8)
I Said No: A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private – Kimberly King (ages 3-8)
Body Safety – Jayneen Sanders (ages 3-12)
My Body is Private – Linda Walvoord Girard (ages 6-11)
The Swimsuit Lesson – Jon Holsten (ages 6-11)
Fred the Fox Shouts “No!” - Tatiana Y. Kisil Matthews (ages 3-8)
Youth and adults with sexual behavior problems
• • • • Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers: ATSA.com/request-referral
National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth: NCSBY.org
Center for Contextual Change: 847-676-4447
Advocate Child Trauma Treatment Program: 800-216-1110
For a crisis needing immediate attention, call 911 or go to the nearest police station.
Illinois Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-25-ABUSE (1-800-252-2873)
Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center 312-492-3700
www.ChicagoCAC.org /resources
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