The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
A
bstract: The central argument of this paper is that most single mothers are wounded and
broken. Their woundedness is too deep to be described in here as it involves their personal
lived human experience. However, their pain is vast and profound to equate it with love,
tenderness and compassion. They undergo too much woundedness as they live and raise their
family single-handedly. Pope Francis speaks generally about the actual family situation in
order to keep the family grounded in reality. This is in accordance with the Church’s teaching
on marriage and family as paving the way to dedication of perfect love in marriage. This will
be an appropriate approach that can guide the families in harmony with God’s plan in raising
their children as God requires. Amoris Laetitia speaks briefly about single mothers. The paper
examines the definition of single motherhood, family and marriage. It further discusses the
place of single mothers in the society and how they come about. It also describes the challenges
that the single mothers and their children face with their stigmatization.
I
NTRODUCTION: Single motherhood is real in our society and the world. It is a family made up of mother and children which intrinsically belongs to parenthood. As an
integral part of a home, single motherhood is part and parcel of parenting within the
framework of a family. It has its own values and struggles. My Nephew Antony Oloo, observed at a family meeting that family get-together in December 2016 was so important
to him that all his life his father had drilled in him the value of family. Likewise, in the Joy
of Love Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis1 brings out values of family
life. He states that marriage as an institution plays a significant part in the life of believers.
The Pope has given the church the Encyclical at an appropriate time in our history to
remind believers about the role played by family in marriage. Pope Francis states that the
desire to marry and form a family remains vibrant, especially among young people which
are an inspiration to the Church.2
Hence, family life and marriage continue to be at the heart of the society. However,
marriage faces numerous challenges discussed in this paper.
Definition of Single Motherhood, Family and Marriage
Who is a Single Mother?
The Longman Dictionary defines the term single as “being the only one having only
1
Pope Francis, The Joy of Love An Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia (Nairobi: Paulines Publications Africa,
2016), 1 quoted from The extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops, Relatio Synodi (18th October 2014).
2
Ibid., 2.
• Sr Margaret Aringo is a Franciscan Sister of St. Joseph. She holds a Doctorate in Sacred Theology (STD) with specialization in Biblical Theology from the Jesuit School of Theology at Berkeley, California, Masters Degree in Biblical
Studies at Catholic University of Eastern Africa (CUEA) Nairobi, Kenya, Masters Degree in Spirituality and Culture
(Holy Names University, She is currently a part-time lecturer at Hekima University College.
Hekima Review, no. 55 December 2016
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Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
one quality, one part separate considered by itself. It can also refer to unmarried person.”3
Accordingly Funk and Wagnalus4 in the Standard Dictionary of English Language International Edition define single motherhood as “consisting of one only, separate, individual:
having no companion or assistant; alone, unmarried state of or pertaining to one alone;
hence uncommon, singular, unique, designed for use with one thing of which there might
be more; solitary; a unit.” The term “mother” in the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary
English5 means: “a female parent of a child or an animal.” The term mother is derived from
the Genesis account in which Eve (hawah) means mother of the living. It comes from the
root of Hebrew word hayah which means to live. Mother is to be life-giving or source of life.
Therefore, we define single motherhood as an individual female who has to face the sole
responsibility of having to bring up and raise a child or children single handedly without
the help, assistance and participation of her would be spouse, husband or partner. It points
to the unmarried state of being all alone female to care and bring up, provide for, educate
children bore or adopted by the same woman as a result of one’s deliberate choice, separation, divorce, widowhood, polygamy, rape, incest, battering, desertion, excommunication,
long-term life imprisonment or detention of a spouse or illness.6
Family
The term family comes from Latin word familia, means household. The word familia
originally referred to slaves. In Latin the word familia (for household) means founding
a family or building a house. A man and a woman are called to make a family. The two
are gratuitously endowed with fecundity by God to be God’s co-creators.7 In Hebrew a
technical term for family is (bet’ab) which means house. Bet’ab has a broader meaning of
house which includes the people of Israel or the house of Israel. The house also refers to
the clan (mispahah).8
Mulago and Musharhamina maintain that family is made up of those who are united
by blood and common habitation.9 Collins English Dictionary10 defines family as a collective body of persons who form one household under one head and one domestic government. This includes: parents, children and servants. In the Longman Dictionary,11 family
refers to all those descended from a common ancestor. According to Shorter family is a
“minimal effective group of relatives by blood or by marriage; analogous groups.”12 By
3
Longman Dictionary of the Contemporary English, New Edition (Nairobi: Longman Group, UK Limited,
1987).
4
Funk and Wagnalus, The Standard Dictionary of English Language, International Edition (New York:
1964).
5
Longman Dictionary of the Contemporary English.
6
P. N. Wachege, Third Millennium African Single Mothers and Mother Widows: Ethno-ReligioPhilosophical Touch (Nairobi: Signal Press Ltd., 1994), 130 – 151.
7
Genesis 2:24.
8
Bibiana M. Ngundo, “The African Family: Its State and Role in Contemporary Church and Society,” in
The African Family Today, Giuseppe Caramazza and Beatrice Churu, Editors, (Nairobi: Pauline Publications
Africa, 2015), 17.
9
Gua Mulago and Cikala Musharhamina, Traditional African Marriage and Christian Marriage,
(Kampala, Uganda: St. Paul, 1981), 63.
10 Collins Concise Dictionary, Major New Edition, Second Edition, (William Collins and Sons, Publisher
Digital Edition, (1988), 402.
11 Longman Dictionary of the Contemporary English.
12 Alyward Shorter, African Culture An Overview: Socio-Cultural Anthropology (Nairobi: Paulines
32
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The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
analogous group, Shorter means those members who are not related by blood or marriage
and yet remain members of the family; the African family from a broad perspective. For
Mbiti, family includes parents, children, grandparents, uncles and aunts, brothers and
sisters who may have their own children.13 This concept of family is found in African
perspective for which a family stands. The Western world sees family as limited to father,
mother, and children. While for Africa, family takes a broader perspective as described
above by Mbiti.
Ideally, family is a basic social unit consisting of parents and children; either living together under one roof or in different places. For the author, family is broader. It includes
grandparents, aunts and uncles and their children. The family is perceived as a result of
their marital bond. It is the union of love between the father and the mother. Their children are the basic component of their conjugal love. Ecclesia in Africa (hereafter refers
EA) defines family as “the first cell of the living ecclesial community, it is the fundamental
cell of society.”14 Pope John Paul II maintains that “the family has a vital and organic links
within the society as its foundation which nourishes it continually through its role of
service to life. It is from the family that citizens come to birth and it is within the family
that they find the first school of social virtues that are the animating principle of the existence and development of society. The family is by nature and vocation open to other
families and to society, and undertakes its social role.15. It is therefore important to define
marriage because out of marriage comes the family.
Marriage.
Marriage is socially a recognized contract between spouses that establishes the rights
and obligations between the spouses, their children and their mother-in-laws.16 There
are various forms of marriages which include church, traditional and civil marriages.
Some refer staying together as marriage; “come-we-stay” or “cohabitation.” In the New
Testament, Jesus draws the principle of marriage from the Genesis account which emphasizes the union of the partners. “The man leaves his father and mother and clings to his
wife and the two become one body.”17 Jesus’ law of marriage excludes divorce, polygamy,
adultery and even thought and desire (cf. Mt 5: 27, 28). In Africa, marriage is not only
between the two (woman and man) but it involves extended families of the two spouses.
Pope Francis explores about family life and marriage in Amoris Laetitia as briefly discussed below.
The Joy of Love Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Leatitia of Pope the Holy Father
In The Joy of Love Amoris Laetitia (AL), Pope Francis calls the church to discover famPublications Africa, 1998), 83.
13 John S. Mbiti, African Religion and Philosophy, (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1969),
106 – 107.
14 Pope John Paul II, Ecclesia in Africa: And Its Evangelizing Mission Towards the Year 2000, Post-Synodal
Apostolic Exhortation, No. 80, (Vatican City, Rome: Libreria Editrice Vaticana, 1995), 87.
15 Pope John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio (22nd November 1982), 42, AAS, 74
(1982), 134.
16
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/marriage, Nairobi December 2016. See also https://
en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Cultural_Anthropology/Marriage,_Reproduction_and_Kinship, Nairobi, December 15,
2016.
17 Genesis 1:24; cf. Mt. 5:27, 28.
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Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
ily life and marriage as a joy to be lived rather than a problem to be solved.18 The Encyclical desires to strengthen and encourage the contemporary societies to live in functional
families in spite of the various challenges facing marriages today. It stresses that by living
married life, marriages become the ground for growth in love and mutual support. In
referring to the Scriptures, Pope Francis reminds us that in marriage the union and communion are uniquely to marriage.19 Chapter four of Amoris Laetitia talks about growing
in conjugal love between husband and wife. The conjugal love is sanctified and enriched
by the sacramental grace of marriage. The love solemnized in marriage is a reflection of
the unbroken covenant between Christ and humanity that culminated in his self offering
on the cross. It is also modeled on the eternal and perfect unity of the Trinity. Marriage
as a communion is a dynamic process, one that advances gradually with the progressive
integration of the gifts of God. The conjugal love includes mutual love, the procreation
of children and the appreciation and compassion of other. He affirms that procreation is
the work of God in man and woman who have a responsibility to raise up children. The
family reflects the Trinity as well as a local church.20 Using the Scriptures, Pope Francis
teaches about family life being the first school where the parents instruct their children.
The parents’ responsibility is to fend for their children. He points out that children need
care, to be nurtured and enabled to grow in love. It is essential that both parents bring
up their children. However, he acknowledges that families are confronted with much
suffering including; poverty, diseases and death. This may result to single parenthood. He
advocates that the causes of single parenthood are numerous as discussed below.
Phenomenon of Single Motherhood in Society
In our contemporary society, single motherhood has become the order of the day.
It has come to stay in our society as a state of life. Single mothers find themselves as
mothers outside marriage. Wachege observes that all single mothers have children. They
are not homogenous and that most of them are unattached to a man.21 They bring up
their children single handedly and alone. Most often, the single parent family is a mother
with her children although there are also single fathers.22 The Lineamenta XIV Ordinary
confirms the existence of single motherhood today. It states that a great number of children are born outside marriage.23 Wachege maintains that single motherhood is not an
empty mode of parenthood. It is a way of life conditioned by different circumstances
and situations. He states, “Whatever we may say against single mothers and no matter
how negative we may portray we cannot change their family style. We confirm that their
parenthood is not an empty mode of life style.”24 What Wachege means is that single
motherhood is a way of family life that truly exists. If anything, most single mothers are
hurt, wounded and broken. A single mother interviewed on 6th August 1999 confirms
that in whatever way single parenthood occurs, it causes loneliness, pain and suffering to
18 Amoris Laetitia, 7
19 Genesis 2:24
20 Amoris Laetitia, 10.
21 Wachege, 26.
22 Ngundo, 19, 20.
23 Synod of Bishops, Lineamenta: The Vocation and Mission of the Family in the Church and Contemporary
World, No. 7,(Nairobi: Paulines Publications Africa, 2014), 11.
24 Wachege, 23.
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The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
the women and their children.25Another single mother interviewed on 5th August 1999
observed that such mothers are not only lonely but they experience total emptiness and
they are demoralized.26 Some suffer from serious economic hardships as we hear several
single mothers describe what it means to be single. A single mother at Kamara Upendo
Women Group, Molo, Kenya interviewed on July 1, 1999 expressed her pain and wanted the head teachers to understand the plight of widows as far as the education of their
children is concerned and not to send them away from school when the parents cannot
pay the whole fees at once.27 Bibiana M. Ngundo interviewed Marian Nthemba, a single
mother who asserts that bringing up children single handedly remains a nightmare to
single parents. It is something that one should never dive into with full consciousness.28
Nthemba does not explicitly state that she is wounded, but the statement implies woundedness, difficulties and pain. Explicitly, single mothers undergo severe challenges as they
live and raise their children single handed.
There is nothing challenging as single motherhood in whichever way it comes. It may
be either by choice, accident, death of a spouse, divorce, or separation. Single motherhood comes with many challenges for example, economic, emotional and psycho-social.
Downey in the New Dictionary of Catholic Spirituality observes that single parents tend
to be less-well off financially because most are headed by women who have less income
than their counterpart men due to their lack of employment, professionalism and education.29 Emotionally single mothers undergo stress from pregnancy to birth. The mother is
likely to pass to the fetus the emotional stress which is likely to have a negative effect on
the child once it is born. There are other emotions including anger, bitterness, feelings of
being used and damped which most single mothers must face and deal with decisively.
Facing them head on and resolving to deal with it positively enables single mothers to
face life and the issues of life without bitterness.
Causes of Single Motherhood
Wachege cites twenty five causes of single motherhood.30 He observes that single motherhood is caused by multi-faceted and divergence causes, circumstances and situations such
as: socio-economic, cultural, educational and religious among others. In specific terms, the
causes of single motherhood range from their own choice while others are forced into it
by their ethnic culture, tradition and customs. Some enter into single motherhood due to
circumstances and situations beyond their own control. Other causes of single motherhood are broken marriages due to extreme domestic violence, assaults and abuse. When
the woman has tried unsuccessfully to make the marriage work, it results in separation or
divorce. What becomes even more painful is when the woman walks off with her children;
the man gets another woman which renews the wounds of the broken relationship. Others
are single mothers because of academic pursuit. Some conceive children outside marriage
by individual choice. Others are raped, widowed, prostitution, school drop outs and University Students Single Mothers. Still others result from neglected polygamous marriage
25 Margaret Aringo, “The Plight of Poverty among Single Parents and Struggle towards Integral Human
Development,” in African Cultures and Religion, 1, 3(1999), 102.
26 Ibid., 103
27 Ibid., 102.
28 Ngundo, Interviewed Marian Nthemba on June 10 2015; (2015), 32.
29 M. Downey, The New Dictionary of Catholic Spirituality, (Minnesota: The Liturgical Press, 1993).
30 Wachege, 130-151.
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Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
where husbands choose to dump the other wives and wed the youngest woman in Church.
The older women are left alone to fend for themselves and their children. Still some become
single mothers as a result of incest or “come-we-stay” or cohabitation.31
Many young people move to live together without their parent’s consent for lack of
trust. The reasons may include fear that the other party is not committed to marriage and
lack of approval by either one or both parents. Bishop Emmanuel Barbara advocates that
the new trend “come-we-stay” type of marriage results to departure of one partner after a
child or children are born just as it began.32 Cohabitation or “come-we-stay” was neither
there in the African tradition nor in the Church. Both traditions simply considered it
illegal because it violates the procedures of marriage which in turn leads to the formation
of family. Cohabitation comes with many societal problems such as financial stress and
trauma for both mother and her children. The single mother and her children almost find
themselves in the street without an accommodation, food, poor health conditions and
lack of economic support. On the whole single mothers face grave challenges.
Challenges Single Mothers Face
Most single mothers face untold poverty crises and lack sufficient resources. According to UNICEF research in 2012, majority of single mothers live in abject poverty.33 To
many of these single mothers who find themselves in this category, pregnancies come as
a shock and unexpected to both the mother and the father of the conceived unborn child.
This is why some fathers as a result of shock take off for cover leaving the woman stranded. Such women are often without anything to fall back. They are caught up without the
plan for the future assuming that the marriage will work out. Once the relationship is broken then the little support is totally withdrawn plunging her unexpectedly into financial
crisis. Carrying a pregnancy to terms, birthing and raising children are very expensive.
Every change during this time of pregnancy necessitates the use of money, food, clothes
and other requirements during this time makes things challenging and extremely hard
for any woman in this position.
There is trauma and stress which goes with the forceful acceptance of the reality that a
woman is a single mother and must now provide for the baby and other children of previous marriage. The fact that there are other persons to cater for single handedly literally
makes the single mother overwhelmed. She must begin to think how to bring more resources and build more capacity to handle the stress. A single mother’s life totally changes as a result of this emotional stress that cannot be ruled out. There are other emotions of
anger and bitterness plus feelings of being used and damped which single mothers face.
There is a psychological stress that a traumatized woman who is no longer a single girl,
but deserted by the man undergoes. The pain and loss in the case of widowed or deserted
by husband leads single mothers to the experience of loneliness and distress.
The fact of the matter is that society has categorized people into classes and clusters
where they are fitted. The same applies to single motherhood. The name itself suggests it
all “Single Mothers.” Since human beings are fallen in nature and look at things from that
31 Ibid.
32 Bishop Emmanuel Barbara, “Pastoral Care of the Family,” in The African Family Today, Giuseppe
Caramazza and Beatrice Churu, Editors (Nairobi: Paulines Publications Africa, 2015), 80.
33 UNICEF, “Kenya at a Glance,” UNICEF (Geneva: UNICEF, 2012). Available online at https: //www.
unicef.org/kenya/overview_4616.html, Assessed, on 15 December 2016.
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The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
perspective, they tend to be classified according to that nature in this case “single mother.”
Any single mother by whatever cause will be stigmatized and mistrusted and looked at
with suspicion and even abused. They are considered a threat to marriages. The children
of such marriage are looked at with suspicion within the society because of being raised
by a single mother. Male children would be considered a threat by the family of the father
who deserted them when they grow up. For example in Kenya, children are entitled to
the parents’ inheritance by right. So these children will claim their share of their fathers’
property for inheritance. This will most likely create trouble and animosity for the children of the single mothers. According to the African cultures, a woman is supposed to
get married and have children in an established marriage. This is because the children of
single mothers though innocent are mostly rejected from birth and not received as other
children at home, the Church and in other social setting who classify such children as
born out of wedlock. This rejection is experienced even at the issuance of birth certificate
which is unfortunate situation and requires redress.
The Role of the Church
The Church is the body of Christ with its many parts and functions as St. Paul writes
to the Corinthians.34 It is the body with many members and all these different body parts
co-exist and function together as one body in harmony to ensure that the daily functions
of the body, activities and systems run smoothly. This smooth running of the body system enables the human being to be complete and to go about their day to day activities
efficiently. Normally when one part of the body aches, it affects the whole body even if
it is the tiniest part of that body for example the little finger, toe, tooth, and head among
others. At no point in time would you hear the little finger or any other parts of the body
dismiss itself and say that I am too small, too insignificant, I have made mistakes or I am
an outcast or whatever other reason so I should cut myself off the body. They all co-exist
and co-function as one. In the same way, the body of Christ is required to be by Jesus
Christ and by humanity to function as one in spite the flaws, challenges and weaknesses.
The body of Christ is not perfect and it is not for the perfect as Jesus Christ says that he
came, but for the lost.35 Everyone lost must be found; including single mothers. This is
the essence of redemption.
The body of Christ is the Church and is the arm and the home of God which He uses
to reach out to the broken. God dwells in His people and reaches out to the wounded,
broken and hurting weary world to give it hope. The Church is an amalgamation or rather
the meeting point for those who need healing and made whole. By his own crucifixion and death, Christ Jesus knew what human sufferings and frailties are all about. The
Church therefore has the obligation to bring healing and restoration to single mothers.
It will function with great love and compassion that is non-judgmental for, the Church is
the only place where complete and true healing takes place. And as such, it must rise up to
the occasion and effectively and efficiently play its role in healing and restoring humanity
particularly the single mothers. Moba affirms
the growing cases of divorce in the Church are an unfortunate reality.
Nonetheless, divorced spouses should be seen as people in need of empathy
34
35
1 Corinthians 12:12- 31.
Matthew 18:11; Luke 19:10.
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Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
and compassion. They should be assisted to resettle in the Christian
communities and in their future choices to remarry or not. Similarly the
pain of divorce and the institution of marriage as such cannot be handled
by church alone. The church should work closely with other stakeholders
such as civil society and traditional institutions36
Pastoral Mission of the Church
In the opening paragraph of chapter four of Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis reiterates
some of Paul’s expression found in the hymn of love.... ”37 The role of the Church is that
of love. It is to reach out in love and embrace any single mother who knocks at the door
of the Church in need of assistance. The single mothers need to be loved and embraced
regardless of how they found themselves in the whole state of single motherhood. The
Church may help single mothers to forgive themselves and offer forgiveness for their
abusers and perpetrators. This will bring about healing especially in the cases of fornication, rape, incest, separation, divorce, death and abandonment in the case of widows
mishandled by their in-laws.
Love shall be very real and practical. This is the only way it will bring in true and complete healing for the wounded. There are cases of outright infidelity on the part of the young
woman who involves herself with a married man who leaves her pregnant to bear the nasty
consequences on her own. In such cases to admonish with love is necessary, to point out
the wrong regarding the act and ensuring that the individual is helped to rise up again to
face the challenges ahead and start a new life. The children from these relationships need
acceptance so that they grow up into whole human beings accepted and loved by God.
The role of the Church is to co-partner with the single mother to pick up and to be
able to raise her family in the best way she can especially in the ordinances of God. The
Church should not take the role of a co-parent to help in parenting the children.38 Being
a co-partner would mean, having programs in place to empower single mothers to raise
children who will not be misfit but useful and productive citizens of the society. It has
a broader and greater mandate which partly includes the single mothers. If the Church
functions as a co-partner with single mothers, then it would be a place where single
mothers can find the role models. The children would have alternative place to interact
and share their stresses and frustrations with people who would be available for them at
the Church. This does not have to be a priest, religious men and women or pastor, but
could be any ordinary member of the Church who is living an exemplary Christian life.
The Church as mentioned above is the body of Christ and the home where God dwells.
It shall help empower the single parent in all aspects and spheres of life including economy.
The Church concentrates a lot on the spiritual issues forgetting other aspects of life as being
just as important since this is what makes one whole. None can do without the other. They
are interdependent on each other and must be given equal attention for the development of
the individual. Structures, systems and education plans would be put in place to empower
the single mothers to come out of dependency into financial independence and growth. A
36 Chileya Moba, “What Happens when Marriage is Practiced? African Church open to the World,: in New
People, No 154 (January 2015), 14.
37 1 Corinthians 13:2-3; AL No. 89
38 Herbert Anderson. The Family Handbook, 139. Available online at https: //books.google.co.ke//
(Accessed on 30 September 2016)
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The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
single mother interviewed at Kamara in Molo observed that if it were her wish the Church
would give the women a chance to play a major role in the new evangelization. She felt that
most women are cut off from evangelization which is the mission of the church. Instead
their area to evangelize is limited to their family situation only. She begged that the Church
considers giving the opportunity to single mothers.39 Lydia, a single mother aged twenty
years observed that some single mothers are shy to seek pastoral care and the Church alone
cannot carry out this ministry. She maintained that single mothers who are deeply hurt will
need to be sought out by fellow Christians, other collaborators and stakeholders or even
well prepared and trained single mothers in counseling area. The whole group could work
out together with single mothers in a way for peer counseling and income generating projects. They would even come together and establish self-help groups for capacity building
or a “SACCO” and share the income. In very serious and desperate cases, the groups can
provide medical assistance, education, food, clothing and shelter.40 Another interview of a
single mother by choice at Githurai, Nairobi, on August 5th 1999, states that to be a single
parent is a reality whether male or female. The society looks down on single parents. She
maintains that since single parenthood is a difficult life with which one must cope, she proposes that the Church come to their rescue by offering catechesis that will enable them deal
with responsible parenthood; promote marriage encounter and offer counseling.41
There is an urgent need for all the stakeholders to make a collective response to pastoral ministry towards single mothers. First, to apply the spirit of the law as opposed to
the letter of the law as Agbonkhianmeghe E. Orobator reminds his readers that in dealing
with delicate and complex issues like polygamy, single motherhood, cohabitation among
others, the Church shall desist from rigid legalism and move towards mercy and compassion. For him where mercy is given, all should feel welcomed, loved and encouraged to
live the good life of the Gospel.42 He maintains that this attitude will move us away from
rigid letter of the law to the spirit of empathy which embraces all virtues that states the
saving of the souls.43 This positive attitude will accommodate pastoral sensitivity to the
single mothers whom the society has pushed to the margins. Secondly, single mothers
require pastoral ministry of accompaniment. Orobator suggests that the ministry of accompaniment would include married couples and categories of wounded families who
would speak from their personal experiences.”44 He further declares that “People need to
be accepted in the concrete circumstances of life. There is need to know how to support
them in their search and to encourage them in their hunger for God and their wish to
feel fully part of the Church, also including those who have experienced failure or find
themselves in a variety and the dynamic of mercy and truth that meet in Christ.” 45
Ecclesia in Africa and its evangelizing mission proposes family formation program
which does not exclude the single mothers. It proposes for the dioceses to develop a program for the family apostolate as part of their overall pastoral plan.46 Pope Francis calls
39 Aringo, 102.
40 Ibid.
41 Ibid.
42 Agbonkhianmeghe E. Orobator, “The State of the African Family: A Layman’s Appraisal,” in The African
Family Today, Giuseppe Caramazza and Beatrice Churu, Editors (Nairobi: Pauline Publications Africa, 2015), 49.
43 Ibid, Quoted from The Tablet, 30 April 2015; cf. Relatio Synodi (RS), No. 32
44 Ibid.; Relatio Synodi (RS), No. 32.
45 Relatio Synodi (RS), No. 10.
46 Ecclesia in Africa (EA), No 92
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Sr Margaret Aringo FSJ*
for a pastoral program of the Church with the mission statement of Christ which points
to life giving. “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”47 Some preparation programs for marriage would include morals, hard work, respect and good standing families in the society. Bishop Barbara agrees that separations and divorce in family
life are the result of lack of true and holistic preparation to marriage and the extended
families cannot intervene as in the traditional days.48 As such, and as a matter of urgency, the Church needs to develop programs that will incorporate single mothers’ voices.
By bringing them into the program, single mothers will be involved in seeking answers
to challenging questions in their own life style and communities. The stakeholders will
look for means and ways that will uplift life of brokenness of the families and difficulties
single mothers experience daily. It will be important that the program include holistic sex education, pastoral formation for young people and married life. The program
should include counseling to the young people before, during and long after marriage. It
will require that the program develops appropriate counseling skills and properly trained
counselors for the different target groups. The program would add even greater values
and richness if it incorporates the extended African family as a resource for the church
to assist with pastoral work among single mothers. Another support resource would be
for the church to consider in the program the presence of some grandparents. It will be
necessary in conjunction with the African theologians that they consider developing theology and spirituality that addresses the spiritual lifestyle of single mothers.
C
onclusion: As we have seen above, single motherhood is a complex issue. The phenomenon has come to stay and it is the responsibility of the individuals, communities, societies and Church to engage in the issue both economically and pastorally.
The children of single mothers are regarded as children without fathers. They too carry
the brand of their mothers psychologically, emotionally and mentally. Amoris Laetitia
reminds us to understand those who are weak and not to treat them harshly.49 It is our
responsibility to understand single mothers as essentially integrated within the umbrella
of motherhood and in the domain of family affinity framework. Being aware of single
motherhood, the society, community, individuals and the Church structures and institutions are called to maintain Christian moral and ethical principles of motherhood and
parenthood. It is a holistic responsibility for us all to boldly and meaningfully embark
on serious education and catechizing the society concerning the integrity and dignity of
single motherhood. Like everybody else, single mothers are called to healing regardless
their diverse cases. They are called by Jesus to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect
(Mt 5:48).50 They are also called to be merciful and compassionate as the heavenly Father
is compassionate (Lk 6:36).51 Single motherhood has come to stay as a phenomenon. It is
not considered as watering down the institution of marriage but is to be considered side
by side with the marriage as an aspect of family life: mother and children: versus mother,
father and children.
47 John 10:10; See also Churu, 139
48 Bishop Emmanuel Barbara, “Pastoral Care of the Family,” in The African Family Today, Giuseppe
Caramazza and Beatrice Churu, Editors (Nairobi: Paulines Publications Africa, 2015), 80.
49 Amoris Latitia, 103
50 Matthew 5:48.
51 Luke 6:36
40
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The Woundedness of Single Mothers and Church’s Response
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