V o lu m e 2 , I s su e 1
T h e U t a h - Ru s s i a I n s t i t u t e
A p r i l 1, 2 0 00
R USSIAN A DOPTION S UPPORT G ROUP
WINTER BASH
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Winter Bash
1
Schedule of Events for
1
Summer Miracles
1
Home-schooling
2-3
Yearly Dues
4
Spread the Word
4
Tentative Schedule of
Events for 2000
On February 2000, the Russian
Adoption Support Group Meeting
was held at the Pearce’s home.
More than 100 people attended, including several new couples who are
in the process of adopting or have
recently brought their new children
home.
The potluck provided plenty of food
for everyone and the home was
brimming with excited children
and lots of laughter.
• Friday, May 12, 6:30 PM
Parents Meeting
• Saturday, August 12, 11:00
AM
Annual
Russian Adoption Support Group Picnic
• Friday, November 3, 6:30
PM
Parents
Meeting on Adoption
Issues
• Saturday, January 6, 2001,
11:00 AM
“A
Russian Christmas“
The Wedding Dance
The children in our group
After dinner, the introductions
began. Each couple shared their
experiences in the adoption process and introduced the family.
While parents chatted away, the
children enjoyed games, stories,
and dancing, directed by members of the Russian community of
Salt Lake City. The children
later performed the Russian folk
dance they learned for their parents.
PREMIER ADOPTION AGENCY/KIDS AVE INTERNATIONAL
SUMMER MIRACLES PROGRAM
A Provo based adoption agency, Premier Adoption Agency,
is working in conjunction with KidSave International to
find only three more families to participate in a "fost-adopt"
program. This program is designed to provide opportunities
for older children to find permanent homes and to help
families considering adoption the chance to dispel any myths
they may have about adopting an older child. The children
are between the ages of 5-11 and are under the assumption
that their stay with you is merely a six week summer camp in
the U.S. Families have the option of having a child in their
home first and then given the option to adopt. The adoption process can be started before the children are scheduled
to return to Russia at a reduced rate! This program really
helps to combat the myth that older orphans are already too
old to be helped. In previous years the adoption rate with this
program has been over 94%!! Many happy families have been
made. The airfare is totally taken care of by generous donors
and a day camp for the children will also be included. They have
already filled most of their quota and will accept families on a
first come first serve basis. They are looking for families who are
truly interested in the possibility of adoption not merely homestay families. If you would be interested in making a difference
in a child's life or know of anyone interested, please contact
Catharine Murray at [email protected] or by calling (801)
375-8855.
Page 2
V o l u m e 2 , I s su e 1
Home-schooling Internationally
Adopted Children
For families considering adoption, or who have already adopted internationally, the question of
teaching these children is an important one. For many, the choice is home-schooling. Homeschooling can be ideal in many ways. One of the most important aspects of it is that it allows you,
the parent, to teach your child or children what it means to be a family. Virtually all children
adopted internationally (at least from Eastern Europe) have spent time in an institutional setting,
usually an orphanage. They do not know what a "family" means, they have had no possessions of
their own, and frequently, they do not know how to have healthy emotional relationships. They
need time to be with, learn about and bond to their new family. They also need time to learn about
authority - Mom’s and Dad's comes first. Many people who have placed their children in public
school right away have found that the children view the teacher as the "authority" and totally disregard anything the parents try to say/teach/train them to do. Numerous times, these same families
say that they wish they had kept the child or children home at the beginning, until language was
well-established, but more importantly, that family relationships were well-established. When you
home-school, you can spend weeks in the "family-moon" stage. This is like a honeymoon, where
you are spending lots of close family time together, without outside distractions and/or interventions. Even if you decide not to home-school, some "intense" family time can really be priceless in
the long run. Here are some ideas from other families who are home-schooling their older adopted
children (that is those that were school-age at the time of adoption.)
“Some
intense
family time
can really be
priceless in
the long
run”
•
•
•
•
•
•
Concentrate first on building attachment.
Touching - absolutely essential. This can be hugging, helping with sports like swimming (where
there is a lot of contact), "rough-housing", massage, lap-holding, putting lotion on, practicing
the "family bed" and more.
Humor - try to keep your sense of humor, especially through the trying times that come when
the “honeymoon" is over.
“Courtship" - adopting an older child can be like a marriage arrangement - at first you don't
even know this person, then you work on finding out what they like, how you can "serve" them,
you spend lots of time with then and you fall in love. Expect it to take months and even years
(depending on the age of the child) before you feel totally attached and bonded to them. A rule
of thumb given by a mother of a very large adoptive family is to plan on it taking as long to be
completely "bonded" as the child's age at the time of adoption. (Again, as in courtship, this time
will vary a lot!)
Attention - time is a precious commodity. Everyone wants it – and needs it – but who gets the
most? Many families find there is some natural give-and-take in time spent with individual children. It's natural at the beginning to spend more time with your newly adopted child or children. Usually, things naturally balance out. Sometimes, however, parents need to be more proactive in making sure everyone is getting their needs met. Most post-institutionalized children
have never had anyone look when they say "Watch me", or "Look what I did" - they need this!
Sometimes by the time they are adopted, they don't even know how to ask for attention (except
in negative ways). You may find that you need to offer lots of attention without them asking for
it. As they come to realize that there is finally someone who really cares, they will start to show
off their accomplishments - and will be proud of their own work and accomplishments!
Language Acquisition: This will vary according to the age of the child. Usually for children of
preschool age and younger, they will learn English as if it were their native language. For school-
R u s s i a n A d o p t i on S u p p o r t G r o u p
Page 3
age and older, they will learn it as a second language, even though may (and often deliberately) forget their first
language. Some ideas to help with language acquisition are included here:
Lots of naming. "This is your shoe. Can you show me your shoe?" If the child is old enough and interested, you
can make name cards to place around the house on the appropriate objects "chair", "table", etc.
Read, read, read! As your child starts to develop language skills, ask them to start repeating back basic concepts.
("What happened to Mr. Brown?", etc) Remember that generally for adults learning a second language, comprehension will come before verbal expression. Children, however, can memorize entire phrases and not have a clue
what they mean. For example, they might say a prayer on the food at the table, but really have no idea what they
are talking about - they have just learned the expressions but not the meaning. Another example is asking the child
to put the glass in the cupboard. They may walk right over to the cupboard and then just stand there. If questioned, they may respond that they don't know what a glass is!
When appropriate, use a good phonics program.
Be careful with television watching. The words they learn from TV may not be the ones you want them repeating! (Other areas too, such as playground buddies, etc.)
Other Schooling Ideas
Do any activity needing parental (or sibling) assistance - learning how to skate, making juice, breaking eggs,
putting clothes away, washing dishes, bubble baths and on and on - the list can be endless!
∗ Lots of time on "normal" home-school activities - field trips (the kids will love this!), nature walks, family outings, household chores, games (you can make up your own!), etc. Have fun! We all learn better when we are
enjoying what we are doing!
∗ Give your children lots of tactile opportunities, regardless of their ages - they have frequently been quite sensory
deprived. Playing in the sandbox, finger-painting (with paints - or food like pudding or whipped cream!),
working with clay or Play-Doh, exploring different textures, etc. If your child is tactilly-defensive, you will
probably want to hook up with an occupational therapist who can give you good ideas on how to help your
child overcome this.
∗ Do cause and effect activities with your child, so they can learn that their actions produce a result. This can be
anything from pushing a button on a toy and getting a result, to science experiments, to certain games. Use
your imagination!
∗ If you have a child under 3, take advantage of the wonderful early-intervention services we have in our area. In
the Provo school district, it's PEEP. In the Alpine district, it's Kids on the Move. All districts will have one.
∗
Good luck in your home-schooling adventures! It can truly be a wonderful time to learn and grow with your new
children. Try not to get frustrated - this is new for them too! If you would like to hook up with a larger homeschooling community, there are numerous options. You can join an organization like the "Utah Home Educator's
Association", go to the annual conferences (really good to get your yearly jump start!), join email lists such as
"HSOIC" - Home-schooling Older Internationally adopted Children. (To join, go to www.onelist.com and find
HSOIC in the directory, then subscribe.) If you are home-schooling children with
disabilities, there are a variety of lists for that as well. Again, enjoy this journey with your children.
By Holly Richardson, Mom to 10 living children, 4 of whom are from Eastern Europe, and long-time home-school
Mom.
The Utah-Russia Institute
Utah Valley State College
AD 218-C
800 West University Parkway
Orem, UT 84058
ANNOUNCEMENTS
♦
OUR NEXT ACTIVITY WILL BE HELD ON FRIDAY, MAY 12, AT 630 PM. WE
WILL MEET AT A LOCAL RESTAURANT FOR DINNER AND DISCUSSION
ON SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT ARE CLOSEST TO THE ADOPTIVE PARENTS’ HEARTS.
♦
YEARLY DUES are $20 per family per year. This money will provide supplies for upcoming activities as well as the continuation of this newsletter, so please pay as soon as
possible. Sonya Doty is the treasurer of our group and will collect the money at our next
activity. However, you may send it to her at 1502 West 1000 North, Provo, UT
84604, if you prefer.
♦
SPREAD THE WORD to your friends and neighbors. We are hoping to incorporate
ALL who have adopted or are thinking about adopting from Eastern Europe. Invite
your friends to contact us, or to attend the next meeting.
Phone: (801) 222-8897
Fax: (801) 226-5207
Email: [email protected]
www.uvsc.edu/
russia
UTAH-RUSSIA
INSTITUTE