!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! )!
First Name Last Name
Course
Ms. R. Rohde
Date
The American Dream
There was a time in America’s history when our culture mirrored that of the
British. It was a time when people were recognized only by birthright and status. If
someone had neither of these then they were in poverty, and worked for those who did.
Our founding fathers however saw a far grander scheme than this for a new found land.
Since our birth as a nation united, citizens from all over the world have flocked to our
lands, with hope to live out the American Dream. But the dream has become stagnated
and forgotten, replaced by the idea of material prosperity. This is not the true American
dream that drove immigrants to our nation. The true American dream is not about
material prosperity, it is the dream of freedom, the dream of equality, and the dream of
having a fuller and richer life. (This is a great introduction. It is clearly written and, from
what I’ve read so far, seems to double as introduction and very general thesis, which is
great use of your space. What you could do to make this an A+ introduction/thesis is
make the last sentence specific enough to incorporate the organization of your paper, ex.
Analyzing the values sought by Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King and historian
James Truslow Adams, it is clear that the true American dream is not about material
prosperity, but of freedom, equality, and a fuller and richer life.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! *!
Many Americans forget that previous to declaring us a free nation from British
rule, we were not in fact a “free” country. Many slaves and indentured servants were sent
here as property to work the lands owned by rich men of stature back in Britain. Even
the men who were not directly owned by others still felt a lack of freedom. The King of
England would house his army in American homes, both in times of peace and times of
war. His military could not be tried for murders that they committed against the
American people. Finally, our founding fathers put down on paper the beginnings of the
American dream. In 1776 Thomas Jefferson created the Declaration of Independence
which gave the citizens of a new nation the first part of the American Dream, freedom.
There is not of phrase in the Declaration of Independence that refers to the Americans
wanting more in terms of material prosperity, just an overwhelming theme of freedom,
true freedom. (Great point and great introduction of source before quoting later) Jefferson
cites several things that the British King had imposed on the people of the colonies, but
perhaps the most important line in Jefferson’s declaration is “We hold these truths to be
self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of
Happiness”(401.) The terms, “Life” and “Liberty” are very important because they were
forfeit under most monarchs during these trying times. Jefferson also went on to secure
freedom for future generations, stating “That whenever any form of government becomes
destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute
new government”(401.) (Good job of coming out and explaining the quote and how it
works to support your discussion. Try not to end a paragraph in a quote, though. Come
out and tie up the paragraph in terms of the thesis statement in your introduction.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! +!
While the initial freedom from Britain was felt by many, there were still a lot of
people in America who did not feel free. There was a large demand for slaves while the
colonies were forming, and the slave holders did not want to give up their property.
While Jefferson’s declaration encompassed all men, the constitution did not. An entire
war was fought over slavery in which brothers fought against one another until finally
slavery was abolished. Even after the13th amendment to the constitution was adopted,
there was still an enormous amount of discrimination against African Americans. They
rallied together however in pursuit of the American dream on August 28th 1963. Martin
Luther King Jr. gave his fellow Americans one of the greatest speeches in America’s
history. In his I Have a Dream speech, King begins by stating that the march on
Washington “will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the
history of our nation”(405.) In this statement, King uses the word freedom to symbolize
the fight for equality. King continues his speech fighting for equality claiming that one
hundred years after the Emancipation Proclamation “The life of the negro is still sadly
crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination”(405.) He then
says “the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of
material prosperity”(405.) This statement is aimed directly at “keeping up with the
Jonses” which he incorporated into the American Dream hoping it would help drive
others to aid in his cause. He felt as though the white Americans were living the
American Dream, which at the time meant material prosperity. Because his fellow black
Americans were not treated equally, they were not eligible to pursue the American
Dream. However this material prosperity clause was secondary to his overall theme of
equality, which King continued to drive home by quoting Jefferson’s Declaration of
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! ,!
Independence in which he states “all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be
guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” which is
at the very heart of the true American dream(405.) King continued to speak “I have a
dream that one day…little black boys and little black girls will be able to join hands with
little white boys and little white girls as sisters and brothers”(407.) King’s dream and the
American dream have become one in the same when equality in our country is
considered. (Good use of quotes and I like how you came out at the end and tied the
paragraph up in relation to your overall point about the American Dream)
Although many Americans confused the American dream for material prosperity
after World War II, the term “American dream” was actually coined by an author who
stated quite the opposite. Historian and author James Truslow Adams wrote The Epic of
America in 1931. Adams had written many books on American history, but this one
struck accord with many Americans. In the epilogue, Adams states what he believes the
American dream to really be. The American dream, Adams writes, is the
“dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with
opportunity for each according to ability or achievement. It is a difficult dream for the
European upper classes to interpret adequately, and too many of us ourselves have grown
weary and mistrustful of it. It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a
dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the
fullest stature of which they are innately capable, and be recognized by others for what
they are, regardless of the fortuitous circumstances of birth or position”(Wright 197.)
This would have to be a block quote, see MLA format on OWL Purdue for block quoting
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! -!
When Adams says, “it is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely,” he is telling
us that material prosperity is not at the core of the American dream like so many believe
(Wright 197.) (You really do a fantastic job of incorporating quotes by transitioning into
them and by transitioning out with explanations of them and how they work to support
your thesis.) Instead, a fuller life awaits those who come to America in the pursuit of
happiness. Where one doesn’t have to be born into privilege, they can become anything
they want; there is “opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” (Wright
197.) This is the true heart of the American dream, the real reason so many people come
to America.
When our founding fathers created this great nation, I think they understood what
the world needed, a breath of fresh air from the salty tyranny that ruled the rest of the
world. So they created such a land. A new land of opportunity that millions of people
from all over the globe descended upon in hopes of rising up from their own oppression
to become something greater. Not only to keep up with the Joneses, but to make their
new country proud and continue to build upon its successes. They have such created an
even more enjoyable nation for their future generations. What started as the American
Dream, now for many has become the American reality.
Matthew,
This is very well written essay. My major complaint is that your thesis doesn’t
incorporate the organization of your paper as well as introduces the sources/readings you
end up discussing/using as support. This simple change would really tighten the paper
and the reader knows exactly what to expect in the paragraphs that follow. Other than
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! .!
that, your body paragraphs are extremely well developed. You incorporate your sources
well (you do need to add a space after the sentences and your in-text citations though, ex
“……..” (Wright 222).) You also use relevant sources. You explain/interpret the key
elements of each quote and you demonstrate how it works to prove your thesis. I’d like to
post this as an example of a good academic essay for the class. Would you be opposed to
that? I could take your name off if you would like. Also, I noticed that you submitted to
the Writing Center twice, which is excellent.
Eng 102: Major Paper Grading Rubric
Introduction
10 points
9
Thesis and
Purpose
___93___ /100 points
A
B
C or less
• Introduces paper
topic by giving the
reader a clear and
specific context for
the paper
topic/claim.
• Incorporates the
claims and ideas of
the essay and
emphasizes its
significance or
importance.
• Includes reference
to any support,
outside sources or
specific
ideas/concepts the
author will be
discussing.
• Draws reader in
with compelling
and relevant topic.
• 10-9 points
• Introduces paper by
giving the reader a
general idea of
context.
• Relates to and/or
summarizes the
claims and ideas of
the essay.
• Includes support or
outside sources in a
general way, but
does not include
specifics.
• Provides a clear,
recognizable topic.
• 8 points
• Provides no context
for paper topic.
• Fails to incorporate,
relate to or
summarize the
claims and ideas of
the essay.
• Paper topic is
unclear or does not
respond to
assignment.
• 7 or less
• Thesis is
“surprising” or
“risky,” responds to
• Thesis has
“tension,” responds
to assignment.
• Thesis lacks
“tension” or does
not respond to
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! /!
30 points
26
Presentation
and
Organization
30 points
29
Support
and/or Text
Analysis
20 points
20
assignment and
reflects authors’
purpose
• Essay’s purpose is
clear, shows
originality or
independent
thought.
• Incorporates overall
structure or
organization of
essay, order of
argument correlates
with introduction of
thesis statement.
• 30-27 points
• Essay’s purpose is
clear and responds
to assignment.
• Thesis is logical
and/or coherent, but
does not
incorporate essay
organization.
• 26-24 points
assignment.
• Essay’s purpose is
unclear or does not
respond to
assignment.
• 23 or less
• Topic Sentences
identify paragraphs’
purposes, reflect
their content and
contribute to overall
unity of the essay.
• Transitions indicate
relationships
between not only
paragraphs, but
ideas.
• Organization is
logical and
purposeful.
• The essay is free
from grammatical
or mechanical error.
• 30-27 points
• Topic Sentences
reflect most
paragraph content
but may not
contribute to unity.
• Transitions indicate
relationships
between
paragraphs.
• Organization is
usually logical and
purposeful
• Grammatical or
mechanical errors
do not distract from
reading.
• 26-24 points
• Topic Sentences do
not consistently
reflect paragraph
content or there are
none.
• Transitions do not
successfully
indicate
relationships
between
paragraphs.
• Organization is not
logical.
• Grammatical or
mechanical errors
distract from
reading.
• 23 or less
• Support and/or texts
are synthesized into
a
conversation with
one another and
with the student
author.
• Support examples
or texts are
• Support texts,
examples and
evidence are
generally
synthesized into a
conversation with
one another and
with the author.
• Texts are usually
• Texts and examples
are not properly
synthesized into a
conversation with
one another and
with the author.
• Texts and examples
lack an introduction
that gives context to
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! 0!
Conclusion
10 points
9
introduced and
explained
appropriately,
giving context to
the reader
• Essay transitions
into and out of
quotes and
supporting
examples/evidence.
• 20-18 points
introduced and
explained
appropriately,
giving context to
the reader
• 17-16 points
the reader.
• Essay relies too
heavily on support
texts and author’s
argument or voice
is secondary or
non-existent.
• 15 or less
• Conclusion
incorporates the
claims and ideas of
the essay and
emphasizes its
significance or
importance.
• Provides a sense of
closure for the
reader,
demonstrating that
essay has
sufficiently done
the work it set out
to do in the claim or
thesis.
• Answers the
question, “So
What?,” providing
relevance to the
reader or suggests
relation to a broader
context either
socially or textually.
• 10-9 points
• Conclusion relates
to and/or
summarizes the
claims and ideas of
the essay.
• Provides a sense of
closure for the
reader,
demonstrating that
essay has
sufficiently done
the work it set out
to do in the claim or
thesis.
• 8 points
• Conclusion restates
the claims and ideas
of the essay, but
simply restates
thesis.
• 7 or less
Works Cited
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"#$%!&#'(! 1!
Jefferson, Thomas. “The Declaration of Independence.” The McGraw-Hill Reader. Ed.
Gilbert H Muller. New York: McGraw-Hill. 2011. PP 400-403. Print.
Martin Luther King Jr. “I have a Dream.” The McGraw-Hill Reader. Ed. Gilbert H
Muller. New York: McGraw-Hill. 2011. PP 405-408. Print.
Wright, Luke H.S. “The Death of the American Dream.” PP 196-199. Web.