THE COVWELSH-OSAURUS
WORK IN PROGRESS v0.1
Last Updated: May 2006
Celebrity Endorsements
''I pity the foo' that doesn't use this book to understand what those crazy foo's at the Welsh be
talkin' 'bout, and I ain't drinkin' no milk, going on no plane etc...''
Mr T
''Me and my friends all wear our bodyriding shirts when we go for a pitcher of Pimms down
the Welsh''
Lady Tara-Palmer Tomkinson
''I use it to rest my ma-humba-jumbas on''
Katie Jordan Price
''I wanna do a duet with that bit-smart singer Bonsoir''
Peter Andre-Price-Jordan
A
Alright the kid?
Pronunciation: 'TUT-TUT-TUT-TUT-ALROITE-THE-KID?' or simply 'ALRIGHT THE KID?'
Meaning: Greeting. Literal translation from Bedworth to Coventry: “How are you doing my
good friend?”
Origin: Phrase has origins in Bedworth and likely to have crossed the border into Coventry
when locals discovered wheeled transportation in the early 90's (1990’s).
Usage:
(1) I know him, used to play with him at Beduff…tut-tut-tut-tut-alroite-the-kid? Usual
response to this enquiry is “Who are you?”
B
Bit-smart
Pronunciation: 'BEEET-SMAART' or 'BITS-MART'.
Meaning: Said to humiliate a boring or uninspiring activity, idea or object.
Origin: First reported at President Kennedy School by students commenting on Mark Ratley’s
Wall Street slick-back hairstyle (see ‘Hairstyles We Once Had’).
Usage:
(1) Egghead is cruising around in his Ford Escort listening to Shaggy, he's got a bits-mart
car.
(2) Since you shaved half of Weavers hair off you can see his head, bits-mart haircut.
(3) That shirt Ratley is wearing with the snake dangling out of a tree and a cheetah on the
pocket is a beeet-smaart.
Bodyrider
Pronunciation: 'BO-DEE-RY-DERR' said preferably in a hi pitched Michael Jackson style
voice to the theme tune of early 90's Saturday night family entertainment show 'Gladiator'.
Meaning: Can be said as part of conversation or as an exclamation. Primarily used to
highlight a new fashion style/piece of apparel for embarrassment purposes. Also used to
describe $ex.
Origin: Believed to be introduced into the Coventry dialect by immigrants from Bedworth.
Usage:
(1) In reference to a new piece of fashionable clothing worn with the intent of attracting female
attention e.g. 'That's a nice new bodyriding shirt you've got on there mate'.
(2) Used to humiliate the wearer of a shirt who is attempting to be fashionable but failing (i.e.
Mark Ratley) This would illicit the use of the theme tune style of pronunciation of bo-dee-ryderr while rubbing the said item of clothing to highlight it to the other lads, and embarrass the
wearer.
(3) In reference to $exual activity, usually in the future tense: 'Going out bodyriding tonight
lads?'
(4) Further use as a noun stating intent: 'I'd love to bodyride her'.
(5) Rarely used in the past tense: 'I've bodyrode her', as this never happened.
C
Cow’s tits
Pronunciation: Simply ‘COWS TITS’ said as part of normal conversation.
Meaning: Used in reference to poor handling of the rugby ball. Imagine someone with hands
like cows udders; pass them a rugby ball, what would happen? They’d drop it. That’s what it
means.
Origin: Unknown. Although Westy has a hand that is like a cow’s udder this is an unrelated
human deformity. The phrase was in usage way before the elephantisis of the hand suffered
by the salsa dancing second rower.
Usage:
(1) Doh! <insert name> has dropped it again, he’s got hand’s like ‘COWS TITS’
Related Phrases:
(1) Hands like feet
F
Fanny-wig
Pronunciation: Varies. Simply 'FANNY-WIG' or for the more extreme situation, 'FANNYWEEEGGGGAAR' in an Italian style accent is preferred.
Meaning: Derogatory term that implies the target is akin to a toupee for the female genitals,
i.e. useless. Also used when someone is trying hard and fails.
Origin: Popular knowledge points to the notorious Neal twins for the first usage and continued
support of the phrase.
Usage:
(1) I can't believe Twinny knocked it on over the line, what a fanny-wig
(2) Look at Ray's bitsmart bodyriding shirt, he's a fanny weeeggggaar.
(3) Where's Dave Ellis the ginger fanny-wig?
Related Phrases:
(1) Pant-moustache
I
I ain’t being funny right
Pronunciation: ‘I AIN’T BEING FUNNY RIGHT’
Meaning: Do not detect any humour in what I am about to say, I am being deadly serious.
Origin: Rumoured to be first coined by Mark Kitchener, the Chelsea loving back-rower.
Usage:
‘I ain’t being funny right’ is usually used at half time in a game where Coventry Welsh is
losing. It is a pre-curser to forward thinking rugby tactics, listened to intently by team-mates.
Focused on avoiding blaming anyone in the side, it is used to energise the team into unison
and action. The team becomes galvanised after usage of the phrase and the accompanying
tactics and wins the game. Ahem.
(1) I’m not being funny right, but someone needs to kill their fly-half.
(2) I’m not being funny right, but don’t give the backs the ball, lets keep it in the forwards.
J
Jibba-jabba
M
Ma-humba-jumbas
Pronunciation: ‘MA-HUMBAR-JUMBARS’ can be extended to ‘MA-HUMBERLYJUMARLEY-BIM-BAM-BUMBERLYS’ or other such gibberish at the speaker’s discretion.
Meaning: Derived from the imagined sound made by massive mammaries. Used to focus
attention at the sight of a female with humungous chestige.
Origin: First reported in Malia when Dave Ellis coined the phrase by the pool, in 1997.
Usage:
(1) Look at the size of those ma-humba-jumbas, she’s got some front.
N
Nice and tidy, ready for Friday.
Nice clean grundies, ready for Sunday
S
Snakes
Pronunciation: 'SNAKES' or 'SIR-NAKES' or as the first animal in a list. 'SNAKES' is the
shortened version of 'Snakes, cows, pigs, hens and chickens' or 'Snakes, cows, pig, hens,
chickens and ducks' or other such list of animals. Note: When forming the list of animals, any
repeated animals would leave the speaker open to humiliation by his peers.
Meaning: Used primarily in exclamation, usually in awe at a voluptuous female, can be used
in other extreme situations.
Origin: The first recorded list of animals was reportedly Russell Hughes in Kavos 1994, when
realising he’d just requested a dance cd from a hearing impaired female.
Usage:
(1) Look at the size of those! Snakes, cows, pig, hens, chickens, geese, rhinos, elephants,
pigs and ducks. Those are massive ma-humba-jumbas. Aaaaaah! You repeated pigs!
That was a bitsmart!
(2) I can’t believe I dented my car. Snakes mate, Russell is gonna be happy with that.
(3) Snakes! I just asked a deaf bird for some music!
T
Twanky-Flaps
Pronunciation: ‘TERWANK-EE FUR-LAPS’
Meaning:
Origin: Word created by The German is reference to the stupid name of one of Marc Lloyd’s
girlfriends. Shortening of Clittoris-twanky-flaps.