Quixote Side 8 - Quixote, Cervantes
SCENE 2
(A country road. QUIXOTE proudly strides atop his ROCINANTE, which is his
three-wheeled mobility scooter decked out in equine armor and reins. There is an
old horse skull strapped to the basket in front. Clad in ancient armor, holding a
pool cue for a lance, he rides to a fork in the road. Whinny! They halt.)
DON QUIXOTE
Onward he rides his brave charger Rocinante, companion of his life, to that place where
Fortune weaves their course, the fork in the road, separación del camino, divergence of
fates. Choose the way to our adventure, my steed, and I’ll heed your preference with
gladdened heart! (Pause.) Giddyup.
(The “horse” stands still. The CERVANTES AVATAR enters as a
TRAVELER.)
TRAVELER
Señor, are you actually letting your scooter decide which way you go?
DON QUIXOTE
He’ll choose the righteous way. He’s a noble steed.
TRAVELER
I see. Then why won’t he choose?
DON QUIXOTE
I believe he is weighing the matter.
TRAVELER
Maybe he wants you to decide.
(ROCINANTE “neighs”…. All horse sounds really come from QUIXOTE.)
DON QUIXOTE
See, he stirs! ¡Adelante, Rocinante!
(ROCINANTE steps forward once, then makes an about-face.)
No no! What are you doing! Go back! Back, I say!
(He wheels him around. The Traveler laughs.)
TRAVELER
Ha, can you blame him? Your noble steed prefers his hay at home!
DON QUIXOTE
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Quixote Side 8 - Quixote, Cervantes
Who the fregados—I mean, identify yourself, stranger!
TRAVELER
Only a Traveler. Truthfully, an assessor of taxes. I trust you’ve paid yours.
DON QUIXOTE
Every centavo. Is that the record of the tax?
TRAVELER
Oh this? No, just a book. On the marvelous adventures of knighthood.
DON QUIXOTE
Am I in it, señor?
TRAVELER
Depends on who you are.
DON QUIXOTE
El Ingenio Don Quixote de la Mancha.
TRAVELER
Not as far as I’ve read.
DON QUIXOTE
Then read no farther. For in time, my deeds will be engraved in bronze, etched in marble,
inscribed in the verses of every corrido, and then I promise you will read of me, señor.
What befell your hand?
TRAVELER
Oh, it’s nothing. Come to think of it, señor, there is in here a man like you, dressed as
you, as you so armed, as he is an actual knight. That is to say, he was dubbed.
DON QUIXOTE
Dubbed? —¿Que es dubbed?
TRAVELER
Has no King yet laid the mortal edge of his sword on your shoulders?
DON QUIXOTE
AYY! Por Dios Santo, I must be dubbed! But where!
TRAVELER
Beats me, señor. But you might ask someone at the Riata Inn over there.
DON QUIXOTE
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Quixote Side 8 - Quixote, Cervantes
Inn? That’s no inn! By all that’s holy, that’s a Castle-keep! With battlements, drawbridge,
and a moat! But taxman, how did you--?
(The TRAVELER has traveled on.)
Strange, Rocinante. Come and gone like conscience, like one’s own shadow swept
underfoot. Methinks some beneficence taken human shape points me to my causa. Ride
me to yon castle, Charger! ¡Adelante!
(He rides off with a feeble “whinny.”)
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