“What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?”
-Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile
Dear birth parent,
Hi. We're Heather and Bill.
In 1762, French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote The Emile, a book about raising
children. We agree with him: what better lesson can we teach than kindness? We try to show
kindness in our relationship, with families, and with friends. We hope to do this with our child,
and that this letter will help you get to know us a little
A little about us: we met in the winter of 2004 in Toronto, Canada, while Bill was in graduate
school and Heather was finishing her undergraduate degree. Heather was born in Canada; Bill
was born in Maine. First, we were friends, and then, after dating for a couple of years, we were
married in 2006. Bill works as a college professor, so we moved to Virginia for one year so that
he could teach at a university there. In 2007, we moved to Montana so that Bill could take a fulltime job teaching college. Heather, who works as a singer and music educator, found work and
many friends very quickly after we moved. She was also able to complete her graduate
education in Montana. While we loved the experience of moving around, it was awesome to
find ourselves in Montana, a beautiful state that we love, filled with people we consider close
friends, if not family.
After a couple of years working and exploring what Montana has to offer, we felt it was time to
have children. We have always wanted a family. Growing up, family was always very important
to us; we are both teachers, so we were very excited about the prospect of educating our own
children. We were initially very depressed when we learned we could not have children, but we
were not interested in pursuing drastic medical intervention. Almost from the beginning,
adoption seemed like the right choice for us.
What can we offer a child? We look forward to traveling, reading, attending concerts, exploring
museums, cooking, fishing, camping, and skiing as a family. Our jobs are very flexible, and
allow us to spend a lot of time with our family. We intend to take advantage of this. Heather will
look after the children much of the time but Bill’s work schedule will mean that he will also be
able to be a stay-at-home-dad—part-time. We will have lots of family time together in the
mornings, the evenings, and on the weekends. We won't need much babysitting (maybe 3
hours a week), and intend to spend our summers (which we have off) exploring Montana,
visiting family on the east coast, and maybe even traveling abroad (when our children are old
enough). We love exploring new places and ideas, and so our travels have taken us to pretty
diverse places—from touring the Louvre museum in Paris to having a beer in the only bar in
Two Dot, Montana, surrounded by friendly sheepherders.
Our marriage is very important to us, and so we will work to prioritize our relationship even as
we welcome another member to our family with open arms. It is not that we think we are more
important than children, but we know from experience with our own families that a happy and
strong marriage is one of the best gifts we can give your children. Our goal is to help a child
grow to become happy and well-adjusted, and capable of dealing with—and enjoying—
everything that life has to offer. Throughout all of this, we are excited about maintaining steady
and meaningful contact with our own extended family as well as the birth family, because
children are happiest when they are surrounded by everyone who loves them.
We are thrilled to know that you are working with CSSM. Whatever your decision, we know that
CSSM will care about you and your child. That commitment by CSSM, along with our
appreciation of open adoption, is what led us to pursue adoption through this organization. We
think that children can only benefit from healthy relationships with their birth families, and that
birth families need support before, during, and after the adoption process.
We wish you well as you ponder your decision. Thanks for reading our letter!!!
We would like to leave you with something we had read at our wedding.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Sincerely,
Heather and Bill