Gentle and Quiet Spirit Apples of Gold: January 2015 1. Welcome a. Icebreaker: What advice would you give your younger self? b. 1 Peter 3:3-­4 (ESV) Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. c. Discussion Question: When you get ready in the morning, what part of your routine must you do before you feel comfortable leaving the house? (A certain piece of make up? A certain piece of jewelry?) d. You may be wondering if these verses mean that we should stop wearing makeup and caring about our clothes or what our hair looks like. John Piper helps us understand this a little better: “We know this does not mean that all jewelry and all hair styling is excluded because then all clothing would be excluded as well, because it says, ‘Don’t let your adoring be external…the clothing you wear.’ What (Peter) means is: Don’t focus your main attention and effort on how you look on the outside; focus it on the beauty that is inside. Exert more effort and be more concerned with inner beauty than outer beauty.” If you read the next few verses in this same passage, it mentions the holy women of the past and Sarah by name. See Genesis 12 starting in verse 11 and consider how a woman can be both physically beautiful and have the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. e. Define the Terms: i. Adorning: Greek word means decoration; Webster’s: to make (someone or something) more attractive by adding something beautiful 1 Samuel 16:7b: “ For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” ii. Imperishable: Greek word means not subject to decay Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” 2 Corinthians 6:14: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 1 It is interesting that we spend a lot of time decorating that which is decaying. These two little verses in 1 Peter 3 are full of hope because they tell us that we can adorn our inner persons and that beauty will last forever and is precious to our God. iii. Gentle: Greek word means meek, mild, humble Matthew 11:29: Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Jesus is gentle and invites us to learn from him. Here we begin to see how we can adorn ourselves with gentleness. We learn how to do so from Christ. iv. Quiet: Greek word means still, undisturbed, peaceable Zephaniah 3:17: “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Isaiah 26:3: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” God will quiet us with his love and keep us in perfect peace if our minds are kept focused on Him. “Rest is not a hallowed feeling that comes over us in church; it is a repose of a heart set deep in God.” Henry Drummond 2.
iv. Spirit: the rational soul The inner person is the part of us that thinks and reasons. How do we adorn ourselves with a gentle and quiet spirit? “I remember hearing the Christian writer and speaker Elisabeth Elliot say something to the effect that she regularly asked the women in her audience if anyone was born with a meek and quiet spirit. She never had a hand go up.”1 If gentleness and quietness don’t come naturally, how do we attain them? We just looked at a verse in Matthew that helps us see that we learn to be meek from Christ Himself and we read that our quietness comes from being in God’s presence. We must meet regularly with God to have this kind of adornment. Just like we take time to take care of our outward appearance every day, we must not neglect our inner person. “The word ‘quiet’ in ‘meek and quiet’ doesn’t refer to volume, as in loud versus soft. Rather, it is a heart attitude of quietness. It is a picture of resting in the Lord, not being anxious.” (Terri Maxwell). “ 1 Acquiring Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell 2 "Some people mistakenly think that a gentle and quiet spirit is displayed when a woman never speaks. This has concerned some of the outgoing personalities because they don't know how to be a silent lump. This is merely looking at externals. Certainly sometimes a quiet spirit will be exhibited by silence, but not always. And a quiet person can be all worked up on the inside. This is missing the point. A heart that is resting in the faithfulness of God is gentle and quiet; it is not stirred up with worry and anxiety. This gentle and quiet spirit is a calm, peaceful spirit. It is a tame spirit, a gentled spirit. I have often compared this kind of spirit to a glassy lake, not turbulent or troubled, but hardly showing a ripple. In contrast, the anxious spirit is like a stormy sea with whitecaps whipping along the shore. This of course brings to mind our Lord calming the troubled Sea of Galilee. Likewise, He can calm our troubled spirits when we look to Him." –Nancy Wilson a. Discussion Question: What is your personality type? Are you more quiet or shy or more outgoing? If you’re shy, can you relate to what Nancy Wilson is saying that you can be quite on the outside and all worked up on the inside? 3.
Having a gentle and quiet spirit is not related to personality type. It is a supernatural condition of the heart produced by the Holy Spirit working in you as you draw near to God. b. Another discussion question: Is anyone willing to share how you seek to spend time with God? Any tips for avoiding distractions? What if we shared tips more regularly with one another how to work on this type of adornment the way we do for external adornment? What are some hindrances that can keep us from being calm and gentle?2 a. Unconfessed sin Psalm 32:1-­5 Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah Discussion question: Has unconfessed sin ever kept you from having a peaceful spirit? How often do you make a habit of confessing your sin? b.
Anger Ephesians 4:26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger 2 Excerpt from conference on Becoming a Woman of Excellence from Harvest Baptist Church in Goodyear, AZ. 3 c.
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“The work and office of meekness is to enable us to govern our own anger when at anytime we are provoked, and patiently bear out the anger of others that it may not be a provocation to us.” –Matthew Henry Discussion Question: What provokes you? An unforgiving spirit Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Discussion question: When there is something in your heart that is bothering you about someone else, it can disquiet your spirit. It’s all you think about. Some people allow whatever is bothering them to fester for years. Does anybody have anything that you would be willing to share here that could edify us all? Self-­‐centeredness Philippians 2:3-­4 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Discussion question: What about selfish ambition? If a meek person is humble, the opposite of meekness would be pride. Do you ever feel a spirit of pride ruling your heart? This can be subtle and takes some maturity to pinpoint. Any thoughts here that you’d be willing to share? e.
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Anxiety Philippians 4:6-­7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Discussion Question: An anxious person by definition cannot be quiet. Are there triggers in your own life that cause anxiety? If so, knowing what they are can help you recognize them and battle them with prayer. Thoughts? Neglecting responsibilities Proverbs 31:27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Discussion Question: Do you start to feel frantic when you’ve neglected to take care of household chores or other responsibilities in a timely manner? A frantic woman cannot be quiet. Any thoughts here? 4 g.
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Fatigue Psalm 127:1-­2 Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep Discussion Question: Have you ever considered that not getting enough sleep can be a sin? If you purpose to stay up too late doing what you want to do, thereby waking up tired and in a foul mood, you are responsible. Any thoughts? Physical disorders 2 Corinthians 12:7-­10 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Joni Eareckson Tada wrote this in this month’s devotional for January 2nd: “The most powerful prayer I ever offered was the shortest. After three depressing years of suicidal despair over my paralysis, I prayed, ‘God if I can’t die, show me how to live, please!’ Things didn’t change overnight, but with that simple prayer my outlook began to change. I realized that I had to take responsibility and face reality head on. With God’s help, I would have to learn how to do the impossible—handle life in a wheelchair.” Discussion Question: Does anyone have anything related to your health that is like this? Something chronic that threatens to eat away at your quiet spirit? Joni continues to write in her devotion that God did answer her prayer. “And did God help! It’s been said that faith may move mountains, but prayer moves God. I’m convinced the Lord was touched deeply by my short, simple prayer. Why? Because I pushed myself out of the way in order to rely on His Spirit; and I told Him the honest truth about my desperate desire to live. You might not have the strength to say much more to God than a simple prayer like mine. God is not looking for a lot of fancy words. He simply wants you to approach Him in spirit and in truth. That means heartfelt honesty. You may not change overnight after you offer a prayer in heartfelt honesty, but change, you will.” Summary “I find anxiety creeping up on me when I get in a hurry or I have over-­‐committed myself and I cannot get everything done. When I neglect to do the wash, clean the house or write letters as I should, then I start to become frustrated. When I stay up late and don’t get enough rest, it is very hard for me to be kind and gentle, when I become harsh and critical, I ask the Lord 5 to show me why I’m that way. Most of the time the source of my irritability is one of the hindrances mentioned above. Sometimes He has gently reminded me that I have not been spending enough time with Him and His Word, for it is in abiding in Christ that the Holy Spirit is able to produce gentleness in my life. I think Proverbs 31:25 is a good summation of a gentle and quiet spirit: ‘Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.’ “3 – Cynthia Heald Consider the implications of gentleness: “A German musician, with an ear exquisitely sensitive to harmony, soon after arriving in our country, visited a local church. But the singing was badly out of tune—jarring his nerves painfully. He could not courteously leave, and so resolved to endure the torture as patiently as possible. Soon he distinguished amid the discord one voice, the soft clear voice of a woman, singing calmly, steadily, and in perfect tune. She was not disturbed by the noisy voices of her companions—but sang on patiently and sweetly. And as he listened, one voice after another was drawn by her gentle influence into harmony, until the whole congregation was singing in perfect tune.”4 Consider the impact of quietness: “In all of life, it is the quiet forces that have the greatest effect. The sunbeams fall silently all the day—yet what immeasurable energy there is in them, and what power for blessing and good! Gravitation is a silent force, with no rattle of machinery, no noise of engines—and yet it holds all the stars and worlds in perfect orbit with its invisible chains! The dew falls silently at night when men sleep—and yet it touches every plant and leaf and flower with new life and beauty.”5 Hopefully you’ve been able to see that gentleness and quietness are not natural personality traits—they are supernatural qualities that every Christian woman can attain as she walks with God every day. You and I can only grow in gentleness and quietness—and beauty—as we learn from our own gentle Savior. “Quietness is a result—not a means…The tendency of the grace of Christ in the heart is to soften and refine the whole nature. It makes the very tones of the voice more gentle. It curbs boisterousness into quietness. It represses angry feelings—and softens them into the gentleness of love. It restrains resentments, teaching us to return kindness for unkindness, gentleness for rudeness, blessing for cursing, prayer for scorn and defiance.”6 Psalm 37:11 The meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace. Let’s pray now and ask the Lord to teach us how to adorn our inner persons with gentle and quiet spirits. What hope that this beauty will last forever!! 3 A Quiet and Gentle Spirit by Cynthia Heald 4 The Strength of Quietness by J. R. Miller 5 The Strength of Quietness by J. R. Miller 6 The Strength of Quietness by J. R. Miller 6