Love Yourself, Celebrate Yourself
It was June 16th of 2010 when I discovered I was pregnant, much to everyone’s utter surprise.
My ripe old age of 46 would have alone warranted this reaction, but given that I struggled
so much to bear a child in my 20s and 30s, this was nothing short of a miracle. The miracles
continued, but one in particular was recently brought back to life, when a client had the
courage to ask me what it really meant to “Love Yourself, Celebrate Yourself”;
from this poster he had read in the waiting room.
As I sat with his question, I was brought
right to the miracle that had occurred
during our first appointment with our
obstetrician; my husband Lou and I were
confirming that I was indeed pregnant.
Our doctor had squeezed us in at the end
of the day, because we were about to leave
on vacation to Disney World. He was
warning us that having a “spontaneous
pregnancy” at this age was very rare, and
having a “viable pregnancy” was rarer
still. Many times, the heart never even
begins to beat.
And then he jumps up from his chair
and asks his staff to turn everything back
on in the ultrasound room; by this time
we were the only ones left in the office
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and everything had that dark and silent
feel. We were gathering in the ultrasound room as he’s explaining that being only 5 weeks
pregnant, to see a heartbeat would be unusual (they recommend waiting until 6 weeks). As
Lou and I clench each other’s hands with our eyes fixed on the screen, he begins to move the
ultrasound wand, searching and searching for a heartbeat.... and there’s no heartbeat. He
pauses and glances at us as if to say sorry, we’ll have to try again when you get back, when all
of a sudden, the baby’s heart begins to beat, right before our eyes.
It was one of those moments we will never forget. Our usually even-keeled doctor has tears
spring to his eyes and grabs me to hug me as soon as I stand up. It was as if we all needed to
hold onto each other, in order to withstand the sheer power and grace of it all. For it was as
©2012 Maria A Rodriguez. All rights reserved.
Love Yourself, Celebrate Yourself (continued)
if we had right then witnessed, that first spark of life ~ the actual moment when the life force
miraculously ignites within us. That moment when, there is no doubt whatsoever. that...
we are ... a Miracle
we are ... a Creation of the Divine
we are ... a Being of Life and Light.
And so
you are … a Miracle
you are … a Creation of the Divine
you are ... a Being of Life and Light,
even if you were unwanted,
even if you were violated,
even if you came to be the one to abandon or violate.
Or with any of the other countless things that can be done to us, or not done for us. Or with
any of the other countless things we can do, or fail to do.
This moment when life chooses us, when it’s our heart that begins to beat, when we are
created… this moment is the same for us all. And it is when we begin to remember this,
when we begin to see this and to feel this, when we begin to live our lives with this truth at its
center, that we come to Love Ourselves and Celebrate Ourselves… no matter what.
©2012 Maria A Rodriguez. All rights reserved.