Regular Dismissal Edition
Vol. 34 Issue 9
“All the News that’s Fit for Camp”
Calligraphy by Vivienne Weinberg, 10.2
C A M P E R ’ S Q U A R T E R LY
“Flip flops are so
out. Don’t do it.”
- Audrey Ketchell
“When you wear crop-tops,
please wear a band-aid over
your belly button”
- Mary Butler
“Sometimes clashing can be
smashing. Try seersucker
with tuxedo pants.”
- Wyatt Desloovere
ABOVE: Cover of The Heart Beat’s new fashion and lifestyle supplement for the refined camper, featuring
Preston Frankel, 11.8. Motto: “Look Sharp, Creative Arts.”
“Tommy” to the Rescue:
Hat Day Fashion Tips
CAMPER’SBAZAAR
By Theodore Servedio, 14.0, and Max
O’Halloran, 15.8
Hat Day is tomorrow, people. I hope you worked on
your creation over the weekend. But if you forgot,
I’m here to help.
1. Make your hat stand out! Use colorful materials and
other flashy things to make the hat distinct in a crowd.
2. Have fun with your hat!
3. Work as hard as possible to win Hat Day.
4. Make it edible to bribe the judges. (Editor’s Note:
Don’t do this.)
5. Make it hideously ugly so the judges feel bad.
(Editor’s Note: Don’t do this.)
6. Make it extremely beautiful so the judges feel
good. (Editor’s Note: Do this!)
7. Wear it on your head! Make sure it won’t fall off!
8. Homemade hats look better to the judges!
9. BE CREATIVE!!!
ABOVE: Cover of The Heart Beat’s other new
fashion and lifestyle supplement, featuring Eleanor
Moses, 11.2
July 18, 2016
Hair Lotion: It Won’t
Let You Down
By Tommy Nolan, 10.6
Returning campers may have seen a picture of Tommy
Nolan (me) with slicked back hair, both in the newspaper
and in Heartline episodes from last year.
I don’t usually wear my hair slicked back, so it must have
taken me a long amount of time to get my hair like that…
right? WRONG! In fact, I slicked back my hair in just two
minutes! This would be impossible to do unless you had
Hair Lotion!
Hair Lotion is really just Lotion that I dubbed Hair Lotion
when I put it in my hair and was surprised at the results: it
works better and faster than gel, and it doesn’t harden over
time like gel.
It worked so fast and so well that on Friday of this week,
you can expect to see Tommy wearing his hair slicked back
like last year.
Gel isn’t needed with Hair Lotion. And plus, it’s CHEAPER!
Get Hair Lotion now, and if that isn’t enough, you can
also get Speed Demon Lotion, which works faster than gel
or our first product, Hair Lotion, because we believe time
is money.
Also, you don’t have to sample it yourself. Instead, you can
see Tommy exhibiting why Hair Lotion is superior to gel on
Friday of this week, at camp!
So now, whenever you need gel, go to your local Walmart
and buy some Hair Lotion (Hair Lotion is not just sold at
Walmart, it is sold wherever Hair Products are sold).
Note: Results of Hair Lotion could include the sudden
urge to scratch your head, swelling of the ears and throat,
hair loss, and, if you use more than 12.777775 centimeters
of Hair Lotion in your hair, hair loss.
Matthew Martinez
Explains How He
Waxes His Arm with
Masking Tape
By Erin Bejasa, 10.4
As you may know, some campers write the Heart
Beat during first period. If you are not in the class,
you don’t know what some of the campers and even
some of the CITs/Interns do while writing the Heart
Beat. But today, we will be focusing on Intern Señor
Martinez (Matthew Martinez) and what he does while
the campers write the Heart Beat.
First of all, during class, Matthew keeps on singing
“hey, hey, hey… IT’S FAT ALBERT!!!”
We didn’t understand this reference at first, but we
looked it up on IMDB. Fat Albert is an animated man
who eats a lot, and Matthew loves him very much.
Also, for no reason, Matthew waxes his arm using
masking tape. If you were sitting near Señor Martinez
on July 13th, 2016, during 1st period, you could probably hear shrieks from him. He said he dreams of
someday opening his own boutique waxing parlor. If
you want wax from Señor Martinez himself, come to
him in the library during 1st period. As Martinez says,
“Once you wax, you will never go bax!”
By Dylan Mitchell, 14.7
Editor’s Note: MIND BLOWS of Gaming is a column in which
YOU, campers, get to submit your favorite stories of videogame weirdness! To give us a tip, just email [email protected].
Mega Man is one of my favorite video game franchises
of all time. And I was really happy to see how it improved from the classic series to the Mega Man X series.
For instance, you can now wall jump, get upgrades for
your buster, helmet, legs, and more, and the Robot Masters have been changed and have been renamed “Mavericks.” There have been lots of rumors going around
at the time. One of them was that you could get a new
weapon if you jump off the platform in the Mighty Armadillo Stage at the end. So I make that jump, and there
is nothing there. I was really disappointed. However, I
then learned that you had to get every single item in that
stage to get the upgrade capsule to appear. So, I finally
get it to appear and I get the hadouken (Ryu’s signature
move in Street Fighter). I’m saying to myself “No way,
this isn’t real.” I then do the directional inputs for the
hadouken (Corner, Forward, and Shoot). It worked. It
was real. I found it cool enough that they added that by
itself, but they made it 1 shot destroys everything. Then,
in Mega Man X2, there was another secret: if you used
the crystal hunter to make an enemy freeze under a ladder, you can reach the ladder in the Second Sigma Stage.
This part is somewhat hard to reach, but if you’re good
at the game, you can reach it. Then, if you enter another
Upgrade Capsule, you get the Shoryuken. Again, they
made it ultra powerful. Then, in excitement, I revisited
my Street Fighter games, looking to see if there were any
little Megaman references in the background. Sadly, there
are none.
Interview with Rachel,
AKA The Nurse
By Louisa Suk, 11.2, Hannah Katz,
11.1, and Katrina Lester, 11.7
We interviewed Rachel, CAA’s resident nurse, about
what it’s like to do her job.
The Heart Beat: Do you like working at CAA?
Rachel: Yes! Because it makes me feel like a camper!
HB: How did you find out about CAA?
Rachel: I work at Sacred Heart.
HB: Who is easier to work with, kids or adults?
Rachel: Kids, because they’re really happy, and I love
them.
HB: Why did you become a nurse?
Rachel: My mom was a nurse, and as a kid I was really into science.
HB: What are the downsides about being a
nurse?
Rachel: Adults tell me about their medical problems.
HB: What do you do when you’re not a nurse?
Rachel: I’m a part-time nurse.
HB: What do you do for fun?
Rachel: I run, I have dance parties with Sam, and I
read my favorite books.
HB: Did you want to be a nurse when you were
younger?
Rachel: Well, I wanted to be like my mom, so yes.
HB: What are the pros and cons of being a
nurse?
Rachel: The pros are getting to help people, and the
cons are that sometimes it’s sad to do it.
Who Are These Babies?
By Eleanor Moses, 11.2
A) Suzanne
B) Wyatt
C) Colin
D) Corinne
A) Christina
B) Dan P.
C) Bob
D) Matt
A) Matt
B) Christina
C) Mary
D) Suzanne
A) Sara
B) Christina
C) Ally
D) Suzanne
Bananas II (2 Bananas 2 Furious)
Comic by Chief Banana Correspondent Jemma Dawley, 9.1
A) Colin
B) Definitely Colin
C) 100% Colin
D) Wyatt
SUZ SEZ
Hat Day is tomorrow!
EVERYONE has to wear
a hat – or else you won’t
get ICE CREAM!