The abandoned house…
Use the images and the
questions to help you plan the
details of the story from the
outline.
© darkpatator
http://www.flickr.com/photos/darkpatator/349431864/
 The Opening
Two boys are out playing when they get caught in a heavy rainstorm.
They decide to shelter in a nearby abandoned house.
 Build up
When they enter they hear strange scratching noises coming from
upstairs. They climb the old staircase to find out that it is just a small
kitten trapped in an upstairs room.
 Dilemma
They decide to explore the house and enter a dusty room with an old
portrait on the wall. They hear a loud screech and the door bangs
shut, trapping them inside the room.
 Ending
. . . you decide!
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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The abandoned house…
Sam and James went into the abandoned house to escape the
heavy rainstorm.
 How would you describe
the rainstorm?
 What does the house
look like from the
outside?
 How are the boys feeling?
They hear a strange noise coming from up the stairs.
 What does the staircase look like?
 What does the noise sound like?
 How do the boys react to hearing
the sound?
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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The abandoned house…
They are relieved to find it is only a small kitten trapped in an
upstairs room.
 What does the kitten look like?
 How do the boys feel now?
 What do the boys say to each other?
They enter a different room and hear a deafening screech and get
trapped inside.
 How would you describe the
room?
 What does the noise sound
like?
 How do the boys get
trapped in the room?
© Dryad & Sprite Photography
http://www.flickr.com/photos/diamond_rain/5079412756/sizes/m/in/photost
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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The abandoned house…
Someone had an attempt at the beginning of the story, but they forgot to
write in sentences. Rewrite this opening so that it is correctly punctuated.
Sam and James dashed through the rainstorm becoming more and more
drenched with every step suddenly they saw a large house ahead Sam
pointed towards it and shouted but his voice was drowned out by a huge
boom of thunder as they got nearer the house they could see it had been
abandoned for years the paint was peeling from the woodwork and the
windows were cracked the door was hanging from its hinges and tiles
were missing from the roof but they were soaked through to their skin
and decided the house would make the perfect place to shelter from the
storm.
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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Page 4 of 7
The abandoned house…
Someone had an attempt at the build up of the story, but they
wrote in very simple sentences and did not include much detail
or description. Rewrite the build up to make it more interesting
for the reader.
They stood in the hall. They gasped. It was dusty. It smelt like mould.
They looked up the staircase. It was dark and gloomy. Sam flicked the
switch. The lights did not work. There was a loud wail. It came from
upstairs. They jumped. What could it be?
Sam went upstairs. James followed. They felt very frightened. Sam
heard the noise again. He opened the bedroom door. A small kitten ran
out. He was very relieved.
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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Page 5 of 7
The abandoned house…
Someone had an attempt at the dilemma. They began well, but
then they forgot the speech punctuation in the second
paragraph. Rewrite the second paragraph so that all the
dialogue is correctly punctuated.
Creeping slowly, the two boys entered the musty room. The
temperature dropped as they edged closer towards the dust-covered
fireplace. Sam held out a trembling finger and pointed towards the
painting on the wall.
“What’s that?” his voice wavered.
“Just a painting,” replied James, “nothing to be scared of.”
Suddenly a high pitched wail echoed around the room. It shook the
ornaments in their cases and the paintings banged against the wall.
“Run for it!” screamed Sam.
The two boys rushed towards the open doorway, but as they got
closer it slammed shut, leaving them trapped and alone.
Clutching on his friend’s arm, Sam’s terrified gaze fell upon the
painting on the wall. Did I just see its eyes moving whimpered Sam. Wh
. .what . . what’s happening came James’s frightened response. Is there
somebody there. A loud, mocking laugh boomed out from the painting
above the fireplace. The ghostly figure in the portrait turned to face them
and its eyes opened wider. I have been expecting you said the strange
figure.
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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The abandoned house…
Select one of the endings to complete your story, or you can make up one
of your own.
Ending 1
The figure comes out of the portrait and moves slowly towards
them holding a knife. They boys break through the window and run of
to safety.
Ending 2
Years later an estate agent is looking round the house. He sees a
strange painting in one of the rooms that shows a family from olden
times. In the background are two boys, dressed in modern clothes,
screaming.
Ending 3
That night, when the boys don’t return home, a search party goes
looking for them. They search the woods where they have been playing
but don’t come across the abandoned house, as it is not there.
Ending 4
The figure comes out of the painting, moving closer and closer to
the two boys. It looks like it is about to strike them when the small
kitten jumps out and startles it. This gives enough time for the boys to
escape from the house.
© www.teachitprimary.co.uk 2011
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