The Iowa Review
Volume 12
Issue 2 Spring-Summer: Extended Outlooks: The Iowa
Review Collection of Contemporary Writing by Women
1981
Johnnieruth
Becky Birtha
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Birtha, Becky. "Johnnieruth." The Iowa Review 12.2 (1981): 15-20. Web.
Available at: http://ir.uiowa.edu/iowareview/vol12/iss2/8
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Article 8
Becky Birtha
Johnnieruth
SUMMERTIME.
NIGHTTIME.
Talk
about
steam heat.
This whole
city
the
somebody
shut. Nights
like that, can't nobody
be
outside,
sleep. Everybody
or else
on the side
sitting on they steps
dragging half they furniture out
walk?kitchen
chairs, card tables?even
bringing TV's outside.
get
door
like the bathroom
Womenfolks,
in there taking
when
All
mostly.
the grown
just the same. They all big?stout.
women
a shower with
around my way
look
They got big bosoms and big hips
runover house-shoes,
and fat legs, and they always wearing
and them
on
numbers
the
with
buttons
down
flowered
the
front.
shapeless,
Cept
they all turn into glamour girls, in them big
Sunday.
Sunday morning
hats and long gloves, with they skinny high heels and they skinny selves
in them tight girdles?wouldn't nobody ever know what they look like
the rest of the time.
Iwas
When
to look
a little kid
like them
ladies.
I didn't wanna
I heard Miz
grow
up, cause I never wanted
down the street one time
Jenkins
cause
she
mind
that
fat
don't
say
way her husband don't get so jeal
being
ous. She say it's more than one way to
aman. Me,
I don't have me
keep
no intentions of
no man.
was in so
I never understood why
keeping
they
can
on em
it seem like all awoman
anyway, when
depend
sure she
on
for ismaking
having babies.
keep
in my neighborhood.
In the summertime,
We
got enough children
even the little kids allowed to stay up till eleven or twelve o'clock at
night?
much
demand
never seem to
and carrying on?don't
playing in the street and hollering
get tired. Don't nobody care, long as they don't fight.
Me?I
Hot nights
like
don't hang around no front steps no more.
that, I get out my ten speed and I be gone.
That's
Feel
along
what
I like to do more
in my
like a snowball.
that wind
than anything else in the whole world.
face keeping me cool as a air conditioner,
shooting
as a kite.
I can really get up some
My bike light
speed.
All the guys around my way got ten speed bikes.
Some of the girls got
em too, but
em at
they don't ride
night.
They pedal around during the
day, but at nighttime they just hang around out front, watching babies
and running
they mouth.
I didn't
get my
Peugeot
to be no conversation
piece.
15
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mama don't like me to ride at
I tried to point out to her
My
night.
to my brothers, and Vincent
a year younger
that she ain't never said nothing
two years older, in case "old" is the
than me.
(And Langston
problem.)
a
You're
I wanna
She say, "That's different, Johnnieruth.
girl." Now
is anybody gonna know that. I'm skinny as a knifeblade turned
all I ever wear is blue jeans and aWrangler
and
sideways,
jacket. But if I
on how come I can't be more of
bring that up, she liable to get started in
how
know
a young
my
is old enough
and she gonna be ashamed
and fourteen
lady,
appearance,
I just tell her
that my bike be moving
and couldn't
catch me if they did.
me,
how
I'm wild
to start
more
taking
pride
to admit I'm her
daughter.
so fast can't
nobody hardly see
to her friends
Mama
complain
me.
I'm gonna
with
She know
and she can't do nothing
Iwant no matter what
she say. But
do what
no trouble,
in
she know
I ain't getting
in
neither.
Like some of the boys I know stole they bikes, but I didn't do nothing
ever since I can remember,
every
saving my money
time I could get a nickel or a dime out ta anybody.
Iwas a little kid, it was hard to get money.
Seem like the only
When
time they ever give you any was on Sunday morning,
and then you had
to put it in the offering.
I used to hate to do that. In fact, I used to hate
like that.
I'd been
everything
that shiny
I had to wear all them ruffly dresses?
about Sunday morning.
that got to make a noise every
slippery stuff in the wintertime
time you move your ass a inch on them hard old benches. And that scratchy
all them scratchy crinolines.
Had
starchy stuff in the summertime with
to carry a pocketbook
and wear
them shiny shoes. And the church we
so the whole
went
to was all the way over on Summit Avenue,
damn
look. At least all the other kids'd be
could get a good
neighborhood
dressed
the same way.
The boys think
but they still got to wear awhite
pants,
can't hide
hats they wear
take the hats off in church.
There was
was
one
before my
I put my
when
Iwas
cause
wear
they slick
they get to
shirt and a tie; and them dumb
cause
them baldheaded
haircuts,
they got to
Sunday when
sister Corletta
foot down
Imusta
was
about
been
born,
that whole
I remember
it
eight.
was
around
then
right
around
cause
sanctimonious
way,
dragging my feet along Twenty-Fifth
I spied this lady.
and Vincent
and them, when
Street
I only
routine. Any
in back of Mama
seen her that one
time, but I still remember just how she look. She don't look like nobody
16
I ever seen before.
But
I know
she don't
live around
she ain't no
She real skinny.
She could be old as my
here.
real young woman,
neither.
sure. And she ain't
Sun
She ain't nobody's mama?I'm
wearing
She got on blue jeans and a man's blue working
shirt, with
day clothes.
the tail hanging out. She got patches on her blue jeans, and she still got
mama.
her chin stuck out like she some kinda African
She ain't carrying
royalty.
care if she got any money
or
like
she
look
shiny pocketbook.
no house-shoes,
or
She ain't wearing
not, or who know
it, if she don't.
or
stockings
high heels neither.
no
It don't
she pass by this lady she
but when
always speak to everybody,
a
me
even
seen
make like she ain't
real good look, and the
her. But I get
a
on her face, almost like
me.
stare
at
look
back
She
got
lady
funny
right
on
to
me
some
she think she know
from
by, I had
place. After she pass
Mama
to get another look, even though Mama
She was turning around, too,
you know what?
she give me a great big smile.
turn around
And
And
say that ain't polite.
at me.
looking back
I didn't know too much in them days, but that'swhen I first got to
thinking about how it'sgot to be differentways to be, from theway people
to nobody
it don't matter
It's got to be places where
be around my way.
or you ain't. That's how come I
if you all dressed up on Sunday morning
I could go away to some
I got enough,
started saving money.
So, when
place like that.
I begun to see there wasn't no point in waiting
around for
Afterwhile
earn
own
I used
to
I
of
and
started
handouts,
money.
my
ways
thinking
to be running
letters for old Grandma
errands all the time?mailing
and newspapers
and picking up cigarettes
up the corner for
cars in the summer, and
I started washing
After I got bigger,
everybody.
I got me a news
Now
in
wintertime.
sidewalk
the
shoveling people
no paper route,
never
no
been
paper route. Ain't
girl around here with
Whittaker
but I guess everybody got it figured out by now that I ain't gonna be like
nobody else.
The reason
I fig
I got me my Peugeot was so I could start to explore.
so
I'm grown,
I'll
ured I better start looking around right now,
when
Iwanna go. So I ride around every chance I get.
know exactly where
or ten
Last summer, I used to ride with
the boys a lot. Sometime
eight
of us'd just go cruising around the streets together.
mama decide she don't want me to do that no more.
of a sudden my
She say I'm too old
All
17
to be spending somuch timewith boys.
(That'swhat they tell you half
cause you ain't interested
the time, and the other half the time they worried
sense. She want
time with boys.)
in spending more
Don't make much
never
seem
none of the
me to have some
to
I
in
but
with
fit
girl friends,
things the girls doing. I used to think I fit inmore with the boys.
But I seen how Mama might be right, for once. I didn't like theway
the boys was
to talk about girls
starting
sometimes.
Talking
about what
some girl be like from the neck on down, and talking all up underneath
somebody
clothes
and all. Even
Iwasn't
though
really friends with
none
of the girls, I still didn't like it. So now Imostly just ride around by my
self. And Mama
like that neither?you
just can't please her.
This boy that live around the corner on North Street, Kenny Henderson,
started asking me one time if I don't ever be lonely, cause he always see
me
He say don't I ever think I'd like to have me somebody
by myself.
don't
special to go placeswith and stuff. Like I'd pick him if I did! Made me
wanna
laugh
in his face.
I do be lonely, a lotta times, but I don't tell nobody. And I ain'tmet
nobody yet that I'd really rather be with than be by myself. But Iwill
someday.
When
I find
that special place where
gonna find somebody there I can be friendswith.
everybody
different,
I'm
And it ain't gonna be
no dumb
boy.
I found me one place already, that I like to go to awhole
lot. It ain't
even
on the other side of the Ave
it's
far
bike?but
that
really
away?by
nue.
So I don't tell Mama
and them I go there, cause they like to think
I'm right around the neighborhood
But this neighborhood
someplace.
no yards,
too dull for me. All the houses look just the same?no
porches,
no trees?not
even no
so
like
here.
around
block
look
much
Every
parks
So I ride across
every other block it hurt your eyes to look at, afterwhile.
Summit Avenue
and go down that big steep hill there, and then make a
and cross the bridge over the train tracks. Then
sharp right at the bottom
I head
on out
the boulevard?that's
the nicest
part, with
all them big
in the
shining
a tunnel over the top, and
trees making
lightning
bugs
bushes. At the end of the boulevard you get to this place call the Plaza.
It's something like a little park?the
all over
sidewalks is all bricks and they
the place. The same kind my mama grow in
got flowers planted
tire she got out front masquerading
like a garden deco
that painted-up
seem like
sweeter
a
here.
It's
they smell
ration?only
big high fountain
18
right in themiddle, and all the streetlights is the real old-fashion kind.
That
Plaza
is about
the prettiest
Sometimes
ever been.
place I
on there. Like a orchestra
something
going
playing music
or
a
some
One
time
had
with
show
lady singing.
they
some
were
kinda foreign dances. They look like they
around
girls doing
on
these
all
had
with
color
rib
different
costumes,
my age. They
fancy
or some man
bons all down they back. Iwouldn't wear nothing like that, but it looked
was
real pretty when
they
dancing.
me
a
I got
in one corner where
bench
special
see
just about everything,
but wouldn't
nobody
I like to sit, cause
Iwas there.
know
I can
I like
to sit still and think, and I like towatch people. A lotta people be coming
there at night ?to
look at the shows
and stuff, or just
to
hang
out
and
cool off. All different kinda people.
one
Iwas sitting over in that corner where
I always
night when
be at, there was this lady standing right near my bench.
She mostly
had
This
her back turned to me and she didn't know Iwas there, but I could see
her real good. She had on this shiny purple shirt and about amillion sil
ver bracelets.
come
I kinda
liked the way
she look.
or one of the islands.
from California
Sorta exotic,
Imean
like she maybe
she had class?stand
ing there posing with her arms folded. Shewalk away a little bit. Then
turn around
and walk
back again.
Like
she waiting
Then I spotted this dude coming over.
for somebody.
I spied him all theway cross
on a three
Looking
piece suit. One of them little
on
a
over to
caps sitting
angle. Look like leather. He coming
straight
this lady I'm watching
and then she seen him too and she start to smile,
but she don't move
till he get right up next to her. And then I'm gonna
the Plaza.
real fine.
Got
look away, cause I can't stand to watch nobody
and kissing on
hugging
each other, but all of a sudden I see it ain't no dude at all. It's another
lady.
at each other like
I can't stop looking.
Now
They
smiling
they ain't
seen one another
in ten years.
Then
the one in the purple shirt look
around real quick?but
she don't look just behind her?and sorta pull the
one
I'm sitting at, and then they
right back into the corner where
arms
awhole
around
each
other
and
kiss?for
put they
long time. Now
I really know I
turn
away, but I can't. And I know
oughtta
they gonna
see me when
And
do.
they finally open they eyes.
they
other
They both kinda gasp and back up, like I'm themonster that just rose
up out ta the deep.
And
then
I guess
they
can see I'm
only
a
girl,
and
19
start to laugh! Then they just turn around
at one another?and
they look
at all. But
start
to
it
wasn't
and
walk
away like
nothing
right before
see
I
ain't
and
still
both
look
around
got my eye
again,
they
they gone,
one lady
muscles
and my jaw muscles working
right again yet. And the
wink
at me.
I can't
the other one say, "Catch you later."
across
staring at they backs, all the way
And
stop
the Plaza.
And
then, all of a sudden, I feel like I got to be doing something, got to be
moving.
I wheel
on outta
on getting
and I'm just concentrating
up
two women
to think. Them
I can't figure out what
the Plaza
speed. Cause
and then, when
kissing
my
about it. And
they get caught, just laughing
the boule
for no reason at all. I'm sailing down
I'm laughing
too,
a
like
vard laughing
lunatic,
here
and then I'm singing
at the top of my
lungs.
And climbing that big old hill up to Summit Avenue is just as easy as
being
20
on a escalator.
Summer,
1980
January,
1981