Writing clear sentences
Alice Lee, Learning Adviser
Twelve things that
make sentences
unclear
1. Word order
a. He served pancakes to the children on paper plates.
He served the children pancakes on paper plates.
b. However, only for some cases this procedure is used.
However, this procedure is used only for some cases.
c. The researchers last week sent for the second time to the
journal their manuscript.
Last week the researchers sent their manuscript to the
journal for the second time.
http://www.methodist.edu/english/dd_mm.htm
http://www.academia.edu/6436760/WRITING_SKILLS_1_WORD_ORDER._University_Putra_Malaysia._2014
2. Misplaced modifier
Uncle Thomas phoned his grandson who is over
ninety.
Uncle Thomas, who is over ninety, called his
grandson.
The 49-year-old patient experienced severe pain
in the left heel when walking for two months.
For two months, the 49-year-old patient
experienced severe pain in the left heel when
walking.
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
http://www.englishgrammar.org/unclear-sentences/
http://www.biomedicaleditor.com/grammar-tip-misplaced.html
2. Use of “only” as a modifier
Eradication of this disease can be achieved through immunization.
a. Only eradication of this disease can be achieved through
immunization. (Eradication, but no other outcome, can be
achieved.)
b. Eradication of only this disease can be achieved through
immunization. (Eradication of this disease, but not of any other,
can be achieved.)
c. Eradication of this disease can only be achieved through
immunization. (Eradication can be achieved, but no other action
can occur.)
d. Eradication of this disease can be achieved only through
immunization. (Eradication can be achieved through
immunization but not by any other means.)
http://www.biomedicaleditor.com/grammar-tip-misplaced.html
3. Sentence structure
For example, it certainly lowers the interest of
customers in projects or services as the marketing
strategy to use in sales of the genetic underwriting
probably would not care about the insured.
What does this mean???
This sentence needs to be rewritten with clear
subject, verb, and object.
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For more info: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/600/01/
4. Split clause
Industrial spying, because of the growing use of
computers to store and process corporate
information, is increasing rapidly.
Because of the growing use of computers to
store and process corporate information,
industrial spying is increasing rapidly.
Industrial spying is increasing rapidly
because of the growing use of computers to store
and process corporate information.
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https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/600/01/
5. Unclear pronoun reference
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American
universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model,
tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees
as teachers. This has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors
at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job
security and benefits.
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American
universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model,
tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees
as teachers. This trend has prompted faculty and adjunct
instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of
protecting job security and benefits.
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/600/01/
6. Long sentences with unclear
pronouns
Every year students have exams and when they are
over they have a problem knowing what to do with
old lecture and seminar notes and handouts
because tutors tell them they might be useful in the
future but they can’t always see what to keep and
so they just keep piling them up on their
bookshelves.
http://www.rlf.org.uk/fellowshipscheme/writing/planningandstructure/sentences.cfm
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
Can you clarify this sentence?
Every year students have exams and when they are over
they have a problem knowing what to do with old lecture
and seminar notes and handouts because tutors tell them
they might be useful in the future but they can’t always
see what to keep and so they just keep piling them up on
their bookshelves.
✔ Every year when exams are over, students have a
problem knowing what to do with old lecture and seminar
notes and handouts. Tutors tell students that these
materials might be useful in the future. However, they
just keep piling up on bookshelves because students can’t
always see what to keep.
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7. Wordiness
Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have
been established for the safety of all.
Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
In this company there are wide-open opportunities for
professional growth with a company that enjoys an
enviable record for stability in the dynamic atmosphere of
aerospace technology.
This company provides opportunities for professional
growth and stability in the dynamic field of aerospace
technology.
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https://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/24
8. Inappropriate vocabulary
All employers must feed their employee’s designated
superannuation funds.
The debate around the issue of a possible distinction
between a tourist and a traveller has engaged scholars
from the 1970s. This report will oppose two different
views among the authors to understand the
foundation of this debate.
What words can you use instead of the ones in blue?
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8. Inappropriate vocabulary
All employers must feed their employee’s designated
superannuation funds.
The debate around the issue of a possible distinction
between a tourist and a traveller has engaged scholars
from the 1970s. This report will oppose two different
views among the authors to understand the
foundation of this debate.
What words can you use instead of the ones in blue?
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
9. Vague/Overly general vocabulary
On the other hand, East German is not
permitted to be free from all things. Like
this comparison, we can see the place
where Hansel met American GI Luther in
the scene.
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9. Vague/Overly general vocabulary
On the other hand, East German is not
permitted to be free from all things. Like
this comparison, we can see the place
where Hansel met American GI Luther in
the scene.
What things? What kind of place?
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
Check Your Vocabulary
• Dictionary.com, Thesaurus.com
• Type a word/phrase into Google and see what
examples of usage come up
• Collocation tools:
British English
http://corpus.byu.edu/bnc/
American English
http://corpus.byu.edu/coca/
ILEARNING SKILLS GROUP 2015 COPYRIGHT ©
LEARNING & TEACHING CENTRE
http://cybertext.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/a-light-hearted-look-at-howpunctuation-can-change-meaning/
10. Missing comma
Most of the time travellers worry about their luggage.
Most of the time, travellers worry about their luggage.
After the devastation of the siege of Leningrad the Soviets
were left with the task of rebuilding their population as
well as their city.
After the devastation of the siege of Leningrad, the
Soviets were left with the task of rebuilding their
population as well as their city.
WC_Punctuating-with-commas.pdf
https://writing-speech.dartmouth.edu/learning/materials-first-year-writers/attending-grammar
11. Comma misuse
I don’t understand how to use this computer, it came
without a manual.
I don’t understand how to use this computer. It came
without a manual.
I don’t understand how to use this computer; it came
without a manual.
Government policies about conservation in Australian
states, vary considerably.
Government policies about conservation in Australian
states vary considerably.
https://writing-speech.dartmouth.edu/learning/materials-first-year-writers/attending-grammar
A comma cannot be used as a
full stop (period mark)!
After water is released from the dam it is important that it
is able to move easily downstream, In order to improve
this movement, channel improvements must sometimes be
made, This can involve straightening bends and removing
brush debris or hazards from the channel.
After water is released from the dam it is important that
it is able to move easily downstream. In order to improve
this movement, channel improvements must sometimes be
made. This can involve straightening bends and removing
brush debris or hazards from the channel.
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http://unilearning.uow.edu.au/writing/2b.html
12. No punctuation in an overly
long sentence
Home care has expanded tremendously over the past
decade partly due to technological advances that enable
treatments to be a part of the home setting thus making
hospital visits unnecessary.
Home care has expanded tremendously over the past
decade. This is partly due to technological advances that
enable treatments to be a part of the home setting, thus
making hospital visits unnecessary.
http://www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/hit-parade-of-errors
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