12 •NOVEMBER 2008
THE PETALUMA POST
Petaluma Pete
The Devil’s Advocate
May I Proposition You?
Roiling Mother of all Storms
by Richurd Somers
Pete notices that every
once in a while the media
discover a new word, and then
these pundits of yore proceed
to use it in every other sentence
until readers and watchers are
so dang tired of the word that
they start watching the really
bad commercials on TV. Who
starts this stuff? Pete imagines
that the guilty protagonists are
juvenile journalists who find
a new word while they are
writing words like proactive
and vetted for the twentieth
time.
Recently, the word has
been “roil” as in to churn, to
whip, to agitate, to toss, etc.
So, folks start to read about the
“roiling mother of all storms”
that will hit New Orleans.
Or, the Republican National
Convention “roiled” up some
disturbing news about the
return of 1950s hairdos.
What word will be next?
Will it be that word from the
fabulous roaring twenties,
antidisestablishmentarianism?
Will it be midactive,
which could mean the mid
point reached when one is
traveling from the process of
reactive to proactive?
Who knows what trite
word or phase will slip off
the wet slope of the writer’s
coffee-stained keyboard? And
for that matter, who cares?
Pete does.
Pete believes writers
should prevent others from
having to listen to and read
silly words that they feel must
be in every sentence they
speak on the widescreen, highdefinition TV that this nation
of whiners (as a McCain
advisor called us) have hung
from sky hooks over their
flamboyant, pit bull guarded,
swimming pools.
Pete can just imagine the
reality shows promos: “Will
big brother roil when tweenie
slips off her mother of all
teeter totters? Will The Lost
be found roiling in a sea of
midactivity?”
Will Pogo “roil” in the
comics of yesteryear? Will
Whitney Houston “roil” with
Bobby when they share a can
of Coke? Can?
“Midactive Mom Eats a
Dingo” could be the title of a
new novel from an Australian
writer who now lives near
Crawford, Texas.
Bring back the days when
“roiling” was not used in every
other sentence in the big city
newspapers whose editors
primarily focus on murder,
rape, and child pornographers.
Bring back “The Shadow”
instead of the far right, radio
personality who doesn’t believe
in autism or the holocaust.
Get rid of that fat, far right
guy whose viewers use the
word, “ditto,” to mean they
agree with what the dimwit
dweeb’s favorite radio maven
has his weak-cranium-base say
over and over again.
Pete asked Fred, his pet
dead goat, if he cared about
being inundated with new
words from some writer’s daily
vocabulary tryst within his/her
own dark mind. Fred’s words:
“Must catch coyotes before
they get roiled.”
Finally – why the question,
“Is America ready for a black
president?” Did we ask in
2000, “Is America ready for a
dimwit dweeb?”
VOTE!
It’s too important not to!
WWW.PETALUMAPOST.COM
T
his issue will come
out at just about
election time, so
this may be your
last chance to view the various propositions and see what
they really mean. If you have
already voted, this will tell you
what you really voted for.
Proposition 1: Spends
at least forty billion dollars
to create a high speed bullet
train to shoot people from
the Oregon border down to
Mexico, to offset the speed at
which people are arriving in
the other direction.
Proposition 2: Gives
chickens the right to a threebedroom condominium
while they’re being plucked.
Opponents to the chickens
should pluck themselves.
Pr o p o s i t i o n 3 : T h e
Children’s Hospital Bond
provides that hospitalized
children should be placed
in bondage. It’s supported
by certain groups in the San
Francisco Tenderloin.
Proposition 5: Saves
money by taking drug dealers
and drug users and putting
them back in Oakland where
they belong.
Proposition 7: Renewable
by Joe Tinney
Energy. This proposal is
opposed by environmentalists,
business, Republicans,
Democrats, Independents,
Nazis, Communists,
Anarchists, Atheists, and
Space Aliens. It may have a
little trouble passing.
Proposition 8: Would
outlaw similar sex marriages,
s u c h a s b e t w e e n El t o n
John and Janet Reno. It
also prohibits people from
answering the “sex” question
on marriage licenses by
saying “Your guess is as good
as mine,” which can be done
under current law.
Proposition 9: Gives
crime victims weapons of
mass destruction to use on
the convicts released by
Proposition 5.
Proposition 10: Spends
billions of dollars to build
solar and wind machines
in the hope that they work.
Proponents say it will not
require new taxes, as the cost
will be paid entirely by the
Easter Bunny.
Proposition 11: Will hold
State legislators accountable
and make them very efficient.
Yeah, that will happen.
Proposition K: Mandates
a rollback of Petaluma sewer
rates. Opponents say, if it
passes, Petaluma will go
bankrupt. If it doesn’t pass,
you will.
Proposition Q: Creates a
train that starts nowhere and
drops people off where they
don’t want to go, at a cost
of millions of dollars, to be
ridden by 20 or 30 people a
day. For this reason it’s called a
SMART Train. You don’t want
to know what the STUPID
Train does.
Propositions 4, 6, and
12: These propositions are
left out, because they aren’t
funny. Remember, you get the
government that you deserve.
Fish, Chips, Burgers
FISH,
CHIPS,
& More!
November’s
BURGERS & MORE!
Shake-of-the-Month
is Turkey
762-6424Gravy!
762-6424
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