Seating Arrangements
by Marlyn Ferguson
When you enter a church do you know where
you are going to sit, or do you stand at the
back, ponder and then decide? Will it be the
back, the front, right or left, far side or
centre? Hmmmm. Our family has always
sat centre aisle, left hand side, and three
quarters of the way down.
On July 9th 2005, my husband Ian and I got
to sit in the very front row, centre aisle, left
hand side. Behind us sat many family and
friends waiting anxiously for the ceremony to
begin. In the centre aisle stood our soon to
be son-in-law and our daughter. The Bride’s
family on the left – Groom’s family on the
right.
Those are the seating arrangements for
weddings.
Sixteen days later Ian and I were again sitting
in the front row, centre aisle, but this time on
the right hand side. Behind us sat many
family and friends waiting anxiously… In
the centre aisle stood our son Graeme’s
casket. The Deceased’s family on the Right
- Pall Bearers on the left.
Those are the seating arrangements for
funerals.
In the following months, we were told that
Graeme had been transporting 40 kilos of
cocaine on a Greyhound bus from Vancouver
to Ottawa. On reaching Ottawa he changed
his mind, left the suitcases containing the
cocaine on the bus and hitchhiked back to
Vancouver. About two weeks later he was
“ordered” back to Ottawa to retrieve the
suitcases. He refused. He was then
kidnapped from a hotel in Ottawa and taken
to a warehouse in Montreal where he was
stripped, chained to the floor, strapped into a
chair, and beaten and starved for six days
until he finally agreed to go to the bus depot
to retrieve the suitcases.
He collapsed on the street in front of the bus
station and died from a clot in his lungs
because of the beating.
In July 2008, Ian and I were sitting in a room
in a prison in Québec. To the left of us sat
David Gustafson, a mediator from
Community Justice Initiatives Association
Over the next four years, seven men were
who had accompanied us from Langley, BC.
arrested and charged. Five of the accused
In front of us, across a table, sat the youngest
were caught and sentenced quickly, the other
of the offenders – We communicated with
two were on the run for quite some time. We
great intensity.
thought one in particular might have left the
country or be dead. The police told us never Those are the seating arrangements for “face
to give up hope, that they were determined to to face meetings”.
catch these men and this gave us much
One day later (2 days before the 3rd
encouragement.
anniversary of Graeme’s death),
All seven were ultimately apprehended.
Ian and I were sitting in a room in another
They pled guilty to numerous offences and
Québec prison. To the right of us is a Parole
were sentenced to federal prison terms. We
Officer, the youngest of the offenders, his
travelled Delta to Ottawa three times in four
lawyer and his parents. In front of them sat
years for these sentencing hearings.
the Parole Panel. Behind us sat David
We were again sitting in the front row right
Gustafson, and two others. In front of us
hand side, this time in a Courtroom in
there is man who is in control of the sound
Ottawa. In the same row sat our daughter,
system and behind him in a glass box are the
other family members and some friends.
interpreters – That day we could only listen,
Behind us sat four police officers who were
intently.
involved in the investigation – We were all
Those are the seating arrangements for parole
waiting, anxiously. In the centre sat the
hearings.
Judge. The Victim’s family on the right –
the Accused on the left.
In March of this year, Ian and I, accompanied
by mediators Dave Gustafson and Serge
Those are the seating arrangements for
Charbonneau, met face-to-face with two of
sentencing hearings.
the other offenders. We met with one in the
Following the sentencing hearings, trying to
prison where he is still incarcerated, and the
process everything that had happened to our following day we met with the other in a
family, I remember two books a Mennonite
half-way house. Having these two meetings
pastor had shared with me many years ago:
take place a day apart felt like the right thing
Howard Zehr’s The Little Book of
to do.
Restorative Justice and Changing Lenses:
These two men were the key players in our
Restorative Justice for Our Times. As a
son’s death. We needed to meet with them.
result, I started the process of trying to
This time, walking into another prison
connect with one of the offenders who was
somehow seemed familiar – weird I know.
only 19 years old when he was involved in
The offender was awaiting our arrival in a
Graeme’s murder. We had been shocked to
hallway outside the room where we would be
learn that someone so young could be
meeting. He put out his hand in greeting and
involved in such a violent crime. We thought
thanked us for coming. He was also the
that if we met with him maybe he would
father of the offender who we met in 2008.
have a chance to turn his life around; he
As I reflect on this and write about it, it was
would see that being involved in that kind of
as though he was welcoming us to his home
life, you end up in jail or dead.
– well really he was! We weren’t scared,
more anxious to hear what he had to say.
The next day, I was more anxious, especially
driving to the half-way house. We knew that
the man we were meeting was responsible for
beating Graeme. I wondered how I would
feel coming face to face with this man.
Would I be strong enough to bear hearing the
details of what he had done? I prayed for
wisdom and peace.
Restorative justice – what did that mean to
us? Our desire to meet these men was
generated by wanting to know more of the
facts surrounding our son’s death and telling
them of the impacts this has had on our
family. We wanted to hear these two men
take full responsibility for their violent
actions. We hoped to see genuine remorse.
We were anxious to hear, as well, about the
impact their violent, criminal behavior had
had on their own families and how they
desired to have these relationships healed.
Most importantly, we wanted to hear that
they were taking major steps to change their
lives.
We believe that we received all of that.
These two men recognized, acknowledged,
and took full responsibility for the harm they
had done to Graeme and our family. Their
apologies seemed heartfelt and sincere. They
described the steps they are taking to change
their lives and promised us that they would
not be involved in violent behavior again or
be responsible for another person’s death.
What did these two men receive from us?
What one described as a meeting he had long
desired. Beyond that, a gift of grace: our
encouragement and our genuine forgiveness,
a handshake and a hug. And a month later: a
letter thanking them for having the courage
to meet with us and be honest, not just with
us but with themselves. Again, we
encouraged them to strive to change – no
more harm, ever, at their hands. We had no
desire to meet any of the other four accused.
We believe in restorative justice. What other
chance is there for victims and offenders to
come together face to face, eye to eye (and in
one of our meetings, knee to knee)?
Those were the seating arrangements for
our victim offender mediation.
We have received full support from our
daughter and son in law, from our extended
family, and from our friends. We feel we
have an opportunity and maybe a duty – in
sharing our story – to show what restorative
justice can do for all those involved. I’m not
quite sure that Graeme’s friends fully
understand this process. We hope that one
day they will.
Note: Marlyn was able to access victimoffender mediation through the Correctional
Service of Canada’s Restorative
Opportunities Program; a program originally
developed by the Fraser Region Community
Justice Initiatives Association
(www.cjibc.org) in 1990.