Annie Oakley meets Calamity Jane
(Short version by Tina Johnson, 2004, Tombstone Vigilantes Inc.)
CAST: Calamity Jane (shoots twice), Bouncer (throws Calamity out), Cowboy 1,
Annie Oakley, Cowboy 2
Narrator: "Calamity Jane and Annie Oakley were once in Buffalo Bill Cody's Wild
West Show together. This may have been how Calamity Jane and Annie Oakley first
met before Calamity Jane joined the Wild West Show."
Scene opens with Calamity Jane in saloon getting rowdy and drunk, falling against
table with people. (Cowboy 2 is already in audience after a shooting skit or just
sitting there to watch)
Bouncer (grabs Calamity and throws her out of saloon). "Get out Calamity Jane! Yer
drunk again and I won’t have you bustin up my customers".
Calamity (gets off ground and sways, stumbles): "I don't wanna be in yer say..loon
anyways. I wanna have me a gun shootin competition."
Cowboy 1 (by water trough): "Well, I hear "Lil Sure Shot is in town, Calamity.
Maybe ya awta find her and challenge her."
Calamity: "Who do you mean by "Sure Shot?"
Cowboy 1: "You know. The famous Annie Oakley!"
Calamity: "Why sure!" (starts calling for Annie Oakley Sure shot) (On 3rd
call…Annie Oakley comes out of corral area)
Annie: "Is someone callin me?"
Calamity: "Its me Li'l Sure Shot, Calamity Jane, and I wanna challenge you to a
gun fight competition."
Annie: "Well, I'm not sure about that you like kinda.. inebriated!"
Calamity: "What does that mean?"
Annie: "You are,.. unbalanced due to fluid level consumption!" (Calamity scratches
head looking confused). "You are, intoxicated, under the influence, lit, smashed,
drunk."(add lib)
Calamity (interrupts Annie while talking): "NO! I'm NOT! I'll show you. I'm as
steady as a house!"
Annie (slyly says to audience): "A rickety old house in a tornado maybe!"
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Calamity: "What did you say?"
Annie: "Oh nothin. How about I start this competition!" (Points to cowboy) "Hey
you are you willing to hold a can for me?"
Cowboy 1: "Why sure Annie I know you always make your mark."
Annie: "Thanks Cowboy".
(Cowboy holds can out to side (close to body) towards laundry door. Annie aims
shoots and can flings back out of Cowboy's hand).
Calamity (Pushing Annie out of the way and staggering): "I can do that! Get outa
my way." (Says to cowboy real sweet) "Cowboy will you hold it fer me?"
Cowboy 1: "Well, I don't know. You promise you won't shoot me?"
Calamity: "What do you take me fer?"
Cowboy 1: (Hesitantly) "Well, okay."
(Cowboy once again holds can and stretched arm way out. Calamity aims and
shoots. 2nd Cowboy in audience falls down dead out of audience. (really ham it up)
Annie: "Now look what ya done! I'm getting outta here before you get somebody
else like me!" Annie and Cowboy 1 run back to corral
Calamity: [follows yelling] "Hey where ya goin? We ain't done yet! Wait a minute. I
can do better!"
Published – February 20th, 2014
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