A Strength-Based Approach to
Parenting: Developing the Character
Traits for Children to Thrive
Presenter
Wayne Hammond, Ph.D.
www.resiliencyinitiatives.ca
Parent & Trustee Forum – Jan. 29th, 2013
Creating Success for All Students: With a Focus on Well Being, Resilience and Life
Skills to Deal with Bullying
According to a recent CNN Survey:
• Most parents agree that it is much more
difficult to raise children to be ”good people”
than it was 20 years ago
• Two out three parents feel they are doing a
“worse job” than they should
• Seventy-five percent report trying to do things
differently, but not sure if they are being
effective
• Many focus on needing to protect their
children, but feel the task is overwhelming and
that the world is becoming increasingly unsafe
Our Response
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Risk focused
Fearful/Anxious
Overly protective
Overly involved
Overly cautious
Frustrated
Pessimistic
“ If we think our children are
fragile and broken, they will
live a fragile, broken life. If
we believe they are strong
and wise, they will live with
enthusiasm and courage.
The way we parent our
children strongly influences
the way they will live.”
What Is Our Goal?
Not to raise perfect children who have no
worries and to safeguard them from every
possible loss, heartache, and danger.
Rather, our goal should be to raise strong
children who can handle the bumps and
bruises that the world inevitably has in store
for them.
The goal is resilience, not invulnerability.
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Albert Einstein defined
“insanity” as doing the same
thing over and over, but
expecting different results.
The Resilient Child
Definition of Resiliency
“… an ability to spring
back and adapt to
life’s challenges
… an attitude of hope
and optimism.”
Youth Resiliency Model
Resiliency And Risk
N = 60,000
Resiliency and Bullying
Resiliency and Pro-Social
N = 60,000
Patterns of Resilience
(Under Stress and over Time)
Strengths and
Opportunities
Resilience 2:
Enhanced
Teenage Years 3
Stressors
Middle Years
2
Early Years 1
Resilience 1:
Overwhelmed
Options
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Core Character Traits
• Social Connectedness – Having a strong network
of supportive, healthy relationships.
• Managing Ambiguity – An ability to successfully
cope with and navigate through experiences that
are unclear and/or uncertain.
• Adaptability – An ability to change or modify
one’s approach to better fit the
situation.commitment
• Persistence – An ability to work through
challenges and demonstrate
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 Agency and Responsibility – The ability to understand and
take action according to prevailing social expectations
and/or one’s commitments.
 Moral Directedness – Focusing attention and acting in
ways that are virtuous.
 Strength Based Aptitude – Having a clear understanding of
important strengths and how to consciously utilize them in
day-to-day life.
 Emotional Competence – An ability to accurately identify,
understand, self-manage and express emotions in
constructive ways.
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Un-Predictable Coping
Skills
Knowledge
Impoverished
Core
Competencies
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Resiliency Initiatives © 2010
A Strength-Based Perspective
Skills
Knowledge
Transformational
Relationships
Resilience and
Core Character
Traits
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“Stacking the Deck”
Risk work
The idea is toAgainst
collaboratively
to create an “ecology” around
children and youth that makes it
increasingly difficult for certain
high risk problems to survive.
W. Hammond
Strengths-Based Parenting
Strengths-Based Parenting
1. Turn problems into learning opportunities
(Please coach me. Don’t scold me)
2. Provide firm and caring relationships – be
empathetic
(A person like me really needs a parent – but, learn
to walk in my shoes)
3. Learn to change your scripts and increase dosages
of nurturance.
(I need to believe you really care)
4. Don’t crowd – Accept “me” for who I am.
(When you get too close, I will back away for a
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while)
5. Use the back door
(If you help me to do something important to
me, you are important to me.)
6. Decode the meaning of behaviour
(I try to hide what I really think.)
7. Be authoritative, not authoritarian.
(Don’t control me, Help me to control myself)
8. Model respect and compassion.
(Your values help to build mine.)
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9. Enlist your child to help others
(I change when I see the value in others.)
10. Touch in small ways
(I watch little things you do to discover who you
are.)
11. Give seeds time to grow.
(Please be patient with me – I’m still growing.)
12. Connect your child to cultural and spiritual roots
(I need to know that there is a purpose for my life.)
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Mindset of a Resilient Child
• Feel special and appreciated
• Have learned to set realistic goals and expectations
• Rely on productive coping strategies that are
growth-fostering rather than self-defeating
• View obstacles as challenges to confront – not avoid
• Are aware of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities,
but build on strengths
• Strong self-esteem and sense of competence
• Have effective interpersonal skills and can seek out
assistance and nurturance
• Know what they can and cannot control in their
lives
THE CHALLENGE
HELP OUR CHILDREN SURVIVE?
OUTCOME FOCUSED - Continue to concentrate our energy
on changing their behavior and world around the youth
OR
HELP THEM THRIVE?
PROCESS FOCUSED - Nurturing their capacity to navigate
challenging situations and meet their needs in constructive
ways